Parents have an impact not only on their childrens body image but also that of their childrens children. Photograph: Anastasia Pelikh/Getty Images

Weight bias is as prevalent in todays society as diet plans. And detox teas. And the celebrities who promote diet plans and detox teas.

When we experience weight stigma and Im not talking about being fat, Im talking about feeling as if youre too fat it puts us at risk of disordered eating, makes us avoid exercise (especially in public), worsens our physical and mental health, and even limits our future employment opportunities.

While the mainstream media, the beauty industry, social media and health professionals weight bias all play their role in the macrocosm of body negativity, sometimes the most powerful influences are from those closest to us.

In particular, parents have an impact not only on their childrens body image but also that of their childrens children. A healthy attitude to ones body is a struggle to achieve even without the family baggage of body image issues.

Throw snide remarks from relatives into the mix and you have a situation that can not only be difficult for children, but also trigger parents weight concerns as they relive diet trauma from their own childhoods.

So for parents who are struggling with this all-too-common challenge, here are some ideas for filtering out the body negativity that can sometimes go along with free babysitting.

Your parents are so used to telling you what to do, and can become so fixed in their ways, that it can be really hard to get through to them. Without trying, they can see your comments through the lens of their (probably weight-biased) belief system, and also their judgments of your belief system (lets face it, counter-diet-culture ideas are still pretty new to people and far from widely embraced).

The way to cut through this is to go really deep. Be vulnerable and show them the real feelings going on underneath any anger or frustration. As they love you and (presumably) want whats best for you, this can be surprisingly powerful. If you feel they are safe to be vulnerable with, have the deep and meaningful conversation. Dont make them out to be the bad guy and try to shift your focus from the transgressions of the past to the possibilities of the future.

Sometimes (for a million reasons) the big sit-down chat wont (or doesnt) work. In this case, set up some clear rules for your house and kids. Your parents probably set rules with you, so they know how rules work. And if your parents dont understand (or agree with) the underlying principles, sometimes you need to be extra clear about the actions themselves.

Rules may sound something like, We dont talk about weight in our house, or, In our family, the parents provide the food and the kids decide what theyll eat. Rules may require constant reminders (Mum, Annas fine to eat some of that. Anna, you enjoy it, darling!) or have reasonable consequences, such as, When you mention my childs weight, either you leave or we do.

Despite your heart-to-hearts and rules, some parents just wont play ball. If you perceive your parents actions are really damaging, you may choose to limit contact with them for this reason. The contact that remains can provide a good real-time learning opportunity to educate kids about societys corrosive messages, and how to deal with them. Thats just Grandpa when he grew up there wasnt a lot of food around, so he gets really upset when people leave food on their plate. In our time we have too much food, so its OK to leave it if youve had enough.

It can also be a great opportunity to build resilience: I know Grandma said youre getting a little tummy, and that made you feel upset, but Grandma is a bit old and she sometimes says silly things it doesnt mean its true or we have to worry too much about it.

However you approach these sometimes challenging conversations, be sure to do it with kindness, empathy and understanding. No ones ever open to accepting feedback when theyre being hammered, and modelling good communication is the best way to encourage someone else to play ball.

Social change happens because people need it to, and elevated conversations really do have the power to create a better society. These conversations may not only help you and your children, but their children and the children of generations to come. After all, racism, homophobia and sexism are all to varying degrees dying slow intergenerational deaths why not fat phobia too?

This is an edited extract from Thinsanity: Seven Steps to Transform Your Mindset and Say Goodbye to Dieting Forever by Glenn Mackintosh, out now through Hachette Australia

See the rest here:
A heavy topic: how to change the way your family speaks about weight - The Guardian