With a dollop of coconut oil and a soundtrack of steadily intensifying screams from the marketing executive to my right, I came. And climaxing in these conditions wasnt exactly easy. I was masturbating to an orchestra of orgasms from 20 other women, all draped in blankets, lying on the floor of a candlelit teepee. As the initial embarrassment wore off, I became competitive with those able to get off so quickly.

You see, we had found ourselves in this room not as exhibitionists, but to learn to harness our sexual energy and channel it towards achieving our personal goals. The hardest drug on offer was green tea, but for these women the concept of finding love, professional success or a duplex apartment with a partner in finance was stimulation enough. The rooms cacophony of moans rung in the verdict: sexual manifestation is in, even if the person youre having sex with is, well, yourself.

Seeing as sluttiness is on its way to being destigmatised, sexual experimentation is considered exciting, and sexual health is a brunch topic, it makes sense that sexual 'conscious-raising' has been re-embraced with gusto. The concept is simple: as the most powerful energy we possess, sexual expression can forge deeper connections and kickstart our personal evolution.

Which is how and why I found myself with a group of strangers, aged 25 to 65, found ourselves at The Goddess Institute. Created by relationship expert Shaunda Brown, it was a the three-day conscious sexuality camp in New York. And I was hoping I'd be served pussy power-reclamation on a platter. Which in all honesty, I desperately needed.

When I discovered the retreat, I'd just left a job I thought defined me, and a relationship I felt Id failed. It had become all-too clear that I was stuck. I wanted meaningful sex, professional clarity, and disentanglement from a clearly toxic relationship. But primarily, I wanted to deploy my sexual energy towards healing myself. Many of the other women were also experiencing the dissolution of long-term relationships. Others couldnt find the one, or just didnt enjoy sex.

"She began lightly stroking her clitoris to almost immediate orgasm"

So, ready or not, our sexuality was set for a high-intensity workout, with practical pleasure (literally) the peak of the training plan. In the teepee, we covered ourselves with blankets and arranged ourselves at various angles ready to begin.

Tension reached fever pitch when our tantra teachers legs opened to demonstrate her technique. Lying down on the mat, she began lightly stroking her clitoris to almost immediate orgasm. It was highly of intimidating. Her sensitivity, she explained, came from refusing to use anything but her fingers to get off (as she believes vibrators overstimulate the clitoris). Myself and some of the other youngest attendees descended into panic... we had never masturbated with our fingers.

Laying down, the performance anxiety I felt was palpable. Our instruction was to direct sex magic towards our desires, be they love, sex or career-related. We fell silent as several women inserted yoni eggs, the controversial sensual healing-stones that went viral via Gwenyth Paltrows goop, into their vaginas (I figured I was already far enough out on a limb, and respectfully declined). We giggled as natural lubricant was passed around, and Shaunda extended permission to us to begin touching ourselves.

I dutifully imitated the instructor: lightly brushing my clitoris to achieve optimum sensitivity before increasing speed and pressure, releasing any lasting inhibitions by falling into panting unison with the group of women I'd just met. Im still unclear on whether the orgasm I experienced was so intense because it was from my fingers, or because it was a group experience. Either way, the relief was on a par with completing a sky-dive (or so I imagine).

Sex therapist and tantric practitioner, Lauren Harkness, thinks it was orgasming in time with a group of women is what made the climax more intense. She says self-pleasure puts ownership of our sexuality back in our hands (which is especially important after unfulfilling sexual experiences or connections), and focusing not only our own sexual energy but that of others onto ourselves takes it to a whole new level.

"We have been conditioned to believe sex is an external experience"

We have four nerve pathways where sexual energy travels from our genitals to our brain that influences consciousness, Harkness explains. Leading people instead to feel tenderness or anger while stimulating their sexual energy helps transform any trauma. This is what brings personal and professional highs. And a whole room of women rooting for you to create the best life? It exponentially expands your ability to achieve it.

"I, and many women I know, had always been conditioned to believe sex is an external experience. [You] do it for the man. The truth is that our sexual expression empowers us to be more in tune to the bodys messages, opening us up to new opportunities and ultimately keeping us safer.

Ashley Armitage / Refinery29 for Getty Images

In the weeks following, the women and I continued to check in on each other. Our Whatsapp group chat became overrun with a flurry of job offers and great dates and bad ones during which we felt empowered enough to communicate dissatisfaction.

The progress wasnt instant, but almost overnight each of us noticed a shift in the direction of the desires we outlined in that teepee. I experienced a career high just two days after the trips conclusion, and within weeks definitively left my relationship in the past.

To get off alongside 20 strangers took a dismantling of sexual shame, but one-by-one, wed each had our own sex magic makeover. And if you can manifest your dreams while masturbating, just about anything is possible.

Read more:
Group masturbation - I masturbated with 20 other women - cosmopolitan.com