InIts Okay,we defend our most embarrassing, unpopular opinions.

I should call my grandmothers. Ill do it Wednesday, I swear. I should call my oldest friend, weve really only emailed here and there in the past year. We should have a good catch up. Oh god, has she already had the baby? Shit! Let me make a calendar reminder so I dont forget. I should call my dad; Ive only talked to my mom the last few times Ive called home. Ill do that this week. I have time Wednesday. Shit when will I call the grandmothers, then? Oh, damn it, I meant to call C. last night to check in when we texted a couple of weeks ago, they were having trouble

Some variation of this internal monologue runs through my head almost constantly, the only alteration found in the names of the individuals Im failing by not keeping regularly abreast of their lives. The guilt though that stays the same regardless.

Im bad at keeping in touch, clearly. But thats okay?

It doesnt feel okay. It feels shitty. Every time I forget to call someone it feels like a choice, like Ive prioritized something else that is more important to me than the people I care about work, TV, zombie scrolling on my phone, chores, exercise. Sometimes, when I do remember, its a matter of energy Ill call them when Ill be more upbeat, I think. But when enough weeks go by, and my good intentions never manifest into reaching out, it starts to feel like a series of excuses.

Excuses they may be but such excuses may also be inescapable. We simply cant be in touch as closely as we desire with everyone we might desire to be closely in touch with. According to an anthropologist and psychologist from the University of Oxford, Robin Dunbar, theres a limit to how much effort we can put into maintaining relationships.

Working from an anthropological theory that suggests a link between brain size and size of an individuals social network, Dunbar conducted brain scans of humans and came up with a predicted number of possible social connections. He then conducted experiments, historical reviews, and surveys, all of which seemed to validate it. The result Dunbars number concludes that the average individual can only maintain a social group of 150. Its an average, so more outgoing, social people might have as many 200, while others might have closer to 100, reported Maria Konnikova for The New Yorker in 2014.

Further analysis led Dunbar to develop the rule of three, which defines increasingly inner or outer circles. From this social group of 150, the average person will have roughly 50-some close friends with whom they socialize with any kind of regularity, and about 15 intimates in whom they confide. On average, only five people form our closest support network: our ride-or-dies, our emergency contacts, our trusted advisors who often double as our family members.

Meanwhile, casual acquaintances can extend up to around 500, and people whose names and faces we can match tops out around three times more than that, at 1,500 (or fewer, if youre anything like me).

The thing is, the amount of social capital you have is pretty fixed, Dunbar told Konnikova. It involves time investment. If you garner connections with more people, you end up distributing your fixed amount of social capital more thinly so the average capital per person is lower.

Which means the fact that I can only stay on top of the intimate details of only a handful of peoples lives is totally okay.

So why cant I shake the guilt?

First, women are more prone to feeling guilt than men; and for women, guilty feelings are a predictor of helping behavior and empathy. Researchers offer a lot of theories as to why that is, but most boil down to variations on the following theme: girls are conditioned far more than boys to be more caring, more aware of how their behavior affects others well-being, to prioritize maintaining relationships. If we think of keeping in touch with friends and family members as knowing with regularity the events and emotions of their lives, its easy to see how that translates into a tacit and peculiarly gendered pressure.

Related on The Swaddle:

That pressure can translate into a type of reward, for women, when theyre successful at keeping in touch like the woman who told Harpers Bazaar, in a 2019 exploration of emotional labor, that she enables her divorced brothers emotional dependency in part to feel important. I, too, in part, feel a sense of success and importance in anothers life when I know enough about their up-to-date experiences to provide emotional support. But the pressure can also translate into a type of character judgment when women fail. Being bad at keeping in touch with friends and family is something that feels like an intrinsic, personal flaw a prime area for self-improvement. Nearly every year, my New Years Resolution(s) include being better not doing better, note, but being better at keeping in touch with the people I love, many of whom live far away. And nearly every year, I feel like a failure in this realm as a result.

Compounding this is the fact that our definition of what it means to be good at keeping in touch has changed with the advent of social media and smartphones. The ability to constantly communicate in real-time with virtually anyone from any point in life adds a pressure that previous generations did not know. Thirty years ago, one expensive, long-distance call every couple of months to check in was the gold standard for friends and family who lived far away. There was no question of being in touch with them more regularly; it wasnt possible or affordable. We were okay not knowing the details and emotions of daily life because it was virtually impossible to do so.

This constant connection increases the pressure to keep in touch intimately and regularly for anyone, but particularly women, given social conditioning. Ironically, it also dilutes our efforts. Not only cant we be intimately in touch with everyone we want to be intimately in touch with, the more people we try to maintain close connections with, the more we fail them. As Konnikova reported, traditionally, weve devoted 60% of our social energy to our core group of people the circles of 50, 15 and five and 40% of our social energy to the friends and acquaintances beyond that. But as social media is enabling/demanding we stay up-to-date with more and more people, and our reserve of social capital stays static, were shortchanging our intimates as we spread our social energy ever more thinly; the division is now more like 40-60, reported Konnikova.

Whats reassuring, however, is that the people who make up these groups often change. At certain points well be closer to some people than others, and vice versa at others; friends become intimates, intimates become friends; acquaintances become friends and friends become acquaintances. We cant be all things at all times to all people who matter to us, but we can be some things sometimes to some people. For the rest, we can hold close good memories of support and well wishes, and hope for a future that brings us back in touch more closely, a freshening of friendship once again. Comfortingly, this leaves us with the knowledge that someone, very far away, is thinking of us and us of them. And thats okay.

But seriously, call your dad.

Continued here:
It's Okay: to Be Bad at Keeping in Touch - The Swaddle

It happens to everyone. You wake up feeling like a Disney princess, greeting your cat (Top of the morning, Mr. Whiskers!) as you put on the coffee. Then you float over to the bathroom in your pretty nightgown and OMG, WHAT THE HELL IS ON MY FACE?! A pimple? A flare-up? Whatever the case, the Disney montage comes to a screeching halt and the whole day takes on a sucky tinge.

In the January spirit of self-improvement, we thought wed do something about it. We turned to pros for tips on preventing the bad surprises and upping our overall glow through lifestyle habits and derm-approved prods. Now thats what we call a fairy-tale ending.

Look inward first: Naturopathic doctor Dr. Erica Arcuri believes in taking an inside-out approach to skin. When patients come into her wellBYND clinic with complexion qualms, she begins by looking at their overall health. First and foremost, we need to consider things like food sensitivities and gut health, she explains. If your body constantly feels like its under attack, whether its from a food sensitivity or microbial overgrowth, then youre in a perpetual state of inflammation and its bound to show up on your skin. Arcuri also recommends checking for hormone imbalances, like period irregularities or thyroid issues, as these can cause breakouts and aggravate inflammatory conditions like eczema and rosacea.

Eat smart: In population-wide studies looking into foods that trigger acne, the only thing thats really come out is skim milk, says Toronto dermatologist Dr. Kristy Bailey, citing its higher hormone content. That being said, I always tell my patients on an individual level, If you eat a chocolate bar and you get a pimple the next day or your rosacea flares up, avoid that. Other triggers for rosacea include alcohol, spicy foods and caffeine, she says. On the flip side, some foods can improve skin health, says Arcuri. She recommends leafy greens and foods high in fibre, like flax seeds, to regularize bowel movements. Eliminating properly is key, she says. Foods packed with omega 3, like salmon, walnuts and chia seeds, can also help keep skin clear and supple. And then of course, theres all-important water. Stay hydrated, people!

Get your beauty sleep: Sleep is when our body restores every process, says Arcuri. That means failing to catch enough Zs or reach a deep stage of sleep can actually lead to premature aging. To make it easier to drift off to dreamland, Arcuri recommends putting away phones and computers at least 30 minutes before bed. Blue light can really mess with our circadian rhythm, she explains. Taking magnesium, a muscle relaxant, can also help put you in a relaxed state, as can sprinkling Epsom salt (also magnesium) in your bath. Consider the way you sleep, too, says Bailey. Ideally, you dont sleep on your face, because over time the side you sleep on will deflate and youll look more aged on that side, she says. Silk pillowcases can help a little bit because youre not getting the creases from the pillowcase and theyre softer on the skin. She recommends washing your pillowcase at least once a week to get rid of any makeup, dirt or dust mites.

Chill out: The body is not a fan of stress, and it often comes out in the skin and hair, says Bailey. I see it all the time in patients who are experiencing stressful events, whether theyre going through a divorce or are stressed at work. Thats because cortisol, the stress hormone, puts us in a state of fight or flight, and when were in that state too often, inflammation creeps up. You might not notice it right away, but down the line, you can start having a bunch of issues, from headaches and chronic pain to eczema and premature aging, says Arcuri. To tune out the mental chatter, she suggests trying meditation or journaling. Some forms of exercise can also help, but cardio and strength-based training can actually make cortisol levels spike. So if youre using exercise as a way to unwind, choose something more restorative, like yoga, says Arcuri.

Rev up your regimen: Now that weve tackled the lifestyle portion, its time to talk topical. For Bailey, its all about banking on the right products. There are only three that have really good research behind them in terms of anti-aging, she says. The first is broad-spectrum sunscreen, which studies show can make you look 25 per cent younger. As youre meant to reapply it every two hours, Bailey likes touching up with a powder formula throughout the day. The second thing we should all be using is vitamin C, she says. Its been found to brighten skin and protect against free radicals. Last but not least is retinol, which can fade pigmentation, clear breakouts, boost collagen production and reduce the look of fine lines and wrinkles. As retinol can be irritating, both pros recommend incorporating it gradually into your routine to see if you can tolerate it. Then, its just about washing your face every night with a good cleanser (the more bland, the better, says Bailey) and keeping your skin happy and hydrated.

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How to have the best skin of your life - Toronto Star

The competing solutions are as unclear and undeveloped as they are conflicting. There is a good historical reason for this and it is not exclusive to the US and its hapless Democratic party. There is a crisis on the centre Left in almost all Western countries and it is to do with the decline of those industries whose workforces these parties once spoke for.

Unlike the forces of the democratic Right which have always based their appeal on individual rights and meritocratic aspiration, the parties of the Left have spoken for collective solidarity - for trade unions and class loyalties. They relied on a soft kind of Marxist logic: that only through unity could working class (what Americans call blue collar) people make their voices heard.

But the great industries have left. The steel and car manufacturers have abandoned the American Rust Belt and their once proud workers have been unemployed for two generations. For millions of people, the Calvinist work ethic and the American dream of self-improvement have crashed.

What does the Democratic party have to say to them? Last time round, it had a leader in Hillary Clinton who did not even bother to campaign in their states and talked of little else but the need for women to break glass ceilings.

Which women did she mean? The ones in the Rust Belt who were worried about putting food on the table? Or that tiny proportion of women (maybe 5 or 6 percent of the female population) who are among the most privileged, highly qualified people in the world and who are furious because they are not getting the top jobs?

In fact, the move to identity politics is inherently divisive - thats the whole point of it - and does not speak with a clear political message which voters can choose to support even if it does not represent their own personal interests.

It is much more visceral than that. It is about what you are - your race or ethnicity or gender - rather than what you believe. And as a consequence, it is not a matter for debate or rational argument.

So more is at risk here than the lost soul of the Democratic party, or Labour, or any of the soft Left parties of Europe.

What is at stake is the very notion of politics being about ideas and principles.

So maybe what they are saying is true. Who won the Iowa caucus actually doesnt matter at all.

Read Janet Daleys latest column ontelegraph.co.ukevery Saturday from 1pm

Read the original:
The chaos in Iowa is a fitting reflection of the sorry state of the Democratic party - Telegraph.co.uk

Spain's Rafael Nadal says that he believes the new Rafa Nadal Academy in Kuwait has the ability to help young players not only from Kuwait but also from the other countries in the Middle East and his group is open to having more academies in other countries if they find the right fit.

In an interview to Marca, Nadal says, "This is the first academy that we open outside of what is Manacor, in Mallorca. Yes it is true that we have other 'Rafa Nadal Tennis Center' in Mexico and Greece, but this time we had the opportunity to join a very strong group from here, from Kuwait, who are serious and hardworking people, and that they offer us the confidence to be able to develop the product in a way that excites and motivates us.

This is a region of the world that has the potential to help increase the culture of tennis; We believe that from the academy, we can help not only the young talents here in Kuwait, but throughout the Middle East. We already have several coaches from the Manacor academy who have been here for three months, helping local coaches to understand the model and the way we work.

And obviously, all the children of the Kuwait Federation are already centralized here, in the academy." Speaking about opening the academy in other countries, Nadal says he would be open to doing so only if they found the right people to work with.

"Well, the world is big. Why not? We are not closed to any possibility. And there are different options. But, like everything else in this world, every option that appears will be valued and we will try to do things convenient, associated with people who offer us confidence."

The Spaniard, who will play an exhibition event in Kuwait on Wednesday against David Ferrer to inaugurate the academy, says that he hopes the academy will spur local talent in the Kuwaiti region. "Everything is feasible.

In the end, the more people start playing tennis in this region, the more options there will be for an important talent to emerge from the professional field worldwide. We will try to do everything in the best possible way, working with passion and enthusiasm; and with the necessary resources so that children have the possibilities of growing at the tennis level, but also at the human level.

We always try to work from a basic principle, which is respect, the spirit of self-improvement and try to convey to boys and girls, to young people, that the ultimate goal, of course, is success; but that not everything is valid to achieve it.

It is important that they grow with strong values that can serve them in the sports field, but that, for those who do not get to live from sports, that they have adequate training that can be powerful enough to serve them for the future, in any professional or personal life situations they have."

The rest is here:
Rafael Nadal On His Hopes for New Academy in the Middle East - Tennis World USA

Jon Jones may not be ready to go to heavyweight after all.

In the days leading up to UFC 247 on Saturday, Jones has been teasing the move more than ever, especially after saying he felt he would beat heavyweight champion Stipe Miocic if they ever met in a fight.

Then again, Jones has been talking about going to heavyweight for several years including a fun faceoff with Cain Velasquez when he was still champion but the move up in weight has never materialized.

Judging by Jones comments on Wednesday during the UFC 247 athlete panel, he may not be seriously considering that move now either.

At the end of the day, I feel like if its not broke dont fix it, Jones stated. So much has been going right in the light heavyweight division. I feel like theres always going to be great competition as long as guys are dreaming and aspiring to achieve great things. Its going to be my job to stay where Im at and to be a dream killer in a way.

Ive got a lot more years at the light heavyweight division, but Im also excited to challenge myself.

According to Jones, the decision may lie in the hands of his fans, whom he says will ultimately drive the fights he pursues in the future.

I know at the end of the day, its about the fans. Its about giving the fans what they want, Jones said. Unlike boxing, sometimes they hold off on great fights. Like (Floyd) Mayweather (and) (Manny) Pacquaio, that fight waited too long.

I want to be a part of giving the fans what they want when they want it. If you guys are desiring me to go to the heavyweight division, then I think the UFCs going to feel that demand and were going to make it happen.

TRENDING > Donald Trump called Dana White from Air Force One to talk Conor McGregor vs. Cowboy!!!

One thing that Jones made crystal clear is that hes not going to define his legacy solely by wins and losses or how many championships he collects during his career.

Jones believes that his journey as a mixed martial artist matters more than any gold belt he could wrap around his waist.

I think its growing. Its growing at the end of the day, Jones responded when asked whats most important to him. Dominick [Reyes] said something on Instagram and you can take it two ways. He said being a champion isnt about winning the belt, its about the person you become in life and its about having love and things like that, and I totally agree with that. The other half of me feels like thats his way of preparing himself for a defeat.

But at the end of the day, being a martial artist, what it means to me is being aware theres so many things we can work on. Whether thats in your relationship, as a father, as an athlete. I say a black belt is a black belt because they know how much they dont know yet. I truly stand here as a guy who has so much more to learn about life. Theres people who have lost several times and theyll be champions until the day they die. So its really not about winning or losing. Its about the journey. Its about self-improvement.

Jones will attempt to vanquish Reyes this weekend and then the questions will surely begin again about what comes next for one of the UFCs most dominant champions.

See the original post here:
Jon Jones: Ive got a lot more years at the light heavyweight division - Yahoo Sports

How do you end your day? We pay so much attention to our morning habits, but finishing the day on a positive note is just as important when it comes to our well-being and success. And if youre going to implement one change to your nighttime routine, try journaling before bed to experience greater happiness and success.

Journaling at the end of the day gives you an opportunity to reflect on the day, says certified life coach Miruna Nica. It gives you the benefit of relaxing in a moment of introspection and seeing the highlights of your day with more clarity.

Studies have shown the practice can even help you sleep better. Journaling before bed also sets you up for success the next day, allowing you to clear your mind, celebrate wins, note areas of improvement and check in with your goals. Tools like the Five-Minute Journal make it easy to adopt a journaling habit, but you can also create your own routine and go more in-depth. Heres everything you need to know to get started.

According to Nica, journaling before bed will help you develop more self-awareness, learn from your experiences and find peace of mind. The more you review your decisions and actions on a daily basis, the more youll be able to connect dots and notice how certain thought patterns affect your reality. You can also evaluate what went well, what didnt go so well, and what kind of insights you can take away from your experiences so you can improve in the future. Finally, you can release stress and get a sense of closure by expressing your thoughts without censorship.

As with any new habit you want to implement, Nica recommends starting with your why. Why would this be important to you? What is your intention with this practice? Perhaps its monitoring growth, encouraging self-expression or keeping track of your daily routines. Or maybe you want to write down your brilliant ideas or expand your self-discovery, she says.

Now that you have a better idea of your intentions, figure out what kind of approach would work for you. Once your why is clear, jot down your what: Would your journal be more like an open book with blank pages to be filled with whatever is present for you at the moment or would it be more structured? Would you want to have categories in it? Then, implement and see happiness and success come in.

Be realistic about the amount of time you want to dedicate to your evening journaling routine, and choose a place and time where youll be most likely to take the time to write in your journal.

Nica embraces a semi-structured approach in her own evening journaling routine. I answer the same questions every night and add my own twists for that day, she says. She recommends the following prompts:

She also suggests following your journaling practice with a moment of deep breathing and relaxation. Set the intention to slow down, let go, and have a peaceful and restful night of sleep. You can, over time, see the success and happiness happen.

Continued here:
Do this 1 thing before bed for greater happiness and success - Ladders

If you like the idea of a weekend in the Hamptons but can't see yourself making it to Long Island any time soon, you could do much worse than a trip to Matakana.

Like the legendary New York holiday hangout, the region and its surrounds are a magnet for urbanites looking to get back to nature for a bit, safe in the knowledge they'll be able to get a good a good cup of coffee (or glass of wine) and something decent for lunch.

Both are home to small coastal communities with extra-large houses, long white-sand beaches, wineries with cheap (in Hamptonite terms) tastings, farmers' markets, art galleries and boutiques stocked with the kind of casual but costly clothing and homewares often on offer in affluent coastal towns. Visitors can sample a slice of rural life, essentially, safe in the knowledge they're unlikely to get dung on their designer city-slicker shoes.

SUPPLIED

Matakana: Sophisticated but not snobby.

In some respects Matakana has the Hamptons beat. While the traffic from Auckland can be maddening, particularly on sunny summer weekends, it's usually not as bad as the hours-long commutes New Yorkers en route to the Hamptons endure. And you don't have to bookaccommodation and tables at popular restaurants a year in advance.

READ MORE: * Sculptureum: New Zealand's sculpture park with a difference * Five of the best Auckland wineries for a weekend drive * 20 reasons to visit Matakana this weekend

Unless you're an old-money Manhattanite, cashed-up corporate or real housewife of New Jersey or NYC, you're also likely to feel more at home in Matakana. Sophisticated but not snobby, it's as attractive to beach bums and surfers as those looking to indulge in fine wine or craft beer over a fancy long lunch.

Like a lot of Aucklanders, I've spent many a Saturday or Sunday in Matakana but the increasingly horrendous traffic jams have put me off going - on my last trip back, it took an hour just to get down Matakana Road. A solution is to take a leaf out of Hamptonites' book and spend a night or few - something I had the pleasure of doing for the first time fairly recently and have been hoping to repeat ever since.

Heading out of Auckland on a drizzly spring morning, the traffic was as close as it can come in the city to a dream (ie it wasn't a complete nightmare) and I made it to Matakana within an hour.

SUPPLIED

Matakana has one of the most diverse grape varieties grown in NZ.

The town's high population of talented artisans make its market worth travelling for and, thinking back to the apple, feijoa and Manuka honey liqueur I'd picked up on my last visit and couldn't stop pouring over ice cream, I was keen to stock up and see what new treats lay in store.

Even after a big breakfast, I found myself salivating at every other stall. Mahurangi oysters, mince and mozzarella pies, mallowpuff-sized balls of Swiss chocolate and salted caramel and buckwheat galettes oozing melted cheese had me reassuring myself there's nothing wrong with treating yourself to breakfast, brunch and lunch in one day from time to time. Especially when you know that exercising restraint is going to result in a serious case of FOMO.

Even at 10am, the booze also looked tempting. Along with the fruity wines and liqueurs produced by family-run Lothlorien in the nearby Ahuroa Valley - which, to the best of its knowledge, is the only certified organic feijoa winery in the world - were locally distilled Market Gin and Batch10 honey bourbon. The makers of the latter had teamed up with local ice cream institution Charlies to create a boozy frozen dessert so blissful - and potent - that has since had my entire family - adults and kids alike - bouncing off the walls.

LORNA THORNBER

The beaches and bush walks of Twharanui are a short drive away.

Feeling as fat at the smoked beef brisket burrito I'd stashed in my bag for lunch, I picked up a loose-fitting t-shirt made from colourful mismatched fabrics (it looks nicer than it sounds) at the neighbouring craft market and headed to Sculptureum, which co-founder Anthony Grant has dubbed "Disneyland for art".

Developed over more than a decade by Anthony and his wife Sandra, both of whom work as barristers in Auckland, the 10-hectare property is a gallery/amusement park of sorts with its three sculpture gardens, six indoor galleries, a vineyard, and restaurant and bar Rothko, which has quickly established itself as one of the best (posh) places to eat in town.

The some 400 works on display include "serious" pieces by such artistic superstars as Picasso, Cezanne, Matisse and Chagall along with offbeat, often in-your-face, sculptures likely to both amuse and bemuse. Think a family of hot pink giant snails, a sheepdog made from a mop enjoying the feeling of wind in its fur from an open car window, and curious hybrid albino creatures: one with the head of a cat and (naked) body of a woman and another with the head of a dog and body of an (also naked) man.

SUPPLIED

Roktho is one of many the many posh places to eat in the area.

The aim, Grant has said, is to sway those "who've been turned off art by boring displays and arrogant curators. I want to show them that art can be fun and it can enrich your life."

In the outdoor galleries, pathways wind their way past classical and country-style gardens; flame-coloured flax bushes; aviaries filled with finches, parrots, parakeets, golden pheasants and other colourful birds of a feather (flocking, of course, together); free-range giant flemish rabbits; written musings on art and gardening by centuries of intelligent sorts; and advice on self-improvement from the late Steve Jobs.

I spent so much time studying the latter in an attempt to decode the secrets to his multi-billion dollar success that the restaurant was closed by the time I'd finished. A good thing really considering I hadn't managed to resist that burrito in my bag.

SUPPLIED

Sculptureum has been dubbed 'Disneyland for art'.

From Sculptureum, it's just a short drive to Twharanui where, in summer, I like to work up enough of a sweat on the tracks that traverse rolling farmland and regenerating forest to feel okay about spending the rest of the day snoozing on the white-sand surf beach. With regular refreshment breaks in the marine reserve - also a popular spot with the likes of starfish, lobsters and bottlenose dolphins.

On that overcast but brightening spring evening though, I was the only person in Anchor Bay not wearing a wetsuit. Walking the Westend Track without another soul - saving the seal-like surfers bobbing far out to sea - in sight, the city and the stresses it brings seemed a million miles - although technically I was still within the supercity's limits.

Discovering I was in town during Feast Matakana, when local restaurants showcase their best locally grown and caught produce, I decided it would be remiss of me not to add a fourth meal to the day and headed to Matakana Market Kitchen where I had quite the feast indeed. Of Mahurangi oysters, baked flounder, prawns and salad, and a belly-bloating (but irresistible) medley of aubergine, red capsicums, other roast veggies and beans.

LORNA THORNBER

Twharanui: Just as pretty when you have it to yourself off peak.

Stuffed to the point of sedated, I waddled the few hundred metres or so to long-running B&B the Black and White Barn, which lives up to its name in terms of its colour scheme but bears no trace of having ever been used to house hay or animals. Founded by ex-Auckland Amy and Simon Hope, who absconded for a simpler life, its two suites and larger White Cottage offer everything those who dream of following in their footsteps (even just for a weekend) could hope for with their stylish monochromatic furnishings, cool contemporary artworks, natural Matakana-made toiletries and (most importantly) big comfy beds.

After a breakfast of the Puhoi yoghurt and fresh fruit left overnight in the fridge, I head to Pakiri, another of my all-time favourite Auckland beaches, where, feeling guilty about my gluttony, I ran across the fluffy white clouds reflected in the fine white sand until my legs and lungs commanded me to stop. And the end of the beach was still a distant speck on the horizon.

It was late afternoon by the time I made it to the Sawmill Brewery and Smoko Room which tragically went up in flames last October. Its owners for the past near-decade, Kirsty McKay and Mike Sutherland, hope the place will be back up-and-running by mid-year, and after the beverages and tapas-style dishes I enjoyed there I sure hope they're right.

SUPPLIED

B&B The Black and White Barn is rustic but, this being Matakana, upmarket.

Taking a seat on the sun-drenched deck of the former timber mill, I sipped on a light grapefruit- and pine-scented pale ale - one of 15 beers brewed on site - as I tucked into tamarind pork hock with kohlrabi, pea tendrils and peanuts and an heirloom tomato, baby beetroot and witloof salad.

The deck was full when I arrived with punters working their way through tasting trays and sharing plates and - by the time the sun had begun to slope toward bed - families; the parents working their way through jugs of beer as they chatted while the kids made a mess of themselves in the mud. As far as snapshots of New Zealand life go, this one was pretty idyllic.

While I can't say I would turn down a trip to the Hamptons, Matakana is certainly no poor man's substitute.

MORE INFORMATION

matakanavillage.co.nz and matakanacoast.co.nz

GETTING THERE

Matakana is about an hour's drive north of Auckland CBD.

STAYING THERE

The Black and White Barn down quiet Courtney Lane isa couple of minuteswalk from the markets, shops, restaurants and cafes on the main street. whitecottage.co.nz

The writer was a guest of Black and White Barn andVolkswagon.

LORNA THORNBER

Fourteen kilometre Pakiri is arguably one of Auckland's best beaches.

SUPPLIED

The Sawmill Brewery is expected to reopen this year after being devastated by fire.

Stuff

More here:
Is Matakana New Zealand's answer to the Hamptons? - Stuff.co.nz

Womens clubs arent a new idea. They gained much popularity more than a hundred years ago and played a large role in the suffragette movement. They have continued on in a variety of ways since and Mint Hill has its very own.

The Mint Hill Womens Club started in 1974 as the Farmwood Womens Auxilary and later the Farmwood Womens Club until the name finally changed to The Mint Hill Womens Club in 2005, when it grew beyond the Farmwood neighborhood and encouraged women from anywhere in the town to join.

The history of our club is rich and we love to honor it and our original members every chance we get, said Andree West, Co-President of the club. This year is our 45th anniversary and we are proud to be able to celebrate it with so many of the original members.

The club has one general meeting each month, the second Monday of the month, at 7 p.m. in Town Hall.

They follow this vision when deciding on activities and volunteer projects :

Service to community through volunteering and fundraising. One hundred percent of proceeds go back into the local community.

Fellowship to enrich old friendships and foster new ones.

Self improvement through guest speakers at monthly meetings and local trips that appeal to a wide variety of interests.

Throughout the clubs history, it has stayed true to this vision and has taken each pillar, service to the community, fellowship, and self-improvement seriously.

There are many opportunities for members to gather and meet each other in fellowship at a variety of times throughout the month to accommodate any schedule.

Many topics are covered at meetings and a variety of different activities and trips are offered so theres something for everyone.

Where the club really shines though is through their service to the community. So far they have put more than $100,000 back into the Mint Hill community. Funds have been raised through group activities and fundraisers like card and game parties, craft auctions, Christmas home tours, spring garden tours, yard sales, etc.

This year their annual fundraiser is a bit of a new endeavor for them, an event called, Sip, Savor, Support it is a wine and craft beer tasting event.

I think this event is the first of its kind offered in Mint Hill and we are very excited for it, said Marilyn Fargo, Co-President for the Club. We will have a fantastic selection of wines, craft beers and of course food for attendees. Plus we have gathered some amazing items for our raffle and silent auction.

The event will take place from 6 to 8:30 p.m. Thursday, Feb. 27th at Pine Lake Country Club in Mint Hill. Doors will open at 5:30 p.m. Tickets will be sold in advance.

More than 80 items will be up for raffle and silent auction with values ranging from $30 to $1500.

Messer Financial Group is the title sponsor for the event. Southern Trust Mortgage is also helping to sponsor.

We are so grateful to be partnered with such wonderful sponsors for this event and year-round, said West. Messer Financial Group has really stepped up to make sure this event will be amazing.

The proceeds from this event will be donated back to the local community in the form of scholarships to CPCC, or donations to organizations such as the Community Culinary School of Charlotte, Honor the Warriors, Healing Vine Harbor, Mint Hill Arts, Servants Heart, Idlewild Fire dept, and various other small organizations in the area.

No tickets will be available for sale at the event. Tickets can be purchased online MHWClub.com or through Kathy Raiano at mhwclub@gmail.com. Attendees must be 21.

New members are welcome to the club any time, if interested visit MHWClub.com or send an email to mhwclub@gmail.com

Originally posted here:
Mint Hill Women's Club celebrates 45 years of service and fellowship - Mint Hill Times

Celebrating 20 years of the series, Electronic Arts have revealed The Sims 5. With potential cross-platform on PC, PS5 and Xbox Series X, the fifth game in the famous simulation series is in development!

On February 4, 2020, The Sims franchise celebrated its 20th anniversary! The first simulation game was released in 2000 and fans have been waiting for the fifth of the name for more than 6 years now. Don't panic, The Sims 5 is in preparation and Electronic Arts says so! No official announcement has been made and we don't have a release date, but Andrew Wilson, EA's CEO, has finally spoken about The Sims 5.

It's the CNN website who interviewed Andrew:

As Maxis continues to think about The Sims for a new generation across platforms and a cloud-enabled world, you should imagine that while we will always stay true to our inspiration, escape, creation, self-improvement motivation, that this notion of social interaction and competition like the kind of things that were actually present in The Sims Online many years ago will start to become part of the ongoing The Sims experience in the years to come.

(Source)

Two things to remember, then:

Note that The Sims have always been released first on PC and then on consoles. This time, it seems that gamers will be able to enjoy The Sims 5 on PC, PS5 and Xbox Series right out with the release of the game. In addition, gamers from all over the world, and on different consoles, will be able to play together (cross-platform).

Maybe we'll learn more at the E3 2020?

Here you will find our calendar of new video game releases in 2020, for all major platforms PC, PS4, Xbox One, Nintendo Switch, Nintendo 3DS, Google Stadia and next-gen consoles when information is released.

Milkameluna

Pokmon || Animal Crossing || Harry Potter || Mobile Games || Top Games || Hytale || Minecraft

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The Sims 5: EA confirms game is in development, will be cross-platform - Millenium US

Accidental encounters with racists lead me to believe that they are open to neither reason nor self-improvement. I must conclude, then, that a book entitled How to Argue With a Racist will remain untouched by those who would most benefit from reading it. This is a pity, as there is a growing army who have succumbed to a phenomenon known as race realism. This is racism reinterpreted for the internet age: a heady brew of misunderstood science, ugly conspiracy and plain old prejudice that forms the basis of (usually) far-right and white supremacist thinking.

Race realism promotes the spurious idea that science has uncovered distinct and meaningful differences between races but that this truth is somehow suppressed by snowflake scientists in hock to political correctness. Those supposed truths are then contorted by their abusers into parodies of racial destiny: black men are born to sprint but not to swim; Jews are born into moneylending; and, of course, whites are born above all others. Black people are several rungs below white peers on the social ladder not because of systemic oppression and discrimination but because they are naturally more stupid.

It is a perverse system of thought that seeks to justify racial separateness and conveniently reinforce assertions of white superiority. This is an ideology treading water amid the flood of data pouring out of genetics studies and a mistaken concept of ancestry propagated by the consumer DNA testing market which happily nurtures fantasies of Viking descent.

The claim that genetics supports any form of racism or that it supports the idea of race as a biologically meaningful concept is a fallacy, argues the geneticist, author and Twitter warrior Adam Rutherford, in this slim, two-fingered salute to thehaters: The continual failure to settle on the number of races is indicative of its folly. No one has ever agreed how many races there are, nor what their essential features might be, aside from the sweeping generalisations about skin colour, hair texture and some facial features. The clear genetic boundaries that racists crave to bolster their narrative are simply absent from the analyses of our 20,000-odd genes and their variants.

Rutherford, a British science writer whose previous books include Creation and The Book of Humans, divides his analysis into chapters covering skin colour, ancestral purity, sporting prowess and intelligence. Just as you cannot tell the function of a room by the colour of its walls, skin colour is a rotten guide to the biological realities hidden within. The dominance of skincolour as a racial classifier is based on historical pseudoscience primarily invented during the years of European empire-building and colonial expansion, he summarises, having pointed out that the vasttapestry of pigmentation found in Africas 54 countries overlaps with Indians, aboriginal Australians, South Americans andsome Europeans.

When it comes ancestry, there is no such thing as purity. The mathematics of family trees, when traced back far enough, reveals convergence. There are isopoints, or nodes of origin, that propagated all the many branches we see today. For instance, everyone now alive is an ancestor of the global population 3,400 years ago, in which the blood of many different peoples hadalready mixed.

While some populations might have taken root in a particular geographical location over a few generations, the joy of sex meant our frisky forebears got it wherever they could. And so, Rutherford explains, every Nazi has Jewish ancestors and every racist has African, Indian, Chinese, Native American, aboriginal Australian ancestors there are no purebloods, only mongrels enriched by the blood of multitudes.

The idea of innate athleticism is complicated: it is true that Olympic sprinters tend to be of West African heritage, even if they come from the US, Canada or the Caribbean. But we can infer too much from too little, Rutherford maintains: all Olympians are outliers, and a statistically thin set from which to draw sweeping conclusions. If West African genes are the key to medal glory, why dont sprinters representing that region similarly excel? While one version of a gene called ACTN3 (sometimes called the speed gene) is common in sprinters and in people of West African descent, it is also found in other groups, and so by itself cannot explain outstanding performance. Why, he asks, do we not see many black swimmers, where athletic genes might also confer an advantage?

Rutherford concludes, quite reasonably, that it is environment, culture and role models that make the difference in sport; the dominance of East Africans in long-distance running can be ascribed to a running culture that has sprung up in Ethiopia and Kenya, both home to superstar endurance runners and intensive training camps for hopeful youngsters.

***

The most explosive issue in genetics and race is, of course, intelligence. It is almost impossible to do justice to his nuanced arguments in a paragraph, but here is a snapshot: while the UK shows a population average IQ of 100, meta-analyses suggest that countries in Africa are likely to score in the 80s. Genetic factors cannot be fully excluded, Rutherford says, but the enormous genetic diversity across that vast region suggests the discrepancy lies in the challenging local environment, with poorer schools and fragile medical care, rather than in the genes.

In fact, todays sub-Saharan countries are comparable, in socio-economic terms, to European countries in the first half of the 20th century. National IQs have a habit of gradually increasing, and the so-called Flynn effect might see the IQs in those countries lift over time. Even at the national level, he might have usefully added, poverty and disadvantage affects educational outcome.

Rutherford casts doubt on the assertion that Jews are intellectually gifted because of their genes, again invoking the Ockhams razor of culture to explain why Jewish people keep winning Nobel Prizes: The evidence for selection of genes for intellect in Jews is weak. Is it not simply more scientifically parsimonious to suggest that a culture that values scholarship is more likely to produce scholars? I begrudged, though, his continual digressions about whether scientists who held racist views such as the co-discoverer of DNA James Watson deserve to have their science trashed. It is entirely appropriate to interrogate a scientists motives for choosing a particular line of inquiry.

It is hard not to compare Rutherfords effort to Superior, the excellent book by Angela Saini on race science published last year. Rutherford makes no reference to it, although, by necessity, he references some of the same research. He is undoubtedly a gifted communicator, and his is the quicker, bolshier read, but Saini is a hard act to follow in laying out the misuse of science for racist ends. Not only did Saini courageously challenge some of the culprits, but she also set her critique in detailed historical context, explaining how race became embedded in the scientificculture of classification in the 18th and 19th centuries. That was the origin of eugenics: the idea that the genetics of the human race can be improved via selective breeding. Its shadow still hangs over us today, thanks to a small gaggle of fringe researchers who continue to drip-feed nationalist forums with a selective stream of misinterpreted data from population studies (biologists no longer study race, remember, but populations, because of the lack of clear genetic boundaries between people).

That said, writers such as Saini and Rutherford are needed more than ever in our confusing, polarised times. Charles Murray, the right-wing thinker who co-wrote The Bell Curve which, among other things, pointed to IQ differences between white and black people and discussed how this could affect social policy has a new book out that invokes genetics to challenge woke thinking on gender, race and class. Such prophets thrive in pop culture, exploiting the inevitable gaps and uncertainties in scientific data to fan the flames of division, and using the shield of free speech to brush off accusations of poor or selective scholarship.

My interpretation is that those whocovertly, or overtly, push the anti-woke agenda fear that their own status is threatened by positive social change. Society becomes a zero-sum game in which the rise of minorities must mean the fall of the majority. This fear is embodied inthe fixation on the demise of Western culture, which animates so much hostilitytowards minorities.

[White supremacists] fantasise abouta persecution of their people that will endin their extinction, or an erosion of their rights in exchange for the same rights afforded to people of different heritage, Rutherford observes. When all youve ever known is privilege, equality feels like oppression.

That is how I would argue with a racist who takes offence at modernity and social progress: the real problem is not that my skin is too dark but that yours is too thin.

Anjana Ahuja is a contributing writer on science for the Financial Times

How To Argue With a Racist:History, Science, Race and Reality Adam Rutherford Weidenfeld & Nicolson, 224pp, 12.99

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The pseudoscience of hate - New Statesman