The Power of No: Learn to Create the Business You Really Want – Massage Magazine

Posted: February 21, 2020 at 12:41 pm


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Transitioning from a well-paid corporate job to building a successful solo business was, for me, a daunting goal with a lot of trial and error.

But when I was laid off from my corporate job in 2000, I needed to reinvent myself. I discovered the emerging field known aslife coaching.

There were many clients along the way whom I didnt say no to because I was afraid I wouldnt have enough money to make it through the month, let alone build the successful business I wanted.

As I eventually discovered, this was the wrong way to grow a business.

Setting proper boundaries is essential for many reasons; one of the most overlooked or counterintuitive reasons is identifying and implementing boundaries creates structure. Thisstructure is necessary to set and achieve goals and build a successful business or relationship.

Saying yes to everyone or working harder is not always the answer. Using the power of no can make the difference for your practice.

When you dont set limits on your time and energy, you can slowly drift away from your goals and values slipping into a self-sabotaging and continual cycle of burn-out, anger, resentment, overwhelm, frustration and disappointment (not to bum you out), none of which will lead you to a prosperous and fulfilling life and business.

I learned this the hard way. I worried if I said no to just one client, I wouldnt make my bills, or worse, put food on the table.

And so, after a lifetime of living with the self-sabotaging pattern of saying yes when I often wanted to say no, I dedicated myself to transforming these patterns into a system to confidently set and convey my boundaries and stay focused on what was most important to me.

I learned ultimately the more laser-focused and structured my goals were, the sooner I would reach them and the less fearful I felt. It makes sense, right?

When you are not used to setting boundaries, it can feel overwhelming, among other emotions. To make it easier for my clients and students to make these changes, I created The TAILOR System.

TAILOR is an acronym for the six steps to empowered boundary-setting. This mnemonic device makes it simple to remember the steps so you can accomplish your goal of boundary-setting and create the life you want.

T is forTrigger. Learn to identify specifically what situations, memories, language, or behaviors trigger your negative feelings of anger, resentment, guilt, hurt, disappointment, etc. Ask yourself: What specifically triggered my negative emotions?

A is forAwareness and Acknowledgment. Learn to becomeawareof your triggers, negative feelings, and self-sabotaging behaviors when they are about to happen or are happening.Learn the power and necessity of acknowledgment of self and others.

I is forIssue and Intuition. Identify what the real underlying issue is. Ask yourself: What is underneath my anger, frustration, guilt, overwhelm, or other initial reactions? Become aware of, and tap into your intuition.

L is forLanguage. Develop new supportive, confident, and empowering language to communicate your expectations and your boundary line.

O is forOutcome. Identify the specific outcome you want, instead of the disempowering one youve been settling for.

R is forResponse. Identify and break the pattern of your old negative and self-sabotaging responses and develop new, more empowering responses.

The TAILOR System is the big picture for boundary-setting. What I hear most often from people is their biggest challenge in boundary-setting is eliciting the proper language to set and convey a boundary, so Id like to give you my favorite tip to get you started. Its called:My Seven Magic Words.

Myseven magic wordsare: Hmm, Id like to think about this. Learning to say no confidently is abigleap when you are not skilled in setting and communicating boundaries. Therefore, you need what I call bridge language to narrow the gap between explaining why you are saying no, and confidently setting a boundary.

Bridge language starts the process of repatterning your knee-jerk, self-sabotaging response of saying yes and transforms it into a considered response.

When you say, Hmm, Id like to think about this, it conveys reflection simply by the language itself. The word hmm provides a thoughtful pause in the response. It conveys you want to carefully consider the request being made.

Lest you think this phrase is the same as saying maybe, it is not.

I encourage to you practice using this phrase whenever someone asks you something even if it doesnt seem to fit the situation. You will learn to build your muscle and break you knee-jerk response of always saying yes.

Defining and implementing your goals through proper boundary-setting will lead you to work with the type of clients whom you value and will value you.

Isnt this one of the most important reasons for having your own business?

About the Author: Julie A. Hawkinswas a lifelong people-pleaser until the unexpected death of her life partner, which forced her to begin setting and conveying proper boundaries to survive and thrive. Drawing on two decades as a life coach and Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) trainer, Hawkins developed an innovative six-step system to help others say no without guilt and confidently set boundaries. She lives in Silicon Valley, where she conducts workshops and spends time with her human and furry friends. She is the author of Say No Without Guilt, Six Achievable Steps to Confidently Set and Communicate Boundaries.

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The Power of No: Learn to Create the Business You Really Want - Massage Magazine

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February 21st, 2020 at 12:41 pm

Posted in Life Coaching