Its never easy to cut someone out of your life. And when it comes to family, its especially hard to accept that a family member is creating so much stress, anxiety, and pain that you cant continue to have a relationship with them.

This post is for all of you who are struggling to decide whether to continue a relationship with a difficult or toxic family member. Youre repeatedly hurt by this person, have tried tirelessly to repair the relationship, feel frustrated that nothing seems to change (at least for very long), you dont want to give up, but you dont know how to move forward in a way that respects and nurtures yourself.

This is a tough question and I dont have a one-size-fits-all answer. Consider the list of toxic behaviors below and how often you experience these issues with the family member in question.

Toxic people disrupt your life and other relationships with behaviors such as these:

People can change, but toxic people rarely do. They lack self-awareness and dont take responsibility for their actions. And since they dont see how their behavior hurts you, they refuse to change. Instead, they blame you and expect you to cater to their demands.

I think we can all agree that no one deserves to be abused. So, why do we give our family members a free pass? Why do we think we should tolerate such hurtful behavior from them?

It sucks to have to choose between yourself and your family members. It really does. But this is the reality. Remaining in a relationship with a toxic person is potentially harmful to your emotional and physical health and relationships (and may negatively affect your spouse and children, too).

The bottom line is that for many people, the only way to heal is to remove yourself from the abusive relationship. How can you heal if you continue to be abused?

Its okay to not be ready. You shouldnt be pressured into making a decision. Most people who cut ties, do so as the last resort. They come to this decision gradually over years of fits and starts. They cut off ties and then reconnect. They set boundaries and make themselves less available. Things calm down and they feel better, only to have problems escalate again. This is common!

There is no right way to deal with a toxic family member. Only you can decide how much contact is right for you. And you will know if and when you need to walk away in order to save yourself. Just know that its okay to end a toxic relationship even with a family member.

2019 Sharon Martin, LCSW. All rights reserved. Originally published on the authors website.Photo byMarc SchaeferonUnsplash

Read the rest here:
It's Okay to Cut Ties with Toxic Family Members - PsychCentral.com

You just ran into two people from New York, kiddo, and were not putting up with your Republican bullst

Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY) was trying to enjoy his lunch with his deputy chief of staff Sergio Gor when he was accosted by lefties concerned about incivility.

The incident occurred in California, but the woman screamed that Paul and Gor had just ran into two people from New York, kiddo, and were not putting up with your Republican bullst. At one point, she circles around and flips Paul and/or Gor the bird. Charming.

Fox News reports:

Republican Sen.Rand Paulwas confrontedby two people while eatinglunch Friday with his staff at a California restaurant.

Pauls deputy chief of staff, Sergio Gor, captured the moment in a video he posted to Twitter.While having lunch with @RandPaul in California, we got verbally assaulted by these aggressive libs complaining about incivility, Gor wrote. Check out the vid! #unhinged

You just ran into two people from New York, kiddo, and were not putting up with your Republican bullst, the woman in the video shoutsat Gor.

. . . . Paul retweeted the video and said that while the left blames incivility on the president, he urges voters to watch this video and decide who the rude ones are.

Watch:

Heres Pauls tweet:

Needless to say, people have thoughts.

Continue reading here:
Rand Paul verbally assaulted by aggressive libs complaining about incivility - legal Insurrection

Psychotherapy is a psychological method used to address and treat emotional and mental health problems and its impact on life, family and relationships

Talking has enormous therapeutic benefits, It strengthens your ties with others and having someone listen to you, promotes the feeling that others care and are interested in what you have to say.

You mull and worry about many things, often without conscious awareness of its pattern and purpose. When these worries are left unattended they can take a pathological form and contribute to difficulties. When you verbalise and hear your thoughts then you experience a sense of relief from quiet suffering. It is after the catharsis, that the process of self-awareness and change takes root.

You benefit from talking to friends and family, but sometimes it isnt enough, as they may not be attentive, offer advice before listening and offer untimely advice and assurance. Therefore, it is sometimes easier to talk to someone (a trained professional) who has no prior knowledge or expectation from you and to whom you can disclose your deepest fears and emotions without the worry of being judged.

However, something holds us back from see king psychotherapy (also known as talk therapy). It is perhaps the misconception that you have to be little mad or harbour some strange and odd ideas to see a therapist.

This is a myth that psychotherapy is only for mental illness and associated disturbances. However, isnt it entirely normal and human to be confused and nervous and become overwhelmed by work stress, career angst and relationship challenges? In fact, those who seek early help and therapy to unravel their inner-self are more mature than those who wait until lifes issues trigger breakdown and illnesses.

What Is Psychotherapy?

Psychotherapy is a psychological method used to address and treat emotional and mental health problems and its impact on life, family and relationships. Its also for self improvement and to do what one does, better.

Psychotherapy is not a therapy that is done to you by someone else, but is done by you. You play an active part with the therapist as a facilitator and the process is empowering.

The process involves talking to a professional, either on a one-to-one basis or in groups, to get a deeper understanding of thoughts, feeling, worries and troublesome behaviour, with a view to raise awareness and bring about changes from a less adaptive to more adaptive state, as deemed desirable by the participant or client.

Psychotherapy is much more than just listening and guiding and change. Its about building trust and rekindling hope that life is fluid (and ever changing) and that problems are an opportunity for transformation and psychological growth rather than a hindrance.

Directive Or Non-Directive Psychotherapy

Psychotherapy can be directive or non-directive. In directive therapies like cognitive behavioural therapy or CGT, one can learn to identity and change unhelpful negative and pessimistic patterns of thinking, take note of and build on positive events, or apply relaxation techniques. Equally, develop skill sets to address social anxiety, low self-esteem and damaging anger problems. Here, the emphasis is on the present rather than past.

In non-directive therapies like psychoanalysis or psychodynamic psychotherapy, emphasises on exploring the past, including early family and other important relationships and how it may impact the present, reactions, behaviour and relationships.

Systemic Therapy

Then there is systemic therapy, which looks at the relationships between individuals as part of a unit and how systems and interpersonal dynamics work together. Examples of this approach include group and family therapy.

Involvement in psychotherapy should provide confidential physical and emotional space where conversation can flow and deep recesses of the mind can be accessed more readily. Its about enabling the participant to describe difficult issues and exploring a deeper meaning that he/she is unaware of.

It takes a holistic approach and sees the person as a whole, rather than from a narrow perspective of reported problems. The body, mind and conscious (and unconscious) thought, feelings and emotional reactions, interconnectedness to their world, are all taken into consideration.

Each person has a unique personality, perspective and preferences. And a good therapist removes himself/herself (biases and opinion) from the therapy sessions and speaks from the clients point of view.

The sessions enhance participation by reflecting and paraphrasing. Reflecting is a method where an attempt is made to reconstruct the clients thinking and associated feeling and conveying that back in an understandable manner, whereas paraphrasing Is simply repeating parts of the story to let the client know that he/she is being heard.

Continually assess readiness for change and/or resistance In form of un-cooperativeness or sabotaging progress by erratic attendance; the therapist must be attentive to these factors and provide timely guidance.

A therapists manner is ideally curious, honest and deeply interested in exploring human behaviour and feelings with an unconditional positive regard and also a belief that everyone has an inherent ability to heal themselves plus are capable of recovery from difficulties, provided they are treated with respect, compassion and warmth.

We all need to look inward at some point in life, in order to make more coherent sense of the world outside. And when there is conflict, collaborative approach with a therapist can be a great advantage.

Continue reading here:
Understanding Psychotherapy And Its Effectiveness - Version Weekly

John Hodgman's last book, Vacationland, was a kind of absurdist memoir of a weird kid who'd grown up to the kind of self-aware grownup who really wanted to dig into how he got to where he was, with bone-dry wit and real heart (I compared it to Steve Martin's Cruel Shoes, but for adults who'd outgrown it); in his new book, Medallion Status: True Stories from Secret Rooms, Hodgman offers something much more uncomfortable (if no less funny), a series of vignettes that explore the hollowness of privilege, the toxicity of comparison, and the melancholy of accomplishment.

Medallion Status tells the story of Hodgman's post-TV life. After lucking into a role in a series of Apple TV ads, Hodgman went on to semi-regular stints on The Daily Show under Jon Stewart and a series of medium-sized parts on well-regarded sitcoms, but these have dwindled, and while Hodgman has many other claims to accomplishment and fame, they're not TV fame (and arguably, as Hodgman points out, even TV fame isn't TV fame anymore in our fractured world of streaming services). TV fame is a weird kind of fame, a stopped-in-the-street kind of fame, a fly from New York to LA every week and stay at the Chateau Marmont kind of fame. It's the kind of fame that gets you invited into the swag room at awards-shows where you can be measured for complementary custom-made leather shoes or take home a really amazing pair of jeans.

For Hodgman, as riven with insecurity as the next person (especially if the next person is a white, straight dude from a middle-class background who has a keen appreciation that he's living life on the lowest difficulty setting and is likely being serviced and fawned over by people who work harder and are more talented than he is), the gradual withdrawal of the trappings of privilege are a constant, nagging confirmation that every jolt of impostor syndrome you've ever felt was fully deserved.

This becomes the basis for an extended meditation on the many ways in which privilege feels gross and upsetting for the privileged: the systems around you are designed to tempt you to strive harder to attain the next level of privilege, where, you are assured, you can rest up from your anxious climb and enjoy the summit. But each summit reveals another summit, and higher, more promising, more tantalizing summits you can attain.

This is both the literal and metaphorical life of a frequent flier, of course: each tier in the airlines' customer loyalty program is designed to remind you of how terrible things are on the tier below you and how marvellous things would be if you could only rise up by one more level. And each tier is designed to panic you as the year progresses and you realize that you might not re-establish your status. And it is status, exclusivity, a secret society for one percenters, celebs and looters, all rubbing shoulders and eating chef-prepared meals and drinking free whiskey at 30,000 feet in a lie-flat bed.

At this point, you might be thinking that if being privileged is such a burden, you should try having no privilege at all. Hodgman agrees with you: indeed, the story of Medallion Status is about how badly this works out for everyone.

From his perch on the middle tiers of celebrity, Hodgman is able to compare himself to people who are in much smaller cohorts than his own: if he's in the 15% of people-on-TV, he's comparing himself to people in the 5% or even 1%, and yet, whenever he comes close enough to tug at those tailored and exclusive shirt-tails, he realizes that those people are every bit as miserable and insecure as he is.

And therein lies the message of Medallion Status, latent amidst the very funny jokes and the charming asides and the disarming honesty: that the whole system of privilege and inequality isn't serving anyone: it makes you miserable to be at the bottom, sure, but it also makes you miserable to be at the top.

And worse: as Hodgman travels through, and finds some accomodation within, these rarified heights, he sees how privilege turns the privileged into monsters, including Hodgman himself, whose impulses are warped and stunted under its ferocious gravity. As funny as Hodgman is -- and he's very, very funny -- there is a kind of horror in this book, something appropriately Lovecraftian (given both Hodgman's dedication to New England and Lovecraft's revolting worship of elitism). What Hodgman describes is a horror-movie form of compartmentalization, in which the protagonist finds themself committing terrible acts, knowing that they are terrible, unable to stop themselves.

My absolute favorite mode of humor is "ha ha only serious." One of Hodgman's anxieties is that he's not serious enough to be a comedian: that making a career out of inventing untrue facts about orchestral instruments or being the straight man on The Daily Show makes you funny, but not a comedian -- not someone using humor to disarm power so that it can have truth spoken to it.

But Hodgman is speaking truth to power here: he's spilling the rich, white guy tea, which is that they're absolutely miserable. Not that the wealthy and powerful deserve our sympathy -- but it's important to understand that the system is frailer than you think, because the only reason its supporters defend it is because they're afraid that if they're not defending the hierarchy, they'll end up on the bottom of the pyramid.

This is the moment for that message, with an election only days away and the most egregious example of self-parodying, useless and overprivileged whiteness in the White House. Trump's whole "poor person's idea of a rich person" schtick is the living embodiment of the idea that comparison is the thief of joy. Trump is insecurity manifest, a would-be dictator whose manifesto could easily be titled Mein Angst.

The difference between a monster and a mensch is self-awareness. Hodgman's Medallion Status is the opposite of narcissism: it's an honest and terribly funny peek into a world that very few of us will get to see, one that is frank enough to admit that the only thing the people in that world enjoy about it is that we're not allowed in it.

Medallion Status: True Stories from Secret Rooms [John Hodgman/Viking]

Do Not Track was a standardized way for browsers to tell services that their owners did not consent to having their activities and usage logged; however, it was subverted by Big Tech and big media companies and turned into a useless tick-box that had virtually no impact on your privacy.

Uno's Greta Grotesk is a free font based on Greta Thunberg's hand-lettered signs.

Emily Wilson is the author of a new "lean, fleet-footed translation" of Homer's Odyssey that "recaptures Homer's 'nimble gallop.'"

As cool as your smartphone is, it cant do everything. When a job requires a little elbow grease, a multitool is a great thing to have around and might just save your life in the right situation. Heres a roundup of some of the latest multitool designs, which have come a long way since []

Whether you own or rent your place, insurance on that home is a necessary hassle but a new tech-driven company called Lemonade is starting to show that while it might indeed be a necessity, it doesnt have to be a hassle. Heres the way insurance typically works: You pay premiums and hope an accident []

People tend to keep luggage around for a long time. And why not? New suitcases are pricey, and no matter how banged up or patched up that old bag gets, it still holds your clothes. Right? Maybe not. Here are 15 travel bags and accessories that make a strong case for upgrading your gear. Theyve []

Read this article:
Medallion Status: comparison is the thief of joy, and John Hodgman is the thief-taker - Boing Boing

Frank Lloyd Wright, almost as famous for his ego and for flouting his eras moral code as for his buildings, is the subject of a new biography, whose author says he wanted to scrape away the refuse of Wrights arrogance and illuminate the fundamental decency at the bottom.

He wanted the money, he wanted the fame; he was a reprobate and an adulterer, said Paul Hendrickson, whose Plagued By Fire: The Dreams and Furies of Frank Lloyd Wright, is out this month. But I dont think its possible to look at the buildings without feeling there must have been a fundamental soulfulness in this guy.

The book opens with the notoriousfire and murders at Wrights Spring Green, Wis., home and studio, Taliesin, in August 1914, when a worker who disapproved of Wright's lifestyle killed Wrights inamorata, her two children and four others while the architect was in Chicago at his Midway Gardens project. Its evidence, Hendrickson told Crains, that although he mocked the middle-class values he came from, he never could escape them.

But while other writers portray Wright as moving on from the tragedy with little self-awareness, in Hendricksons view he was mindful, ever making amends in some way. One way of making amends, Hendrickson suggests in the book, was Wrights embrace of affordable housing designs, his Usonian homes, such as the one Wright designedin Rockford for a disabled World War II veteran using his state and federal funding for paralyzed veterans.

It's "a wrong-headed misperception," Hendrickson writes in the book, "that the stainless steel armature of Frank Lloyd Wright's ego and arrogance allowed him to ride through the world for nearly a century without pain or remorse. He was always looking behind, however surreptitiously."

Hendrickson, who grew up down the street from Wrights B. Harley Bradley house in Kankakee and went on to work for the Washington Post and write several biographies,will speak at the Oak Park Public Library on Oct. 8 and the Robie House in Hyde Park on Oct. 9. He spoke to Crains in advance of the visit.

Crains: So Wright got into affordable housing as a way to make amends for the tragedy at Taliesin?Hendrickson: He made his reputation building large Prairie Style homes for wealthy clients. He sought these commissions avidly. (After Taliesin) he wanted to build beautiful structures for mankind that would enhance the domestic quality of life. He comes up with these beautiful spare, utilitarian Usonian houses, affordable housing for the working American man and wife. That suggests something deep and fundamental about who he was.

In West Pullman, theresa Wright house that has been for sale since April 2017. Its now priced at about three-quarters what it last sold for, in 2005. This is going on all over Chicago and the suburbs: Wright housesoften prove very hard to sell. If we admire his work so much, why is this happening?I think it has something to do with the upkeep and maintenance of these buildings, the expectation that youll always be doing it, and it may have to do with having passersby knocking on your door or standing on your sidewalk looking in the windows.

Many of those houses were bought a few decades ago during a resurgence of interest in Wright, and rehabbed by people who loved them. Are we less interested in Wright than we used to be?I wonder about that, too, and I dont think so. Im not saying so to unsubtly promote my book. There was an earlier wave that swept him into real estate fashion. It was powerful to say, I live in a Frank Lloyd Wright house, and now it may be a little less so.

But I think Wright worked his way into the cultural imagination of America. He becomes like Elvis or Hemingway, hes evergreen, theres always going to be an appetite for Frank Lloyd Wright stories.

The interest is there for novels and biographies and plays, but that may be a separate question from, "Do you want to buy and live in one of these houses?"

Wright demands a lot of you. He wants you to be a guest in his house. He was building for clients, but also for Frank Lloyd Wright. In the same way, the Guggenheim is a great building, but it is not a great museum for looking at art. You payphysically, emotionally and financiallyto live in one of his houses.

Go here to see the original:
New biography, "Plagued By Fire: The dreams and furies of Frank Lloyd Wright" - Crain's Chicago Business

Have you ever noticed that exceptional leaders have a calm demeanor and often have thoughtful responses to difficult moments? They seem to elegantly dance in that space between being presented with a set of facts and their outward reaction. Over the past several years, I have found something that has helped me gain greater self-awareness which, in turn, has allowed me to exercise better self-management not only in business but in just about any situation.

I managed to make it well into my 50s knowing very little about meditation. Five years ago I took an academic-based coaching course. One of my projects during the coursework was to expose myself to a new body practice and reflect in writing on the experience. I had witnessed firsthand leaders (including myself from time to time) losing their cool at the wrong time and was curious about developing a mechanism to handle difficult situations more effectively.

Meditation always seemed intimidating to me and I decided to explore what it was all about. I spent the next few years experimenting with different techniques, some of which resonated with me and others that did not.

My goal was to develop a daily practice, but for the first few years, I was inconsistent and not sure if I was truly benefiting from meditating. As often happens, I needed feedback from someone who knew me well enough to be objective and factual. That feedback got delivered to me loud and clear one afternoon from my wife. I had an emotionally challenging day on several fronts and must have been acting surly. I walked into our kitchen and my wife looked at me and quickly asked, You did not get in your meditation today, did you? She said she could easily tell whether or not I had mediated most days by observing my demeanor.

As of the posting of this article, I have completed 365 days of meditation without missing a day. My goal started out as three months without missing a day, but the effects I noticed were so profound I extended it to six months, and then to a year. Here are a few observations for those who, like me, are wanting to dip their toes in the water and see what meditation is about.

For starters, realize that meditation is not religious or spiritual. For meditation to work, you have to commit time to it. I started with five minutes in the morning and did that for a very long time. The key is to approach meditation (like lots of things in life) with a beginners mindset. You need to meditate regularly, like brushing your teeth. Dont get wrapped up in the amount of time you meditate (the number is irrelevant), just get the habit started. You can increase the time later (much later), once the habit is established. My practice is currently 20 minutes in the morning and then again later in the day when possible.

As for the type of meditation, I found it easiest to start with an app on my phone that had beginner guided meditations. You simply listen to the guide instruct you on things like breathing and visualizing. The process is about focusing your mind to identify and eliminate distractions. Becoming self-aware enough to recognize distractions and return my focus has been one of the best benefits of my meditation practice. Headspace, Calm and Insight Timer are all good applications to start with.

Self-compassion is another cornerstone of meditation. Be easy on yourself when you realize you got distracted; just gently leave the distraction and return your focus to your meditation. I once heard it stated that the practice of returning your focus in a self-compassionate manner is one of the most important things to learn.

After you have dabbled with an initial modality of meditation, experiment with others. There are mediations that involve sitting, walking, chanting and mantras -- the permutations are endless. Eventually, you will experience unconscious changes in your daily life and behavior.

One outcome I have noticed is that I would normally get anxious anytime I had to wait in a line. I would get frustrated when people ahead of me caused delays and made the wait longer. Now, I remain calm and do not get upset over things I can not directly control. While it is hard to definitely attribute this new behavior to meditation, I now recognize when I am triggered by other events the same way I notice meditation distractions. Meditation practice has created a space for me between stimulus and response that allows me to decide how I want to respond to the stimulus. This effect goes beyond resilience and also feels restorative.

Many of the leaders I coach have a goal of improving their executive presence. After working with them to develop a meditation practice, they report that now it is easier to maintain a calm demeanor in challenging circumstances, allowing them to think clearly and work toward effective outcomes.

Viktor Frankl is attributed with saying, Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. For me, meditation has allowed me to widen that space between stimulus and response so that I can focus on the response without distraction.

Continue reading here:
Be A Better Leader By Creating Space Between Stimulus And Response - Forbes

Following a five-year break, Avril Lavigne is back on tour, taking her sixth studio album, Head Above Water, out on the road, including a planned Pittsburgh stop.

Lavigne, 35, first drew attention in 2002 while a teenager with the hit singles and videos Complicated and Sk8er Boi from the album Let Go.

Ball cap on backward, liner rimming her eyes, wearing baggy clothes and a skinny tie, Lavigne was the anti-video vixen featured in many MTV videos at the time.

She came across as sassy, challenging, possessed of a lot of tude.

Lavigne may be older, more resilient, but the sass and the attitude remain, maybe with a little more self-awareness and self-protection.

Rolling Stone says, Lavignes never sounded stronger or more vocally confident, while Idolator calls the album a triumphant return. contains some of her best work to date.

She will take the Roxian Theater stage in McKees Rocks on Oct. 8, part of her 15-date, North American tour.

Not so complicated

The video for her current single, I Fell in Love With The Devil, is seductive, mysterious and beautiful yet unsettling to watch, as she grapples with an irresistible but toxic lover.

Its a song she wrote and helped produce, and theres a clear message being delivered.

I did make the decision to walk away from someone who is not the right person. Its about knowing your worth, keeping your eyes open, being careful about who comes into your life, Lavigne says in a telephone interview.

I love this music video so much. Its one of my favorite ones Ive ever made. Its a huge passion treatment for me, she says.

Lavigne taps into some of her earlier musics angst, frustration, and zero toleration for fools in the fun (I Aint No) Dumb Blonde, featuring another tough girl, Nicki Minaj.

Its taking a stand, not letting a man negate or talk down to you and says its also OK to be a woman and be strong and have opinions and be tough, Lavigne says.

Step back, your time is up, sit down, Im takin the lead should make her meaning clear.

Back on her feet and on stage

The title track, Lavigne says, reflects her fight back to health after being diagnosed with Lyme disease in 2014, and being bed-bound with exhaustion.

Head Above Water is about my health journey, when I was recovering. It was the first song I wrote. I was taking time off and going through treatment and it just came to me. I thought other people could relate if they were going through a struggle in their life, she says.

One dollar from each ticket sale during the tour will benefit the Avril Lavigne Foundation.

Begun before she was diagnosed, the foundation supports people with serious illness or disabilities. It has expanded to include those suffering from Lyme disease through a partnership with Global Lyme Alliance, on whose board Lavigne serves.

Programs and grants provide prevention resources, fund treatment and accelerate research, according to the foundations website.

Shes learned a lot, she says, about music therapy through starting the foundation.

Its true, creativity is good for the body and mind, she says.

Lavigne is careful to follow an organic, gluten-free diet and to get plenty of sleep and exercise.

I try to take care of myself. I find music to be really healing for me. When Im singing and being creative and working, I just go to this other place, she says.

Expect to see some of her earlier pop princess swagger in her performance.

Youll see and hear a lot of the new album. I will definitely bring back the old favorites. I feel like the tour is going to be this cool journey, in a way, from my past to who I am now.

I feel strong. I feel good. I have my life back, she says.

Mary Pickels is a Tribune-Review staff writer. You can contact Mary at 724-836-5401, [emailprotected] or via Twitter .

David Needleman

Avril Lavignes new album, "Head Above Water," features the ballad - with a twist - "I Fell In Love With The Devil."

David Needleman

Avril Lavigne will bring her "Head Above Water" tour to Pittsburgh on Oct. 8.

Avril Lavigne "Head Above Water" tourWhen: 8 p.m. Oct. 8Admission: $60.50-$255.50Where: Roxian Theatre, 425 Chartiers Ave., McKees RocksDetails: eventbrite.com

TribLIVE's Daily and Weekly email newsletters deliver the news you want and information you need, right to your inbox.

Link:
'Head Above Water,' Avril Lavigne still a bit 'Complicated' - TribLIVE

Apparently, Donald Trump Jr. has the self-awareness of a sea pineapples sphincter. (Do sea pineapples have sphincters? Ill just say they do, because its 2019, and you can say whatever you want now, apparently. Go ahead, fake news. Fact-check me. I dare you.)

So the walking, talking conflict of interest whose father has spent the past three years turning the presidency into a carnival ring-toss game is super concerned about Joe Bidens ethics:

Why didnt @JoeBiden recuse himself from dealing with Ukraine?

His son was on the board of a Ukrainian energy company that had been investigated by the prosecutor who Joe pushed to be fired.

At the VERY LEAST, theres the appearance of impropriety. A clear conflict of interest.

Donald Trump Jr. (@DonaldJTrumpJr) October 2, 2019

And, yeah, people noticed:

Lol pic.twitter.com/C90JtZrckC

Rhonda Harbison (@rhonda_harbison) October 2, 2019

Wait. Didnt you meet with Russians to get dirt on Hillary?????

john chamberlain (@jrcjohnny99) October 2, 2019

Are all the Trumps genetically engineered to lack self-awareness?

Jeremy Ray Jenkins (@JeremyRJenkins) October 2, 2019

Junior, didnt your dear sister Ivanka receive dozens of trademarks from China when serving in the Trump administration? How much are those worth? Just curious

Chris Piekenbrock (@ChrisPiekenbro2) October 2, 2019

Why are foreign governments renting rooms at Trump properties and leaving them empty?

mrs morton (@ladyofliberty0) October 2, 2019

pic.twitter.com/pwGTpDptPV

El Lobo (@__El_Lobo__) October 2, 2019

Why are you taking a $50,000 speaking fee for one speech at UofF, Jr?I mean, even Hunter Biden only made $50,000 for a months worth of work.

So your rate is much higher. We get it.

Christina Moore (@AddConfessions) October 2, 2019

Why doesnt your dad show us his tax returns?Why is he suing to keep his tax returns hidden?Why did he not divest from his businesses?Why are you and your sibs running his businesses?Why is he using his office to enrich himself?Why is he so spectacularly corrupt?

Hans Wiersma (@hwiers) October 2, 2019

And on and on and on and on and on into infinity.

I mean, the stink of corruption from the Trump administration and Trump Orgwill outlast the heat death of the universe, but lets all look at Joe Bidens son, okay?

Enjoy the impeachment inquiry, Jr. Its sure to be entertainingfor most of us, anyway.

Is Trump still chafing your arse-cheeks?ThenDear F*cking Lunatic: 101 Obscenely Rude Letters to Donald Trumpandits breathlessly awaited sequelDear F*cking Moron: 101 More Letters to Donald Trumpby Aldous J. Pennyfarthingare the pick-me-up you need!Reviewers have called these books hysterically funny, cathartic, and laugh-out-loud comic relief. And theyre way,waycheaper than therapy.

then let us make a small request. AlterNet is increasing its original reporting, edited by The Nations Joshua Holland, with a focus on 2020 election coverage. Weve also launched a weekly podcast, Weve Got Issues, focusing on the issues, not Donald Trumps tweets. Unlike other news outlets, weve decided to make our AlterNet 2020 coverage free to all. But we need your ongoing support to continue what we do.

AlterNet is independent. You wont find mainstream media bias here. From unflinching coverage of white nationalism, to spotlighting the overlooked struggles of the working poor, AlterNet continues to speak truth to power. As newspapers close, America needs voices like AlterNets to be sure no one is forgotten.

We need your support to keep producing quality journalism. As Silicon Valley absorbs more and more advertising dollars, ads dont pay what they used to. Every reader contribution, whatever the amount, makes a tremendous difference. Help ensure AlterNet remains independent long into the future. Support progressive journalism with a one-time contribution to AlterNet, or click here to become a subscriber. Thank you. Click here to donate by check.

Continued here:
Donald Trump Jr. lectured Joe Biden about conflicts of interest. It didnt go well - AlterNet

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Over the past few years, horror fans have been spoiled by a steady parade of outstanding studio films (Get Out, Annihilation, A Quiet Place). Were in the boom times! Sort of. The major market offerings of 2019 havent quite lit both our hearts and the box office ablaze, save for Jordan Peeles megasuccessful Us. But ahead of the official horror season (fall, of course), the spring and summer months did manage to deliver some lovably mad thrill rides like Crawl and Ready or Not and a slew of smaller, more adventurous releases pushing the form in exciting directions: There were dance parties in hell, really disturbing drug trips, meditations on trauma, murderous works of art, alpine witches, and more. Here are Vultures picks for the top horror films of 2019 so far.

The motto for the Conjurings expanded-universe movies has generally been Good enough! While there are some jump scares to be had among the franchise, outside the core components of Ed and Lorraine Warren, most entries feel like theyre on cruise control to keep this big machine rolling for New Line. And listen, the third Annabelle movie doesnt break any new ground, but it is a damn fine time at the movie theater. Having the Warrens anchor the whole affair brings that warmth and familiarity that Vera Farmiga and Patrick Wilson have mastered as paranormal-investigator lovebirds, and building the action around a night with the babysitter gone wrong makes this quaint haunted-house outing feel like just the right kind of teen scream for a summer horror movie. Annabelle, were happy you came home.

It is hard to do possession and exorcism and make it feel fresh, but thats exactly what director and co-writer Emilio Portes pulls off with Belzebuth. The story starts in the delivery wing of a Mexican hospital where a nurse goes rogue and carries out an unspeakable killing spree. That event lays the groundwork for a shocking string of murders that will take place years later in the same town, targeting local children. But these are not crimes of men, and supernatural investigators are brought in to assist local police in rooting out the unholy origins of some approaching evil. The deaths are heinous, but they dont veer into exploitative, and the lead cop who was touched by tragedy at the start of the film finds himself in the middle of god and the devil as he fights to save a young boy. Belzebuth is gritty, intense, and at times terrifying.

There is only one movie this year thats worth watching if you want to see a wild pig the size of a van terrorize the wilds of Australia. Much like Razorback before it, this entry from writer and director Chris Sun is both thrilling and ridiculous a creature feature thats down-to-earth only when compared to the spectacles of kaiju and Kong. And thats what makes it a great time. Theres a lot of blood and guts, a lot of full-view shots of the gnarly beast, and perhaps most incredibly of all theres the truly massive actor who played Rictus Erectus (Nathan Jones) in Mad Max: Fury Road as a goofy, overprotective uncle who both bottle feeds a mob of baby lambs and furiously sings Ice Ice Baby while driving. In a movie about a rabid man-eating boar. This is cinema!

The feature debut of writer and director Mitzi Peirone is narrative in the form of a quick hallucinogenic trip. A pair of neer-do-well women in their 20s are being hunted by the law and decide that their childhood best friends grand country estate is the best place to hide out. Big mistake: Their friend, Daphne (Cams Madeline Brewer going all out once again), is an extremely troubled shut-in who conscripts her old friends into playing the most fucked-up game of house ever: Theres upsetting sexual role-playing, violence, even adults in playpens. Braid is a flawed work, but Peirone commits to going big and weird and wild enough to make this an exciting debut.

A tight, terrifying film about what happens when a large group of dancers are unknowingly dosed with LSD during a party and then left to survive the waking nightmare unfolding around them. Provocateur Gaspar No wrote, directed, and shot the film himself, working from a five-page story treatment for a script. (He hadnt even planned on using a choreographer until star Sophia Boutella talked him into hiring a professional.) With a cast made up almost entirely of dancers who had never acted before, No eschews rigid scene structure in favor of long, voyeuristic shots of the characters crumbling amid pounding dance beats. Its intimate and beautiful and brutal and unique and increasingly hard to watch.

If you didnt predict Crawl about a father and daughter trying to ride out a category 5 hurricane in Florida while trapped under the flooding foundation of a house and pinned inside their watery kill box by a bunch of man-eating alligators was going to be one of this years surprise hits, then shame on you! Shame! Piranha 3-D and High Tension director Alexandre Aja flexes his creature feature muscles once again under the producing eye of Sam Raimi for this lean, 87-minute disaster thriller and body horror bonanza. Kaya Scodelario and Barry Pepper are a surprising yet great father-daughter pairing, and in addition to being a break-neck suspense film it also gives you the catchphrase, Apex predator all day, baby!

Deep Murder has managed to hack the system. Thanks to its novel premise what if a slasher took place on the set of a soft core porn, but its not actually a set and everyone just is a stock porn trope? and complete commitment to its in-world rules, its practically impossible for this movie to fail. Cheesy dialogue? Tons of cliches? One-dimensional characters? Theyre all just part of the porn construct, which also sets up incredibly silly kills and some surprising avenues for character development as the porn mansions inhabitants start to achieve self-awareness and grow beyond their soft-focus constraints. And every single actor, from Katie Aselton to Jerry OConnell to Chris Redd and the rest, plays their respective archetypes (the hot mom, the dirtbag sex fiend, the hot jock, etc.) with such gusto you cant help but respect it. You dont need a big budget if youve got a logistically achievable big idea, and Deep Murder unselfconsciously goes all in.

Hagazussa has been making its way to audiences for a long time. (Vulture named it one of its most anticipated horror films of 2018.) The feature debut of Austrian filmmaker Lukas Feigelfeld centers on a woman named Albrun, who was orphaned after her mothers death under disturbing circumstances and grows up in an alpine village where the residents (and local clergy) treat her terribly. Feigelfeld exercises extreme patience in creating an atmosphere of dread, letting his heroines battle with her true nature and the society that persecutes her unfold like a lucid dream. On its face, Hagazussa will remind some viewers of The Witch, but Feigelfelds film is working with a magic all its own.

Lets hear it for melancholy Irish horror! Following in the path of recent sad-horror highlights like The Cured, The Devils Doorway, and the outstanding A Dark Song, Lee Cronins The Hole in the Ground uses grief and trauma to envelop viewers in its portentous atmosphere. The story centers on a woman and her son who left a dangerous situation behind to start over. But theres this massive hole in the ground in the woods behind their new home thats giving off some seriously evil vibes. As her son starts changing for the worse, Sarah (Seana Kerslake) starts losing her grip and must figure out how to break the hold of that gaping, breathing crater and whatever is inside it.

With all due respect to Jordan Peeles revival, I Trapped the Devil is the best Twilight Zone episode youll see this year. Of course, its not literally an installment in that episodic series, but this surreal, nerve-twisting story of a man convinced he has Satan trapped in his basement wouldve made Rod Serling proud (see The Howling Man from the original series). Josh Lobo wrote and directed this haunting little number that combines an unwelcome family homecoming at Christmastime and the smallest-scale battle between good and evil.

One of the best things happening in horror in 2019 is how much more overtly queer its been. In director and co-writer Yann Gonzalezs period-piece/French slasher, Vanessa Paradis plays a gay porn producer who is wrecked by the combustion of her relationship with her girlfriend (also her editor) as well as by a strange raft of murders. A masked killer is picking off her actors and the ineffectual police are of no help, leaving Paradiss Anne to try and sleuth him out herself. Knife is a beautiful film that still feels like it was made in a grittier 1970s film scene, and its a dare to other filmmakers who might dull the queer presence in their movies in the service of something more broadly appealing.

The fact that writer and director Danishka Esterhazy is able to create such a complete-feeling world with just a few stark hallways and sleeping quarters is a testament to the richness of Level 16. Set in an ominous boarding school called the Vestalis Academy, which is presided over by a severe headmistress and a kind physician, the story revolves around a group of girls raised to embody purity and goodness so that they may one day be adopted by loving parents. Each one must be a pristine incarnation of feminine virtue, lest she be punished, but after a lifetime of being treated like a living-doll lab rat, one girl has had enough. When Vivien (Katie Douglas) realizes what adoption for Vestalis girls really means, she conspires with a fellow prisoner to break out. In the process, the girls learn the full extent of the horrors theyve been subjected to without their consent, and that the prescribed definition of a good girl is total bullshit.

The German film Luz, from writer and director Tilman Singer, sounds simple enough, a young woman arrives in a police station with a demonic entity on her tail, but the execution is far from simple or even intuitive. Instead, Luz functions like a feat of hypnosis. Its short, just 70 minutes, and yet deliberately paced and tough to untangle. But its also enveloping in its weirdness a truly art-house horror experience. If youre looking for a genre picture to challenge and unnerve you, check out Luz.

Ari Aster followed up Hereditary with a body horrorlaced, brightly lit mindfuck that only he could make. At nearly two-and-a-half hours long Midsommar counts as a horror epic, and it follows a group of American grad students as they participate in a rare seasonal festival that will test their fortitude and their sanity and their interpersonal relationships and, of course, their ability to survive. Aster returns to catastrophic grief as a main theme for Midsommar, and once again impresses with his meticulous world-building and willingness to push the audiences limits for how much disturbing behavior they can handle. The writer and director goes bigger and more ambitious for Midsommar, letting audiences know the violent delights and pitch-black humor show no signs of tapering off.

This Brazilian ghost story features a mortician in a rut who spends his night shifts chatting away with the bodies that land on his table. But its not all in his head. Stnio is having real conversations with the dead, and one of them tips him off that his wife has been stepping out. He gets back at his wife for her infidelity, but using his ill-gotten information comes with a price, and now Stnio must protect his family from the spirit thats attached itself to him. Dennison Ramalho co-wrote and directed this tense haunted-house effort, and it makes for some good old-fashioned bump-in-the-night scares with just enough of a twist to feel fresh.

One Cut of the Dead is a zombie movie, but not the kind youre used to. This low-budget Japanese zom-comedy follows a film crew making a cheesy undead production when theyre suddenly overrun by flesh-eating monsters but to say anymore would wreck the many surprises of this truly innovative zombie romp. One Cut was a box-office smash when it premiered in Japan in 2018, and its truly one of the best movies this subgenre has seen in a long time. Its funny, frantic, bloody, and keeps you guessing at every turn. Actiooooooooon!

Making a truly good exploitation movie asks something close to impossible: Go all-out while exercising just the right amount of judgment in the exact right places, and also strike the right balance between class and trash. The Perfection, which was directed by Richard Shepard and co-written by him along with Eric C. Charmelo and Nicole Snyder, gets the recipe just right. Logan Browning and Allison Williams star as two elite cellists whose paths cross when Williamss character, Charlotte, comes out of a long retirement and reconnects with her old teacher, who has been guiding the career of Brownings Lizzie ever since Charlotte had to leave the conservatory a decade ago. Its a queer, twisted, and jarring story of love and obsession and violence and vengeance and sexually charged cello performances. If youre feeling a semi-hard-core, its a slice of perfection.

Writer and director Nicolas Pesces debut feature, the excellent The Eyes of My Mother, was black-and-white and felt troublingly real. His follow-up, an adaptation of Ry Murakamis novel Piercing, is just as intimate but much more surreal. Mia Wasikowska and Christopher Abbott star as a pair looking for some dark pleasure, but theyre on very different pages about what that means. Shes a prostitute, hes a paying customer planning to elaborately kill her, but his plans get more complicated when Wasikowskas character turns out to be even scarier than he is. Its a sort of love story for people who like psychosexual foreplay and violence, and Pesces execution is thrilling.

Ready or Not is the feel-good genre rager of the summer. Havoc queen Samara Weaving best known for ripping up the screen in The Babysitter and Mayhem finds herself in the middle of another rampage as a new bride fighting off the in-laws who are trying to kill her. Theres a whole deal with a supernatural pact and ritual sacrifice, but the point is, Weavings Grace married into the wrong family of bumbling rich assholes who think it is their dark mandate to turn her into a blood offering. But she wont go quietly, and puts up one hell of a fight as a blood-stained bride in this joyfully over-the-top horror comedy. Watch Ready or Not and receive the bonuses of a bow-and-arrow armed Andie MacDowell and a coked out Melanie Scrofano.

Its been a great year for narratively adventurous genre films. FilmmakerA.T. White has been writing, directing, and producing short films for years, but Starfish is his feature debut. Virginia Gardner stars as Aubrey, a girl attending the funeral of her best friend. Pretty soon, after an overnight invasion in which monsters tear through the landscape, shes one of the last people on Earth. Its not A Quiet Place, though. Most of the movie is of Aubrey staying in her dead besties apartment, hanging out with a pet turtle, scraping by to survive, and trying to decode a series of messages her friend left behind that could possibly save the world if she cracks them. Its haunting and visually arresting and occasionally has some scary-ass monsters. Think survival horror as a dream sequence.

American audiences had to wait two years to finally see Tigers Are Not Afraid as it rolled out around the world, but this gritty ghost story managed to surpass the hype. Mexican writer and director Issa Lpezs beautiful, brutal dark fairy tale centers on a group of children orphaned by gang violence who are being hunted by thugs and followed by a mysterious otherwordly presence. It feels like a bracingly current successor to the early cinematic legacy of Guillermo del Toro small-focus stories blown out into imagination journeys through the fantastic who has raved about the film and is now collaborating with Lpez. The filmmaker wanted Tigers to feel like a war movie in its execution, and her blend of wonder and realism is a best-case example of how horror cinema can snap our world into such clear focus.

Photo: Monkeypaw Productions/Blumhouse Productions

Jordan Peeles follow-up to Get Out pushed his thematic ambitions even further: Us is an action thriller, a sci-fi horror film, and even a family comedy that comments on race, class, Generation X, and more. At the heart of it all is a gripping dual performance by Lupita Nyongo that should vault her into the For Your Consideration race come awards season. With Us, Peele cements his status as a thrilling creative talent willing to go big.

Velvet Buzzsaw is exactly what Netflix is for: Get a fascinating director together with a great ensemble cast, throw a lot of money at the whole thing, and let it all be as weird as possible. Writer and director Dan Gilroys follow-up to the enthralling Nightcrawler sees him reuniting with Rene Russo and Jake Gyllenhaal. She plays a high-end-gallery owner named Rhodora Haze and he plays an esteemed art critic named, yes, Morf Vanderwalt. Theres also Toni Collette as a bitchy art buyer, Natalia Dyer as a lowly executive assistant named Coco (who is hilariously referred to as Rococo), and Zawe Ashton as the ambitious climber Josephina. Together, they all end up in crisis when a cache of brilliant work is discovered in a dead mans apartment and it literally starts killing people. The death scenes are fantastic. The narcissism is dialed up to the max. The bangs on Gyllenhaal are unforgettable. A wonderfully fun blend of camp and horror.

One thing that sort of gets left behind in movies about pioneers on the frontier is that the frontier was probably really scary. Homesteaders were out in the middle of nowhere, vulnerable to murderous passersby and/or malevolent spirits. The scope of The Wind, from director Emma Tammi and screenwriter Teresa Sutherland, is enjoyably narrow. A woman named Lizzy (Caitlin Gerard), who is often left alone by her husband because everything is far away or hard when youre a pioneer starts getting haunted by either a ghost or her own mind or both. As the story slowly unfolds, we learn about the strange and sometimes tragic events that have shaped Lizzies isolated life on the prairie, and the combination of Gerards powerful performance and the ever-more-chilling setting makes the world itself start to feel like a constant threat.

For more of the years greatest pop culture, dont miss Vultures list of the best movies, best songs, best albums, best books, and best video games of 2019.

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The Best Horror Movies of 2019 (So Far) - Vulture

At any age, in any life stage, you can change. Whether youre 77 years old or 17, you can learn, grow, adopt new habits, and make new choices to create a life you truly love. It may not always feel that way, though. When childhood emotional wounds tether you to the past, it can feel like youre being swept away by a fast-moving current; although there are branches on either side of the riverbank to grab onto, something is mentally blocking you from reaching out. That something is a tether point, an invisible string holding you back.

Your tether points originated with emotional injuries or traumas in childhoodexperiences that were hurtful and damaging to your sense of self. The same event or experience will affect people differently. School-yard teasing that stays with one person for decades may be brushed off easily by someone else. Genetics, previous events, mindset, and beliefs can all affect which childhood events stay with you and hold you back, and which you shrug off. The social support you received in the wake of the trauma, the traumas duration, and the type of injury it is also can affect the tether-creation process.

Trauma generates emotions, and unless you process these emotions at the time they occur, they can become stuck in your systemnegatively affecting you both psychologically and physically. The healthy flow and processing of distressing emotions like anger, sadness, grief, and fear are essential. You will never resolve underlying issues if you deny and run from your feelings. Suppressed emotions dont just go away; instead, they become toxic. They will keep showing up in your life, in some form of dysfunction or unhappiness, until you resolve them. Throughout life, feeling your feelings is one of the healthiest and most productive things you can do.

To reach out for that metaphorical branch and pull yourself from the current, you have to find what it is in your inner world that is tethering you to your traumas, restricting your movements and limiting your choices. You have to make conscious what is unconscious so that you can free yourself from your past and grab onto the life you want by making new, more empowering choices.

To find your tether points, you dont have to go through every experience youve ever had and dredge up old sorrows. Instead, look at what isnt working well in your life right now. What situations make you feel extra emotionalhair-trigger anger, deep despair, shame? Are there times where you think you should have an emotional reaction, but you feel numb? What do these feelings or lack of feelings tell you about yourself? The act of self-exploration and understanding will help you get to know yourself on a deeper level. It will help you to process and let go of any beliefs, memories, judgments, and regrets that are keeping you bound to the past and unable to fully engage with life in the present.

To free yourself from what is limiting you and unconsciously driving your actions, you need to observe yourself non-judgmentally. You need to bring your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs into conscious awareness. In doing so, you shift from using the fight-flight-or-freeze part of your brain to the less reactive and more analytical one, which can explore, discover, and create.

The qualities youll need in your self-observation spell the acronym COAL:

By using COAL, you create a psychological safe-space where you can let your guard down to reveal the sensations, emotions, and thoughts trapped inside. When you focus on your inner world, you are practicingemotional mindfulness. Self-awareness is fundamental to understanding and being happy with yourself, forming close relationships, and recognizing your motivations so that you can build your life based on what is true for you now, and not a response to past trauma.

You must feel your feelings; your emotions are helpful companions on the journey of life. You need to make friends with them, learn from them, and interact with them in a loving, not fearful, way.

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To Heal from Trauma, You Have to Feel Your Feelings - Psychology Today