Report: Majority Of Break-Ins Occur While Security Guard Watching Aerobics Video, Eating Big Bowl Of Chili – The Onion

Posted: September 3, 2020 at 3:55 pm


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WASHINGTONShedding new light on how Americans can best protect themselves from burglary, a report from the Pew Center released Tuesday found that the majority of break-ins occur while a security guard is watching an aerobics video and eating a big bowl of chili. Our research indicates that, by far, the most common scenario of forced entry involves an intruder sneaking in during a period when the watch-persons eyes are glued to a jumping jacks routine while trying to bring a particularly hot spoonful of beans, meat, and cheese up to their lips, said lead researcher Donovan Carbo, adding that the security challenges identified were compounded by the fact that the groggy guards rarely looked at the monitor bay until they had already dozed off and fallen out of their chair, dumping the bowl of chili all over their uniforms and the floor in the process. Those looking to keep their possessions safe should also be on the lookout for other common break-in scenarios such as slipping through while a security guard attempts to flirt with an attractive coworker, unfurls and inspects a Playboy centerfold, or calls in to a radio station to win a contest. Carbo added that the crimes often werent reported until after a heavily armed vehicle came crashing through the guard booth and drove off into the night, leading security officers to stand watching with their mouths agape.

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Report: Majority Of Break-Ins Occur While Security Guard Watching Aerobics Video, Eating Big Bowl Of Chili - The Onion

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September 3rd, 2020 at 3:55 pm

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