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Archive for the ‘Life Coaching’ Category

Breast cancer at 30, double mastectomy – and removing implants ‘best thing I ever did’ –

Posted: March 22, 2020 at 4:45 am

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Kylie Tolman has started up a charity which cares for cancer patients once their treatment is finished.

When Kylie Tolman found a lump in her breast 12 years ago at the age of 30, she assumed it was a cyst.

She was too young for cancer, there was no history of the disease in her family, and she'd hadcysts before, so feltno need to panic.

But when she went to have it checked by her doctor, she was thrown a curve ball that turned her life upside down.


After having both breasts removed, Kylie Tolman has learned to love her body and hopes by showing her "battle scars" she will inspire others.

"Luckily my GP was really onto it straight away and sent me for a biopsy and a mammogram," she said."Within seven days I was diagnosed."

READ MORE: *It's hard to hide the reality of cancer treatment from a child *Life-extending breast cancer drug Ibrance to be fully funded from April

It was stage three of an aggressive triple negativebreastcancera rare form of the illness that does not have any of the receptors commonly found in breastcancer.


Kylie Tolman, happy, healthy and confident after breast cancer.

"It really hadn't been on my radar so it was all a real blur.

"Making the call to my mum was really tough."

Tolman had no time to process the diagnosis as she went from one appointment to the next on auto pilot.


Tolman founded C.A.R.E.S. Charitable Trust to help cancer patients adjust to the new normal once their treatment is finished.

Her best chance was a full mastectomyand, because of the cancer's aggressive nature, she had no time for breast reconstruction before her treatment needed to start.

She had one breast and18 lymph nodes removed from her armpit.

"Losing my breastdidn't worry me, I just wanted [the cancer] gone."


With mental health services stretched in Canterbury, the charity fills some of the gaps.

After chemotherapy she looked into reconstruction and had her other breast removed, which alleviated worry about whether the cancer would return.

She had silicone implants fitted two years after the surgery but never felt comfortable with them they always felt tight. Shehad them removed when they rupturedin 2018.

"I told my surgeon 'I want them out and I don't want them back'. It was the best thing I ever did."

Rhea Duffy - Photographer

With the support of husband Andrew and sons Olly, 14, and Louie, 6, Kylie Tolman has learned to love herself again.

Her husband, Andrew, was 100 per cent behind her decision, she said, and never thought she was less of a woman he was just focused on her health.

"My breasts don't define me. Everyone is different but you can learn to embrace your body, and you can still look sexy without breasts," Tolman said.

"Everyone comes in different shapes and sizes anyway, so what is normal?"

Rhea Duffy - Photographer

Tolman had both breasts removed and received implants, but later had those removed too.

But Tolman hadn't always been as accepting of herself. Back home and recovering after the initial treatment and hospital appointments, she began to feel quite low.

She had the Cancer Society meetings and great family and friends supporting her, socouldn't understand why she was so emotional.

"Mental health, or PTSD, it wasn't talked about much, and I really struggled emotionally. I felt like a failure for not feeling happy to be alive."


Kylie Tolman says her breasts do not define her.

About four years ago, Tolmanwent on a personal development journey and began to accepther feelings werenormal.

"I started sharing my story and got a life coaching certificate to get the tools to help other people find their new normal."

She formed C.A.R.E.S. Charitable Trust in July to fill the gap left by overloaded mental health services, particularly in Christchurch.

She now coordinates speakers, helps establish local networksand provides support for anyone who has finished cancer treatment.

The charity has a closed Facebook page for people to share their stories and support each other.

"Cancer is becoming more prevalent, and over time the needs are going to be bigger and bigger.

"[C.A.R.E.S.]in North Canterbury at the moment but I would love to take it nationwide."

Tolman said there was already some supportavailable for people who had finished treatment, but it included people at various stages of the illness and treatment process.

"For some people they don't want those triggers, to be reminded of what they went through, so [C.A.R.E.S.] is specifically for people who have finished treatment."

The charity is a finalist fora MainPower Community Grant, voting for which closes on Friday.


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Breast cancer at 30, double mastectomy - and removing implants 'best thing I ever did' -

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March 22nd, 2020 at 4:45 am

Posted in Life Coaching

St. Paul taps Kennedy as new football coach – The Southington Observer

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Chris Kennedy of Southington will take over as the head football coach of St. Paul Catholic High School for the 2020 fall season replacing long-time coach Jude Kelly who has retired after 46 years of coaching high school football in Connecticut.

Kennedy said in a press release, I couldnt be more excited or proud to be the next head football coach at St. Paul. My goal is to take the next steps in our progression to being a perennial contender within our division and the NVL. Ive spent well over two decades preparing for this opportunity and am beyond ready to get to work.

Kennedy played for Kelly at Southington High School. For the past 16 years, he served as one of the head assistant coaches, a head offensive and/or defensive coordinator under Kelly.

Kelly said in a press release, Chris is a great leader; a hard worker; he understands and can relate to the players he coaches. I wish him well and am confident the players he coaches will learn valuable life skills and lessons on the football field that they will then represent positively in the St. Paul classrooms and community.

St. Paul Athletic Director, David Dennehy said in a press release, I am very excited for the future of the Falcon football program under Coach Kennedys leadership. His passion and knowledge of the game is evident if you spend 30 seconds with him. Having been part of our school community for the past 16 years he understands what our school community is all about and is committed to supporting our core values and instilling the values and life lessons that come with the game of football that go well beyond wins and losses.

Kennedy also has coached the St. Paul boys lacrosse coach since 2016. As coach, he has helped to put St. Paul win two league titles and earn four straight state tournament appearances.

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St. Paul taps Kennedy as new football coach - The Southington Observer

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March 22nd, 2020 at 4:45 am

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COLUMN: What made Filberto a legend was everything – The Daily Times

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SPEAKING Weir High coach Tony Filberto speaks to his team following the Red Riders defeat to Fairmont Senior at the Class AA semifinals on Nov. 24, 2018. -Joe Catullo

One of the things retired Weir High football coach Tony Filberto is sure of right now is that he made the right decision to retire at age 70.

Today, its the right decision, said Filberto, who got his first taste of football way back in 1958 at the age of 8 as a quarterback on the first Wellsburg Colts team. Well have to wait and see as we get into summer and fall and so on.

This is his second retirement, and who knows? Maybe hell get the itch again to coach like he did in 2008 when he got back into it as head coach at Oak Glen High School. Then, he took a team that had won three games in the previous three years and went to the playoffs three straight years.

I have been fortunate to cover his head coaching career in the 2000s. I wrote about his Weir High teams from 2002-04 and when he came back to the Red Riders in 2012. I also talked to him weekly when he coached at Oak Glen from 2008-11, writing preview stories for the Thursday football preview tab and also covering a few of the Golden Bear games.

There were times when his teams lost a close game or things just didnt go right on Friday nights, and probably times when I called weekly (usually on Mondays) for the preview that he had other things he either should be doing or preferred to be doing.

On those rare occasions, he always was gracious, answered all the questions I presented and did it as a professional. He seemed to have a short-term memory and put those things behind him and look forward to the next challenge.

I saw him in the locker room at Weir High a couple of weeks ago when I was there to talk about the baseball preview with the diamond coaches and said, Im going to miss you. He replied, Im going to miss you, too.

I think we developed a bond of trust where he knew without us saying it that I wasnt there for sensationalism, but to simply report on Weir High football and give the players the credit and publicity they deserved. And I know he was there to work with the players and make them the best they could be on and off the field.

In our recent interview, Tony talked about one of the things he is taking with him is the relationships he has had with so many young men over the nearly 42 years of coaching. He noted that more than a few of his former charges still call or send cards and letters or communicate via email and social media. Thats special to me, he said.

Tony and his wife, Roseanna, are special people gracious perhaps because of their Italian heritage. I hardly know Roseanna, except for saying hello to her once in a while after a football game at Jimmy Carey Stadium when she always went to the sideline for a moment with her husband. But, on one occasion, she invited me to their home for Sunday dinner. I couldnt do it at the time, but I know I missed out on a scrumptious pasta meal.

I grew up in downtown Steubenville amongst a lot of Italian families with kids my age and still remember fondly their graciousness when one of my friends would invite me in for a Sunday family dinner. Like the Olive Garden slogan: When I was in their home, I felt like family.

I also remember being in Tonys office in the locker room at Weir High, interviewing him for the annual preview of our teams published in the award-winning Gridiron. It usually was when the team had a break between the morning and afternoon practice sessions. Tony always had several brown lunch bags on his desk, and he would go into the locker room and ask if anyone forgot their lunch. The kids knew they could get one in his office. Tony told me that Roseanna would make those lunches in the early morning before he left his Wellsburg home for the pre-season practices on hot early August days.

Tony joked abut perhaps retiring at the wrong time.

Its funny. You retire and want to do all these things, and with this virus youre not allowed to do anything, he said. I do get to take a nice long walk in the mornings with the dog, and thats something I seldom got to do. I should have stayed and worked and got to stay at home like everybody else and still got paid.

Filberto did a lot of things on the football field with numerous playoff appearances, was part of a state championship (1998) as an assistant coach and was inducted last year into the West Liberty Hall of Fame where he lettered four years and received ALL-WVIAC honors as a smallish lineman (220 pounds). He rebuilt football programs at Oak Glen and Weir High (twice) that were on life support before he took the head job.

In his first stint at Oak Glen, he coached the West Virginia Hunt Award recipient, Jeff Woofter, who went on to star as a Penn State lineman. Woofter became the head football coach at Oak Glen, and Filberto followed him when he got back into coaching in 2008. He also coached Quincy Wilson, who won the Kennedy Award as the best player in the state, along with Zac Cooper, the top defensive player in the state.

But, he said the high point of his coaching career was when his sons, Joe and Eric, played on the Weir High football team in 1997 and the state championship team in 1998. That family affair was special to him.

Another special time for him was the 1998 state championship game at Wheeling Island Stadium when the Red Riders, before a standing-room only crowd, beat DuPont in a 20-17 thriller for the Class AA title. I remember it was 64 degrees at game time on the first Saturday in December, and they had to set up additional bleachers in the end zones to accommodate the crowd, he said.

Filberto, the winningest football coach in Oak Glen history and the second winningest in Weir High history, said he thinks hell be involved in the game of football in some way. He already has done a football roundtable with several other Ohio Valley coaches on WTRF-TV, and he also will stay involved with the Ohio Valley Coaches Association.

He said doing traveling coaching clinics like the one he hosted at Weir High the last couple of years interests him.

They have a circuit and I think I would like to try that, he said. I wouldnt do the Xs and Os, but I think my strongest point is in program building. I twice rebuilt Weir High and once a Oak Glen so I think I could help some coaches in that area.

Whatever he does, it will be a long way from Brooke High School where he won all-state honors, or West Liberty as assistant coach at tiny Jewett-Scio where he took his first coaching job in 1974 and got his first head coaching experience in 1975, or a year working in a coal mine, or his head coaching stints learning the hard way as a young man at Oak Glen and Madonna, or a number of years as an assistant at Weir High under Dan McGrew and Wayne Neely.

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COLUMN: What made Filberto a legend was everything - The Daily Times

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March 22nd, 2020 at 4:45 am

Posted in Life Coaching


Posted: March 19, 2020 at 12:44 am

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Some time ago I had a consultation with a prospect.

It went like this:

Prospect: I want to feel amazing all the time.

Me: Are you sure that this is what you want?

Prospect: Yes.

Me: Ok, lets do a health check on it

Of course, we think we want to feel great, amazing, ecstatic, accomplished (you pick your own high) as much as and as often as possible, ideally all the time. But its exactly this expectation that makes us feel miserable because we dont feel amazing all the time.

You cannot, you will not, and do not even want to feel amazing all the time, youd get sick of it.

The way society is these days makes us think we should be feeling constant climaxes and peak experiences. Why wouldnt you, right? Seems like others are. See their Facebook and Instagram and what they say.

Well, dont forget people typically broadcast the best parts of their lives, especially on social media. Photos of holidays, new cars, new houses, amazing this and amazing that. In the big picture, be grateful for that. Better than if everyone were complaining.

But also understand that these are the highlights of their life (often exaggerated for an ego stroke; we all have been there). Everyone is trying to market themselves in the best light possible, and thats understandable. We want to look good but just take it with a pinch of salt.

Think about it as a movie trailer. They always show the best seconds from the movie, the mind-blowing effects, explosions, actions, to make you go WOW, suck you into watching the whole movie because it must be so amazing. You dont expect the whole movie to be that way though, do you? This is the same.

Even the happiest people you know dont always feel amazing.

Im a life coach, and I work on being on top of my stuff and mood every day, and yet I had a pretty crap leave me alone kind of day yesterday. But I know these days come now and then (especially if you run your own business), and I embrace them.

Why? Because of days like this, I feel amazing.

Think about it: PEAK experience!

Have you ever gone hiking of climbing?

If you have, you know its the whole process that makes it a great experience. Dont believe me? How satisfying would it actually be to just be dropped off by a helicopter on the top, have a look and fly back down? Going from the base of the mountain, climbing little by little to the top, sometimes for hours or even days, leading to the sweet moments on the top. Its the contrast that makes it amazing. Its the difference between the high and low.

Wanting to feel amazing all the time would be like wanting to be on the top all the time. It would mean no valleys, no lows. It would then look like this.

How does it feel? Its anything but exciting. Its a flat line. If you dont have lows, you dont have highs.

An old friend of mine used to tell me a story about how there was a time in his life when he had it all. He had money, cars, girls, position, everything he wanted. Life couldnt have been easier for him.

It seemed like he was at the peak all the time, and so it reached the point when he looked up one day and said: God, universe, please hit me or do something because Im tired of everything going so well.

He got what he asked for. He got an opportunity to climb, reach the peak again, and experience the high again.

The truth is that these peak experiences are and should be just a seasoning of life. It doesnt mean that all the other times youre supposed to feel miserable or depressed. Not at all. Most of your life you actually feel fine. If you feel mostly low or depressed, then you should speak to a professional. But expecting to feel amazing all the time will backfire by you feeling crap because you wont actually feel amazing all the time.

When you are at your peak, enjoy it, experience it, savour it, because it shall pass. There will be a new low whether its because life knocked you down, or because you create it by finding another mountain to climb.

Remember, its the lows that make you appreciate the highs.

Your Life Coach, Tomas Svitorka

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March 19th, 2020 at 12:44 am

Posted in Life Coaching

What could’ve been: Fairview-Scobey was championship 40 years in the making – MontanaSports

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MISSOULA -- State championship Saturday at Dahlberg Arena was supposed to make history. It did, of course, by not being played after state basketball tournaments across the state were canceled following Friday's semifinals, crowning the winners co-champions.

The boys basketball teams at Fairview and Scobey did still make history by becoming the first Eastern C teams to both advance to the state championship game since 1980, when Outlook defeated Opheim 44-35. Rollie Sullivan was the head coach of the Blue Jays at that time, one of his many coaching stints across the state, and was set to end the Eastern C's drought Saturday night as an assistant coach at Fairview.

MTN Sports sat down with Sullivan on Friday, March 13, hours before the Montana High School Association announced the cancellation of its state tournaments, to discuss the 40-year drought between all-Eastern C championships, how eastern Montana was at the top of its game during that era, and how basketball had and continues to shape his life.

Rollie Sullivan: "Let me tell you something, when I was coaching in the Eastern C in the mid-to-late 1970s, early '80s, there were lots and lots of good players in that league at that time."

MTN Sports: It wasn't even just Class C, you look back then at Plentywood, Scobey, but Opheim, Outlook, Antelope was in a state championship game, Poplar was really good. Was that just the golden era of hoops up there?

Sullivan: "It was really good. It was really good. The Puckett brothers from Peerless, very good players. The Hatfield brothers from Flaxville were very good players. Antelope, the Guenther kid. Westby had Allan Nielson and others. I mean, the Selvig boys in Outlook. There were just a ton of good players."

MTN Sports: Is it hard to believe, then, that literally four decades have passed since Class C has seen two East teams in the state championship? That was mind-boggling when I researched that stat.

Sullivan: "I won't say it shocks me, but it surprises me. At that time, I don't know if there was any better basketball than what there was in the eastern part of the state -- Eastern C, Eastern B, it didn't matter what. There were really good players. The schools have just dwindled in size so much that I can see where that maybe has happened, simply because some of those schools are no longer in existence. But I'm surprised."

MTN Sports: Before we break down any specific games or seasons or whatever, I know people would like to know and I would like to know, what are all those coaching stops that you have had? Can you remember them all, head coach and assistant coach?

Sullivan: "Oh yes. From 1975-80, the first two years I was (in Outlook) I was the assistant girls coach, then the third year I was the head girls coach, and then the fourth year I was back to the assistant girls coach. The fifth year I didn't coach girls at all, but all five years I was the head boys coach. In 1981 I was going to go back to school to get my endorsement in English, but I got a call from Frenchtown and ended up being there for a year, and we ended up winning the state tournament with really, really good kids. I was extremely fortunate there. Then I spent the next four years in Circle, and we played for the state championship in boys one year, I was an assistant one year and the head girls coach in the other year. At the time, my ex-wife, my wife at the time but now ex-wife, was the head girls coach the first two years and I was her assistant. The last two years, she has a baby and so I became the head girls coach and boys coach, and we had really good kids there, too. I had a great stop in Circle, that was a lot of fun. The last 18 years I was in Sidney as the head boys coach. So I can remember most of them. Being a coach at any level in high school, I think it's always fun. If you have kids that play hard, and I really understand how fun it is to coach the kids that play hard, coaching is a lot of fun."

MTN Sports: 1980, let's talk about that year specifically, you're able to come out on top in the last state championship that featured two East teams, what do you remember about that game? About that season?

Sullivan: "That season we played Opheim four times. They lose four games all year and all of them were to us. We were fortunate to beat them because they were good. They were way bigger than we were. Norm Dyrland was something like a 6-foot-7 kid and a good player, the Lawrence kid and the Moss kid, they were both in the 6-foot-3 or 6-foot-4 area, Kevin St. John was a 6-foot or 6-foot-1 guard, and then they had a little, I think it was Nelson, can't remember for sure the other guard's name, but they were really good. Loren Baker, really good coach. He was the head coach, then goes on and coaches great at Northern Montana College (now MSU-Northern) and elsewhere, if I remember right, but Northern Montana College, he did a great job. They were really good and really well-coached. Every game we played with Opheim got closer and closer and closer. There were a lot of points scored, and then our championship was about (44-35), I mean, it was low-scoring. I thought we did a nice job taking care of the ball, getting good shots off. We had the best player in the state, in my opinion, in Doug Selvig -- a 6-foot-5 guard for us. He was a great player at the University of Montana and in my opinion was the best player in the state of Montana that year. We had the best player, plus a bunch of kids that accepted their roles well ... we just had kids that accepted the roles and really were great kids to coach. They were all about 'us,' nobody was about 'me,' so it was a lot of fun."

MTN Sports: What about this weekend then? Here we are 40 years later and we get a chance to see two Eastern C powers. You said four times you (and Opheim) played that year, here we go again with another Scobey-Fairview match on Saturday night.

Sullivan: "Third time this season, and I think since I've been helping (Fairview), last year and this year are the only two years I've been helping again, we played them, I think it was three times last year and they got us all three times -- once in the regular season, once in the divisional championship and once in the state third- and fourth-place game, and now they're 2-0 against us this year. We're due to win one, gall dangit. Scobey is really good, and they're really well-coached. They have really good players. We have to play at the top of our game, we have to play our A-game. We have a lot of good players, too, but we have to play well. They're just diverse. They have so many kids that can do so many things. It's a handful for us, but we're as heck looking forward to it."

MTN Sports: Final couple of questions, how much has basketball, we've seen it within your family, some college athletes in the family, but how much has hoops revolved around your entire family, your entire life?

Sullivan: "My whole life. I have four kids, all of them played basketball. We had the good fortune that they were all pretty good high school players. My daughter Jordan played basketball for the University of Montana and had a great career here. She's now a member of the Lady Griz coaching staff. My son Jace coached a little bit in Sidney, my daughter Ashley coached a little bit in Culbertson. My son Ryan is now coaching in Casper, Wyo., so they've all been in it, they've all enjoyed it. They had no choice, they had to like it because mom and dad would drag them every place and make them play. But basketball has been so good for me, because I've met so many good people -- officials, other coaches, kids that have played -- it's been great. I've been blessed."

MTN Sports: You kind of answered my last question a little bit there, but outside of your family, all those relationships -- you and I were chatting before the cameras were rolling about all the old coaches and these familiar names you coached against -- Norm Dyrland is my uncle from up in Opheim -- what are those relationships you've made bouncing across the state from place to place?

Sullivan: "When you grow up, you think your best friends are always going to be those guys that you knew and were great friends with in high school, but my best friends in life are the guys I've coached against, coached with and met as a result of basketball. Obviously Loren Baker was a great coach that I got to coach against, but Terry Bakken was a really good high school coach, (C.C.) Zoonie McLean was impactful, Don Holst coached for the Griz here and was my roommate in college, we've been good friends forever. I could name 25-30 coaches that were really good coaches, in my opinion, that I've had the wonderful opportunity to get to know and become friends with."

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What could've been: Fairview-Scobey was championship 40 years in the making - MontanaSports

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March 19th, 2020 at 12:44 am

Posted in Life Coaching

Music, video games and boredom: How athletes and coaches are coping with coronavirus – Minneapolis Star Tribune

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Perhaps the most jarring thing among a million jarring things regarding our new (temporary, have to keep writing that) coronavirus-related normal is the pace at which all of this accelerated.

A week ago, for instance, every player in every major U.S. league was preparing to play games. Sure, there were adjustments such as locker rooms being closed to media and there was talk of large batches of games being played in empty arenas and stadiums, but it wasnt until Wednesday night when Rudy Gobert tested positive that the NBA postponed its season.

Others quickly followed suit from there: among them MLB, Major League Soccer, the NHL and all NCAA sports, including March Madness the last of which was canceled altogether instead of just delayed.

If you feel like you are operating in a hazy mixture of apprehension, boredom and in fits and spurts resourcefulness, Twitter is reinforcing that athletes and coaches are very much in the same head space. At a time when everything has been put on hold, including practices, heres a rundown of what some of those who planned to be playing or coaching are up to now:


Lets start upbeat. Were finding out that a good number of athletes have musical interests and varying degrees of talent.

Timberwolves guard Josh Okogie posted on Twitter a short video (just 14 seconds) of him playing a keyboard. Day 4 w/o basketball. Guess imma be a producer. Who tryna hop on this beat? he tweeted along with an admittedly catchy sequence.

The best part? Someone wrote lyrics for it and someone else actually put a beat to it and it sounds good. These are the heroes we need right now.

Giannis Antetokounmpo played a VERY rudimentary opening riff of Smoke on the Water, but he gets 1 million points for trying.

That seems to have inspired fellow NBA player Patty Mills to post his own guitar video. Im also free and available for any group in need of a guitarist. In box me for booking@Giannis_An34.

Golfer Erik van Rooyen can legitimately shred. No golf. Might as well have some @foofightersin your life! he wrote.


Karl-Anthony Towns, a known video game enthusiast, posted a video on an Instagram story with teammate and buddy DAngelo Russell dominating a game of FIFA soccer with 20 pushups on the line.

Giannis prefers to take his gaming offline. He posted a picture of a chess board and a late night game (1:59 a.m.).


Alas, sometimes the down time gets the best of all of us. Under the ideal circumstances, with a bunch of unexpected time off, we could all be our best selves. Social distancing, closures and travel restrictions all of them necessary in the battle against a global pandemic create less-than-ideal circumstances and in many cases isolation.

Gophers mens basketball coach Richard Pitino tweeted Tuesday night at KFANs Justin Gaard and Dan Barreiro: You guys free this week? Ill talk about anything. You can make fun of my contract, career, .anything. Give me an excuse to drive around Edina for a few minutes.

That made me actually laugh out loud, which is a nice feeling.

Twins pitcher Randy Dobnak tweeted: Hey Alexa, what do people typically do during the spring months?

And just a few hours after Okogie posted the video of his piano skills, he admitted on Twitter: Took three naps today. Dont got nothing else to do.

The pandemic is creating FAR more serious health and economic problems, but these examples illustrate some fundamental, less serious every day struggles that are natural offshoots of our new (temporary, still have to keep writing that) reality.

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Music, video games and boredom: How athletes and coaches are coping with coronavirus - Minneapolis Star Tribune

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March 19th, 2020 at 12:44 am

Posted in Life Coaching

All Great Leaders Have This in Common – Inc.

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Your team looks to you as its role model for leading and learning. What do they see? Does it look to them like you know it all, like you're stuck in the past or like you're just cruising? If your team sees your thirst for learning, they will model the same behavior. Your continual learning hones your competence . . . and competence builds confidence. Confidence is critical; inspiring coaches need it, and their teams want to see it.

Today more than ever, there is a "leadership lab" of learning activities and opportunities available to help you build your leadership skills and refine your coaching mindset. There is a treasure trove of knowledge about leadership and coaching at your fingertips, literally. But there is more to learn than just what you can read on the Internet.

You can find best coaching practices everywhere. Observe the coaches in your life. You can find nuggets of coaching excellence from a parent or in-law, a clergy person, a speaker at a professional association meeting, a fellow leader, your child's school principal, a scout troop leader, or a particularly helpful salesperson at a local department store. Watch, ask, listen, and learn.

There are also lessons to be learned in everything your team does. Look for learning opportunities in post- project reviews, customer meetings, conflicts with other departments, changes in priorities, miscommunications, and mistakes. Seize all these experiences to build your coaching mindset and skill set.

Another way to elevate your coaching game is to glean wisdom from mentors. Mentors offer you a precious glimpse into their life experiences. If experience truly is the best teacher, then you would be wise to study the life lessons and expertise of a mentor.

For the greatest benefit, seek out mentors with the specific skills you desire to acquire. Maybe it's the company's top strategist, the salesperson with the magnetic people skills, the teammate who consistently wows the crowd with presentations, or the executive who everyone wants to work for. Target their strengths and learn what makes them the best in their area. As our goals evolve or you enter a new stage of your career, your mentors will naturally change. Be prepared to end mentoring relationships (always with appreciation) and be willing to initiate new ones.

The brilliant scientist Albert Einstein once said, "Intellectual growth should commence at birth and cease only at death." Wise words. Never stop learning. Take the time to invest in yourself so you can invest well in others.

Published on: Mar 18, 2020

The opinions expressed here by columnists are their own, not those of

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All Great Leaders Have This in Common - Inc.

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March 19th, 2020 at 12:44 am

Posted in Life Coaching

Habits to Help You Balance a Creative Life – Thrive Global

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With everything going on in our lives, its common to feel as if our creative life needs to be put on the back burner. Theres no time to focus on our creations or balance yet another thing in our day-to-day.

I feel like Ive done a decent job at balancing my creative life yet still find myself struggling when things get a little hectic in the other aspects of my life. Our creative life is important in keeping us healthy, and our continual growth in something we love helps us take a break from the crazy.

But Ive developed habits for these crazy moments that keep me grounded in my creations. These are the small, and sometimes big, mindset shifts that keep me focused on maintaining a balanced life.

You have to believe you can balance your different lives. If your self-talk is always focused on how busy you are and how youre barely juggling things, youre going to continually be disappointed.Go in with confidence. Know that its possible to maintain your creations while doing life. You are capable of achieving your goals.

Between balancing my writing, work, and relationship, I feel like there arent enough hours I can stay awake during the day. Instead of getting frustrated that I cant get as much done as I want on my projects, I am confident that because I have other great habits surrounding my life, I can get really good work done when I am present with it.

When you are working on your creations, thats all you should be focused on. Let go of the rest of your day anddeep diveinto your creative work. Get caught up in the flow by scheduling your creative work for your most productive time of day. If you cant do that, just build time into your day where you can focus completely on the task at hand.

My best time to write is in the morning. I have the clearest mind, the stress of the day hasnt caught up to me, and I know Ill have an hour of quiet focus. I schedule my morning hours at home to be writing time before I head to work. The time cap helps keep me on task and working on the things that matter. I know I wont have time to write until my lunch hour so I make sure I get a good portion of my work done early.

Keeping a habit of health is critical for success in any aspect of your life. Prioritizing sleep, mental health, and physical movement are key parts of keeping your body and mind in peak condition. It doesnt have to be crazy, but getting enough movement in your day and sleeping enough can do wonders for improving your work.

Because my morning is perfect writing time, I know Ill have to sacrifice some of my evenings because I get up early. To get my best work done, Im up by 4:30 AM on the weekdays. Im not advocating you do this unless it works for you, but it means that if I want enough sleep, Im getting in bed around 8:30 PM. I also make sure I move throughout the day, especially if I dont come home and run in the afternoon. At the end of the day, I make sure I have a short session of meditation or journaling to de-stress and ready myself for sleep.

Youre not going to want to balance your creative life if you dont actually enjoy your creative life.While I say you should be passionate about your creations, you can find joy in just doing a creative activity that is fun for you. I am passionate about writing, which means Im passionate about building it into my life. Your creations should bring you some sense of fulfillment if you want the motivation of keeping it in your life.

As a writer, I never get it right the first time. With only an hour or so in the mornings, I dont always have time to go back and fix my work right away. It also means I dont have time to sit and make every sentence perfect the first time. When I write, I practice failing. Its not perfect, but I always go in with the understanding that this is a rough draft.

With all your creations, its important to practice failing. You learn more from your failures, and understanding what you can and cant accomplish in your timeframe is important for moving forward.

Because Ive practiced to failure, I know that my morning time allows me to write just one article or post and make it good enough to publish. I dont try to write anything more than that, and if I can finish early, I have enough time to edit an already written chapter of my novel. Knowing what I can reasonably do in a timeframe gives me the practice of maximizing my time.

Before I go in and work on something, I visualize what Im going to work on. It helps me continue thinking about my projects and prepares me for when Im ready to sit down and work. If I know what Im going to be working on during my creative time, I can maximize my efficiency in writing.

Visualizing your work helps you go in with a plan. It doesnt have to be a rigid plan but its something to get you over that first hurdle of starting. I know that if I dont have a vague plan of what Im going to write in the morning, I waste too much time researching or looking for ideas. Instead, I go in with a general idea and visualization of my final draft and let my mind take it where it needs to go.

Creating habits around my creative life help me stay focused on where Im going with my work. Changing my mindset to one of confidence and passion is critical to my success as a writer. Ive been able to balance writing daily, publish every weekday, and launch alife coaching business.

Some days it feels like a lot, but instead of letting myself get overwhelmed, I reflect on my confidence, visualize my progress, and continue practicing. A creative life doesnt have to be yet another thing on our plates. Use it to fuel the rest of your life and bleed confidence into your day.

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Habits to Help You Balance a Creative Life - Thrive Global

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March 19th, 2020 at 12:44 am

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Rick Rapone excited about ND baseball coaching job when the time comes – The Daily News Online

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BATAVIA The coaching landscape at Notre Dame High School continued to change over the winter when Athletic Director and head boys basketball coach Mike Rapone stepped down as the head varsity baseball coach after 12 successful seasons.

Though Rapone will remain on as AD and boys hoops coach, the search began for someone to guide the team on the diamond and the Fighting Irish looked no further than to keep it within the family.

Two weeks ago Mikes brother, Rick Rapone, was named as the new head coach of the program after a number of impressive years as NDs junior varsity baseball head coach.

Rick Rapone is still currently the JV boys basketball coach as well at Notre Dame, where his teams have gone 46-14 in his three seasons at the helm.

Im very excited, obviously, I love baseball and coached it my whole life at all levels, though Le Roy, Notre Dame and the (American Baseball Congress Collegiate) Wooden Bat League, said Rapone, who coached the wooden bat league from 2002-12. Im thrilled about it and Im honored to be in that tree at Notre Dame that includes Father Zietler, Bill Sutherland, Rick Mancuso and my brother Mike.

Rick Rapone, a 1973 graduate of Notre Dame, joined Notre Dame first in 2007 when he was the modified baseball coach, where he remained for seven highly successful seasons.

In 2014 he was named the head boys basketball coach at Le Roy High School, where in less than three years he completely turned the program around from being in the doldrums to on the verge of a sectional title.

As was highly publicized a few years ago, Rick Rapones tenure in Le Roy ended unceremoniously with his firing mid-season. Yet that has not stopped him.

I never saw that situation as an obstacle, he said. The circumstances played themselves out in that situation. But I knew another opportunity would come up and Im honored that it came at Notre Dame.

While at Le Roy, Rick Rapone was also the modified baseball coach, where a number of his players would go on to win multiple Section V titles with the Oatkan Knights.

According to a press release sent out by Notre Dame, the school says Rick, who has been a highly successful baseball and basketball coach, is recognized as a high-energy coach who has a proven track record of putting in the time to maximize his athletes potential.

In two seasons ad the JV baseball coach for the Fighting Irish, Rapones teams went an amazing 30-3.

However, like everyone else in the current situation of the world,

Ricks plans and his vision for the Notre Dame baseball program has been put on hold because of the Covid-19 pandemic.

Its certainly been deflating, to say the least. I was named the head coach the week before practice and the boys and I were all really excited, Rick Rapone said. And the weather was unbelievable. Who could have thought that we could have that many outside practices the first week. The energy was off the charts but then the e-mail came from Mike and everything comes to a halt. Its been deflating, not just to me but to the kids too.

Rick Rapone, who is the co-owner of Service News, earned a BA in History as well as both teaching and coaching certification from Roberts Wesleyan. He has three children Chris, Joey and Sierra who all are Notre Dame graduates.

Rick Rapone was also the Le Roy 19-U Travel team baseball coach from 2000-15)

He replaces his brother Mike, whose teams posted a record of 163-92, winning sectional titles in 2008 and 2014, while advancing to the NYSPHSAA Final Four both of those years.

His teams won six Genesee Region League titles and lost in the sectional finals four times.

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Rick Rapone excited about ND baseball coaching job when the time comes - The Daily News Online

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March 19th, 2020 at 12:44 am

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Coronavirus and the Scapegoating of Asian-Americans –

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When societal order appears to be breaking down and life turns chaotic and unpredictable, we can be easily manipulated into buying into sociopolitical agendas that promote xenophobia and the scapegoating of innocent individuals and groups. This should concern us all

One of my specialty areas as a Psychotherapist and Educator is integrating Eastern philosophy with Western psychological precepts. This, along with my B.A. in Far Eastern Studies and my background teaching graduate courses in Cross-Cultural Counseling and Diversity Awareness, eventually led to my having a significant number of Asian-Americans in my Psychotherapy and Life Coaching practices.

In the past few weeks (prior to United States citizens being advised to limit our activities and remain indoors), if one of my Asian-American clients had a common cold and thoughtfully wore a mask when out and about, they invariably reported to me later in session that they received scathing looks and disdainful glances and were avoided like the plague.

They were treated as if they had committed a crime simply by being / looking Asian, wearing a mask, and being out in public. Some weakly joked that it was like they had leprosy and were an untouchable (it should be noted that some of my clients who are not Asian-American also wore masks during this time when out and they did not experience this sort of treatment at all).

As news of the coronaviruss global spread progressed, my Asian-American clients quickly became painfully and acutely aware that no matter what their actual ethnicity was (South Korean, Japanese, Thai, Hmong, etc), it was assumed that they were Chinese and were therefore potentially a Coronavirus Carrier.

These clients invariably shared their experience of xenophobia and racism with me in a matter-of-fact, detached manner, without any obvious associated emotional distress. You see, they had all been through this before. For example, several of my older clients were the only non-White students at their schools growing up as first-generation and second-generation Asian-Americans, and they were acutely aware of being the other feeling different, being ostracized and excluded, and wanting desperately to fit in and be accepted among their Caucasian peers. My younger Asian-American clients expressed more sadness, disappointment, confusion, and surprise regarding the social ostracization they were now suddenly experiencing but it was not the first time they had been treated in a less than, discriminatory way.

Yesterday, Anna Russell wrote an article for the New York Times entitled, The Rise of Coronavirus Hate Crimes. She describes several incidents of racially aggravated assaults and attacks. The fear and hatred fueling these assaults and attacks is both heartbreaking and rather horrifying to read, digest, and take in. And its not just Asian and Asian-American adults that are currently vulnerable. Asian and Asian-American children are vulnerable as well:

Last month, a boy of Asian descent was bullied about coronavirus at a San Fernando Valley school and beaten to the degree that he needed an MRI, said Robin Toma, the executive director of the countys Human Relations Commission which works on hate crime prevention (

Scapegoating a person or an entire class of people allows the scapegoater(s) to displace their fears, anxieties, and negative feelings onto the other (i.e., that which is seen a foreign or a threat). The scapegoater feels a sense of self-righteous indignation and a twisted form of justification which supports their targeting innocent individuals and committing violent acts.

Although the intensity of the societal rejection and silent condemnation my Asian-American clients have been subjected to these past few weeks may be more overt and obvious due to coronavirus fears, being the target of covert and overt forms of discrimination and social shunning is not a new experience for them. No matter that they were born and raised in the United States; each and every one of my Asian-American clients have been treated as the other at one time or another in their lives due to racial discrimination. And as their therapist and as a human being, it bothers me that they are used to it. Its just not something that anyone, anywhere, should have to tolerate.

Just when I thought it couldnt get much worse, it did. As of this week, President Donald Trump has taken to publicly calling the coronavirus the Chinese Virus (as evidenced in a tweet of his this past Monday as well as in ensuing tweets and comments made in the past two days), fueling the very same irrational fears and anxieties that have already led to the types of senseless hate crimes described in Russells article:

The United States will be powerfully supporting those industries, like Airlines and others, that are particularly affected by the Chinese Virus. We will be stronger than ever before! Trump wrote.

It should be evident to any clear-thinking, rational person that Trumps calling the coronavirus the Chinese Virus is not only ill-advised and unnecessarily racialized (some would say it was even unapologetically xenophobic); it is also an incredibly dangerous thing to do, as emphasized by Eugene Cho in his tweeted reply to Trump this week, (which I am re-posting in its entirety here):

Mr. President: This is not acceptable. Calling it the Chinese virus only instigates blame, racism, and hatred against Asians here and abroad. We need leadership that speaks clearly against racism; Leadership that brings the nation and world together. Not further divides.

Later, when interviewed, Cho, (who was born in Korea and immigrated to the United States when he was 6), said he knows three people who have been assaulted in the past couple weeks, incidents he believes are tied to the spread of the coronavirus.

I cant speak for all Asians, he said. I know for myself and my family, were not just contending with a health crisis . . . there might be backlash verbal and physical.

He said theres a growing sentiment that Americans fear is intensifying into anger, not just toward those who are of Chinese descent but toward anyone who is Asian. Theres already an undercurrent of animosity, he said, toward people of Chinese descent, which has been exacerbated by recent trade wars.

Its not just the U.S. President promoting xenophobic ideas related to the coronavirus. The University of Californias health services department posted on Instagram that xenophobia is a normal reaction during a virus outbreak. Huh?!? This is a school that is located in Berkeley, arguably one of the most liberal and woke places on the planet! This post, which basically normalizes racist, scapegoating thoughts and behavior has since been deleted. And the scapegoating of Asians is not happening only in America. A quick google search reveals that hate crimes against Asians are occurring at this time in many parts of the world, including in the UK.

All this got me to thinking about William Goldings 1954 novel, Lord of the Flies.

The novel told the story of a group of adolescent boys stranded on a deserted island after a plane wreck. Lord of the Flies explored the savage side of human nature as the boys, let loose from the constraints of society, brutally turned against one another in the face of an imagined enemy. Riddled with symbolism, the book set the tone for Goldings future work, in which he continued to examine mans internal struggle between good and evil (

In Lord of the Flies, the stranded boys (who have been suddenly deprived of authoritarian structures and all sense of adult-driven social order) project all of their repressed fears and anxieties onto what they term The Beast.

The Beast (which is actually just the corpse of an aviator attached to a parachute) featured within the story is significant in that it serves as a representative symbol of scapegoating: The true beast in this story is actually the boys themselves. Meaning, the beast symbolizes the evil that is always latent within our human nature, projected onto an external entity (which can be real or imagined).

Toward the end of the novel, the boy who remains most civilized on the island (nicknamed Piggy) is labelled a bag of fat by the boys. Piggy is deliberately killed by a peer who drops a boulder on him. His death firmly illustrates how seemingly inconsequential microaggressions can lead to aggressive attacks and even murder when we objectify and dehumanize others while denying our own darkness within.

It is my assertion that in labeling the coronavirus the Chinese Virus in a tweet seen by millions, President Trump didnt just open up a symbolic bag of fat, but a xenophobic can of worms. And in doing so, he is contributing to the creation of senseless and needless personal and collective suffering the kind of suffering presented by my Asian-American clients everyday in therapy: A deep, intrapsychic suffering that is most often born in solitude and steadfast, socially conditioned silence.

I can only hope that Americans are smart enough to see through Trumps latest blatant and obviously manipulative sociopolitical ploy. Because in a time in which we all need to unite and work together to minimize the physical, mental, and emotional discomfort and distress caused by what is now a global health emergency, it is not only dangerous, but possibly even deadly, to buy into concepts, terms, and ideas that are designed to scapegoat and divide.

Are you an Asian-American in need of more support? OCA Asian Pacific American Advocates is dedicated to advancing the social, political, and economic well-being of Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders (AAPIs). Visit OCA National Asian Pacific American Advocates for resources and advocacy information.

To receive new posts by this author via email, you can Subscribe to This Blog over on the right sidebar.

To learn more aboutFamily Scapegoat Abuse(FSA), its signs and symptoms, and recovering from this most damaging form of systemic familial abuse, read my eBookThe Invisible Wounds of the Family Scapegoat(available via my secure website; see my profile, below).

Rebecca C. Mandeville, LMFT, is an internationally recognized expert in recovering from the negative effects of being raised in a dysfunctional family system. She served as Core Faculty at the world-renowned 'Institute of Transpersonal Psychology', and is a pioneer in researching, identifying, defining, and bringing attention to what she terms Family Scapegoat Abuse (FSA).

Rebecca works with clients online via a secure video platform as a Counselor and Childhood Trauma Recovery Life Coach. You may email her at [emailprotected] to set up your free online (video) consultation to see if her counseling or coaching services are right for you. You may also visit Rebecca's website to learn more about Family Scapegoat Abuse and her introductory eBook on FSA.

When not seeing clients in her counseling and coaching practices, Rebecca finds inspiration for compassionate living by spending time in nature and caring for her family of animals.

APA Reference Mandeville, R. (2020). Coronavirus and the Scapegoating of Asian-Americans. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 19, 2020, from

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Coronavirus and the Scapegoating of Asian-Americans -

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March 19th, 2020 at 12:44 am

Posted in Life Coaching

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