Billie Pipers new comedy-drama series, which she co-created with Succession writer-producer Lucy Prebble, is being billed as excruciatingly honest. Thats a bold claim, but anyone whos read Pipers incredibly candid 2006 memoir, Growing Pains, will be able to believe it. Piper plays Suzie Pickles, a singer-turned-actress who found fame as a teenager and went on to act in a popular sci-fi series. Its a role which consciously reminds us of Pipers own career trajectory (90s chart-topper and then Doctor Who star), but never becomes too on-the-nose or knowing. Suzie Pickles is such an exasperating mess of a human being that theres no reason to doubt Piper whose own acting career has continued to blossom when she says I Hate Suzie isnt really autobiographical at all.

Billie Piper and Leila Farzad in the new Sky drama. Credit: Sky

Episode one begins with good news Suzies landed a Disney role she thought she was too old for followed by bad. Her phones been hacked and intimate photos of her performing a sex act are pinging across the Internet. Worse still: the penis in the pictures clearly doesnt belong to her husband Cob (Lovesicks Daniel Ings). Suzie has no chance to process the bombshell because a small army of magazine staff are arriving at her plush country cottage for a photo shoot that she seems completely unprepared for. Prebble captures the trivial hysterics of the photo shoot perfectly its fine for Suzie to wear a fur coat, everyone decides, because its vintage but this show isnt really an Extras-style celebrity satire. Instead, its a fascinating and discomfiting portrait of a woman whose development was arrested when she became famous at a young age. Two decades on, she lacks the life skills and self-awareness to deal with a major personal and public crisis.

Billie Piper and Dexter Fletcher in I Hate Suzie. Credit: Sky

Piper and Prebble previously worked together on late-noughties hit Secret Diary of a Call Girl. Both have said while promoting I Hate Suzie that the showdidnt turn out quite as gritty as theyd hoped. Theres no similar sense of compromise here and no attempt to smooth off Suzies jagged edges. Episode two shows her making a bad situation worse by lying about the leaked photos when shes cornered by a reporter at a sci-fi convention. She then starts flirting with a fellow sci-fi actor (Rocketman director Dexter Fletcher in a fab cameo) and sends her put-upon bestie-slash-manager Naomi (Leila Farzad) to score some coke for them. I Hate Suzies daring storytelling is generally very gripping, but also results in the odd jarring moment: episode one ends with a weird song-and-dance number which Piper super-impressive throughout just about pulls off. Then again, maybe the odd jarring moment makes sense for a series as prickly as this one, which has no intention of slipping down easily. It might be too spiky for some viewers, but those who invest will find I Hate Suzie is one of 2020s most riveting new shows.

I Hate Suzie premieres on Sky Atlantic this Thursday August 27 at 9pm all episodes will arrive on Sky and NOW TV on the same day

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I Hate Suzie review: Billie Piper is back on the box in one of 2020s best new series - NME.com

At an early age, I was diagnosed with depression and OCD. I struggled with self-hatred, contemplating self-harm and suicidal thoughts when I was a teenager. I would envy the happiness of others and wonder to myself why was it so hard for me to find that sense of peace. Throughout many of those younger years, I felt alien among other kids, all too aware of this dark and tainted aspect of myself. I so desperately wanted to feel normal, to be happy.

Though I grew up with a powerful support system, I found a personal comfort through musicmy most intimate connection is with metal.

Ever since I was a kid, Ive derived strength from metal. Whether it has been Slipknot, Killswitch Engage or Cannibal Corpse, fast and heavy bands have provided me catharsis through the sheer rush of the sound; with just enough of an adrenaline kick, I have found an internal drive to take on the world. This is something Ive always loved about metalhow an art form built on power and aggression can lend itself to growth. Through this music, Ive always felt that I can overcome my struggles and be better than them. But alongside those feelings of perseverance, metal has also provided me the gift of contemplation.

Over the years as Ive worked on my mental health, the way I listen to music has taken on a meditative aspect. Nowadays, when working through rough patches, I gravitate toward music that provides me space to reflect on my emotions. Relatively speaking, it is easy to throw on some speedy grindcore and get lost in the frenzy (and to be fair, that sense of enjoyment has its place in self-care), but its doom metal that has forever changed my way of thinking.

An album that struck an emotional chord within me upon first hearing it was Bell Witchs 2017 album Mirror Reaper. Intrigued by the records chilling artwork, along with the notion of listening to an hour-long song, what caught me by surprise was my reaction to the material. My feelings of emotional and physical reactions to music sometimes intersect, creating experiences for me that come with a deeper sense of intimacy. For example, I have a difficult time listening to bright sounds; I find that certain high-pitched melodies stir an uncomfortable sadness in me, where as a steady progression of beats offers me a flow that my brain can follow and relax to. Yet When I first heard Mirror Reaper, the minimalist droning struck me in a profound way, providing me a sense of calm and wholeness. Each shade of distortion and tone felt as if it were touching upon a feeling within me. The records somber tones came across like sonic interpretations of dread and depression. Mirror Reaper is a contemplative experience, one both gentle and grand. It weaves its way around the subjects of life and death, encouraging the listener to take on their own introspective journey. It is only logical that the music would hit me in the way it did. For some of us with depression, mortality isnt far from our minds. In my case, growing up, I would mull over my worth and purpose, trying to consider my place in the universe.

When I first clicked with metal emotionally, it was because I was hearing someone speak to a pain I was living with. In having discovered doom, it was the musical presence that enamored me. Here was a piece of music that masterfully captured abstracts of emotion and feeling and was able to funnel such sadness into something meaningful and cathartic. Having discovered Bell Witch and similar bands, I found a new form of art that provided a vehicle to gently explore my mind and grasp a new strength.

In 2018 I came across Sumacs Love In Shadow. Though Sumac is vastly different than Bell Witch, I found myself drawn to similar elements in their sound. Love In Shadow contains moments of chaos inside a great serenity. It is a musical experience that requires one to be present. Structurally, its flow shifts from tranquil to sporadic, unleashing whirls, grinding and distortion. It sonically captures the sensation of anxiety. In following along to the records progression, my mind felt at ease in all the technical chaos. When anxiety takes you, it can feel impossible at times to function. In hearing this chaotic blend of instrumentation, however, I found something ironically relatableI was able to embrace the music and make sense of it. This abundance of sound proved to be something I could focus on, something I could immerse myself in and follow along to when overwhelmed.

Upon discovering Sunn O)))s It Took The Night To Believe (on 2005s Black One), I was immediately drawn into the haunting drones. Each time I listen to that track, it is sincere hypnotism. Sunn O))) are remarkable in how they create presence; the compositional structure of their music, along with their tremendous use of distortion, paints a grand atmosphere. In such loudness, I find a contemplative space to let myself flow and partake in introspective thought.

Though each of these bands are quite different from one another, they each offer a contemplative aura in their music. Growing up, I looked to bands that played a more frantically paced metal to tap into my adrenaline and provide me a pick-me-up; through doom, I found music that touches upon, even reflects, emotional and mental states of being. Doom has allowed me a positive light to critically view my mental health; not through harsh self-judgment, but to embrace a greater sense of self-awareness.

Doom metal certainly embraces more traditional verse-chorus-verse structures as much as any style of metal, but it is the droning aspect of it that most intrigues me. For while we can certainly talk about the mystical appeal of some black and folk metal bands, the structure and musical components of doom lend themselves to a meditative nature. This quality is also not without its most ironic twistthe heaviness. For as conventionally beautiful as a Sumac or Sunn O))) song is capable of being, youre going to eventually come across haunting wails and crushing distortion among their discographies. The balance in heavy and serene atmosphere found in doom is one of careful craft; the masters of this music understand when to pounce and when to draw back for effect. In that use of space, the right band can masterfully display an array of emotion. That said, what I also have to note is how doom has, at times, been a double-edged sword for me. As much as the music has allowed me to process my struggles, Ive also found myself indulging in them.

A band I absolutely adore is Primitive Man. I came across their 2017 LP Caustic and have been following them ever since. Ive heard my fair share of heavy bands, but Primitive Man have to be one of the most menacing acts around. Much of that comes from vocalist/guitarist Ethan McCarthy. McCarthy has a keen understanding of sonic chemistry; Primitive Man blends doom with sludge and noise, using elements of each to present a barrage of musical rage. McCarthys lyricism is also significant to the bands aggression, with subjects covering everything from depression to existential dread. Their music has a palpable, almost tactile feel. And I think thats why I have a complicated relationship to the musicas much as I love the bands ferocity, I am all too familiar with feelings of bottled up hopelessness. When I was much younger, I struggled with suicidal thoughts.Throughout my teens, these feelings would come in and out of my life. I was desperate to feel alive.

When I find myself in a rough place, it is easy to become absorbed by the musicto feed off the anger. In putting on a Primitive Man record, theres an odd duality of positive catharsis and stewing in negativity. The musics driving beat down is exciting and fuels me with energy, just as much as it enables me to dwell in my stress at times. This isnt every time I listen to the band of course, but its a perspective that has provided me further growth. Those experiences have allowed me to better understand my relationship to music, and doom specifically. Ive come to acknowledge the genre as a metaphor of sorts, one that speaks to kind of balance thats become important to me.

As much as I love listening to all the droning and exploring the contemplative atmospheres of doom, I also know that too much is not good for me. Its good to listen to cold tones if they help me process feelings; its good to work through stress while listening to brutal distortion. But constantly engaging in only relentless, dreary doom does nothing to help one grow. Moderation is a key to obtaining balance in life. Sometimes we need to indulge and sometimes we need to pump the brakes. When I go into this music, though I certainly have my times where Im just looking for something heavy and exciting, I also understand the impact it has on my mental health. Its the difference in knowing when to seek doom and confront my feelings at a given time, and when to best look for other music that isnt so intimately connected to my current state of mind.

In doom, I have found clarity. I think its sort of funny to find a calming component in something as loud and chaotic as metal. But in these bands, as well as other favorites like YOB and Vile Creature, there is a graceful element to be found. I am thankful that, over the course of my life, Ive grown stronger in how I cope with mental illness. At times when I feel that things are bleak, where my self-confidence is shaking, I like to throw on a record that carries me into its mass of sound; where Im drifting, feeling at one with myself, the world and the music. When I need it most, I look to doom.

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Aug 27, 2020Jeff Terich

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Finding Peace of Mind in Doom Metal - Treble

Charlie Jane Anders is writing a nonfiction bookand Tor.com is publishing it as she does so. Never Say You Cant Survive is a how-to book about the storytelling craft, but its also full of memoir, personal anecdote, and insight about how to flourish in the present emergency.

Below is the fourteenth chapter, Revision Is the Process of Turning Fake Emotion Into Real Emotion. You can find all previous chapters here. New chapters will appear every Tuesday. Enjoy!

Every Pixar movie Ive ever seen has made me cry like a molly-soaked debutante. I was lucky enough to visit Pixar HQ in Emeryville, where I bought a limited-edition T-shirt of Bing Bong from Inside Out. But Ive hardly ever worn that shirt, because it still makes me shed enough tears to fill a jumbo popcorn bucket.

But the main thing I kept hearing at Pixar was how much every single moment of their films gets poked and prodded and questioned and reworked, to make sure it holds up. Because even the most apparently simple moment of heartbreak or squee requires a ton of second-guessing and careful thought.

The longer Ive been making up random stories, the more I feel like I can never really get the emotions right on the firstor even secondpass. My first drafts are usually just a bunch of events, in the rough order that I think they happen in. I have to go back and keep digging deeper, and paying closer attention, to get the feels right. Its just way too easy for me to fool myself into thinking that Ive written a vivid emotional moment, when in fact Ive written a weaksauce early-90s-video-game cut scene.

And the revision process, for me, is all about turning the fake emotion of the first draft into something real. Something that other people can (hopefully) get sucked into. This is one reason I share my work with a small army of beta readers and sensitivity readers and the bison in Golden Gate Park before I inflict it on my editors: to catch any fakery early. (Those bison are a super insightful audience, I read to them as often as I can.)

Why is it so hard to get real emotion on the page? Theres this layer of distance between you and the thing youre writing that can only be bridged by a lot of concentration and self-awareness and daydreaming and zoning out and trying to get into character. (Because like I said, writing is acting.) You always have the ideal version of any story in your head, and its vivid and operatic and huge and colorful. And then you try to write it down, and itsa jumble of things happening and people talking, and where did that lush musical score go, anyway?

Gut-checking your big emotional moments can be an essential part of getting lost in your own story. Which is important, if youre writing stories as a way of holding yourself together while youre stuck in the eye of a landfill tornado.

As with everything else to do with writing, there could be any number of reasons why the emotions arent showing up the way you want them to. But there are a few major ways to catch undercooked moments: 1) Spending more time on the events leading up to them. 2) Concentrating on the little details. 3) Understanding what really pushes your characters buttons.

I sometimes outline stories and novels before I start writingbut I will always make a very detailed outline after Ive already written a complete draft. And sometimes again, after the second draft.

I do this for a bunch of reasons. Like, I want to make sure all of the big plot points hold water. (One fun trick: try outlining the whole thing backwards, from the end to the beginning, and stick the word because in between each big event. This happens, because this happens, because) Ill also outline from the point of view of the antagonist, or a supporting character, to see if these events make sense from their point of view.

But the main reason for outlining after I write is to figure out what the big emotional beats are. And then to make sure that the rest of the story actually supports them. I can look at those beats holistically and see them in the context of the rest of the story.

Even when Ive outlined meticulously before I started writing, I might not know for sure what the most crucial moments are on the first go-round. I dont always know the exact order things need to happen in, because little things always shift around. All too often, that little scene that I thought was just filler turns out to be the last time that two characters get a chance to talk to each other before something huge and terrible (or awesome) happens. Or even more often, I realize theres a scene missing, and two people need to talk before theyre thrown into the deep end.

Meanwhile, I cant always get the emotions down pat until I know how the characters are gonna end upbecause part of the purpose of these heartfelt moments is to justify and set up the decisions theyre going to make. If I know that one person stabs (or kisses) another, then I need to give them some juicy interactions before that happens.

Another way of looking at it: these emotional beats are the heart of the story, and everything else is the connective tissue that makes them work. If your story is a piece of music, the most heartfelt or intense moments are the melodic hook, and all the other moments are the bassline, the drums, the keyboard and horn-fills. And possibly the strings, if youre going old-school. All the parts of the story help to build a moodand that mood, in turn, helps make the smooching or processing or fighting possible.

Its really about tracking the relationships between these characters, so you can find the turning points and the defining moments between them.

The bigger the emotion youre trying to evoke, the more attention you need to pay to the smallest details. This is true in two different ways: each moment needs to be grounded in real sensory details, and there need to be small clues and tiny barely-noticeable moments leading up to a huge emotional climax.

The texture of reality is made out of small, often random, details. Its weird what tiny things youll notice when your emotions are working overtime: you might be in the middle of a relationship-ending fight with your partner, but your eye might land on a tiny candy wrapper on the sidewalk, being scooted forward by the wind. Or you might be intensely aware of the smell of sweat and craft beer from a nearby nightclub. Or you might find yourself remembering a broken shoelace from a pair of shoes you owned a dozen years ago.

Incidentally, smells are awesome. Nothing anchors you to a particular moment in time like a really powerful scent. There are smells that can instantly transport me back in time, or put me in a particular mindset, without any other sensory input.

And people are really prone to projecting huge emotions onto random tiny objects. Maybe its because you cant wrap your mind around the vastness of what youre feeling, but one way or another, little touchstones and cultural references gain emotional significance over time. These items might be connected to a particular person, like the song you used to listen to together, or they could just evoke a particular sentiment that then leads to someone else.

Theres one Earth, Wind & Fire song that I can still never listen to without thinking of someone I broke up with many years ago. And my home is littered with tiny objects that take me back to singing in a church choir as a kid, or living in Asia, or working for indie queer publications as an editorial grunt.

People also tend to deflect their emotions in other ways, too. Someone might be really pissed that their bae ditched them at a nightclub to go snort coke in a graveyard, but they might only get openly angry about the way their bae slurps their soup. Or a person might not be able to express the scope of their gratitude or love for another person, so they might just lavish way too much praise on that persons shoes. You can offset a lot of the awkwardness of capturing emotion in fiction by using the awkwardness of expressing emotion in real life.

Theres also the common trick of showing someones emotions by describing the thing theyre looking at through their eyes. A character can stare at the exact same wall, and the bricks might look dirty and crumbling, or bright red and homey, depending on the emotions they bring to it.

You can also use tiny, barely noticeable moments to keep emotions simmering before they finally reach a full boil. They dont even have to feel like a slow ratcheting up of tension. As Ive said before, I like putting two characters together and just deepening the content, and the subtext, of their interactions, until I (and hopefully any eventual readers) want to see whats going to happen with them. A random scene of two people debating grapefruits versus tangerines can deepen my investment in their dynamic, if their personalities are on display.

When Im revising, I wont just outline over and overIll also do a feels pass, in which I go through scene by scene, and really think about the emotion that Im trying to convey. How do my characters feel at this point in the story? Whats actually going through their heads, and how is the emotion hitting them?

The most potent reactions are both psychological and physiological. Which is another way of saying that a really strong emotion hits you in both your head and your guts.

I dearly love characters who overthink things, and Im always here for a ranting inner monologue. As a neurotic overthinker and secret introvert, I naturally identify with people who are in their own head a lot. And I love wry ironic asides, too. So when someone is feeling something, I dont just want to get a sense of inchoate emotionI bond with characters who are thinking through what theyre feeling in the moment, or immediately afterwards.

Like if a first-person narrator is like, I thought falling in love would be like drinking ten milkshakes, but its actually more like drinking a gallon of expired cough syrup. Im light-headed and nauseous and my insides are all pink.

Theres an unspoken taboo against characters just coming out and saying what theyre feelingbecause its often too flat, or too matter-of-fact, to say, I was really angry. That sounds like a robot describing human emotions. But when a character has had a strong internal monologue, or a lot of self-awareness, then hearing their inner voice saying, this sucks, or this isnt fair, or I didnt think I could ever be this happy, packs a lot of power. Were privy to what theyre telling themself about this incredible feeling theyre having.

As for the physiologicalI already mentioned feeling nauseous and light-headed. Strong emotions live in your body as much as your mind. When Ive been really pissed, Ive actually felt overheated and like my head was full of noise. When I get ashamed, my face actually feels hot.

When I was a kid, I found a book at a yard sale called Ann Landers Talks to Teenagers About Sex. And it contained an amazing letter in which a kid named Randy writes to Ann Landers about his insane crush on a girl named Dottie. When he looked at Dottie, he got weak in the knees and light-headed. He lost all appetite and sweated constantly. The punchline: It wasnt love at all. It was the flu. I always think about Randys faux-mance when I write about people feeling romantic passions.

So when I go back and try to add more intensity to the emotions in a scene, during revisions, Ill think about the psychological and physiological stuff. Ill also try to see past my own hang-ups. I love my characters and want them to have a smooth ride, so Ill invariably make them nicer to each other, and calmer in the face of extreme shit, than they actually would be. And Ill frequently fail to think about what the characters know, what they believe, and what theyre hoping and fearing at this point in the story.

[Minor spoilers for The City in the Middle the Night follow]

In The City in the Middle of the Night, Bianca thinks that Sophie is dead, until Sophie suddenly shows up to warn her of a betrayal. In the first few versions of that scene, I had Bianca understand the situation instantaneously. She knew right away that Sophie had faked her death and hidden the truth from Bianca. But when I thought more about it, I realized that Bianca, based on the information she had, would assume that Sophie had been imprisoned this whole time.

When I thought this through more clearly from Biancas perspective, her reaction was suddenly a lot more naturaland jumping to the wrong conclusion made the truth hit her harder.

Like I said last week, my characters are usually more selfish than the judgy part of my brain thinks they should be.

I was on a writing panel a few years ago with Curtis Chen, author of the Kangaroo series, and he offered a great tip: if you really want to get better at writing strong emotions, read a ton of romance novels. Not only are romance novels some of the best reads out there, theyre a masterclass in feels.

And dont be afraid to show people being sappy and shmoopy and even cutesy. Otherwise, your writing is just plain unrealisticbecause in real life, when people are under unbelievable pressure, they get gushy and demonstrative af. People who are in deep shit up to their armpits will just pour their hearts out to each other, and they usually dont stop to think about whether some critic on the other side of the third wall is going to complain about too much sweetness.

Likewise, joy is an essential part of your emotional palette. People who feel rage and misery but not joy tend to be kind of a slog to deal with, and the worst emotions hit harder if weve seen characters being actually happy and delighted at other times. Especially if something good actually happens, or things are looking up, or were discovering something new and wonderful. Dont forget: a roller-coaster has to go up as well as down, or its just a road with a sharp gradient.

Charlie Jane Anders latest novel isThe City in the Middle of the Night, which won the Locus Award for best science fiction novel. Shes also the author ofAll the Birds in the Sky, which won the Nebula, Crawford and Locus awards, andChoir Boy, which won a Lambda Literary Award. Plus a novella calledRock Manning Goes For Brokeand a short story collection calledSix Months, Three Days, Five Others. Her short fiction has appeared in Tor.com,Boston Review,Tin House,Conjunctions,The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction,Wiredmagazine,Slate,Asimovs Science Fiction,Lightspeed, ZYZZYVA,Catamaran Literary Review,McSweeneys Internet Tendency and tons of anthologies. Her short fiction has won Hugo, Theodore Sturgeon, and Locus awards. Charlie Jane also organizes the monthlyWriters With Drinksreading series, and co-hosts the podcastOur Opinions Are Correctwith Annalee Newitz. She is writing a Young Adult space fantasy trilogy, to debut in early 2021.

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Never Say You Can't Survive: Revision Is the Process of Turning Fake Emotion Into Real Emotion - tor.com

MEADVILLE, Pa. (PRWEB) August 27, 2020

A Change of Season: A Novel: a riveting tale of four different men whose lives cross after a confrontation that leaves one dead and the others alive, yet facing the inevitable aftermath of this event. A Change of Season: A Novel is the creation of published author Russell Clarke, a writer who has worked for over thirty years in the education field. His written works typically examine the human condition, particularly as it relates to human relationships and the connections that people make.

Clarke shares, On March 26, 1982, two men in a mysterious black pick-up truck brutally attack two bikers on the deserted bluff roads just across the Mississippi River from downtown St. Louis. One biker is killed instantly and the other is severely injured, and the lives of the four men are indelibly changed and linked together, forever.

A Change of Season accounts the final days of each of the men involved in this tragic confrontation and examines the philosophical and existential impact that such an immeasurable event had on each of their lives.

Craig Lerrib, the main antagonist, leads a life of unexamined indifference and unending carnal exploration and ends up morally bankrupt and alone, a reality that permanently alters all those who are caught in the dangerous pull of his orbit.

His partner in the black truck, Peter Doyle, a thoughtful man swept along by his desires, spends his life suppressing the guilt he feels for his part in the murder, as well as his own true sexual feelings, a process that leads to great existential searching and self-awareness, but also unrelenting loneliness and life-long isolation.

Alfred Whitman, the surviving rider, is never quite able to get past the physical impairments sustained in the attack, and he attempts to authenticate in the sterile world of pen and paper what was lost in the physical world of living, a corridor that leads to existential angst and unresolved religious questioning.

And in one last tribute, Alfred Whitman pens a short story in homage to the enigmatic young rider who lost his life that day, Thale, who, although dying at an early age, becomes the true protagonist of the novel and represents the possibility of forgiveness and reconciliation that the other characters are lacking.

In a larger sense, A Change of Season examines the relationships and associations that we make as humans through the restricted prism of our own beliefs, and then explores how these connections struggle for survival in a world of endless opposing ideologies. A philosophical process of discovery as mysterious, and in some ways, as unknowable as the very setting of it all, the Mississippi River.

Published by Christian Faith Publishing, Russell Clarkes new book is an excellent exploration that shows what happens when lives carrying different beliefs and ideologies clash together. It is, without doubt, interesting for readers of all ages. View a synopsis of A Change of Season: A Novel on YouTube.

Consumers can purchase A Change of Season: A Novel at traditional brick & mortar bookstores, or online at Amazon.com, Apple iTunes store, or Barnes and Noble.

For additional information or inquiries about A Change of Season: A Novel, contact the Christian Faith Publishing media department at 866-554-0919.

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Next month, Princes Sign O the Times is getting a huge deluxe reissue that includes 45 previously unreleased tracks from The Vault, which were recorded between 1979 and 1987. Some of these tracks have already been released, including Witness 4 the Prosecution (Version 1) and Version 2. Now another outtake has been released, an early studio run-through of Forever in My Life. This version was recorded with acoustic guitar at his home studio in 1986.

He had been up all night and he came upstairs. It was like 7:00 in the morning and he grabbed my hand and said follow me, and so I followed him downstairs, says then-fiancee Susannah Melvoin, in a statement. The sun was coming through the stained-glass windows and he pressed play, and that song came on and I looked at him and I got teary-eyed. And that was it. He didnt have to say anything.

Hear Forever in My Life below.

Princes 1979 self-titled album is featured on our list of the Top 150 Albums of the 70s.

Aug 27, 2020Jeff Terich

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Hear an early studio run-through of Prince's Forever in My Life - Treble

Tiffany Trump touched on a number of topics, including the failing economy of the country amid the pandemic and the false narrative promoted by media and tech firms. While the words delivered were her own, her speech was mocked on Twitter as many claimed that she tried to imitate her elder sister, Ivanka.

Being the sister who is more involved in President Donald Trump's administration, we get to see a lot more of Ivanka than Tiffany. As a result, people are more familiar with her speech patterns. Some eagle-eyed viewers noticed that Tiffany was trying hard to sound as sophisticated as her elder sister during her RNC speech. The following are some of the reactions on social media:

"Tiffany Trump trying to imitate Ivanka makes me sick And she really just said this: 'As a recent graduate, I can relate to so many of you who might be looking for a job.' OMG"

Tiffany Trump trying to imitate Ivanka makes me sick

And she really just said this: "As a recent graduate, I can relate to so many of you who might be looking for a job."

OMGpic.twitter.com/SNdcRKiKlD

"Watching Tiffany try and imitate Ivanka is truly the saddest thing Ive seen in a while except 178,000 DEATHS FROM THE CORONAVIRUS."

Watching Tiffany try and imitate Ivanka is truly the saddest thing Ive seen in awhile except 178,000 DEATHS FROM THE CORONAVIRUS. pic.twitter.com/rfrHhiMNbr

"If you closed your eyes and listened, this would sound just like Ivanka, which I am sure Trump is doing right now with a little lotion in his hands. @realDonaldTrump"

If you closed your eyes and listened, this would sound just like Ivanka, which I am sure Trump is doing right now with a little lotion in his hands. @realDonaldTrump

"Tiffany's been taking coquette lessons from the same Stepford speech coach who taught Ivanka to sound like a phone-sex role-play babysitter."

Tiffany's been taking coquette lessons from the same Stepford speech coach who taught Ivanka to sound like a phone-sex role-play babysitter. pic.twitter.com/g91d9MEIwT

"Tiffany had to say 'my father.' Watch out Ivanka, Tiff is coming for you."

Tiffany had to say my father. Watch out Ivanka, Tiff is coming for you.

"Trump Family Psychopathology: Ivanka Trump is Donald Trump's favorite child Tiffany Trump is ignored by Donald Tonight we saw Tiffany Trump trying her best to imitate Ivanka's #BodyLanguage, voice (including #ASMR), & syntax all in order to gain her father's attention"

Trump Family Psychopathology:

Ivanka Trump is Donald Trump's favorite child Tiffany Trump is ignored by Donald Tonight we saw Tiffany Trump trying her best to imitate Ivanka's #BodyLanguage, voice (including #ASMR), & syntax all in order to gain her father's attention

"I like to think that Tiffany is just making fun of the way Ivanka talks."

I like to think that Tiffany is just making fun of the way Ivanka talks.

"Now up: the forgotten daughter, Tiffany Trump. She is the Amanda Bynes of Ivankas."

Now up: the forgotten daughter, Tiffany Trump.

She is the Amanda Bynes of Ivankas.

"Tiffany Trump: There. After that speech Daddy has to like me best. I want to be his favorite! Ivanka Trump: Yeah, you might want to rethink that."

Tiffany Trump: There. After that speech Daddy has to like me best. I want to be his favorite!

Ivanka Trump: Yeah, you might want to rethink that. pic.twitter.com/LsyH9f1xX0

And that was not the only mockery of her speech that the youngest daughter of the president had to endure for the night. In her speech, she claimed to understand the sentiments of those who had lost their jobs amid the coronavirus pandemic as she was fresh out of law school and was looking for a job herself.

"Like so many students across the world, I graduated from law school during the pandemic. Our generation is unified in facing the future in uncertain times and many of us are considering what kind of country we want to live in," she said. "As a recent graduate, I can relate to so many of you who might be looking for a job."

People were quick to point out the fact that she was the daughter of the richest president in history and was set to inherit a considerable sum of money from her father that could ensure that she would be able to enjoy a comfortable lifestyle even if she never held a job for the rest of her life. Meanwhile, lawmakers were unable to get a deal approved that extended enhanced unemployment benefits.

As a result, jobless workers lost $600 in weekly income. Only a couple of states are currently taking advantage of a $300-a-week benefit from the Federal Emergency Management Agency.

"Tiffany Trump says she can relate to people out of work. She obviously inherited the no-self-awareness gene. #RepublicanConvention" one user said, while another said, "I just graduated & can relate to looking for a job/this entire family has absolutely no self-awareness or empathy/Tiffanys find something new version/they truly think the lesser ppl will just believe them."

I just graduated & can relate to looking for a job/this entire family has absolutely no self-awareness or empathy/Tiffanys find something new version/they truly think the lesser ppl will just believe them

"My god Tiffany. Family of four here. My gen z son who was supposed to go away for college is at home with us taking classes online. He lost his job teaching piano students. My speech therapy has ended reduced in half. You are not us. We are not you. check yourself" wrote another.

My god Tiffany. Family of four here. My gen z son who was supposed to go away for college is at home with us taking classes on line. He lost his job teaching piano students. My speech therapy has ended reduced in half. You are not us. We are not you. check yourself

More here:
Tiffany Trump accused of trying to imitate sister Ivanka in her RNC speech to 'gain her father's attention' - MEAWW

Legacy in banking isnt just about mainframes, its also about people. The future of banking will be so different that many banks won't survive unless they clear out most or all of their executive suite, says a new report from Forrester.

The most important factor in future banking success is not customer experience, branch strategy or cloud utilization it is the banks self awareness, the new report concludes.

The biggest thing holding banks back plays out in their culture, said Alyson Clarke, principal analyst at Forrester.

Alyson Clarke, principal analyst,, Forrester

The problem with banks is they get in their own way because they want to be best at everything, they want to own everything. They have a reluctance to go to cloud, reluctance to partner and be part of a larger ecosystem, so they build all their own technology and the technology goes out of date.

Banks need to take a really hard look at their organization and see where they do well and where they do not and then invest, divest or partner with a fintech or even another banks. And they need to move fast.

If you wait too long you will fail. Some firms and some individuals, get that it can be very hard to move these big ships, so they may need a sweep of the executive suite. I hear all the timehow slow are these firms to change, cultures get in the way of decisions I hear We are still making a lot of money, were fine.

But she says the tipping point is happening now, and points to Google which recently announced partnerships with eight banks and credit unions: Citi, Stanford Federal Credit Union, BBVA, Bank Mobile, BMO Harris, Coastal Community Bank, First Independence Bank and SEFCU.

Google will build account opening like a mobile banking environment. As a customer I go in and pick the products, checking or savings, through an amplified Google Pay platform. On the back end, the bank is owning the product, moving money, but customer interaction is through the front end that Google is building. So whilst it looks like co-branding, will customers see the (bank) brand and care, or will they go to the marketplace and see who has the best interest rate and go with it?

That could leave the banks competing on price, which most companies want to avoid, except for challengers which have the latest, most comprehensive and least expensive technology. Clarke thinks customers will feel they are getting value from Google, in the form of financial management budgeting and rewards programs with incentives to use Google Pay. The Big Tech companies like Google are better than banks at collecting and analyzing data, she added.

We know Amazon and Google are masters of this, their businesses are built on data. They also are playing a different game than the banks.

The focus on data in banking is lets find out what we can about our customers and flog them another product. But banking is not like Amazon where you buy a product often. We buy financial products every three to five years. So when banks focus data energy on selling products, they are probably just annoying customers. They have have overestimated the importance of their banks brand in the consumers life.

The big tech companies arent all the same, except perhaps in wanting to get into banking services without becoming a regulated bank. Clarke said she was an outlier in her evaluation of the Apple card, saying other analysts were looking at it wrong.

For Apple, its a long-term play. You cant measure success on the same field as a credit card. Apple doesnt need revenue in the same way; they need an attraction to the brand. They want people buying more devices using Apple Pay, and they can turn up the dial on incentives and rewards when they want to.

Apple doesnt collect any user data, that concern for user privacy is part of its brand. Google, however, lives for the data to make money on advertising. Google is in an ecosystem of banks and merchants whom it is trying to keep happy, She sees increasing usage of Google Pay which is behind some other digital payment platforms. Google has access to the data they can sell back to merchants and assist with merchant reward programs.

These offerings are enablers to other things.

Their priorities are different from banks because their business models are different. For a bank that does get it, she points to Goldman Sachs and Apple in particular, which she describes as a partnership and a collaboration.

No bank will do this alone, she added. It is really, really critical that banks start to think about the future and the way they do business is not just them alone. Their partners could be fintechs, other organizations, tech vendors, they could even be other banks. The point is that it cant be done alone, and thats a really interesting and tough shift for many banks. Banks talk about partnerships, but it really is just a vendor relationship.

This offers both challenges and opportunities for community banks.

Some will succeed by creating niches, and they may understand their communities better than anyone else. However, they may also see they are not the best at building out the product, but so many dont trust anyone to be a partner.

You can see why she thinks executive suites may need comprehensive change.

Banks have to be nimble and adaptive, or they will keep having the same problems. The loop between technology and humans makes it hard for firms to keep up. You have to invest ahead of the change. You cant wait for it and follow it in the market. Banks face massive challenges in infrastructure, resources, interactions and talent pools, she added.

Originally posted here:
Banks May Need To Replace Executive Suites To Succeed At Digital Forrester - Forbes

It does not take much skill to put the aircrafts lift-vector on the other aircraft and yank on the Gs. In fact, if in doubt, just doing that will take care of 75 percent of the fight. But BFM is about being smoothly aggressive. Understanding the difference between when it is necessary to max-perform the aircraft and when it is time to preserve or efficiently gain energy back is key. In a tight turning fight, gaining a couple of angles at each merge can suddenly result in one aircraft saddled in the other aircrafts control zone working a comfortable rear quarter gun-tracking shot.

In true gamesmanship fashion, the guns-only BFM engagement was the setting for the AlphaDogfight contest. So what jumped out at me about the engagements? Three main points. First was the aggressive use of accurate forward quarter gun employment. Second, was the AIs efficient use of energy. Lastly was the AIs ability to maintain high-performance turns.

During BFM engagements, we use training rules to keep aircrew and aircraft safe. An example of this is using a hard deck, which is usually 5,000 feet above the ground. Aircraft can fight down to this pretend ground level and if an aircraft goes below the hard deck, they are considered a rocks kill and the fight is ended. The 5,000 feet of separation from the actual ground provides a safety margin during training.

Another training rule is forward-quarter gunshots are prohibited. There is a high potential for a mid-air collision if aircraft are pointing at each other trying to employ their guns. Due to the lack of ability to train to forward-quarter gunshots, it is not in most aviators combat habit patterns approaching the merge to employ such a tactic. Even so, it would be a low probability shot.

A pilot must simultaneously and continuously solve for plane-of-motion, range, and lead for a successful gun employment. It is difficult enough for a heart of the envelope rear-quarter tracking shot while also concentrating on controlling a low amount of closure and staying above the hard deck. At the high rates of closure normal for a neutral head-on merge, a gun envelope would be available for around three seconds. Three seconds of intense concentration to track, assess, and shoot, while at the same time avoiding hitting the other aircraft. The Heron Systems AI on several occasions was able to rapidly fine-tune a tracking solution and employ its simulated gun in this fashion. Additionally, AI would not waste any brain cells on self-preservation approaching the merge avoiding the other aircraft. It would just happen. The tracking, assessing, and employing process for a missile is not much different than the gun. I am pretty confident AI could shoot a valid missile shot faster than I can, given the same data I am currently presented within the cockpit.

The second advantage of AI was its ability to maintain an efficient energy state and lift vector placement. BFM flights certainly instill aviators with confidence in flying their aircraft aggressively in all regimes of the flight envelope. However, in todays prevalent fly-by-wire aircraft, there is less aircraft feel providing feedback to the pilot. It takes a consistent instrument scan to check the aircraft is at the correct G, airspeed, or angle-of-attack for the given situation.

Even proficient aviators have to use a percentage of their concentration (i.e. situation awareness) on not over-performing or under-performing the aircraft. AI could easily track this task and would most likely never bleed airspeed or altitude excessively, preserving vital potential and kinetic energy while also fine-tuning lift vector placement on the other aircraft to continue the fight if required.

Lastly is AIs freedom from human physiological limitations. During the last engagement, both aircraft were in a prolonged two-circle fight at 9 Gs on the deck. A two-circle fight is also referred to as a 'rate fight.' The winner is the aircraft who can track its nose faster around the circle, which is directly proportional (disregarding other tools such as thrust vectoring) to the amount of Gs being pulled. More Gs means a faster turn rate. 9 Gs is extremely taxing on the body, which the pilot in the contest did not have to deal with, either. A human pilot would have to squeeze every muscle in the legs and abdominals in addition to focused breathing in order to not blackout. During training, I maintained 9 Gs in the centrifuge for about 30 seconds. Then I went home and took a nap, and that was without being shot at. AI does not care about positive or negative Gs. It will perform the aircraft at the level required.

The truth is current aircraft have to be built to support the 'pile of human' sitting in it. The human will always be the limiting factor in the performance of an aircraft. I fight the jet differently now than I did as a junior officer when I was young and flexible. I have to fight differently. I know what my capabilities are to get a consistent and repeatable shot with the little bit of neck magic I have left to keep sight of the other aircraft. The fact that in the contest, the AI had perfect information at all times, and rules of engagement were not a factor, are not inconsequential details. I recognize that providing the amount of data and sensor fusion the AI would require to perform at the same level in a real aerial engagement (one that does not take place in cyberspace) is not a small undertaking and still a bit in the future. The rules of engagement discussion could fill up the syllabus for the entire semester of an ethics class, and will always be a touchy subject with regards to AI's involvement in war.

I am not an engineer, nor an ethics professor. Yet, as a pilot, I am intrigued. A computer model was able to react to the movements of a human pilot and effectively employ weapons. During the five engagements, the AI had 15 valid gun employments and the human pilot had zero. These results also hint at the AIs ability to avoid being shot while effectively employing its own weapons.

An AI-enhanced weapons employment system in my aircraft? I am not ready for Skynet to become self-aware, but I am certainly ready to invite AI into the cockpit. Hell, I am only a voting member as far as the flight controls are concerned in the Super Hornet anyways. If I put a control input in that is not aerodynamically sound (i.e. could result in a departure from controlled flight), the flight control system will not move the control surface or will move a different surface to give me the movement I am requesting. Who is flying who?

So, if tomorrow my seven-year-old daughter decides she wants to become a Naval Aviator, I am not going to shoot down the notion and go on a rant about the last generation of fighter pilots. I know there will be a Navy jet for her to fly. My future grandchildren, however? Saddle up kids and prepare yourself for some of Grandads wild tails of the greatest flight in Naval Aviation: the one-hour BFM cycle back to the Case One s**t-hot break. Those were the days!

Contact the editor: Tyler@thedrive.com

Original post:
Navy F/A-18 Squadron Commander's Take On AI Repeatedly Beating Real Pilot In Dogfight - The Drive

By Dr. David Hanscom, PNN Columnist

Self-awareness is the essence of healing. You cannot stimulate your brain to develop in a given direction unless you become aware of who you are and where you are starting from. Awareness is a meditative tool that can be used to calm the nervous system, reduce chronic pain and anxiety, and move forward with your life.

There are four patterns of awareness that Ive written about in previous columns that work for me:

Environmental awareness is placing your attention on a single sensation taste, touch, sound, temperature, etc. What you are doing is switching sensory input from racing thoughts about pain to another sensation. This is the basis of mindfulness fully experiencing what you are doing in the moment.

I use an abbreviated version that I call active meditation, which is placing my attention on a specific sensory input for 5 to 10 seconds. It is simple and can be done multiple times per day.

Emotional awareness is more challenging. It often works for a while, but then it doesnt. When you are suppressing feelings of anxiety, your bodys chemistry is still off and full of stress hormones. This translates into pain and other physical symptoms.

Allowing yourself to feel all of your emotions is the first step in healing because you cant change what you cant feel. Everyone that is alive has anxiety. It is how we survive.

Judgment awareness is a major contributor to the mental chaos in our lives. You create a story or a judgment about yourself, another person or situation that tends to critical and inflexible.

Dr. David Burns in his book Feeling Good outlines 10 cognitive distortions that are a core part of our upbringing. They include:

These ingrained thoughts are the fourth and most problematic to be aware of. You cannot see or correct them without actively seeking them out.

Our family interactions in childhood are at the root of how we act as adults. They stem from our upbringing and the fact that our brains are hard-wired during our formative years. We know from recent neuroscience research that concepts and attitudes from childhood are embedded in our brains as concretely as our perception of a chair or table.

I used to say that thoughts are real because they cause neurochemical responses in your body. But they are not reality. I was wrong.

It turns out that your thoughts and ideals are your version of reality. Your current life outlook continues to evolve along the lines of your early programming or filter. It is why we become so attached to our politics, religion, belief systems, etc. It is also the reason that humans treat each other so badly based on labels.

One example, amongst an endless list, was how we locked up communists during the McCarthy era of the 1950s and 1960s. It is also why so many minority groups are persecuted and often treat each other badly.

It is critical to understand that these are attitudes and behaviors that you cannot see because they are inherent to who you are. It is also maybe the greatest obstacle to people getting along. We are hard-wired enough that we dont recognize or feel these patterns -- its just what we do. Its behavior that sits under many layers of defenses and has to be dug out by each person.

Our family-influenced habits and actions are much more obvious to our spouses and immediate family than they are to us. We can only get in touch with them through counseling, seminars, psychotherapy, self-reflection, spousal feedback, etc. What you are not aware of can and will control you.

Here is an example of awareness I learned at work. A few years ago, before I retired as a spine surgeon, I became aware that I consistently started to speed up towards the end of each surgery. I also realized that over the years, probably 80% of my dural tears (the envelope of spinal tissue containing the nerves and cerebrospinal fluid) occurred in the last 30 minutes of a long surgery.

The fatigue factor was part of the problem, but speed was more critical. I still didnt notice that I was speeding up. I needed feedback from my partners or assistants, so I asked them to act as my coaches. Id stop for a few seconds and say, The difficult part of this case is done. It would be easy for me to relax and hurry to finish. Please speak up if you see me starting to rush.

Every move in spine surgery is critical, so I had to make the choice to consciously slow down. The end of each surgery is just as important as the beginning and middle. My complication rate dropped dramatically when I became more aware of what I was doing.

This is a brief overview of how awareness plays a role in successfully navigating daily life. Its something of a paradox, because when we are truly immersed in the moment there are no levels of awareness. Its just complete engagement-in-the-present-moment awareness.

There are many layers to this discussion, but I hope this is a good starting point for you to understand the importance of mindful awareness.

Dr. David Hanscom is a retired spinal surgeon. He recently launched a new website The DOC Journey to share his own experience with chronic pain and to offer a pathway out of mental and physical pain through mindful awareness and meditation.

See the original post here:
Becoming Aware of Ingrained Thoughts Can Reduce Pain and Anxiety - Pain News Network

Part of Kathy Caprinos series Supporting Todays Workforce

It's time to build more unity and trust in our workplaces and beyond

As almost everyone has read, seen or experienced directly, our country has grown more divisive, angry and ununified in recent months. Hate-crime violence has hit a 16-year high, political polarization has increased, and a majority (55%) of adult social media users are worn out by political posts and discussions. In addition, the Covid-19 pandemic has exacerbated long-standing racial inequalities that have been rooted in systemic racism in our nation. Were facing extreme challenges in our organizations and institutions where increased trust and unity are critical if were to make progress to address and solve these pressing dilemmas.

To learn more about how we all can reduce divisiveness today and work to build that needed trust and unity, I caught up this month with Dr. Laura Gallaher who has worked in the field of professional and personal development since 2005. Laura is an organizational psychologist, speaker, facilitator and executive coach and she is the founder and CEO of Gallaher Edge, which she started in 2013 and rebranded in 2018.

Her noteworthy career began after the Space Shuttle Columbia exploded upon re-entry in 2003, killing everybody aboard. Following the tragedy, NASA hired Gallaher and a team of organizational psychologists to change the cultural influences that were deemed to play a role in the accident. She worked for eight years to positively influence culture, develop leadership capacity, and improve organizational performance at Kennedy Space Center. Gallaher was also hired to help manage the change associated with radical changes in the performance management process and philosophy at Walt Disney Parks & Resorts.

At Gallaher Edge, Gallaher helps leaders across a variety of industries navigate changes and improve their organizational culture through workshops that build trust, grow self-awareness, and align strategically from the inside out.

Heres what Dr. Gallaher shares:

Kathy Caprino: So, Laura, from your work and research perspective, why do humans struggle so much with change?

Laura Gallaher: We often hear that people resist changebut if I gave you $10 million, youd probably agree that would change your life so would you resist it? Assuming theres no catchno! You wouldnt resist that. So it isnt really that humans resist or struggle with change, it is that change tends to bring loss, and loss is painful. We call those losses the costs of change. When we hear that change is coming, we attune to the costs associated with that change. People only respond to their own perceived costs to changes in their lives. Evolutionarily speaking, we are programmed to avoid loss.

An endowment effect study by Knetsch showcases how we humans can be irrational in our own decision making. When participants in the study completed a task, they were rewarded with their choice of either a mug or a chocolate bar. About half chose the chocolate bar and half chose the mug. However, a different group was only given mugs as a reward after completing a task. When given the option to switch for a chocolate bar, only 10% of people took up that offer because most people had formed an ownership bond with their mugs.

When change is coming, it is valuable to remember that we are the ones putting the value on both the gains and the losses associated with the change, and we have control and choice over our own perceptions. Use that power of choice to shift focuseven change that initially feels unwelcomed will always bring both gains and losses.

The best way to deal with change is to focus on what will be gained. For example, unemployment is unfortunately skyrocketing due to the impact of Covid-19. If someone lost their job, the gain could be finding a different job that is better for their skills or lifestyle, or potentially the push they needed to start a business.

On the other hand, it could also be an opportunity to slow down and reconnect with their families or even themselves, helping them be the best version of themselves possible.

Caprino: During these times that are so difficult to handle, what tips and strategies can help us?

Gallaher: The environment today can make us feel that were in survival modeconstantly stressed, feeling like we cant do enough and that were falling behind. While the news today is almost on a constant loop of negativity, we need to remember that we can still thrive in this environment. Its all relativeits hard to believe, but there were days even pre-pandemic that were tough to get through, too.

We all evolved to be survivors, so our default mode is to surviveto shift into thrive mode, youll want to override your brains auto-pilot and retake control of our thoughts, your attitude and your chosen environment.

To do this, set aside some time for self-investment. Choose to practice gratitude multiple times a day and feel the meaning of it. In addition, choose to focus on some tangible action items. Limit how much news is watched if it limits your overall happiness. We have far more choices in life than we tend to realize. Everyone has a choice with what to do with their time, so determine where attention is given.

Caprino: What is the importance of the culture we're in and how does that impact our resilience?

Gallaher: Culture has a huge impact on human behavior. It is where we learn what is OK and how we pick up on how things are done. The United States has a somewhat fragmented culture at this period in time, which means that different segments of the country have different ideas of what is OK and not OK. The pandemic and its impact on the economy is creating a scarcity mentality, which can lead people to start focusing more on themselves and less on others, which inhibits a societys ability to collaborate and grow to reach new heights.

The flip side is that this pandemic is significantly increasing the generosity and desire to come together in other groups of people. Some are using this as a time to give to others when they see them struggling. Our healthcare workers, for example, are fighting every day for the lives of others.

Awareness of systemic racism has also elevated, and while it creates division and can trigger insecurity in white people, the murder of George Floyd has served as a catalyst to correct previous injustices. Now, the majority of adult Americans believe in the fight for what is right.

Many times it is darkest before the dawn, and when we can connect to a purpose (like fighting racism) and connect with each other (through generosity and caring for those who are ill), resilience abounds. Additionally, these experiences are creating deep wells of resilience that we will all be able to pull from in future life challenges. We are all more resilient than we think.

Caprino: Talking culture, so many of us are fighting with each other politically and ideologically, and in hateful ways that are devoid of compassion and understanding. How does that situation impact people and what can we do differently to thrive through this?

Gallaher: Underneath all of this is vulnerability. When we feel vulnerable and afraid, especially subconsciously, we tend to rely on defense mechanisms to cope. I believe that as humans, our most natural way of being is kind and compassionate, but as we are all raised imperfectly by imperfect humans to become imperfect adults ourselves, we each develop ways to defend ourselves against unpleasant feelings internally.

So in the face of human suffering, especially if there is a subconscious feeling of helplessness (i.e. I cant do anything to fix this), people may respond in ways to reduce their negative internal feelings. This can look like blaming the victim (i.e. if I can convince myself that they somehow deserve it, then I dont have to cope with the painful discomfort of injustice).

On top of that, our desire to feel good about ourselves means that our egos often keep us in a place of wanting to feel right, instead of wanting to learn. So, we often tend to dig in our heels in the face of opposition, preserving the good feeling about ourselves as being right and also a good person.

Thriving in these times stems first and foremost from our ability to practice self-acceptance and courage. Lean into the vulnerability that underlies the anger, accept that you are wrong sometimes (we all are), and focus yourself on learning and listening.

Societally, from the top, it would look like politicians learning how to communicate in a way that is less polarizing. We are all far more alike than we are different, and we all tend to agree on way more than we realizewe just dont highlight the similarities and the agreements, especially when there is vulnerability and discomfort.

For each of us as humans, what we can do is listen. Listening is one of the most powerful tools to facilitate connection, change and growth. Listen like its not about you. Listen to your friend share their personal experience with racism. Listen to your employee talk about their fear of falling ill. Listen to your co-worker talk about the fear of the decision of what is best for their children.

It is harder to hate people up close, so move communication to phone or video call and away from text-based communicationlike emailas often as you can. Remember our common humanity.

Caprino: Should business leaders encourage and tackle head-on the difficult and sensitive conversations that todays times are demanding?

Gallaher: While business leaders regularly face the potential for difficult conversations, 2020 has brought this to a whole new level. From navigating racial conversations to deciding how to keep employees safe amid the global pandemic, people are experiencing difficulty separating their personal lives from the workplace. This may make leaders nervous, wondering how can I help employees feel heard, understood and safe during these times of uncertainty?

As a leader, this is the time to actively listen to what employees need and not shy away from topics that seem difficult to address on the surface. Do your employees have kids and now have to decide between working full-time or home schooling their children? Does an employee have Covid-19 or is close to someone with the virus? Is an employee passionate about bringing more awareness to the systemic racism in the United States?

Hear what employees are saying, but also note what isnt being said. If what employees are relaying isnt perfectly clear, follow up by saying Tell me more; I want to understand, or try paraphrasing what you think theyre trying to say.

If employees concerns havent been addressed yet, these are all conversations that business leaders need to be having now. Having an effective conversation means its time to get comfortable with the uncomfortable. These uncomfortable conversations create room for growth in the workplace. No one needs to know all the answers, but being willing to facilitate these conversations fosters a more inclusive organization.

More importantly, dont let the conversations die out once the world regains a bit of normalcy. Create the space for conversations to take place within the workplace and mediate as appropriate to ensure these conversations remain respectful. Having an ongoing, open dialogue in the workplace leads to a culture of learning and understanding and can help eliminate issues, like systemic racism, nationwide.

Caprino: Why do people become more divisive and critical of each other in crisis like this pandemic?

Gallaher: Theres a saying that the best way to assess an organization is to try to change it. In your work culture or organization in this time of crisis, are people pulling together or are they dividing? Are people leaning into the change to identify how they can adapt, or are they digging their heels in to avoid the pain associated with change?

Fear can be dominating. People start to look out for themselves, so fear of losing money or power creates an us versus them mentality.

Most fundamentally, whether someone reacts in fear or unity comes down to trust. When people trust one another to act not only in their own best interest but also prioritize the interests of others, then people will unite even more in difficult times.

When trust has been damaged, or is lacking, people move into a state of assessing and evaluating the environment and people around them to gauge if they can proceed with trust, or if it is dangerous to trust others.

The best way to get through the us versus them mentality is to state collaborative intent and actively listen.

Caprino: What are the best strategies you can offer to help us thrive through dramatic change and uncertainty?

Gallaher: Leading through dramatic change and uncertainty is no easy feat, but the reward is monumental. Not only does it build trust, but it also increases productivity and efficiency.

First, as a human, it is valuable to remind yourself that even though your brain often triggers your body to react as though survival is genuinely at risk, most of the time, you really are OKyou can breathe, you are alive and you are going to be fine. Use your brain to overcome the fear-based visceral reaction that comes in times of stress and uncertainty.

Second, as a leader, its important to remember to take care of yourself. A crisis is a crucial time for a business that demands true leadership and the willingness to be decisive. Handle the pressing tasks first and practice self-compassion. When you take care of yourself, you are your best self for others; trying to put others before you means that they end up getting whats left of you instead of the best of you.

When communicating with employees on these tough matters, project confidence and optimism while staying grounded in reality. Being authentic as a leader is powerful. Also provide the context people need for current events and what the business is going through.

These conversations need to happen on a consistent basis rather than just reacting as the environment shifts; employees want to hear from you more than you realize. Be intentional about each change put in place and recognize the impact that it has on the emotional state of employees.

Consider gains and losses in the face of change once again: a significant gain we can all take away from this time of uncertainty is that weve now been encouraged to speak with others and self-reflect in a way many of us hadnt done previously.

Now that those doors are open, we can continue allowing ourselves to find comfort in the uncomfortable and have these conversations on a long-term, ongoing basis.

For more information, visit:

To build a more positive and impactful career and more effective leadership approach, read Kathy Caprinos new book The Most Powerful You: 7 Bravery-Boosting Paths to Career Bliss, and work with Kathy in her Career Breakthrough Programs.

Original post:
How To Reduce Divisiveness And Build Trust And Unity In Our Workplaces - Forbes