First-person essays and interviews with unique perspectives on complicated issues.

In 2020, I am vowing to only date men committed to prioritizing their emotional and mental health. If he doesnt go to therapy, Im not interested.

In my last serious relationship, I had both the benefit of exploring my toxic behavior patterns and the burden of being with a partner who refused to do the same. Our relationship started to shift when, during the height of an argument, I grew frustrated when my attempts at helping him solve a problem were being ignored. He followed up, like he often did, by screaming at the top of his lungs. Then he said something that snatched the movement from my body: Im not your project or something you can control.

This was my second relationship where what I called the lack of appreciation for my help my partner called controlling. I realized I was the common denominator here.

What started as an exploration of trying to understand my own harmful behaviors ended in a commitment to therapy. There, I learned to call my attraction to broken men something more than a lack of gratitude or control; the illusion of fixing them allowed me to ignore all the areas where I was fractured. It allowed me to overlook the ways childhood traumas shaped my current relationship choices. It was classic avoidance.

For months, I remained both in the relationship and in therapy to do the deeper work on myself. I directed my gaze away from scrutinizing his behavior and toward addressing the root of my own. I practiced mindfulness to reduce anxiety, used journaling to record and disrupt unhealthy patterns, and rotated coping mechanisms until I found one that fit. I was slowly forming healthy new habits. The need to control others was replaced by a desire for self-improvement.

Meanwhile, he refused to go to therapy or even examine his own harmful patterns. He saw therapy as a useless waste of time that had nothing to do with real life. Besides, nobody in his family believed in that stuff and they all turned out fine.

My former partner was not an anomaly. According to the American Psychological Association, research shows men of all ages and ethnicities are less likely than women to seek help for all sorts of problems including depression and substance abuse. Which is particularly alarming considering the data that suggests men make up over 75 percent of suicide victims in the United States.

OBrien Wimbish, a clinically trained therapist who specializes in intimacy and infidelity recovery, told Vox, A lot of men are still operating under an unhealthy belief that addressing their feelings isnt masculine. They think talking about their emotions or even identifying an emotion other than rage can make them what they consider soft. So they shut down, or sometimes become more aggressive, in their interpersonal relationships.

Wimbish, who has never treated me or my former partner, offered a perspective that was consistent with my experience. During the course of our relationship, my former partners propensity for screaming escalated to name-calling, and conflicts reached an all-time high. Or perhaps my tolerance for toxic relationships hit at an all-time low. But eventually, his version of love was no longer enough. I wanted reciprocity.

I ended that relationship aware that constant self-work is a prerequisite for an emotionally healthier life and, if both parties are committed to it, the possibility of a healthy relationship.

To be clear, therapy is not a magic pill. Committing to therapy does not mean your relationship will be immune to trials, Wimbish said, but it certainly helps if both parties are fully invested in doing the work for their individual growth.

Therapy is also not cheap. Mental health providers in many cities can charge $75-$150 for a 45-minute session. Rates in New York City can be upward of $200 per hour. Therapists like Wimbish mitigate this by offering a sliding scale for payments. Sometimes, when the cost is still too high for me, I scale back and reserve sessions for particularly stressful seasons. And if a sliding payment scale is still a financial burden, research suggests regular practices of things like mindful meditation and creating a positive social support system can be forms of self-work. Wimbish added, establishing an accountability system centered around a self-improvement goal can increase success and sustainability.

Theres also the fact that therapy doesnt work if you dont apply it once the session is over. As Wimbish said, You will not get the full benefits of therapy sessions without doing the homework assigned. It requires a personal commitment outside of my office. If therapy has taught me anything, its taught me that the real work starts when you go home and use a new coping skill in response to stress or anxiety, instead of engaging in a familiar unhealthy habit.

These days, I have refined my approach to dating. Now, during that early stage when a man mentions how long hes been single, instead of inquiring about the details of the breakup, I ask how he managed the healing process. I recently met a guy who wasnt alarmed by the question. Without pause, he identified a couple of healthy coping strategies provided by his therapist. This on its own does not mean he will be the best partner for me. Rather, it suggests that he recognizes self-work as an individual process, one that he isnt socialized to be ashamed of. Which is a healthy start.

Shanita Hubbard is a former therapist, current adjunct sociology professor, and the author of the upcoming book Miseducating: A Womans Guide to Hip-Hop.

Go here to read the rest:
Why I will only date men who go to therapy - Vox.com

"Walking around the pool deck, speaking to my own athletes or listening to the conversations of others, times are often the only focus." Stock photo via Jack Spitser/Spitser Photography

SwimSwams daily swimming workout series is a collection of workouts written by coaches from a variety of backgrounds. All daily

SwimSwams daily swimming workout series is a collection of workouts written by coaches from a variety of backgrounds. All daily

SwimSwams daily swimming workout series is a collection of workouts written by coaches from a variety of backgrounds. All daily

If you dont like the career youre in, you might want to work in the swimming community and be a part of our swimming family! Go here to see 2650 Swim Jobs.

By Dr. Zachary Hojnacki

How Was Your Race?

Coach: Good job, how do you feel about that swim?

Swimmer: *shakes head* That was terrible.

Coach: Why do you feel that way your stroke technique was strong and efficient, and you executed the race well.

Swimmer: Because I added

Our program recently traveled across the country from New York to Arizona to compete in a terrific and uniquely formatted competition hosted by Phoenix Swim Club called the Arizona Dual Meet Championships. Aside from the benefits the team travel experience provided for our 14 & under athletes in their developmental process, the dual meet format brought out the best in our kids. It was a significant departure from the traditional weekend swim meet experience, where the emphasis is often on maximizing the number of events swum and personal best times achieved. This weekend was instead about racing: fighting for first not only for yourself, but for your team. Competition is pure and fun, and somewhat lacking in todays swim experience. I believe we have somewhat overcorrected and could benefit as a sport from shifting our emphasis back towards racing.

Where We Got Lost

I suspect that in the early stages of the sport, competition was the primary focus. Somewhere along the way, coaches and parents encouraged athletes to direct their attention towards improving their personal best times as a means to discourage obsessive comparisons to the success of other athletes, and to instead prioritize self-improvement. I agree that is a healthy and appropriate mindset, and that constant comparisons to other swimmers is a recipe for constant disappointment and discouragement.

However, it feels as though we have veered off course from what that mindset was originally intended to promote. Walking around the pool deck, speaking to my own athletes or listening to the conversations of others, times are often the only focus. Evaluation of race outcomes has become binary drop time = good swim, add time = bad swim. As athletes grow older and less frequently perform their personal bests, their relationship with the sport begins to sour. Even as they understand that a personal best time is not a realistic expectation at certain phases of the season, there is a tendency to compare times to past seasons or to other swimmers in an effort to project taper times. If those times dont meet the swimmers expectations, they are quick to panic and self-doubt creeps in. For some, there is a decreased willingness to compete in meets during the phases of training where fast swims are least likely, even as these competitions are important prerequisites for end-of-season breakthroughs.

What We Are Communicating to Young People

Parent: Nice racing today! 3 out of 4 best times! We just need to fix that backstroke!

Parent: What happened out there? Why were you so far off your best? Is something wrong?

Coach: *Emphatically* You dropped 3 seconds!

As adults, we are culpable here. Post-race feedback is often littered with discussion about races in terms of total time, proximity to best, etc., rather than objective evaluation on the basis of execution of strategy, technical proficiency, or in the context of training performances and goals. We reward athletes for achieving personal best times by congratulating them and affirming the accomplishments as if they were solely a reflection of effort. The truth is that personal best times can be accomplished with less than maximal effort and poor execution, while swims slower than your previous best can be effortful and flawlessly performed.

The Stats

I believe that the overemphasis on racing times is somewhat dangerous, particularly for older athletes. The national average improvement percentage for a 15-16-year-old girl in 2019 was .93%. The picture for 17-18 girls was bleaker still, with an average of negative .3%.When our communications exclusively reward personal bests and demand explanation for swims that fail to meet that criterion, it implies that swimming our best is merely a reinforceable behavior as opposed to a complex and challenging long-term pursuit. This also suggests failure is always controllable and completely avoidable which, in a sport where failure is incredibly common, is extremely demoralizing and simply not true.

It is important that our coaching leadership educate athletes on the impact growth and maturation has on performance in swimming, particularly for young girls. Besides keeping young people enrolled in the sport, perseverance often pays off for those that can transition into strong collegiate athletes. Each year, I sit down with our teenage swimmers to discuss how age and physical maturity may impact short-term outcomes in the near future. The examples of well-known Olympic athletes below illustrates how drawn out plateaus can be, but also how successfully navigating those challenging phases can pay dividends in the long-term.

Missy Franklin-

200 Bk:

Cammile Adams-

200 Fly:

Lets Race!

Which brings me back to my original point. I think its time to re-emphasize racing. In swimming, you have an opportunity to compete against seven or more others every time you dive in for a race. We are built to compete the human body responds physiologically to competitive demands by providing chemicals that enhance performance. It is often when athletes get caught up in a great battle against the person next to them that they are able to give additional effort and energy that leads to extraordinary performances for both parties. Competition has a winner and loser, which forces young people to learn how to be both. There is a subtle distinction between confidence and arrogance, or humility and self-deprecation, and we as a society will benefit from cultivating the former of each. Racing also draws attention to realistic expectations for athletes of similar ages and in season phases; as we work to educate our young swimmers on how the competition calendar interfaces with season training plans, we can point to others and note that competing well within your heat is reflective of the fact that you are on the right path.

This shift in tone is important and necessary because our sport is at times brutal and unforgiving. Swimming requires an incredible sacrifice of time and a comparatively absurd workload to many other sports and yet the payoffs are often infrequent. As coaches, our responsibility is to guide the swimmers through the hardest phases of the season so they can see success at the end of the tunnel. I think by encouraging and rewarding racing too, instead of simply performances times, we will find that our swimmers have another way to measure success, and subsequently have more fun and are more motivated as they see progress in one area when the other is stagnant, and vice versa. More importantly, I think it encourages a healthier relationship with the sport that could address some of the issues of attrition and end-of-career plateau that we too often see.

Coach: Lets not obsesses about how much you added or dropped from your personal best. Lets discuss your racing splits, technical proficiency, and strategy in relation to recent training markers, the current season phase and your long-term goals. What does this race tell us about how we can continue to improve our daily preparation?

Parent: You raced hard today and Im proud of you. I always love watching you swim.

Key Takeaways

In my doctoral research at Arizona, I studied the roles that mindfulness and acceptance play in regulating performance under pressure in sports. There is compelling evidence that suggests that adopting a mindful, non-judgmental approach to daily practice in sports can enhance long-term performance outcomes (Gooding & Gardner, 2009; Thompson et al., 2011; Zhang et al., 2016). I posit that this is in part because athletes that practice this approach are able to separate their emotional responses from their objective evaluations of performance outcomes and are therefore more likely to learn from failure and remain motivated. This is a daily approach to sports that leads to more consistency and effort over time, which ultimately is the key to success in anything. We can contribute to this healthier attitude about performance by being mindful of what we say to young people about their performances, encourage using multiple objective measures to evaluate outcomes. Finally, lets remember that swimming is not just about times, but also racing. I think we would all do well to remind ourselves of that.

Zac is currently the head coach of the BGNW Marlins in Mount Kisco, NY. He swam for the University of Arizona from 2009-2012, qualifying for the 2012 Olympic Trials in the 200 breaststroke, and the 2013 World Championship Trials in the 100 breaststroke. In 2017, he received a PhD in Educational Psychology from the University of Arizona, where he studied the role stress and mindfulness play on athlete performance under pressure. Zac is passionate about utilizing athlete education to develop a well-rounded, self-sufficient person in and out of the pool.

The rest is here:
What Happened To Racing? - SwimSwam

Matisse Thybulle has met his rookie season with vocal gratitude, and a constant awareness of his uniquely rapid rise into national consciousness. Exceeding expectations consistently (except for, perhaps, his own), Thybulle has earned widespread respect - from peers, coaches, and fans alike.

Tobias Harris has been pieces of all three of those roles when it comes to the rookie: part colleague, part authority figure, part fan.

Since training camp in October, Harris has emerged as one of the most positive and expressive presences in the 76ers locker room as the team navigates its pursuit of a championship. Calling his own number when it comes to leadership both on and off the court, Harris has fostered a special relationship with Thybulle.

Though only five years apart in age (Harris, 27, Thybulle, 22), each player refers to the other as his brother, little and big, respectively.

From sitting beside Thybulle on the team plane, to offering thoughtful advice, Harris has been a constant presence throughout the course of Thybulles rookie campaign.

Harris began investing in Thybulles potential as a basketball player during their first days together playing pickup in the summer. Independently, they each spoke publicly about their bond about a month and a half into the season, after a Dec. 10 win over Denver. Harris applauded Thybulles ability to carve out his own niche among a team filled with All-Star talent.

Hes an amazing player, an amazing person, an amazing rookie too. Hes really catching his stride now, Harris said.

Minutes later, Thybulle took the podium. He threw the praise right back:

Aside from being an amazing example, [Tobias has] been like a big brother. I seek him for all my questions, whether its financially, on the court, off the court - I go to him. Hes done it at a very high level for a while now, and I really look up to him in that sense. Hes been able to be a huge role model for me.

In the following month, adversity made the relationship stronger, as Thybulle missed seven games due to a knee injury. While the no. 20 pick was forced to take time away from the court, Harris support and guidance was unwavering.

Thybulle attributed his quick return to a high level of play to his consistent routine while injured.

A steadfast part of that routine was familiarizing himself with each opponents scouting report, and getting subsequently quizzed on the material by Harris.

Hes about a B+ student right now, Harris joked at the time.

Not only did Thybulle return strong from his injury, he stepped fearlessly into six consecutive appearances in the starting lineup while Joel Embiid was out with an injury of his own.

Thybulles part-time big brother, part-time tutor was proud of what he saw.

Midway through that starting stretch, Thybulle and Harris took time to reflect on the season, their friendship, and their passions outside of basketball during a trip to Strand Book Store in New York City.

[Matisse] is a good rookie. He pays attention. He comes to work every day - not only that, but he brings a lot to the table for our team, Harris said. With more and more games, and with more experience, hes going to continue to blossom into a full-on, complete player, thats going to be a beast soon.

The night before Thybulle and Harris' visit to the Strand, Hall-of-Famer and eight-time All-Star Steve Nash visited the Sixers locker room at Madison Square Garden following their victory over the Knicks.

Growing up in Arizona, Thybulle idolized Nash. Noticing his little brothers excitement, Harris insisted on making a formal introduction.

Less than 24 hours later, another meaningful introduction was made.

Along with sharing the same profession, Thybulle and Harris share a love for a couple other things - reading, a relentless curiosity, a desire for self-improvement, and lightheartedly teasing one another.

Towering above the other patrons at the world-renowned Manhattan bookstore, Thybulle gravitated towards books on photography, while Harris explored the architecture section - each player taking time to share knowledge with his brother.

But one book in particular caught both players eyes upon entering the store: Between the World and Me, by Ta-Nehisi Coates.

In a moment of perfect serendipity, Coates himself was browsing the shelves upstairs at the Strand. While Harris and Thybulle are accustomed to meeting adoring fans, this time, it was the two Sixers who had to make their own introductions.

Walking away from the brief meeting with Coates, each player lit up with excitement.

Both of the books that Ive read from him are truly impactful. I think hes a great author, Harris said. What he stands for in the African American community is bigger than that too.

From one class act making a profound difference in his community to another.

(Its never a bad time - but this is a particularly good time - to mention that just a few months ago, Harris donated $1 million to education and literacy-based charities in Philadelphia and around the country.)

Its no wonder he had such a memorable experience at an old bookstore.

Harris and Thybulle have each vocalized, on numerous occasions, the heartfelt gratitude they feel for their positions as NBA players. Theyve also each acknowledged the challenges that come with life in the spotlight.

For Thybulle, all the attention is still relatively new.

Were in such a unique situation being NBA players. Not too many people can relate to what our lives are like. To have someone whos close enough in age that weve gone through similar things, and [Tobias is] not far removed from the struggles Im going through right now, but old enough to have made it through, and made it to the other side, and learned all the lessons, is invaluable.

From summertime pickup, to battling in the trenches of the regular season, as time goes on, their bond continues to strengthen.

It might be a little early to start talking about legacy, but the mark that the still-young Harris aspires to leave on his younger teammates is a significant one.

This is my ninth year, and this is his first year, Harris said. I just want to show him the ropes of the game, and at the end of the day, make sure that when hes in year nine, that hes doing the same thing to whoever else is coming in.

Thybulles ninth year is still a long ways away. But given all hes learning from Harris, the rookies of 2028 could find themselves in good hands.

Excerpt from:
Books, Basketball, and Brotherhood: Harris and Thybulle's Growing Bond | Philadelphia 76ers - Sixers.com

I think Tolstoy scholars would agree with me here: This material is pretty tight

Ashley Spurgeon is a lifelong TV fan nay, expert and with her recurring television and pop-culture column "And Another Thing," she'll tell you what to watch, what to skip, and what's worth thinking more about.

War and Peace maybe youve heard of it? According to the first sentence of the second paragraph of the Wikipedia entry on the book, War and Peace chronicles the French invasion of Russia and the impact of the Napoleonic era on tsarist society through the stories of five Russian aristocratic families. But more than that, it has a reputation, at least in the English-speaking world (and stop me if Im wrong), of being a hard thing to read, based primarily on criteria like its really thick and there too many characters, and they all have foreign names.

Currently, ya girl is on a self-improvement kick: For me, that involves a lot more reading and a lot less everything else. And if youre gonna go, why not go hard? So War and Peace it is I know next to nothing about Russia and even less about Napoleon, and in fact, I cant stand battle scenes or war in general. But I come bearing good news: War and Peace is nowhere near as difficult a read as Ive let myself believe the chapters are quite short (which makes sense, since it started as a serialized story), and the characters are distinct (Denisov is the one with the speech impediment, Dolohov is the psycho who ties a live bear to a policeman and dumps them both in the river).

Honestly, I would have started this a lot sooner if I had been informed of things like the bear and the policeman, or how one of the main characters is going through a really rough personal time so, like you do, he joins the Freemasons. War and Peace is working for me, because hey, it turns out the very famous thing that has been much beloved in dozens of languages for like 150 years is and I think Tolstoy scholars would agree with me here pretty fuckin tight.

But at the end of the day, Im still a dumb American, and I wanted my hand held. Before I started reading, I first watched the War and Peace miniseries from 2016 starring Paul Dano, James Norton and Lily James. (In the U.S., it aired on the Lifetime network, which makes War and Peace my second-favorite Paul Dano Lifetime made-for-TV movie, right behind Too Young to Be a Dad.) Dano is Pierre Bezukhov (the aforementioned Mason), Norton is Prince Andrei Bolkonsky (something of a mirror character to Pierre), and James ... well, shes Natasha, who somehow has to grow from Moscows most beloved 13-year-old to young woman who came of age during brutal wartime.

Im on the record as a fan of the miniseries as a form of television, and here it works exactly as I want it to: As a beginners guide to a larger, more resonant story. For instance, the Bear + Cop + River = Good Times scene was portrayed like a hungover flashback, and honestly, it was kind of hard to tell what was going down. But trust me its clear in the book. A dueling scene is played as a cliffhanger from one episode to the next; in the book, it quickly skips along over just a few paragraphs.

Probably the most helpful aspect of the watch-and-read is putting faces to names. Even if I dont literally imagine Paul Dano as Pierre (and I dont, I imagine someone much bigger and more physically awkward), Pierre is a Paul Danotype you know, a bit of a galoot compared to his friend. (Nortons Andrei looks like this.) Gillian Anderson is much younger than the Anna Pavlovna in my head, and really, the opening party scene at Annas St. Petersburg home is one of my only quibbles with the TV production. (My primary objection is with the womens gowns, which were way too modern.)

But for the most part, the adaptation appears faithful that said, Im still just roughly halfway through ... only about 30 more hours of reading to go! You feel the gravity of major deaths, believe so-and-so when they say theyre in love with so-and-so, the military and battle scenes build the sense of dread, and the internal character moments that come off in the book as transcendent, religious and meaningful are horseshoe-close enough to the spirit without reading as corny. Also, I love watching good actors act. Brian Cox as General Mikhail Kutuzov became one of my favorite parts of the adaptation, and Ive spent the past week or so falling in love with Jessie Buckley, who plays Andreis sister Marya as always being on the verge of tears.

Its also been fun to measure my reactions to the same scenes in adaptation and source. Natashas peasant dance is a sweet character moment on screen; when I read it, I was sobbing. The Battle of Austerlitz, the Battle of Borodino, difficult to watch. On page, looking inside the heads of the doomed men brought to those places by patriotism, money, self-regard, curiosity, duty, fear, chance, the vanity of Bonaparte, makes it even more difficult to read.

Nevertheless: Good thing good! proclaims local critic. It became pretty funny to me, pretty early on, that self-improvement was the reason for my reading War and Peace, and thats also the goal of Pierre and Andrei, and really, the book (but I thought it was about the effect of the Napoleonic era on Tsarist society?!). So Im using my TV column to encourage book-reading, with the aid of television. Join me, so youll know exactly how funny it is when I start calling dudes Book I Andrei as an insult.

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And Another Thing: War and Peace - Nashville Scene

Long before the final buzzer ought to have sounded, perhaps even before half time, Kobe Bryants transcendent life was snatched from NBA fans everywhere. The outpouring of grief from across the world shows how one man did not just shut up and dribble, but instead exemplified the highest ideals of sport.

If elite sport is a metaphor for lifes many battles the primeval competition for success, triumph over adversity, and endurance then Bryant was its warrior king. Even accounting for the fact that tragic deaths invite encomiastic obituaries, his demise reminds us of the many leadership lessons contained in his 41 years.

First, it is impossible to excel without melding talent with hard work. While the clich that hard work beats talent every time is not quite accurate, it is true that in competition between supremely talented people, those who combine talent with hard work prevail. This has been confirmed by research and there is perhaps no better example than Bryant.

After losing to the Miami Heat in a regular-season game in March 2011, for example, Bryant continued to practice late into the night, well after everyone had left the building. Despite being the best player, he outworked everyone and was known for berating teammates who did not have the same work ethic or commitment to excellence. Just ask Smush Parker.

Second, he had an all-consuming desire to win. You cant lead by losing. Bryant took no prisoners basketball was a zero-sum game for him. This was especially true in the second half of his career, when he rose above a pursuit of individual glory to emphasize team victory. And when his teammates play would not assure victory, he took it upon himself to will his team to victory recall the Game 6 Western Conference finals victory over the Phoenix Suns in 2010, when Bryant scored 37 points on 25 shots while playing on a team with elite scorers such as Pau Gasol, Lamar Odom and Andrew Bynum. Gasol, Odom and Bynum took a combined 26 shots, scoring just 25 points, meaningBryant had to carry the team to victory.

Third, lifes battles require an indomitable will. Bryants leadership style was not just to win but to dominate all competition through sheer willpower. Nothing seemed to faze him, not Raja Bell clotheslining him in a 2006 playoff game, or Matt Barnes threatening to throw the ball in his face. In both instances, Bryant exhibited disdain rather than anger and kept his concentration on the task at hand: winning. Contrast this with other players who react to provocations with bad behavior of their own, to the detriment of their team. Bryant even shot free throws against the Golden State Warriors after tearing his Achilles tendon in 2013.

Fourth is resilience to overcome adversity. Nowhere is this more apparent than in the 2003 rape accusation and the years of abuse from opposing fans in arenas around the country. Bryant adopted the Black Mamba identity, and went about turning haters into his fans with sheer brilliance. Another man might have bemoaned the injustice of losing lucrative deals; Nike, McDonalds and other companies dropped him after the accusation. But Bryants resilience meant that Nike embraced him again, and fans eventually yielded him grudging respect.

Fifth, one needs self-awareness and accountability. When the criminal charges were dropped and the civil suit settled, Bryant apologized to his accuser and expressed contrition. On the basketball court, he recognized that his uncompromising approach to leadership was not working. The Lakers were losing and his teammates were disengaged. Bryant held himself accountable and transformed his leadership by sharing the load and including others in a way he had not done previously. The partnership with Pau Gasol stands as an example.

Sixth, Bryant showed an incessant commitment to self-improvement. Like most geniuses, he knew that the better is the enemy of the good. He was like a sponge, soaking up knowledge in business, entertainment and publishing in a way that was unprecedented for a man of his success. He also could have soaked up the applause like so many great athletes and coasted on what he did best, but his hunger elevated him to become a transcendent star who exceeded his sport. Perhaps no other elite athlete has won an Oscar or published childrens books, or accomplished as much in diverse areas of business with so little formal education.

Finally, a leaders true greatness lies in what he contributes to the growth of others. Bryant mentored people in sports and other domains, drawing from the well of highs and lows he had experienced. Aside from those he touched directly people such as tennis stars Novak Djokovic and Naomi Osaka he inspired millions who experienced tragedies in their own lives. He showed them that they could overcome, too, if they had his will and work ethic.

The Black Mamba will live on in the memories of millions of fans not just for the 33,000 points or MVP awards, but for the unique brand of leadership he exhibited. Kobe wrote in his poem, "Dear Basketball":

I fell in love with you. A love so deep I gave you my all From my mind & body To my spirit & soul.

He may well have been speaking about all his years on earth, when he gave us his all. RIP, Mamba.

Sandeep Gopalan (@DrSGopalan) is vice chancellor and executive vice president of academic affairs at Piedmont International University in North Carolina. He previously was a professor of law and pro vice chancellor for academic innovation at Deakin University in Melbourne, Australia. He has co-chaired American Bar Association committees on aerospace/defense and international transactions, was a member of the ABAs immigration commission, and was dean of law schools in Ireland and Australia. He has taught law in four countries.

Read more:
Kobe Bryant has left this earth but his life lessons linger | TheHill - The Hill

Reading time: 4 minutes

Increasingly, I work with leaders who use design thinking, agile development, and other innovation-growing methodologies. In my experience these tools are at their most potent when used by highly self-aware people.

No matter what methods or techniques your organisation uses to increase innovative capabilities, individuals, teams and leaders all benefit that much more when they are operating from a place of higher self-awareness.

Self-aware employees are sure of their strengths and gifts in any situation, can guard against unconscious biases, and know how to bring everyone else along with them in their quest for innovative success.

Self-aware people also understand why others are different to them, and find it easier to have empathy for those whose shoes theyve never walked in.

No matter what role people hold, or which problem theyve been asked to creatively solve, there are a range of ways in which they can access their spirit of innovation and bring a fresh perspective to even the oldest problems.

Open your mind with empathy

When we think through a problem, we need to put ourselves in the shoes of the person who will become the end user.

What will they need? What problems do they need help solving? What will the potential solution feel like or look like, how will it work or be accessed?

Self-awareness is our strongest tool. We must use it to empower ourselves to build a career and a life thats designed for who we are and how we want to live

These kinds of questions are a great jumping-off point when youre looking for an innovative solution to a business challenge.

Exercise idea: Find someone who is an opposite type of person to you and ask each other a series of questions around a topic or subject matter; dig a bit deeper on their answers and later you can consider what was similar and different about the answers you both gave. Great for limbering up your empathy!

Good communication makes great collaboration

Part of self-awareness is knowing both how you communicate, and how well you communicate. Having the best ideas in the world will get you nowhere if you dont land them well with the others in the room.

Knowing who youre talking to, and what theyll need from you in order to get behind your idea is key; how you pitch your idea to the team will be the thing that makes it stand or fall.

Exercise idea: To give everyone an opportunity to input into idea generation and conversation you need to be aware of the preferences of everyone involved.

Some people will happily speak up, others will appreciate solo reflection time, others will enjoy interactive exercises.

Make it your job to find out what motivates other people, and make space for their communication style too.

Look back and learn

Simply landing on a solution and implementing it well isnt the end of the process. We should all be lifelong learners.

Part of the innovation process is reflecting on how you showed up as the project unfolded the good, the bad, and the ugly.

There should never be an end-point in your journey of self-awareness, and looking at how you perform in an innovative environment can be one of the steeper parts of the learning curve.

Exercise idea: Ask for feedback from others on how they saw you perform. How do they think you could be even more effective? What could you stop, start, and continue doing?

If youre truly honest with yourself, do you have blind spots in your perception of your performance?

Use your failures to move you forward

Much like innovation, self-awareness isnt something you are going to get right every time. We should take every failure as an opportunity to learn and improve.

In both innovation and self-awareness, we can be clear on what success looks like for us. Whether its a project output or a successful meeting, having a good understanding of this can help you assess whether you achieved it or not.

Exercise idea: Create a journal of failures or feedback that indicates room for improvement. Reflect on these how can you improve next time? What will you learn from this?

Go back and note how you iterated your approach to overcome this failure the next time; was it more successful?

These self-awareness techniques can be used or repeated at any stage of the innovation process. Self-awareness is our strongest tool. We must use it to empower ourselves not only in an innovative environment, but to build a career and a life thats designed for who we are and how we want to live.

About the author

Kim Anderson is a designer for Insights

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Self-awareness: an indispensable tool when it comes to innovation - Training Journal

Kobe Bryants airballs in the final game of his rookie season drew derision and added kindling to the perception that he should have gone to college. Those misses were the first of many public failures throughout his 20-year NBA career, and his response to adversity was the same in those early years as it was when he got older.

[ The different eras of Kobe Bryant: Kobe the rookie ]

He endeavored toward self-improvement, undeterred by swirling narratives. He had gone from playing 35 games as a senior at Lower Merion High School where he was always the most physically imposing player on the court to 71 games as a rookie in a league of full-grown men. He devoted more time to his conditioning the following offseason to prepare for that grind.

Strengthened legs provided a foundation for the increased burden he would be asked to shoulder in the 1997-98 season. Lakers head coach Del Harris promoted him to the sixth man role, where he was asked to back...

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The different eras of Kobe Bryant: The youngest All-Star starter in NBA history - The Athletic

In my minds eye, I can see him squaring up on an isolated defender, out near the free-throw line. He leads with a jab step, feinting a drive that was, even in his final years, still quick enough to streak by people. Bryants man would bite and backpedal a step, enough to give him room for a shot. But Bryant always wanted more. More touches. More shots. More championships. Hed spin away from the basket for more space and gather the ball, all in one fluid sequence, his one-man ballet fooling the defender into thinking it would end with Bryant reclining into one of his patented fadeaways. But this, too, was a fake. By the time the defender recognized the ruse, he was already midair, having lunged forward to block a fadeaway that would never come. Meanwhile, Bryant was pivoting toward the basket for an easy 12-footer. That was the thing about Bryant: He always seemed to have one more pivot.

In recent years, an aura of legend has surrounded Bryant, one that will only grow now, given the tragic circumstances of his death. But he wasnt always as widely beloved as yesterdays outpouring would suggest. When Bryant entered the league, he was seen as self-consumed. In those naive years before social media, his obsession with his own narrative of destined greatness felt both novel and off-putting. But he was still growing up, still in his teens, still in possession of his own fandoms, expressed most poignantly by his mimicry of Michael Jordans physical tics, down to the loping movements of the elder mans gait (and least poignantly by his Jordan-esque cruelty to teammates).

When Bryants feud with Shaquille ONeal broke into public in 2000, during their first championship run, it was easy to side with the big man, who seemed more at ease with himself, especially for a fan base whod grown up on Magics smile. By comparison, Bryant came off as calculated. He seemed like basketballs answer to Mark Zuckerberg. Some suspected that his carefully controlled demeanor concealed something more sinister, a suspicion that seemed prophetic in 2003, when Bryant was charged with felony sexual assault in Colorado.

The facts on record from that night in Colorado arent great for Bryant, and they must be looked at, squarely: After a brief encounter in Bryants hotel room, a 19-year-old front-desk clerk left with a bruise on her jaw and bloodherson her clothing and Bryants. The next day, a rape exam would reveal vaginal injuries. In the run-up to trial, Bryants legal team would make much of her sexual history. The case was dropped just days before opening arguments when the woman, who later received a settlement in a separate civil case, refused to testify.

Its hard to know how the Colorado incident, as Bryant coolly described it in a 2014 New Yorker profile, would have played out in todays media environment. After the charges were filed, he lost many of his sponsors, but Nike stuck around, and in time others came back. By the decades end, journalists had mostly stopped asking him about the alleged assault, except as a means to frame his comeback. Even as late as 2018, when Bryant won an Oscar at an Academy Award ceremony that was haunted by that years #MeToo scandals, he managed to avoid a sustained public relitigation of the case.

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Kobe Bryants Unfinished Business - The Atlantic

YOU Season 3: Netflix Release Date, Cast, And What To Expect From New Season

There is something very captivating about Netflix U. Completely adapted from the series of books of the same name by the American author Caroline Kepnes, she invites us to the mind of the primordial psychopath Joe Goldberg (Penn Badgley).

Although a program with such a theme should be more controversial, you are a great success among the public on Netflix. After being abandoned by the Lifetime cable network in the US In the US, Netflix bought the program at the end of 2018.

Season 3 was announced on January 14, with a production tax credit of more than $ 7 million to renew for another series. We will continue to explore the twisted lives of Joe and his new partner, Love Quinn (Victoria Pedretti), after a wildly unexpected ending in season 2, then we will reveal when Season 3 is broadcast on Netflix, and summarize everything. What do we know about the next set of episodes so far?

Netflix has not confirmed an exact release date for Season 3 of YOU, but when news of the renewal appeared on TVLine, it was revealed that 10 new episodes would arrive in 2021. The official Twitter page for the program posted an ironic video to Early January, which read New Year, New Tum, a beautiful drama about the pseudo comment of self-improvement in the second season of Yu.

While condemning viewers for a full year before they can check back with Joe and Love, its good to know that a new season is happening at an age when Netflix is broadcasting its The original is not afraid of canceling the show

As it is not known till now when the production will begin in season 3, there is only confirmation of two returning cast members: Badgley will return as Joe and Victoria Pedretti as Love.

The continued presence of Loves Joe in life was something very definitive about how the second season ended, in a very unholy union with the couple (plus what that turn means for season 3 below). Hopefully, we will also see the return of an extended season of Quinns family and friends from season 2.

It is likely to be established in Los Angeles in the foreseeable future. With the tax incentives mentioned above for production in California and the closing season of the second season that saw how life adapted to live in an idyllic suburban home, it is safe to assume that the third season replaces the change of season. It wont be like the tickets for the second season of New York.

In season 2, they entered the melodrama of the books, revealing an extremely shocking character. When Love is forced to confront Joes true nature by her first victim, Candace, she takes the news in a way that some have seen coming: stabbing Candace in the throat.

It was the jaw of a moment, which shows that love is obsessed and inclined towards murder. Speaking to Entertainment Tonight, Badley provided an idea of gender policy, which shows the show challenging the darker trends of his partner.

It is not just loved that the third season is planned to be further questioned. Showrunner Sera Gamble is also planning a dark future for Joe. In an interview with The Hollywood Reporter, Gamble talked about how the end of season 2 does not indicate good things for our protagonist.

Following the revelations of Loves murder, he surprised Joe with the news that he now takes his son, securing his future with her (for now). We see two steps in the suburbs (with Loves mother in tow) and it is here that Joe spies through the fence of his new neighbor, a possible new theme of his obsessive nature.

Although their stories are very different, we learn that both carry out acts of physical and emotional abuse, as well as acts of violence at a very young age.

The final was designed to establish a much more suburban and insular world where Joe would be a complete fish out of the water. How the next season in which Joe will become a father will be an interesting element: the last two seasons have shown that he is particularly protective of the children in his life.

Badgley told TVLine that Joe and Love are not soulmates. He is afraid of him in the end. Originally, this is somehow established for Season 3, where they would be the enemy of the other. You Season 3 has a lot of potential content to explore.

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YOU Season 3: Netflix Release Date, Cast, And What To Expect From New Season - The Digital Weekly

From getting fit to getting all As, students and visitors at Texas A&M University-San Antonio recently shared their New Years resolutions and goals for the semester. Mesquite reporters conducted interviews around campus Jan. 15.

Students strengthen faith, health

By Andrea Rangel and Matthew R. Serna

Communication junior Dee Garca said she wants to become a better steward in her faith in 2020.

Im a Christian, she said. I havent been going to church as much as I want to, so my New Years resolution is to start going to church and to start praying more.

Garca said she has started to pray more but has not begun her habit of going to church yet.

She attends Pearl Street Church at the Pearl near downtown San Antonio.

Cheyanna Ramsey said she plans to stay sober and stay away from alcohol.

Ramsey, who recently completed nursing school, was visiting campus this month while her mother attended class.

My family struggles with alcoholism on my dads side so its like, let me kind of break the chain for a little bit, she said in an interview on the second floor of the Central Academic Building.

Ramsey said she discovered she is allergic to beer.

Another reason why I kept my resolution is because I went into anaphylactic shock.

Anaphylactic shock is when a person has a severe allergic reaction to things such as foods, insect bites or certain medications, according to WebMD.

I ended up almost dying that night, and I was like, Oh yeah, I should try not to drink anymore, she said.

Ramsey plans to spend more time with her goddaughter and keep her friends aware that she can be their sober babysitter when they are out.

Im also just telling my friends, Hey, Im only drinking water and Red Bull, she said.

Students actively pursue fitness goals

By Onassis Figueroa and Amber Mayt Villarreal

Kinesiology junior James Otholt has a New Years resolution of getting in better shape and eating healthier.

He plans to go to the universitys gym in the morning before his classes begin and make adjustments to his diet. He enjoys vegetables and burritos.

Otholt also enjoys outdoor activities including biking, hiking, camping and intramural sports such as flag football and soccer.

I just like being outdoors, said Otholt, a front desk staff member at the universitys gym.Finance junior Daniella Aldaba said she hopes to be consistently active.

Aldaba joined Golds Gym in mid-December to prepare for the challenge.

I believe I can do anything I set my mind to, she said. It is going to take a lot of determination, and Im going to need motivation.

Aldaba wants to exercise at least three times per week and include meal prepping as a part of her daily ritual.

I want to feel like Im doing something good for myself. This is the perfect chance to start.

Success through studying

By Ava L. Palacios and Dana Michea Marquez

Computer science junior Leonard Gonzalez said he has never been a bad student but wants to keep improving.

That means keeping up with assignments, planning, balancing work and school better, he said in an interview in a STEM study room.

Gonzalez wants to improve his grades from B- and B+ to As to help him in his future career as a coder.

I think this will help me with job assignments and planning, Gonzalez said.

Biology sophomore Esmeralda Solis said she will be the first in her family to earn a bachelors degree and become an orthopedic doctor.

To help reach that goal, she plans to get As this semester.

Solis said a personal experience inspired her interest in studying medicine.

I had a small accident and I really like what they did, she said of an orthopedic surgeon who treated her at Brooke Army Medical Center. I was riding an ATV. Somehow, one of the parts on it got loose or wasnt put on right. The part cut my left inner bottom part of my calf.

The doctor at BAMC not only stitched her up; he also sparked her desire to pursue an M.D.

He explained why he wanted to be an orthopedic doctor, Solis said. He talked to me about his schooling and how he practiced. I took an interest in it. Also, I had many visits with the doctor for about two and a half to three months.

Student believes in year-round improvement

By Hannah Richards

Education senior Roxanne Saunders strives to be a year-round go-getter.

She said she doesnt believe in New Years resolutions but believes self-improvement is something people should focus on no matter the time of year.

I dont do New Years resolutions because theyre normally just a Band-Aid, Saunders said during an interview in the Central Academic Building. I always try to set goals that are attainable and will have an outcome when Im done.

Saunders has tried New Years resolutions, but noticed they never got her to where she wanted to be.

I used to do New Years resolutions with dieting, but it was more like yo-yo dieting. I didnt want that for myself anymore, she said.

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Out with the old, in with the New Year's resolutions | Texas A&M University-San Antonio | TAMUSA - The Mesquite