October 5, 2020 7 min read

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"Give without expecting anything in return" is a great precept for life.

However, it is one thing not to live expecting anything from others, letting go of expectations, and another is ungrateful people: those who, even if you have done all kinds of favors, have helped them in various ways, will never express their gratitude to you. not in the slightest way.

Because of my work, it is common for me to be consulted on very diverse aspects of professional and personal development through social networks; even professionals I have known for many years often write to me asking for guidance, for example, on how to re-enter the job market. Experience indicates that 7 out of 10 of them are ungrateful , because, for example, no matter how much you dedicate your time to provide them with an answer, or a recommendation of their work on the social network LinkedIn, or provide them with an idea so that they can consider it, They never thank you for it is more: they don't even answer you back.

Is it an obligation that you have with the other? Or does the other think he has a right over you? Or, better still: could it be that we ourselves have generated that mechanism to enable the other to uncover us in that way?

There is a saying that says: "It is well born to be grateful", and as a human being, we need to encourage support, cooperation, listening and accompaniment among us, especially with those who are in times of difficulty and looking to get ahead .

But the truth is that ingratitude is a much more frequent behavior than we think. It is based on a nuance of social rejection towards the other, when one is not able to appropriately correspond to the help or benefits received from others. And what you get in return is possibly closing the window on that person for the next time.

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An acquaintance told me that once one of his friends fell into personal and work disgrace: he broke up with his partner, couldn't get a job and had to rent an apartment with the help of a group of acquaintances. What he did not know is that four of them had agreed to assist him for a few months in various ways so that he could get ahead: one provided food; another, a small financial aid; the others, a part-time job and an emotional support network to accompany you.

The person in question not only violated many of the agreements he had with these people, but he behaved in ways that were very remote with gratitude for those who reached out to him. So much so that those ties were broken and after a year they were exterminated ... while that person managed to get ahead, and reintegrate in part thanks to the relationships they had facilitated.

Ingratitude, then, is a toxic behavior, and we ourselves have it on many occasions. The problem lies in when we make it permanent and based on an ego behavior, narcissism, which prevents the clear recording of the help received or the cooperation of the other.

Some manifestations of ungrateful people: they are not very empathetic towards others; they think they are the center of the world; they think that others have to "serve" them for something in a utilitarian sense of people; they are usually envious; It is difficult for them to express what is really happening to them.

As their narcissism does not allow them, they act outward as if nothing is wrong, instead of being honest and asking for help from an empathic and close place. Without a doubt, this will awaken the desire of others to help you.

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Saying thank you and sincerely appreciating what others do for us is a human need; it is part of building healthy and constructive interpersonal relationships. Otherwise, problems will appear in life such as shortage, lack of success, difficulty in achieving significant achievements, and you will ask yourself "What happens that I do not have the answer that I would like from others?", "Why others reach it and I don't ? Dive within: perhaps you are being ungrateful.

As everything has consequences, this type of people can suffer from generalized anxiety, low self-esteem, loneliness, a tendency to stress, and, definitely, bad relationships with others.

To cope with that negative emotion that is felt when a person is ungrateful to us, I suggest:

Avoid getting attached to people and experiences. Work on letting go and knowing that we give from the heart, without expecting anything in return. Not even thanks.

Let him know how the other person can help you . It is a good and fair exchange of favors.

Do not interact with people "take everything" (as in the game of the whirligig): those who want to squeeze your knowledge, advice, relationships, etc., although they offer nothing in return or do not respond when you summon them.

Be the grateful one. Let him know how important it has been for you to be able to help him and assist him in some special way. A few words are enough to mark this line.

Close the circle with those people . Don't get hooked on the feeling their lack of appreciation provokes. Declare it complete within yourself; don't repeat that story over and over (because that reveals you haven't let it go yet).

Keep your self-esteem high . In general, the emotional wounds that affect us come from a low personal esteem, so by working internally you will learn to strengthen it.

"Don't ask the elm for pears." As this other saying goes, if you come into contact with that ungrateful person again, keep it in mind so that you avoid surprises that may bother you because of their behavior or attitude.

Thanks for everything and everyone. Keep your attitude of gratitude constantly present, under all circumstances: it is a master key to a fuller and more balanced life.

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Ungrateful people: it is your ego that prevents you from thanking those who help you - Entrepreneur