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My parents gave my brothers and me $8 million in bonds, stocks and ETFs. Id like to use my profit to travel. My parents refuse – MarketWatch

Posted: October 28, 2020 at 6:55 pm


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Last week, my parents surprised my three siblings and I, by giving us an in-life inheritance of $8 million U.S. dollars in stocks, bonds, ETFs etc. in a shared account (25% for each). As my brothers and I were discussing that wed re-invest almost all of the profit, I told them Id like to be able to withdraw 0.25% of my part every year ($5,000 as of now) or even less, for travel expenses (traveling is my passion).

My youngest brother spilled this to my parents, and they told me that their wish is for this money to be used as savings for when we retire. I love my parents dearly, I have a huge respect for them, and Im really grateful for what they did, and would feel terribly awful to have a disagreement or even argue with them about this.

The Moneyist:I make $140K a year. Im trying desperately to help my half siblings: 2 are refugees in Turkey, 3 are in Syria. But how?

But Im also a 36-year-old man with no plans on having children, and having the opportunity to inherit this money early in my life, Id like to be able to use this very small amount to pursue one of my passions in life. Id be really grateful if you could share some advice on what to do in a situation like this. Thank you in advance.

Wanderlust

Dear Wanderlust,

We are in the middle of a pandemic, so you probably dont need to worry about traveling the world for at least another year. If not more.

You can still travel, of course, and take time off, work-schedule permitting. But I agree with your parents. You should fund this on your own. It will help you to create a healthy work-life balance, something millions of people are reflecting upon during the coronavirus pandemic, and teach you to prioritize your income and expenditures. It will also encourage you to find ways to raise that $5,000 yourself, and excel at whatever it is you do best.

Until they relinquish control of this money, it belongs to them, and it is up to them to decide when and how you should spend it. If you had gone to them first and told them about your travel plans, what would have happened then? We will never know, unfortunately. Its quite possible that they felt like they had done something monumental and the first piece of feedback they received was, Yes, but It may have raised red flags for them.

If it were your decision alone? Travel while youre young and healthy. Knock yourself out. Susan Carlisle, a CPA at CDW CPAs in Los Angeles said travel can substantially enhance our life, and $5,000 a year wouldnt exactly dilute your nest egg. He is not asking to withdraw his $2 million share, after all: only $5,000 per year. As a CPA, a personal-financial specialist, a senior citizen with four grown children and six grandchildren, I say to this lucky young man, Safe and happy travels.

David Batchelder, a senior investment officer at the Sentinel Benefits & Financial Group in the Greater Boston Area, is concerned at the ambiguity surrounding this inheritance/gift and/or whether you are using the wrong term to describe it. If your parents have relinquished ownership or control of these investments, it is obviously a gift. It sounds like the parents have essentially (intentionally or unintentionally) given up control of the funds to the brothers, he said.

If I was in this position as a parent, I would love to witness my kids enjoying some of that gift while Im alive and able to experience their joy in making memories. We are talking about $5,000 of $2 million or 0.25% of the inheritance per year. Crumbs in terms of the whole cake. Looking at it solely from a financial planning perspective, this plan does not seem ideal for the parents or children as it potentially opens them up to estate, gift and tax issues.

The Moneyist:We bet on the wrong horse: I co-signed my nephews $55K student loan: He has no degree and no job. What should we do?

Overall, however, I dont believe that the expectation of a large inheritance is necessarily a good thing. Such a windfall could prevent you from experiencing failure, something psychologists say is useful, if not critical, in our social and professional development. Young people with more grit are more likely to show higher levels of self-control, resilience, passion, mental well-being and life satisfaction, according to a 2018 Frontiers in Psychology review of three studies.

In this review, three themes emerged among people with more grit: 1. Passion and perseverance, included themes of having short and long-term goals, resilience, dedication, and endurance. 2. Self-control, included time management, self-awareness, prioritizing tasks and knowing strengths and weaknesses. 3. Positive mind sets. This included having a positive attitude toward learning, the importance of feedback and constructive criticism and that success is not materialistic.

Thats probably why your parents may wish for you to wait and/or fund your own wanderlust: sacrifice and waiting for something that you really want can build character and make it all the sweeter when it happens. It can also change your outlook on the world: How can I make a living and contribute something meaningful to society? How much do I really need to be happy and healthy right here, right now?

We all have many wishes and dreams and goals. But what we have to give others is equally, if not more, important.

The Moneyist:My brother is in his mid-50s and nearly lost his home twice. Should I give him half of my inheritance to pay off his mortgage?

You can email The Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions related to coronavirus at qfottrell@marketwatch.com. Want to read more?Follow Quentin Fottrell on Twitterand read more of his columns here.

Hello there, MarketWatchers. Check out the Moneyist private Facebook FB, -5.51% group where we look for answers to lifes thorniest money issues. Readers write in to me with all sorts of dilemmas. Post your questions, tell me what you want to know more about, or weigh in on the latest Moneyist columns.

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My parents gave my brothers and me $8 million in bonds, stocks and ETFs. Id like to use my profit to travel. My parents refuse - MarketWatch

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October 28th, 2020 at 6:55 pm

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‘They Look Like People’ and the Horror of Schizophrenia [Unveiling The Mind] – Bloody Disgusting

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Welcome toUnveiling The Mind. This bi-monthly column explores psychological horror and representations of mental illness within the genre.

Along with Dissociative Identity Disorder, Schizophrenia is another mental illness that finds itself popping up in many horror films. The disorder involves hallucinations, delusions, and other cognitive problems which can all lead to depression, substance abuse and even push one to suicide. Yet, in horror films and thrillers, Schizophrenia can often be played up for suspense. With particular attention to hallucinations and delusions, many filmmakers have used the disorder to highlight characters spiraling into manic violence (e.g. Michael Shannons character in Bug). Theres a hell of a lot more to Schizophrenia of course having the disorder is not a one way to ticket to becoming a movie villain.

They Look Like People, written and directed by Perry Blackshear and released in 2005, is a film that heavily focuses on Schizophrenia. Though it involves minimal fantastical elements, They Look Like People offers a grounded, heartbreaking view of the illness and it makes for one of the most intriguing psychological films Ive ever seen. Spoilers ahead.

They Look Like People follows Wyatt, a young man who believes there are demons planning an attack. The first scene shows Wyatt lying in bed; its late in the evening and there is only a little moonlight making its way into the room. There is a woman in the bed facing away from him. He stares at the back of her heard, watching as she rolls over. As his facial expression becomes more anxious, the camera then shifts and rests on the womans face; given how dark the room is, its impossible to see if her eyes are open or what she looks like. This opening scene establishes the sense of tension that Wyatt displays throughout the film. His belief is that the demons look like regular people at first, but that their true face is mutated and monstrous.

After this, Wyatt makes his way to meet up with an old friend named Christian. Upon connecting with one another, Christian offers for Wyatt to stay at his place. While Christian is preparing for a date, Wyatt makes his way to the building basement and tapes a knife under a table. The two eventually head out for a double date that involves Christians supervisor Mara. From there, They Look Like People follows the day to day life of Wyatt and Christian.

What won me over with this film was the depiction of Wyatts Schizophrenia. Though his beliefs and actions do help to bring about suspense and unease throughout the film, they are represented in a realistic fashion. Very little is over hyped, and instead, the audience is given a stark look at the horrors of this illness.

An element Ive picked up in numerous films involving some sort of delusional character is the immediate cry of denial Im not Schizophrenic! or I know the truth, you cant tell me Im wrong! Theres a scene where Wyatt goes to meet up with a psychiatrist, and within their conversation, he expresses how he does not think hes schizophrenic and how he has researched stuff online. This may not be much, but it is a different kind of denial than what the audience may be used to. Wyatt is not out right saying I dont have this, instead, hes making an effort to learn and speak to someone about his issues (even if his fears end up getting the best of him). This quality is further extended when we see Christian later confront Wyatt about the illogic behind a demonic presence and attack. Though Wyatt initially shoots down Christian for being ignorant, he eventually does realize his beliefs are not rational.

It should go without saying, but those who have Schizophrenia arent entirely devoid of self-awareness and reality. Though the scenes are brief, the audience does see Wyatt openly acknowledge the irrationality of his beliefs. Some may see this as a small detail, but I really thought it was significant to include. Throughout movie history, so many characters with mental illness are made to look incompetent like they cant tell what is real or not, or that they cant take care of themselves. Are there disorders that do render people into that sort of state? Yes there are, but psychology is extremely far more nuanced with specific situations and brain chemistry needing to be considered. Showing that Wyatt can address this aspect of himself displays a sense of self-awareness and adds depth to his character.

Along with his consistent anxiety, the audience primarily experiences Wyatts Schizophrenia through his visual and auditory hallucinations. The auditory stuff takes place via random phone calls he will get late at night. A muddled voice will speak to him, talking about the looming threat to come, or how he was chosen to see the demons, or how he cant trust anyone. Theres also a consistent ringing sound that appears throughout the film whenever his nervousness intensifies.

Regarding the visuals, there are only ever two instances where the audience sees the demons that Wyatt is so afraid of. When looking through a box in Christians apartment, he comes across a photo of himself with his ex-fiance, her eyes black and face distorted. In a conversation with Mara, her eyes go white and her mouth stretches to inhuman lengths. Another visual aspect comes in the form of the mutations he sees. A moment early in the film calls back to that scene of Wyatt lying in bed with the woman (who the viewer learns is his ex-fiance). When the camera settles on her face, the sound of crackling and stretching begin to play; its difficult to see what is actually taking place, but one can pick out small movements of her face shifting.

On a horror level, each of these hallucinations play into the films overall use of tension and dread. Visually, though the distorted faces are creepy, its the scenes involving the mutations that come across as the most disturbing ironically because one cant see what is taking place. Though there are minor glimpses of the demonic looking faces, one cant picture the exact horror and change taking place in the dark one cant imagine how something that appears human could just change into a monster.

They Look Like People isnt so much a slow burn film as it is a mindful study. Whereas other films may take that set up to explore a characters ever intensifying mania Wyatt remains mostly calm (though he is intensely anxious). However, he does have his moments that spark a sense of physical concern. There is a scene where he unpacks a bunch of weapons he bought from a nearby hardware store; hell, hes later shown standing on a roof top pointing a nail gun at people. Though he does not harm anyone with the nail gun, and has a moment where he contemplates killing himself, there is a moment where it is questioned whether Wyatt has harmed someone (but this is never answered).

Besides a few moments of outwardly aggression, the films focus is on Wyatts day to day paranoia. This progression can stir an anxiety within the viewer. Because of other horror films in the past, one is trained in a sense to keep an eye on an unhinged attitude just how long will it be until he snaps? Wyatts condition is much more drawn out, though.

And with his cautiousness, with all his worries and illogical behavior and beliefs one cant help but feel bad for him. When it comes to the specific horror They Look Like People is going for, the film isnt striving to focus on whether theres an apocalypse or not, but more so highlighting the mental hell that Wyatt is carrying. Through its grounded approach, the film exudes a constant air of heartbreak and worry.

It is by the end of the film that the viewer finds Wyatt in his most riddled state of paranoia. On the day that the war is supposedly to kick off, Wyatt leads Christian down into the building basement, both of them dressing up in hazmat suits. By this point in the film, Christian is in a depressive state; he recently has lost his job and Mara is not interested in him. His narrative has primarily focused on his insecurities; his fear of coming off weak and his efforts to appear macho. It is only by the end of the second act that Christian becomes aware of Wyatts fears. Throughout the film, though there are some rough patches, their friendship becomes strong, with each finding a comfort in the other.

The fear suddenly comes upon Wyatt that Christian may be a demon. Christian calls him out on this and offers for Wyatt to tie him up (as a sign of trust). Wyatt ties Christian up and places a bag over his head. As the lights go out, Wyatt begins to hear one of the voices from an old phone call. The sounds of crackling and shifting bone are heard from under the bag, providing the assumption that Christians transformation is underway. But, in each step that Wyatt takes towards Christian, a realization comes over him this is a delusion. He then stops himself, unties Christian and they both embrace.

Along with the characters, the viewers are dropped into a downright horrifying situation, left on the edge of their seat to see how far Wyatt will go. The decision to have him come to coherent senses is not only a tremendous upswing for the character and the audience, but also a brilliant display of logic and understanding found in individuals struggling with mental illness. Unlike other horror movies, They Look Like People is never trying to convince the viewer that this individual is totally mad or the bad guy but that he needs help (and that, to some degree, knows he needs help).

They Look Like People is a phenomenal experience. Not only does it make for a superb horror film, but it also stands as an incredible display of mental illness representation. For anyone interested in learning how to write characters struggling with mental illness, this is a film to watch. They Look Like People is a type of horror that offers a grim, realistic view of horrendous mental anguish. I cant recommend it enough. If you enjoy psychological horror or films with brilliant psychology to them, then They Look Like People is an absolute must see.

Thank you all for reading this months Unveiling The Mind. See you in December.

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'They Look Like People' and the Horror of Schizophrenia [Unveiling The Mind] - Bloody Disgusting

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October 28th, 2020 at 6:54 pm

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My journey from being a young-earth Creationist, Dispensationalist Republican to seeing my neighbor as worthy of my vote – Baptist News Global

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My body was tense as I sat in the white-walled classroom of my Baptist high school in Middle Georgia. With the sounds of pretend canons firing at the Civil War reenactment across the street, I listened to my teacher tell us about how President Bill Clinton was preparing to declare himself President Forever, and then hand the United States over to the United Nations.

We were a young-earth Creationist, Dispensationalist school that believed Y2K would bring about a seven-year Tribulation during which the United Nations would force everyone either to worship the antichrist or be decapitated. With my salvation always in doubt, I could not be certain that I would be raptured away to heaven with all the Christians beforehand. So having Democrats in charge of the United States meant I was in danger of being decapitated.

Having Democrats in charge of the United States meant I was in danger of being decapitated.

So how on earth did I go from being afraid of losing my head to voting for Democrats for the first time just 20 years later?

With Al Gore receiving the Democratic nomination for president, our fears of Clinton declaring himself President Forever began to subside. I went off to pursue a bachelors degree in Bible from Bob Jones University which had justreversed its ban on interracial datingthat it had long claimed was based on Gods design to keep the races separate after the Tower of Babel because it was hurting George W. Bushs campaign after he spoke there.

When we sat in shock for our chapel service on Sept. 11, 2001, we were told it was over. God was bringing judgment to America. Of course, we had our economic differences from the Democrats. I always figured that trickle-down economics was just common sense, and that if anyone knew the basics of economics theyd see that. But as vehement as we were about tax policy, we didnt believe tax brackets were ultimately why God was supposedly judging us. We believed God was using the Muslims to judge us because of our toleration of evolutionists, the LGBTQ community and the abortionists.

I started working in the shipping department of a local evangelical music store, where we listened to talk radio and riled each other up about Tom Daschle and the Democrats every afternoon. Until 2017, I was a daily listener of Hugh Hewitt, Mike Gallagher, Rush Limbaugh, Dennis Prager and Sean Hannity. And when I could afford cable television, Fox News would fill my evenings.

I was afraid of Muslims, who I believed were a bunch of terrorists trying to murder us.

I was afraid of evolutionists, who I believed were conspiring together to undermine the inerrant word of God so that Christians would no longer have an objective universal standard of truth.

I was afraid of the LGBTQ community because I interpreted Romans 1:18-28 to mean God had made them gay as a culminating punishment for living a life of unthankfulness and self-centeredness.

I was afraid of pro-choice voters, who I believed were baby killers and would one day force Christians to have abortions like the Communist Chinese government was doing.

All of that fear fueled a desperate need for the Republicans to win every election.

All of that fear fueled a desperate need for the Republicans to win every election. Yet the Black community overwhelmingly voted for the Democrats. So I feared them as well, while also being fascinated with the few who didnt vote Democrat because liking them made me feel like I wasnt racist or afraid.

After my non-Christian grandfather died in 2002, I was so overcome with guilt over not warning him about hell that I became a Calvinist to numb my pain so I wouldnt feel at fault for his unbelief.

For the next 15 years, I was theologically formed by men like John Piper and John MacArthur in the retributive tradition of Jonathan Edwards and John Calvin. These men used Romans 9 to prove that God predestined people he loved as vessels of mercy prepared for glory and people he hated as vessels of wrath prepared for destruction.

Jonathan Edwards summed this view up when he said, The saints are called upon to rejoice in seeing the love and tenderness of God towards them, manifested in his severity towards their enemies. The just damnation of the wicked will be an occasion of rejoicing to the saints in glory to rejoice in seeing his love to them in executing justice on his enemies for the heavenly inhabitants will know that it is not fit that they should love them, because they will know then, that God has no love to them, nor pity for them.

I figured I should rejoice when Democrats met their eternal fate. All these law breakers deserved what they were getting.

If Gods desire was to enact harsh judgment in retribution against those who stood in the way of the saints, and if our desires should align with Gods, then I figured I should rejoice when Democrats met their eternal fate. All these law breakers deserved what they were getting. And that just retribution included not only eternal conscious torment, but prison sentences and torture on the battlefield.

During the 2016 election, we had a Bernie Sanders supporter living with us. After watching The Big Short together one night, we got into a huge argument. As the conversation escalated, I eventually exploded, saying, Bernie Sanders is going to burn in hell for his beliefs!

Ultimately, a few of us had the hope of the cross. On the cross, we believed the Father retributively beat andcrushed Jesus in our place. And so every Sunday morning was filled withrejoicing over the Fathers violent wrathby proclaiming, You the perfect Holy One crushed Your Son . Your justice has been met. And holy wrath is satisfied . And now Im loved forevermore because of what youve done!

In 2015, I began a year-long journey with a worship school. On the first night, they told us we needed to have God-awareness and self-awareness. And while I was totally certain in my God-awareness, I had never even considered the concept of self-awareness.

I had no idea how much pain I had been suppressing or how my theology had been numbing my pain rather than helping me grieve toward healing.

As I came face to face with my wounds, I wept. I had no idea how much pain I had been suppressing or how my theology had been numbing my pain rather than helping me grieve toward healing. Over the next year, I was required to read authors who I believed were liberal heretics. Yet in my walk through their books and group sessions with the worship school, I was experiencing a depth of self-awareness and healing I had never tasted before.

I began to meet the child within me, to listen to his questions and fears, wonders and wounds. I grieved with him until our hearts were one presence of holy, childlike solitude.

While the theology of retribution remained as formulas in my head, it was beginning to crumble like dry sand at the questions that came from my experience of restorative love.

Eventually, my God-awareness was revealed to be the shifting sands of never-ending retribution that never allowed me to see and love myself, my neighbor or God. And after my theological castle had crumbled, I sat alone in the rubble with my inner child in a posture of compassion and love.

Learning to see and love yourself well will lead to seeing and loving your neighbor well. With my retributive theology, I could easily dismiss the image of God in my neighbors with more pressing concepts as their total depravity, righteousness being filthy rags, and being worthy of nothing less than eternal conscious torment. But when retributive violence faded from my view of myself, it also faded from my view of my neighbors.

I slowly began to listen to the wounds of Muslims, who had been oppressed by Western Christian colonizers, without having to dismiss their cries out of allegiance to my country or my religion.

I moved into my questions about science and the Bible to discover the undeniable reality of evolution and how climate change is affecting the poor and destroying our planet.

My LGBTQ customers were by far the most loving, caring, self-giving customers I had.

Having owned my cleaning business for many years, I worked in retail stores for LGBTQ customers virtually every day. You can tell a lot about people by how they treat the janitor. And my LGBTQ customers were by far the most loving, caring, self-giving customers I had. Their love for me totally dismantled my assumptions about them based on my interpretation of Romans 1. And when I shared that with one of them one evening, he broke down crying.

I could no longer simply categorize women who had abortions as murderers worthy of prison. Instead, I could finally see the unspeakably deep wounds and systemic injustices that led many of them there.

I began seeing howChristians have used a retributive theologyof the atonement, penal substitution, Gods wrath, and justice to create systems in America that have fueled the neo-slavery of mass incarceration and violence against our Black neighbors. My gut reaction to violence against my Black neighbors was no longer to listen to talk radio to find out why Limbaugh and Hannity thought they probably deserved it, but now was to grieve and be angry with them.

Through seeing and being present with their wounds, I could begin to get a taste of their wonders and the beauty of who they are.

Liberation theologian Mary Potter Engle says there is an interlocking chain of oppression that is the confluence of personal sin and collective evil. As I have shared from my story, I believe this interlocking chain of oppression has bound a wide variety of marginalized people groups through the links of evangelical retributive theology. Yet, the evangelical culture that brought us Trump overwhelmingly refuses to recognize systemic injustice.

InLift Every Voice, Engle says, Liberation theologies stress the obligation of the Christian community and Christian theology to reflect and act upon their responsibilities in history.

In 2016, while I privately hoped Trump would win, I was healing enough to know I couldnt vote for him. So I voted third party for the first time in my life. This is where many of my friends find themselves again in 2020.

As I began seeing and loving my neighbor as myself, I began to realize we are all consciousness evolving toward the liberation of greater wholeness. And the more I grieved with my oppressed neighbors, the more I longed to take whatever steps forward I could to assist them in their liberation toward greater wholeness.

You cant deny systemic oppression and claim to be loving your marginalized neighbors.

Based on the evangelical theology of retribution that built and is fueling systemic oppression, I simply cannot in good conscience vote for the Republicans anymore. And while the Democratic Party is nowhere close to a dream solution, they at least recognize that systemic injustice exists and take practical steps toward liberation.

Under Democratic leadership, Muslims will not be talked about with derogatory, fear-fueling language.

Under Democratic leadership, scientific consensus is taken seriously and its recommendations pursued.

Under Democratic leadership, the LGBTQ community is treated with the dignity that being human deserves, rather than as a threat.

Under Democratic leadership, abortions actually go down. So if your vote makes you responsible for abortions, then voting Republican makes you responsible for more abortions, despite your fantasies of eliminating them.

And under Democratic leadership, Black lives actually matter because they are grieved rather than dismissed or explained away.

I realize conservatives will deny that they arent loving their neighbor and will propose that capitalism is the best way to love their neighbor. But you cant deny systemic oppression and claim to be loving your marginalized neighbors.

Joe Biden does not deserve my vote. But in 2020, he will receive it because I believe I have a Christian responsibility to meet the oppressed where they are and serve them with my vote toward their liberation.

Rick Pidcockis a stay-at-home father of five kids. He and his wife, Ruth Ellen, have started Provoke Wonder, a collaboration of artists that exists to foster child-like worship through story and song. Provoke Wonders first album,Consider the Stars, was released in March 2020. Their first childrens book,What If, will be released in 2020. Rick is pursuing a master of arts degree in worship from Northern Seminary.

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My journey from being a young-earth Creationist, Dispensationalist Republican to seeing my neighbor as worthy of my vote - Baptist News Global

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October 28th, 2020 at 6:54 pm

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Cam Newton says he wont change the way he dresses – NBC Sports – NFL

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11:47

Are more trades coming for Dallas after Griffen?

10:41

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21:50

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11:14

Trade chatter: Could Gilmore, Howard be traded?

Posted by Mike Florio on October 27, 2020, 10:31 AM EDT

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Cam Newton may be changing as a player, but hes not changing his style.

Newton said Monday that, while he agrees with sharp criticism from former NFL quarterback Jeff Garcia regarding Newtons sartorial choices, Newton wont be dressing any differently.

You go into this game with two touchdowns, four interceptions, you threw what? Three more interceptions? Garcia said after New Englands 33-6 loss, via USA Today. You get yanked in the second half, theres nothing good going your way. Why are you dressing like that to bring more attention to yourself? Id be trying to ask the equipment managers, Put me in your jock-sock cart and sneak me in the back door and Ill show up on the field and do the best that I can.'

You know whats crazy? I agree with him, Newton said Monday on WEEI, via USA Today. And the fact that hes a former player, he has every right to say that. And until that happens, so be it. But thats another opinionated theory, and its fair to say. I know I come off to so many different people so many different ways, and thats fine. You know what, hes exactly right. But Im not changing the way I dress. Im sorry. . . .

I dont know Jeff, but I would say this: I do certain things because of the culture Im from. And where Im from I dont know where Jeff is from, and I dont want to harp on it too long but lets just say hes right.

Nowadays, most people would look at Newtons off-field attire and on-field performance and say, Who cares? And those who do care, frankly, shouldnt. At a time when all of us have far better things to worry about, no one should spend a second obsessing about the things other people do when it comes to their personal lives.

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Cam Newton says he wont change the way he dresses - NBC Sports - NFL

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October 28th, 2020 at 6:54 pm

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Manhood on the ballot: Trump’s self-absorbed bullying vs. Biden’s compassion and humility – USA TODAY

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Ed Adams and Ed Frauenheim, Opinion contributors Published 6:01 a.m. ET Oct. 26, 2020

The 2020 presidential election is about two versions of manhood as much as it is about two men.

Donald Trump and Joe Biden represent starkly different models of masculinity, with Trump embodying a traditional male ethos and Biden an emerging one. The stakes are high for the kind of man we select as our national leader. It will inform how men can show up at home, work and play, how well we address questions of social injustice, and whether we can solve pressing global problems.

Based on years of working with and observing men in counseling settings, mens groups and in the workplace, we arrived at the term confined masculinity to capture the way traditional views of masculinity limit a mans world view, restrict him to just a few roles such as the protector and the provider and inhibit him from developing strong, loving, intimate relationships.

The result is a manhood defined by features that include tribalism, stoicism, aggression, self-centerednessand a lack of self-awareness.

Confined masculinity tends to be unhealthy. Studies show that men who are frequently angry, highly competitive, emotionally constricted, lonelyand disconnected to others are prone to greater emotional and physical health issues, die earlierand report less life satisfaction.

Whats more, confined masculinity is a poor fit for the 21st century. We live in a world where women and other once-marginalized people are demanding fair treatment, where soft skillslike communication are now success skills at work,and where global challenges like pandemics and climate change require a recognition of our interdependence.

Thankfully, a masculinity suited to these times is on the rise.What we call liberating masculinity frees men to embrace additional dimensions such as caregiver, sensitive lover and environmental steward. With a liberating masculinity, men can break out of the emotional straitjacket many of us grew up with and reckon with privilege and power we have long benefited from.

Democratic Presidential nominee Joe Biden and President Donald Trump on Oct. 15, 2020.(Photo: Jim Watson and Brendan Smialowski/AFP via Getty Images)

Taking a hard look in the mirror isnt easy. And because the confined masculine ethos raises alarms at any notion of vulnerability, many men are digging in their heels and squeezing their eyes shut to todays realities. They are refusing, in effect, to grow up.

Trump is king of this confined, juvenile masculinity. He is defined by misogyny, combativenessand an obsession with seeming strong.

Trumps mockery of masks and disregard for social distancing amid the pandemic, for example, reflecta cramped, me only, adolescent masculinity. To view masks as unmanly and social distancing as cowardly is to embrace childish understandings of personal freedom and courage. Trump and men like him ignore the rights of others to remain free of avoiding a deadly illness, and skip the self-discipline, the mettle, to refrain from longed-for social gatherings.

Trump is the bad dad: Real men embrace their sons and fathers, just like Joe and Hunter Biden in that photo

Biden, on the other hand, generally lives out a liberating masculinity. He chose a woman of color to be his running mate, symbolizing his willingness to tackle questions of gender and racial inequality. He is mature and humble enough to listen to scientific experts when it comes to masks and physical distancing. He recognizes the need for global collaboration on climate change.

Yet Bidens most dramatic difference from Trump involves compassion. Instead of letting personal tragedy harden his heart, Biden has shared his sorrow and has opened his heart to others who are suffering.

Perhaps the most striking moment of the first presidential debate was when Trump falsely accused Hunter Bidenof being dishonorably discharged from the military for cocaine use. Biden corrected Trump on the facts. But rather than deny Hunters struggle, he turned to the camera and said this: My son, like a lot of people had a drug problem. ... Hes fixed it, hes worked on it. And Im proud of him.

Unfeeling bully, meet loving father.

Because Trump bullied less in the second debate, many felt a sense of relief. But he continued to make grandiose claims on matters like the economy, his pandemic performance and his achievements for immigrants and Black Americans. He repeated the line that with the possible exception of Abraham Lincoln, nobody has done more for the Black community than Donald Trump.

In contrast to Trumps braggadocio, Biden offered humility and a willingness to change. About the 1994 crime bill that resulted in many young Black men in jail, he said: It was a mistake. I've been trying to change it since then.

Honor fathers:Lets celebrate whats normal (not special) about dads caring for kids

Signs point to a country ready to leave behind Trump and his backward, self-absorbed masculinity in favor of Biden and his contemporary, inclusive male ethos. Polls show Biden with a steady lead. And despite Trumps attempt to wear the mantle of manliness,male voters support Bidenover him 49% to 45%.

Many American men clearlyare ready to break free of rigid, obsolete, often toxic man rules. In this election, with manhood on the ballot,we hope both men and womenwill choose a masculinity for our times, one that liberatesmen and all those around them to live healthier, happier and more connected lives.

Ed Adams is a psychologist and former president of Division 51 of the American Psychological Association,the division focused onthe treatment of men and boys. Ed Frauenheim (@edfrauenheim) issenior director of content at Great Place to Work and a writer specializing inworkplace culture.They are co-authors of the new book "Reinventing Masculinity: The Liberating Power of Compassion and Connection."

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Manhood on the ballot: Trump's self-absorbed bullying vs. Biden's compassion and humility - USA TODAY

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October 28th, 2020 at 6:54 pm

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Banyan Tree leads by example and rolls out three new staff mental health initiatives – Spa Business

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Banyan Tree Group has announced its rolling out three groupwide initiatives to promote wellbeing, in particular mental health, during COVID-19 and beyond.

The group is advocating for more corporate leaders to invest in mental health and heed the World Health Organisations call to address this historically neglected area.

Banyan Tree has begun by revamping its group wide staff training modules to be inspired by empathy, positive psychology and mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR). The new modules build in an experiential learning and facilitative approach.

Led by the Banyan Tree Management Academy and Wellbeing teams, the group describes this as an internal learning revolution that promotes resilience, self-awareness, and self-care.

As leaders, its our job to help alleviate that for our teams at this time because we can only look after our guests when we look after our associates, said Ho Renyung, VP of brand HQ and daughter of Banyan Trees founder, Ho Kwon Ping.

While these initiatives were conceived pre-COVID-19, the pandemic has only elevated their importance because were in an industry that continues to be severely affected.

In addition, the group is laying the groundwork to support associates wellbeing with the launch of Project T a teletherapy service which partners with externally-certified wellbeing practitioners.

Available in English, Chinese or Thai languages, staff can benefit from complimentary professional sessions to learn stress management techniques, to apply at work and in their personal life.

Banyan Tree has also pivoted its usual annual associate survey to focus more on individual wellbeing. Its planning to roll out an Organisational Wellbeing Index for its 10,000 associates globally at the end of 2020, with a set of 64 questions on lifestyle practices, based on Banyans eight pillars of wellbeing.

We initially developed the Wellbeing Index as a form to assess the lifestyle of our guests, but we believe this should be extended to our team, Lee Woon Hoe, executive director of wellbeing, explained to Spa Business.

After associates at a property fill in the details, Banyan Tree will then accumulate the results to pinpoint overall trends, strengths and weaknesses in employee wellbeing and work with the hotels management team to suggest appropriate guidelines, training and activities to address any issues.

Lees already trialled the index at three properties this year and is planning to launch it on a group-wide level by 2021.

Ho added: We all have stress in our lives and we need a culture that seeks to collectively and individually address that. Theres no question that mental wellbeing is a vital component in building a resilient global workforce of the future.

Read more about Banyan Tree and its vision for a COVID-19 world in the most recent issue of Spa Business here.

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Banyan Tree leads by example and rolls out three new staff mental health initiatives - Spa Business

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October 28th, 2020 at 6:54 pm

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It doesn’t matter what month it is, the work to raise awareness on disabilities continues for this local school division – WYDaily

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(WYDaily/Courtesy of Unsplash)

For what doesnt October raise awareness?

Though there are actually two separate months to raise awareness for disabilities. October is National Disability Employment Awareness Month, while March is celebrated as Developmental Disabilities Awareness Month.

But this cause is especially important. This year marks 30 years since the passing of theAmericans with Disabilities Act of 1990.

Yes, its been only three decades since America established a law to prevent discrimination against people with disabilities, including those not visible to the eye.

Williamsburg-James City Public Schools acknowledged Disabilities Awareness Month back in March, but now the York County School Division is taking the time to highlight resources and feature students.

YCSD operates under an inclusion model and has programs for students who require additional support, said Elain Gould, director of Student Services.

The school division sent out instructional resources to their teachers and counselors to prepare for National Disability History and Awareness month, though Gould said these resources can be used all school year long.

We really focus on using tools from the Im Determined project, she said.

The project is sponsored by the Virginia Department of Education and helps students reflect on their goals and strength. The resources include tools to encourage social interaction where students can learn about themselves and one another.

More importantly, these social tactics can also be used during asynchronous learning while students are still learning remotely.

Every morning, students meet with their instructors to have a discussion. Gould said teachers can include these social tools for an asynchronous assignment then have students come back together the next morning to share.

The division also has an on-going social and emotional learning initiative, with a theme set every two months. The theme for this month is self-awareness.

We value the contribution of all of our students, and recognize they all have strengths, Gould said. These tools allow students to become more self-directed, goal-setting, self-determined individuals.

YCSD is also working on inclusion and representation outside of the classroom. Last year in August, the division did a youth summit for students with disabilities. The division was planning on having it again, but had to cancel due to COVID-19. Instead, they sent out a video compiled from last years summit in a newsletter to families.

The division also sends out a monthly newsletter where they provide more resources and activities for families.

Next week, the division plans on featuring alumni with disabilities.

We really want to know where some of these students are now, Gould said. Weve decided wed like to continue that throughout the year, so we think thats going to be a success.

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It doesn't matter what month it is, the work to raise awareness on disabilities continues for this local school division - WYDaily

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October 28th, 2020 at 6:54 pm

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What’s on TV: Friday, October 30 to Thursday, November 5 – Sydney Morning Herald

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Friday For Life

9Now

Created by Hank Steinberg (Without a Trace, The Last Ship) and inspired by real life events, this American legal drama stars Nicholas Pinnock (Counterpart) as Aaron Wallace, a club owner who receives a life sentence for a crime he didn't commit. Determined to free himself and help those in a similar predicament,Wallace earns his legal degree and represents fellow inmates in court. It's a case-per-episode model, but with a sturdy overall narrative, as Wallace has to evade powerful adversaries while accepting that some on the outside, including his wife Marie (Joy Bryant), have already moved on. It's heavy-handed in part, but honest about institutional flaws.

Jennifer Lopez in Shades of Blue.

7Plus

Adapted from the 2011 novel by P.D. James, this Georgian murder mystery is sumptuous unofficial fan-fiction for Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice, where Darcy and Elizabeth (Matthew Rhys and Anna Maxwell Martin) have been happily married for six years. A grisly killing on the night the couple are hosting a ball sees Elizabeth's untrustworthy brother-in-law, George Wickham (Matthew Goode), charged with murder. First airing in 2013, it's a best of both worlds proposition for British TV devotees period manners and costumes with a crime to solve. It moves at a serious clip and has enough self-awareness to avoid dutiful homage.

Old-fashioned whodunit: Penelope Keith as Lady Catherine de Bourgh in Death Comes to Pemberley.

ABC, 8.40pm

First seen victoriously exiting a London courthouse after taking legal action against a newspaper that accused him of corruption, Conservative party politician Peter Laurence is a hand-in-glove role for Hugh Laurie. Ebullient but calculating, the self-made cabinet member is a balancing act aiming upwards and hoping not to be dragged down. In this four-part BBC drama, the considerable machinations that swirl around Laurence a possible illegitimate daughter, rumours of a shonky past, and aggrieved adversaries don't frame him as a hero but rather a player trying to stay one step ahead of defeat.

As with the excellent 2018 Netflix series Collateral, Roadkill was written by acclaimed playwright David Hare. Both limited series look at power and institutions, although this time the setting is more 10 Downing Street than a police station interview room.With typically testy exchanges, the narrative examines which of people or structures bends to the demands of the other. "Well that was good fun," Helen McCrory's formidable prime minister Dawn Ellison notes after disappointing Laurence, and while this is a post-Brexit landscape sans pandemic, this promising show feels timely in the way it captures the political flux of conscience and consequence.

Nine, 7.30pm

The 16th season of Nine's home renovation contest is heading into its last two weeks. With front garden and facade week behind them, the contestants are now facing garage and studio week, with seven days until judging. The requirement is a garage with a self-contained apartment above it. There's a lot of plastering to be done, installation of many sheets of Gyprock and numerous skylights on display. There's also disappointment, exhaustion and tears, as well as budget blowouts and subsequent deficits.

Meanwhile, the winners are smiling and apparently cruising. At a couple of points, foreman Dan gets his ruler out, which is rarely a good sign for the team working on the house that he's surveying. Dan and his fellow foreman, Keith, take one contestant whose spirits are sagging out to lunch and offer an appreciated pep talk. There's also time for the contestants to share a Mexican dinner. The relentless promotions for sponsors, which are firmly concreted into the proceedings, continue unabated and unabashed.

Ten, 10am

This will be a Cup Day like no other. No crowds in the stands, no car-park picnics, no Birdcage or themed corporate marquees with celebs swanning around, sipping bubbly and nibbling on gourmet canapes. But the races through the day will go ahead, culminating in the one that traditionally stops the nation at 3pm. Ten's coverage of the Spring Racing Carnival's biggest day begins in the morning with Studio 10. The team covering Flemington will be led by Stephen Quartermain and Gorgi Coghlan, with racing host Michael Felgate. Francesca Cumani, who's a reliable asset on racing coverage, will provide her analysis from the UK. The telecast will also feature The Race of Dreams, a virtual race pitting 24 past champions of the Cup against each other.

ABC, 8.30pm

Written and directed by Kriv Stenders (The Principal, Red Dog, TV's Wake in Fright, The Go Betweens: Right Here), this profile of champion racing-car driver Peter Brock focuses on his remarkable achievements on the track and skips more lightly over other aspects of his life. A picture of an obsessive and phenomenally talented driver emerges, a man who learned "mechanical sympathy" from an early age and could "trick" a car into doing what he wanted. Brock dominated the touring car circuit for nearly 40 years, winning the 1000 Endurance race at Bathurst nine times between 1972 and 1987, a record that remains unbroken. He was "the messiah of motorsport", says sports commentator Garry Wilkinson, who's one of the many interviewees including

family members, racing-crew colleagues, rivals and commentators. Brock is depicted as a uniquely talented and charismatic figure who loved attention, hated being alone and could be difficult to work with, as his on-again-off-again relationship with Holden indicated. There was a darkness beneath the charm and Stenders' profile alludes to that, as well as celebrating his mastery of the circuit.

SBS, 8.30pm

Jenny Brockie, who's been the host of this discussion program for nearly 19 years, is taking her final bow in the arena. Calm and capable, she's been a steady pair of hands at the helm, helping to steer a program that is one of TV's quiet achievers. However, there won't be a highlights reel to mark the milestone. Instead, SBS is screening the 2018 episode Hungry, which asks why 3.6 million Australians, including one in five children, don't have enough to eat.

The problem is as pressing today as it was then and the discussion covers issues such as food insecurity, bill shock and the importance of charity organisations. The episode puts a human face on the problem, with several families detailing their stressful situations. Brockie navigates the territory with her customary skill and compassion. She'll be missed.

10play

The 18 Kiwi castaways vying for the $250,000 prize on New Zealand's second season of Survivor look like a buff bunch. They're strong, fit and telegenic. They arrive at their temporary new homes, located on a lake between Thailand and Myanmar, and are welcomed by host Matt Chisholm. As those familiar with the format of this long-running reality-TV contest will be well aware, things get hairy from there. While the scenery is spectacular, close-ups frequently indicate the abundance of potentially scary local wildlife: snakes, spiders, monkeys, even tigers.

Then comes the division into tribes. Chani, which is Thai for gibbon, is yellow; Khangkhaw, meaning bat, is blue. The newly formed teams set about constructing their shelters, trying to make fire to cook their rice, and contemplating the best locations for toilets. Soon, some of the cannier competitors are surreptitiously searching for hidden immunity idols. It's game on and all 15 episodes of the season are available.

9Now

It only lasted three seasons (2016-18), but this star vehicle for Jennifer Lopez has qualities to recommend it, including supporting cast that features Ray Liotta and Drea de Matteo. The police drama created by Adi Hasak focuses on the murky morality that can come with police work. Lopez plays detective Harlee Santos, the single mother of teenager Cristina (Sarah Jeffrey) and the most effortlessly glamorous detective on the New York streets.

However, she's introduced looking shaken and battered, recording a confession into her laptop as something has clearly gone badly wrong. A swing back to two weeks earlier sees Harlee as a confident cop, one who walks with purpose and swagger and feels at home in her role and with her fellow officers, whom she regards as family. She has an especially close relationship with her boss, Matt Wozniak (Liotta). In the pilot, directed by Barry Levinson, the complexities and compromises of her world quickly become clear. A botched assignment with her rookie partner (Dayo Okeniyi) sees her covering up the truth of an apartment raid that led to a death.

Harlee and members of her squad are also engaged in profitable side hustles that involve the trafficking of stolen goods, and they hire themselves out to provide security. In order to keep the peace and maintain low crime figures in his precinct, Wozniak has made some dubious deals. It's a strong start and all 36 episodes are available.

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What's on TV: Friday, October 30 to Thursday, November 5 - Sydney Morning Herald

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October 28th, 2020 at 6:54 pm

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Effective Hybrid Team Leadership: The New Performance Factor For Successful Companies – Forbes

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Variations in employee circumstances, preferences or requirements within the same workforce could lead to the rise ofHybrid Teams, which areteamsin which some members work in the one co-located workplace while others work remotely.

JP Morgan Chase led the way calling certain employees back to the office. Now Googles CEO has alluded that his company will follow suit, even after announcing earlier that employees could work from home until the summer of 2021. Covid-19 cases are rising in 21 states and there still isnt a vaccine, so many people are probably wondering, why the sudden shift to return to the office?

Researchers at the Martec Group, a market research firm, know why. The research firm conducted an Emotional Intelligence survey of 1,214 individuals across various industries, demographics, and seniority levels and found that employees reporting good mental health has dropped from 62% to a mere 28%. Productivity has also taken a hit. 40% of employees saying their productivity has worsened at home, 42% say they have less focus and 42% also say their stress has increased.

With so many companies facing this move towards a hybrid in-office and work-from-home approach its critical for leaders everywhere to get clear on what needs to be implemented, changed and supported.

The good news is that Hybrid Teams arent necessarily new. Companies that have leveraged global and satellite teams have been working with Hybrid Teams for years. Though there are some easy lessons to glean from their experiences, there are some unique factors when it comes to Hybrid Teams in todays climate.

Leaders need to understand and plan for the key factors that will impact Hybrid Teams. Due to the pandemic, there are levels of risk, emotion and compliance that make the management of Hybrid Teams more complex.

The mass and rapid transition to a remote workforce has surfaced these key issues:

Technology & Resource Reliability Unreliable internet service, equipment that doesnt match the office space quality and the lack of home space to ensure distraction free work.

Personal Obligations Individual familial and personal obligations or health concerns are no longer separate from their job obligations.

Rapid Pace of Change Rules and regulations are shifting constantly from a federal, local and internal company level.

Increased Complexity of Change Lack of clear-cut solutions that can meet the demands of the various nuances such as health requirements, scheduling, availability and deadlines.

Health Risks & Protocols Multiple gray areas and evolving guidelines regarding workplaces and in-person interaction.

Ensuring staff feels and is safe by following all health and safety protocols issued at the federal, state, county and company level is going to pose its own challenges. But leaders will also need to level up their skills and approach to ensure they are able to effectively build the synergy and productivity in their blended team.

Chuck Bean, Chief Marketing Officer with the Martec Group shares, The logistics, though they may be challenging, are easier to solve for because theyre tactical. Leaders will have to navigate a lot of the grayer areas to break down the dichotomy of in office and at home team dynamics.

Key areas to focus on include:

Self-Awareness Getting honest about their preferences regarding working in the office or remotely is critical to ensuring they arent penalizing the members of the team operating on the opposite side of their work biases. This means if you have a preference for seeing people working in the office, youll have to combat the urge to discount work done by those working virtually and not as visible to you. Or you may have to work harder to connect with the in-office team members if you prefer the virtual side of work.

The managers preference can no longer be the guiding force on managing Hybrid Teams. Its critical for leaders to be able to foster trust and productivity across all team members. Well need to really listen to our employees the way we listen to our customers to set us all up for success, advises Bean.

Purpose Driven Decisions Its more critical today than ever before to have a vision for the team. Its also critical that everyone understands the purpose behind operating as a hybrid team that goes beyond logistics. Discussing with the team the benefits to morale, creativity, availability and engagement should also be clear to everyone.

Interpersonal Skills Managers can no longer let office tensions slide, assuming time will work things out. Without the opportunities for frequent engagement, resentments tend to grow and spread. Mediation skills will be paramount, as well as the ability to foster a culture of dialogue, feedback and candor.

Communication Rituals In the midst of chaos, its critical to have some predictable moments of engagement, in particularly regarding feedback, expectations and collaboration. Creating these anchors for the team ensure that people feel comfortable bringing up issues as they show up vs. waiting for things to blow up. It also helps to connect the dots and ensure everyone is making decisions with the bigger picture in mind.

Culture & Team Building A proactive and intentional effort needs to be made to ensure teams are not developing a we vs. them mindset due to the different experiences of remote to in-person work. Taking intentional measures to bring team members together across work location will ensure there is a cross-section of communication. However, the leader will be key in setting the tone that everyone is one team by the way they speak to and talk about the team as a whole.

Coaching for Growth & Development Managers will need to ensure career-conversations, skill development and growth opportunities are the cornerstone of their management approach vs. seeing it as a nice to have when there is time. Ensuring individuals drive their own development will help tailor the types of conversations being held. However, leaders need to make it a policy to have one-to-one conversations on an annual or bi-annual basis with each of their direct reports, regardless of their performance levels or work location. This ensures an objective and consistent approach to growth and development across the team.

Though figuring out the different compliance issues, rearranging desks and installing plexiglass guards will be the topics most people focus on during this pendulum swing to the middle ground of blended work environments, its the people side of leadership that will make the biggest and most long-term impact.

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Effective Hybrid Team Leadership: The New Performance Factor For Successful Companies - Forbes

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October 28th, 2020 at 6:54 pm

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How masks are helping these Saskatoon residents beyond stopping COVID-19 – CTV Toronto

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SASKATOON -- Morgana Scully has anxiety and depression and has found that face masks help her keep focused on what matters.

Its been nice because you dont have to focus so much on the facial expressions, she said.

Masks also make it easier to hide things which shes having a bad day, she said.

Alana Demkiw works at a bar and says she is often told by customers to smile more. With the mask it doesnt come up anymore, which is allows her to focus on her work.

The performance is a huge part of my job. Servers have to be smiling and laughing all the time and now we have a little bit of freedom with that, she said.

I dont have to laugh at the old, tired jokes like oh you forgot my beer I guess I dont have to pay for it then, ha ha ha. Its been really nice to communicate without the expectation of a fake smile.

This residual positive effect of mask-wearing takes away some self awareness, according to a professor of psychology at the University of Saskatchewan.

Anytime where our personal identity is hidden it can lead to a little bit of dampening our self consciousness. The positive of it is how we can go out and not worry about what we look like, Jan Gelech said.

That sense of blending into the group can be very positive and safe place for those dealing with social anxiety.

However, anonymity has the potential to increase behaviour in some people that they normally wouldnt do, Gelech said.

Social psychologists would start to wonder are we going to see an increase in uninhibited behaviour. Im not saying there is any evidence this is actually happening yet, but interestingly a lot of research has been done on Halloween masks indicating this is true.

In those cases, children wearing costumes in which they cant be identified would engage in thefts or vandalism where they wouldnt have before, Gelech said.

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How masks are helping these Saskatoon residents beyond stopping COVID-19 - CTV Toronto

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