This time itll be different.

What do you mean?

Exactly what I said; in the past I wasnt willing to do what it takes. But this time I mean it. This time, Ill get there.

What are you going to do differently?

I dont know if I really need to anything different. I just need to stay focused.

Why will you stay focused this time when you didnt the last three times?

Ill just do it. I mean, I really want it.

Didnt you want it before?

Yeah, sure. But I wasnt willing to do the work. I gave up too easily.

I see. So how do you know you wont give up again this time?

I know me. Now, I really need to do it. My doctor said that if I dont, Ill be in trouble.

I thought she told you that last time too.

She did. But I dont think I was ready. I had too much going on. Life was busy, you know?

Yes, I do. So, your lifes not busy now?

Well, no, it still is. But this time Im ready. This time Ill just find the time.

Where? What will you give up to find this time?

Im not sure I really need to. I just need to work smarter and stick with it.

Why will you stick with it this time when you didnt the last time?

Thats easy. Because this time I mean it.

You didnt before?

Sure, I did. But, I didnt really, really, really mean it. Now I do.

Good luck.

How often have you made the same promise over and over? How many of ended up exactly like the others? Detect a theme? As they say, If you always do what youve always done, youll always be where youve always been. Should you prefer a better visual, how about, When you get tired of walking into walls, open a door. Or, if you want to add a bit of the cosmic to it: The Universe will not change its rules to accommodate our whims, fantasies, or desires.

Changing a habit, whether that means quitting smoking, exercising more, or even having a better attitude; requires an understanding not only of what you want in the end, but why youre not already there.

As a habit-change primer, I offer theFour Assumptions of Success(in nor particular order). Understand and adopt these, and change comes easier and is more likely. (These are based on NLP, Neuro Linguistic Programming; which Wikipedia describes as apseudoscientificapproach to communication, personal development.)

1) Every behavior is generated by positive intention.

Even what we call bad habits are born of the goal of making our life easier, healthier, or happier. As example, smoking although obviously not a good thing to do has the positive intention of reducing stress. Sadly, the side effect of the behavior is it harms your health. Identify the intention of the behavior youre trying to change and work to find a new way to accomplish it, leading to

2) There is always another choice.

It might not seem like it but there is another option. Continuing with the same example, I could reduce stress by meditating or exercising. I might not want to or I might not like the options, but if I ask how do I get the results I want? Instead of why do I have to change? A path will make itself known.

3) There is no such thing as failure, only feedback.

Simply because we didnt get what we expected doesnt mean we failed. Labeling something as failure, generates within us the urge to quit. After all, if its not working, why would I continue to pursue it? To get past this barrier, look at the results you get from your actions in the same way that a scientist would conduct an experiment. See what worked and what didnt. Alter the course and move forward.

SaidPaul Batalden, active Emeritus Professor of The Dartmouth Institute, Every system is perfectly designed to get the results it gets. In other words, if youre not getting the results you expected, its not that the system is broken, rather youre using the wrong system. Tweak it.

4) You have all the tools you need to accomplish whatever you want.

No one is born onto this planet doomed to failure. We all have skills and strengths to move us toward whatever we need. Sometimes, however, its important to realize that the tool we are using might be inappropriate for the results we desire and the correct tool might be the willingness to reach out and seek advice.

Scott Q Marcus is a nationally known weight loss expert for baby boomers and the CRP Chief Recovering Perfectionist of http://www.ThisTimeIMeanIt.com. His new book, co-written with his sister, The Busy Baby Boomers Motivational Guide to Weight Loss is at http://www.BabyBoomersGuides.com.

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The assumptions of success - Red Bluff Daily News