Linh Ta as told to Andrea Sahouri| Des Moines Register

Linh Ta: Too American or too Asian | Des Moines Storyteller's Project

How this Iowan learned to love all sides of herself, as told at the Des Moines Storyteller's Project's "Love" on, Feb. 15, 2022.

Des Moines Storytellers Project, Mediacom

Editor's note: Linh Tafirst told this story on stage at theDes Moines Storytellers Project's "Love: Stories of companionship, desireand commitment."The Des Moines Storytellers Projectis a series of storytelling events in which community members work with Register journalists to tell true, first-person stories live on stage. An edited version appears below.

Here in Des Moines, thousands upon thousands of miles away from the home they first knew, my parents met.

My dad always said that my mom was the prettiest girl in town.

She had a few other feelings about him. But she eventually got to know him and they married two people with a dream of a fruitlife life they hoped would happen through a Vietnamese restaurant and a family.

A lot of us know the story about how Iowa shone as a beacon of hope when the Vietnam War displaced refugees who needed homes. Thousands of them came here to Iowa, including my parents.

But then what happened?

On an April day Duc Ta and Thanh Nguyen-Ta had me.

They chose the name Linh L-i-n-h because it was a common Vietnamese name, but alsoIowans could pronounce it too.

Jokes on them. Sometimes, they cant.

There was no guidebook for how we were supposed to navigate our lives here. No family recipe to reminisce grandmas Thanksgiving dinner. No creaky home where generations of our family stayed we were just seeds in the air trying to find land that wouldnt spit us back up.

Add on top of that, I was quickly growing into an American child of the 2000s that demanded a Gameboy Color and beads in my hair and a growing desire to be more like a Linda versus a Linh.

When I was 10, I had a crush on the neighbor boy with his bright blue eyes. Wed make sand castles in his backyard and I would twist up grass and make little rings, one for him, one for me.

He invited me over for dinner sometimes and I sat with his family around their laminate table, hands together in prayer. That's where I discovered for the first timefive-minute rice with butter, which I politely shoveled under some food.

They were so freely nice, telling me that I could come over whenever and come play on their swingset.

But for my family, like many other Asian families, there's a lot of love between us, but there's also a reservation to others that can come off as coldness.

That meant misunderstood interactions, lots of nos when I asked if friends could come to our house and a general assumption from outsiders that well they must not like us, so we dont like them.

After a particularly fun day of playing with the neighbor boy, I begged my mom to let him stay for dinner. To my shock, she said yes it was something that rarely, if ever happened and I was elated.

We talked Pokemon cards and laughed about school. He was my best friend and to bring him to my table,I was ecstatic.

But when I looked across the dinner table, twinges of embarrassment kicked in. She didnt have to say it. But I could sense it. The judgment. I avoided my moms gaze and we finished dinner and he went home.

Later that night, I asked her what she thought of him at dinner. Without a beat of hesitation, she said he was rude. No please or thank you. Shoes on inside the house. I went to defend his reputation even though she felt like she was defending mine.

We argued that night as she cleaned up the dishes her fingernails scratching off flecks of food even though we had a dishwasher right there. I was embarrassed. I was embarrassed that in her eyes, I chose wrong. I was embarrassed because we were the house where people had to act a certain way, where American families Iowan families were so warm and welcoming and we were so utterly not.

Years later, when the neighbor and I were both teenagers in middle school, we took the bus together. It wasnt together-together, as we had reached that awkward age of self-awareness where one small move could mean social calamity in the vicious world of teenage popularity.

I was no longer the cute, elementary student that charmed people. New school, new students, acne-ridden. To the new kids at my school, I was then that Asian kid.

The new anonymity was freeing and trapping in certain ways. I leaned into stereotypes, pretending I was good at math when I was not good at math. I started making friends with the other Asian kids and felt a new sense of camaraderie I hadnt before.

But one day on the bus, when I was sitting with the other Asian kids, the neighbor boy the one who knew me turned to us and asked: Did you guys get your names from your parents throwing pots and pans down the stairs?

I was able to shrug off the comments from the other kids, but this one, I wasnt protected from. It was a reminder that no matter how hard I tried to assimilate, no matter how hard I tried to fit in, I was the Asian kid, first and foremost.

Plus, our stairs were carpeted. He knew that.

Being the kid of immigrants, its a wave you learn to ride.

Your great aunt gives you a bar of soap and points to your face, you nod and smile and say, "Im taking care of it, I know you love me, dont worry, theres this new three-step process called Proactiv."

When a white guy on Tinder immediately asks you if youre into anime you say well, duh but swipe left.

I let jokes slide by that I shouldnt have. And felt parts of myself slip away that I should have held dear, things that I should have loved in myself like my mothers eyes or my fathers tan skin.

But even among the people I looked like I feared their judgment too. Too Asian for the American people, but too American for Asian people.

I could help relatives with their resumes, but could barely speak with my own grandmother in Vietnamese.

And while I grew okay with being a Linh, the uncomfortable gray area sat with me for a long time.

But love changes things. And loving yourself is hard, oh so hard. But sometimes, when you love somebody else and see parts of yourself in them, it makes it easier to love yourself too.

For me, that started when I watched my little cousins grow up.

The next generation of my family isnt shy about sharing their lives, which is why I know way too much right now about Harry Styles and YouTube drama.

Its so fun watching them live their fun, authentic lives where they dont hesitate to share details about their heritage with their friends and classmates.

But when my little cousin was upset one day and told me the story about a boy who asked her if she ate dogs you better know, I was ready to beat a kid up.

And thats when I realized how badly my parents must have only wanted to protect me from the same cruelties and glares when they first came here so many years ago.

And I love them for who they are trying to keep me safe from a world that can be cruel and instantly judgmental.

I love my cousins for how open they are and how they dont hide themselves. And as they get older and that self-awareness kicks in, I want them to see that I love myself and that there's nothing they need to hide.

And when I think about my life now so many years later and all the different types of people who care about me, I feel forever grateful.

Andyou know what my parents have been doing? Theyve been asking me about when Im going to bring a nice person over.

ABOUT THE STORYTELLER:Linh Ta is a proud Des Moines resident, born and raised. She works as a reporter for Axios Des Moines, a daily newsletter that covers everything from politics to the best eats in town. Prior to that, she worked at the Des Moines Register and Iowa Capital Dispatch. As a new homeowner, her days are spent asking "how the heck do you do that?" and telling her cat to knock it off.

The Des Moines Storytellers Project strongly believes that everyone HAS a story and everyone CAN tell it. None of the storytellers who take our stage are professionals. They are your neighbors, friends or co-workers, and they are coached to tell byRegister journalists.

Want to tell your story at one of our upcoming Storytellers Project events?Read our guidelines and submit a story at DesMoinesRegister.com/Tell.

Contactstorytelling@dmreg.comfor more information.

WATCH:Mediacom rebroadcasts stories from the most recent show on MC22 periodically;check local listings for times. A replay is also available at YouTube.com/DMRegister.

LISTEN:Check out the Des Moines Storytellers Project podcast, which is available on your favorite podcasting platforms.

Your subscription makes work like this possible. Subscribe today atDesMoinesRegister.com/Deal.

Excerpt from:
Too American or too Asian? How this Iowan learned to love all sides of herself - Des Moines Register

Ritual treatment of the dead, either through burial ceremonies or other funerary activities is often seen as a signal of self-awareness and interpersonal relationships in animals, which of course includes humans. Finding death rituals in non-human animals can be tricky, but it does happen. Apes, elephants, dolphins, and some birds have all been observed either watching over the bodies of the deceased or otherwise treating them in some socially meaningful way.

Humans, of course, take this relationship with the dead to a level not seen in other animals. Certainly, our relationship with the dead has evolved over time and a critical step in that evolution was recently uncovered in the ancient city of atalhyk, in modern-day Turkey. atalhyk is thought by some to be the worlds oldest city, dating back approximately 9,000 years. The people there lived in houses made of mud bricks and engaged in unusual funeral rites involving the painting of both bodies and houses.

Eline Schotsman from the PACEA laboratory at the University of Bordeaux, and colleagues, were examining human remains at the site to better understand the use of pigments in funeral rituals at atalhyk. Their findings were published in the journal Scientific Reports.

The majority of the deceased in this community were simply buried and left in the ground, not unlike the way we bury our dead today. Some, however, received special treatment. A small portion of the dead, about 6 percent, were painted with various pigments. Its unclear why some individuals received this treatment while most did not.

This is the beginning of social differentiation, but were not sure why some were painted. It isnt based on age, or sex, or specific families. At the moment, we dont really have an answer. We think it was a kind of social memory, Schotsman told SYFY WIRE.

We can think of the rituals as similar to the way modern humans might keep mementos of lost loved ones in their houses as a way of triggering memories of the deceased. The people of the time didnt have photographs or other visual means of remembering, so they used pigments.

In addition to painting the dead, they also painted their houses, and the number of domicile paintings lines up with the number of painted remains, suggesting they were done at, or around, the same time. Adding pigment to the remains and then adding the same pigments to your house offers a visual and tactile connection to the dead which remains even after the body is buried.

Blue and green colors were used for women and children only, which is quite special. Cinnabar was only used for males and only found as a head band. Ochre was used for everyone, Schotsman said.

Theres also evidence that burial wasnt necessarily permanent. Researchers found indications that bones were sometimes removed from the grave and kept in the community for a time. Theyd be passed around and these secondary or tertiary funeral rituals often included the painting of houses and addition of pigment to the remains or the burial site.

The fact that these activities were not evenly distributed across individuals might be an early example of social inequality which evolved over time until it reached its modern form. Its interesting to consider that relationships as complex as racial, sexual, or economic inequality might have gotten their start with stripes of paint applied to the head.

It lends a little more weight to the way we inter and celebrate our dead. Theres no telling how the difference between cremation, standard burial, or a mausoleum might trickle into the future and influence the way our descendants live.

Maybe we should all just slide our bodies into a peat bog and call it a day.

See the article here:
Bone canvas: Ancient humans painted and passed around the remains of their dead - Syfy

Article content

The Toronto Sun takes you straight to the heart of the action.

Whether its local news, provincial and national politics, or the worlds of celebrity and sports, we have you covered.

Some stories set the world on fire. And these ones are the most popular online stories from the past seven days, clicked on by Sun readers like you.

Here are our top stories:

DICTATORSHIP OF THE WORST KIND: European MPs blast Trudeau for COVID rights violation

Prime Minister Justin Trudeau addressed the European Parliament speaking about how important it is for countries on both sides of the pond to work together to defend (cough, cough) democracy. Oy.

The Suns Eddie Chau went down a rabbit hole of some of the best comments from the MPs in the room who accused him of violating human rights over how he and his government handled the Freedom Convoy protest in Ottawa last month. (Was it only last month? It seems like forever ago.)

The most memorable? One MEP described Canada in recent months as a symbol of civil rights violation under Trudeaus quasi-liberal boot, and his invoking of the Emergencies Act was of a dictatorship of the worst kind.

LILLEY: Trudeau warns Canadians, European leaders against politicians acting as he does

Chau passed the baton off to political columnist Brian Lilley who went one step further to question Trudeaus complete and utter lack of self-awareness.

He issued a warning, first to European leaders, then Canadians, against politicians who act just like he does. Um, what??

We apologize, but this video has failed to load.

Man who fell off Jet Ski shot and killed by his rescuer in South Carolina

Did you hear the one about the man who saved a man and woman who fell off a jet ski, then ended up shooting the man who nearly drowned?

Okay, well, this is no laughing matter but it did happen, in South Carolina, and the shooter was not prosecuted after the shooting was ruled as self-defence.

Just when you thought things couldnt get more bizarre.

ITS AN HONOUR: Maple Leafs star Auston Matthews caps hat deal

From hat tricks to hats, Maple Leafs star Auston Matthews is the new face of Lids, the North American sports cap retailer.

It also makes him the first NHL player and first pro athlete from a Canadian team with such a partnership.

Its an honour for me, Matthews told the Suns Lance Hornby. Ive always been into hats; I think theyre a really big part of hockey culture.

Don Cherry may not be a fan of Matthews fashion choices but others sure are. Hats off to you, Auston!

KINSELLA: Breaking down the motive for this undemocratic Liberal-NDP backroom deal

As you already know, the Liberals reached an agreement that would see the New Democrats support Justin Trudeaus minority government through to 2025.

Political columnist Warren Kinsella broke down, then broke down the undemocratic backroom deal between the two parties that transformed Trudeau, the minority prime minister, into Trudeau, majority prime minister something most Canadians didnt want back in October during the election.

Read more:
TOP CLICKS: The week that was in viral stories - Edmonton Journal

I had hoped post Brexit that the UK would become a boring, reliable friend of freedom and democracy (Do you find everyone else boring? Youve only yourself to blame, Focus). I had hoped that we would do boring things such as feed and house the entire population. Potholes would be fixed, public transport less expensive and unreliable houses insulated.

Alas, the quest for shareholder value and bone-headed populism has instead produced a constant flow of unlearned lessons from our state institutions and an almost comical lack of self-awareness in the international arena. Ukraine, in her agony to achieve freedom from autocracy, has transformed a comedian into a statesman and leader and maintained a unity of purpose and nationhood. In contrast, the UK has become divided between rich and poor, town and country, young and old and between the smaller nations of the union and England.

Lets embrace the boring and knuckle down to achieving concrete results, rather than promoting hype. Let us sit down and stop thinking that there are shortcuts to success at any level.Richard StylesWalmer, Kent

Viv Groskops entertaining article on boring professions reminded me of the entry that used to appear in the Yellow Pages phone directory in the 1980s: Boring see Civil Engineers.David HarperCambridge

It was great to read your interview with Ruth Madeley about the drama Then Barbara Met Alan (These stories change how people think, Magazine). While Ruths comments are excellent, she says: I dont think it had been done before: two visibly disabled characters, played by two disabled actors, in a loving and sexy sex scene.

However, this was done for the first time in the BBC film Every Time You Look at Me (2004), with Mat Fraser and Lisa Hammond. It was still astonishing that it took this long. My disabled partner, Richard Rieser, ran the 1 in 8 Campaign in the 1990s, which broke new ground in campaigning for disabled people to be shown positively in all mainstream media, culminating in The Raspberry Ripple Awards on Channel 4.Susie BurrowsLondon N1

I read with mounting horror Stuart McGurks piece on the new-age fashion for manifesting what you want (When your dreams come true, Magazine). This turbo-charged individualism was a trend in the 1990s and its sad to see it being peddled again to desperate and gullible young people. Apparently to manifest a dream car or boyfriend you just need to totally focus on what you want. Presumably, people caught up in war and famine, poverty or violence are just not focusing enough? Marianne CraigBrighton

Last week, this paper published its view on the Cass review on gender identity services for children, calling, without a hint of irony, for an end to ideology (Children with gender identity issues are ill served by adults who shut down debate, Comment). For years, the Gender Identity Development Service has been positioned as variably both affirmative or gate-keeping, too rushed or too ponderous. These are false dichotomies.

At GIDS, we take a young persons sense of themselves seriously. Some may refer to this approach as affirmative. However, being respectful of someones identity does not preclude exploration. Recent independent research relates first hand the experiences of young people.

Most of our young people meet the criteria for a diagnosis of gender dysphoria. Yet only a minority access puberty blockers. Gender dysphoria alone is a poor predictor for who might benefit from a medical pathway.

Our specialist NHS service works developmentally to arrive at a shared understanding of what support may be needed. While we are trained to identify wider psychological or safeguarding needs, we liaise with local services to meet these. We do explore and seek to understand the impact of co-occurring difficulties and neurodiversity, but do not conceptualise the experience of gender incongruence as a symptom to be resolved with extensive therapy.

There is a reason GIDS evolved over decades at the Tavistock it is a place with a long history of holding complexity. Simplistic notions about gender have no place and do not serve young people. Of course, what is universally accepted is the recognition that young people need more support from other services, something we have long been calling for.Paul Jenkins, CEO Tavistock and Polly Carmichael, director GIDS

Thank you for your piece about the forced adoptions carried out in the 1950s-1970s (Were human beings, we deserve an apology, say forced adoption victims, News). My mother was one of those who gave birth in a mother and baby home during that period and the experience scarred her for life. She was one of the few to keep her baby in her cohort only two did so, herself and another young woman who was handing her child over to the grandma to raise. The impact on my mother was tremendous. She has suffered from mental health issues ever since, and when she gave birth to my brother 16 years later, the impact of that delayed trauma was still with her.

She often spoke of the way she was chastised as she was giving birth to me, being told that she was an awful human being and that there was no way she would be able to raise a child out of wedlock. The impact was so extreme that when I was pregnant 40 years later, she had to have therapy due to PTSD flashbacks.

The young women who had their children adopted were not the only ones who suffered. It was all young women who went through that system and the impact reverberates still among women of my age, both as daughters of those who kept their babies and daughters of those who were forced to submit, since that knowledge becomes a form of generational trauma that is handed down.Yasmin Stefanov-KingScarborough, North Yorkshire

Snobbery and stereotyping in the Everyman crossword last Sunday? I fear so: Everyman No 3,936 clue for 21 down: Here you see outsized competitors hover excitedly, primarily? Solution: oche (the line to be toed when playing darts). Not so Everyman after all?David ReedLondon NW3

Read more from the original source:
Letters: Britain should knuckle down and embrace the boring - The Guardian

Tennis, with all its aging and ailing superstars, has been bracing for big farewells for years. But players like Roger Federer, Serena and Venus Williams and Andy Murray have defied the timeline and the expectations, pressing on and rejecting retirement through competitiveness, stubbornness, and a love of the game and the platform.

Which is why Wednesday came as such a surprise.

Ashleigh Barty, by these new-age standards, was just getting started. At 25, she was ranked No. 1 with three Grand Slam singles titles in the bank, including Wimbledon last year and the Australian Open in January. Already an icon at home, she had the beautiful game and winning personality to one day become a global brand as the majors and seasons piled up.

But Barty was on her own timeline, and, after long and careful consideration, she is retiring on top, the very top, which might sound neat and tidy but actually requires the self-awareness and the guts to leave quite a few things unfinished.

If Barty remains retired, she will never win a U.S. Open singles title, never win the Billie Jean King Cup team event for Australia, never win an Olympic gold medal, never, with her complete set of tennis tools, achieve the calendar-year Grand Slam that her Australian predecessors Rod Laver and Margaret Court won more than 50 years ago.

But there is more to a champions life than a checklist, and, as Federer and his enduring peer group would surely confirm, it is only worth making the trek to such low-oxygen destinations if you genuinely enjoy the journey.

Barty, a teen prodigy who won the Wimbledon girls title at age 15, has long seemed like someone whose gift took her farther than she wanted to go.

Im shocked and not shocked, Rennae Stubbs, an Australian player, coach and ESPN analyst, said of Bartys retirement. Ash is not an ego-driven person wanting more. Shes happy and now comfortable and never has to leave her town and family again. And shes content with her achievements now.

The journeys, it is true, are longer for Australians, and they had been isolated under some of the strictest lockdowns and quarantine rules in the world during the pandemic.

Barty spent all of 2020 in Australia, opting to remain home in Brisbane rather than travel abroad to compete when tournaments resumed after a forced hiatus. She left the country for several months in 2021, cementing her No. 1 status by winning four titles, including Wimbledon. But after losing early in the U.S. Open, Barty, emotionally drained, returned to Australia and skipped the rest of the season.

That might have been a hint that early retirement was a possibility; that balance and personal well-being were Bartys priorities, all the more so with her financial future secure. But then came her return to competition in January, when she ended Australias 44-year drought by winning the Australian Open singles title without dropping a single set. After her forehand passing shot winner against the American Danielle Collins, she howled with delight.

Perhaps, in retrospect, it was a scream of relief. What looked like her latest achievement turned out to be her crowning one. She did not pick up a racket again, even to practice, after winning the title in Melbourne. She pulled out of the prestigious hardcourt events in Indian Wells and Miami, and then retired on Wednesday, delivering the news in a prearranged conversation with her friend and former doubles partner Casey Dellacqua that was released on social media.

I dont think Ash has ever been part of a current, said Micky Lawler, the president of the Womens Tennis Association, who spoke with Barty on Tuesday before her announcement. This is not a new trend for her. I think she has always been very determined and very clear on where she stood and where tennis stood in her life.

That clarity has been hard-earned. Barty has matured and learned a great deal about herself through therapy and life experience since she stepped away from the tour and its pressures for the first time at age 17, depressed and homesick. Sports comebacks remain all the rage, as Tom Brady continues to make clear. Tennis stars of the past who retired early see Justine Henin and Bjorn Borg did eventually return to competition, however briefly. But the feeling in tennis circles is that another Barty comeback is against the odds.

I would guess that this is her final decision, Lawler said. She added, There would be a much bigger chance of her coming back if she lived in the States or in Europe. The fact shes in Australia and loves Australia and loves being home, I think that plays a big role in how she decided this and when she decided this, and that will make a comeback that much harder.

Lawler said that, in their conversation, Barty also made it clear that she did not want to continue placing travel demands on Craig Tyzzer, her veteran Australian coach.

Lawler said she expects Barty to request to be removed from the rankings, likely before the end of the Miami Open, which concludes April 3. No. 2 Iga Swiatek of Poland could become No. 1 by winning her opening match in Miami, but if she loses, No. 6 Paula Badosa of Spain could also become No. 1 by winning the title.

Though Swiatek, 20, and Badosa, 24, have powerful games and charisma, Bartys departure leaves a void. Stylistically, her flowing, varied game was a refreshing change from the big-bang approach that has long prevailed. Barty, though she stood only 5-foot-5, had plenty of power and one of the most dominant serves and forehands in the game. But her success was also based on changes of pace, spin and tactics. She could hit over her backhand with two hands, or slice it with one hand and tremendous control, depth and bite.

Her full package often bamboozled more one-dimensional opponents. Other young players possess similar variety, including Russias Daria Kasatkina and Canadas Bianca Andreescu, who won the 2019 U.S. Open. But Barty was the most consistent and irresistible exemplar of variety. She was 3-0 in Grand Slam singles finals, although it bears remembering that she never faced a player ranked in the top 10 in any of the Grand Slam tournaments she won.

That was no fault of her own, but her early departure will again make it challenging for the WTA to create what it has lacked for most of the last 20 years: the enduring, transcendent rivalries that have been the hallmarks of the mens game in the age of Novak Djokovic, Federer and Rafael Nadal.

Serena Williams, the greatest womens player of this era, is 40 and has not played since injuring herself in the first round of Wimbledon last year. She may not play again. Naomi Osaka, her heir apparent in terms of global profile and commercial portfolio, has struggled with her mental health and is now ranked 77th. Emma Raducanu, the talented British teen who was a surprise U.S. Open champion last year, is a sponsor magnet but not yet ready to soar to the top.

Perhaps Barty will take on other sporting challenges. During her first hiatus from tennis, she showed her potential to be a world-class cricketer, and she is an excellent golfer who is engaged to Garry Kissick, a professional golfer from Australia. Other womens tennis stars have switched to professional golf, including Althea Gibson, but that move sounds unlikely given the global travel that sport also demands.

The WTA clearly knows how to crown champions and do business without Barty. Despite finishing the season at No. 1 the last three years, she has not been a dominant presence there amid her long breaks from the sport. But however well-considered her departure, it is still sad for tennis that she did not want to carry the torch forward.

Her character and game would have worn particularly well.

Read this article:
Despite the Trend in Sports, Dont Expect Ashleigh Barty to Un-Retire - The New York Times

Theres no single way a doctor may approach treating someone for skin picking disorder. Awareness of the condition is still growing, and the solution is different for every person. Some medical providers may prescribe an ointment like Scott received, while others may send a patient to a therapist for a mental health evaluation. McKeaney of the Picking Me Foundation said she creates information packets to send to physicians who are often the first point of contact with someone with dermatillomania and a directory of informed medical providers.

Hollander, the nurse practitioner, gives patients the foundations fiddle packs, which include tools to keep the hands busy and deter someone from touching their body. She said she cant speak for the whole medical community but noted that her nursing background gives her a holistic approach to skin picking disorder that focuses on the emotional factors behind a skin problem; she also refers patients with skin picking disorder to a therapist for cognitive behavioral therapy, which provides people with ways to approach specific behaviors in the moment.

Many skin pickers feel like theyre the only people doing it. But the Picking Me Foundation has run a virtual support group since March 2020 that has grown from three attendees to about 40 per meeting. The foundation now has over 800 members, and its email list has doubled in size since the start of the pandemic.

Mills said she had trouble finding useful forums or treatments on her own when she started her recovery three years ago, prompting her to make social media content as Kim on Skin to help others feel seen and learn more about skin picking disorder herself. She started her recovery by tracking her triggers, writing down when she was picking, how long the episodes were, and how these might be connected to other events that day. Theres even an app she used for this purpose called SkinPick, which provides a self-monitoring tool and a four-week course to help people understand and reduce their skin picking.

After gathering this data, Mills noticed that job stresses were often behind her picking, so she pivoted from a career in finance to one in social media. She now has a full-time job but hopes to eventually focus full time on Kim on Skin.

Mills reiterated how important it is to not downplay someones skin picking as only a habit. Then theyre back to square one, she said, feeling embarrassed and even more alone.

Investing time in recovery is also not something that may come naturally to people with dermatillomania, Mills said.

A large majority are struggling with providing self-care, she said. Because of that, a big investment into themselves, that's really hard for people to justify.

Self-managed treatment depends on the person and their triggers. For McKeaney, avoiding mirrors is important. She splashes water on the sink in her bathroom so she wont bring her face close to the mirror. She also leaves the lights off, keeps the door open, puts a tape boundary on the floor, uses acrylic nails (which are less sharp on skin), and wears pimple patches to hide areas she would be tempted to pick.

Scarlett, the personal coach in England, manages her picking by going on walks, keeping a stress ball in the bathroom, and covering up mirrors with towels. She spoke out on TikTok about skin picking and connects via DMs with others who do it, which makes her feel less alone. She said her skin picking has become less intense with each little change. In July 2020, she decided to enter a bodybuilding competition; knowing the event was coming up served as a reminder to hold back from skin picking.

Picketts advice for anyone who encounters a friend or relative with skin picking disorder is to cite the definition, treatment options, and other resources from the TLC Foundation for Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors, and then ask them if theyve heard of the disorder and if they think it might be something they have. This avoids any sense of blame or shame, as if theyve done something they should be embarrassed about.

For anyone who is struggling, I ask them to be as gentle with themselves, McKeaney said. This disorder already tears us apart and doesn't deserve another minute of our time.

This story is part of our Body Week series. To read more, click here.

See the original post here:
People With Dermatillomania Are Turning To TikTok To Spread Awareness - BuzzFeed News

The Conservatives have denied any and all responsibility, forever pointing the finger at Covid or Ukraine or someone or somewhere else is a threadbare Tory tactic that only the criminally gullible could fall for -and now the electorate has had enough

Image: Getty Images)

TAXES and prices going up as the value of wages, pensions and benefits are falling significantly has created a cost of living crisis powered by the Government.

Boris Johnson and his Tory lieutenants are exacerbating the pain for hard-pressed people, plunging them deeper into hardship.

This weeks triple-whammy alone is evidence that the Conservatives are divorced from reality, ruling without any genuine appreciation of just how much folk are suffering.

Denying any responsibility, forever pointing the finger at Covid or Ukraine or someone or somewhere else is a threadbare Tory tactic that only the criminally gullible could fall for.

The PM and Chancellor not only refuse to help but are making lives worse.

Picking the pockets of households by increasing taxes, particularly National Insurance for many, and Council Tax, while holding down pensions and benefits as inflation rockets, deserves never be forgotten or forgiven.

Image:

NOBODY knows better than the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge that their Caribbean tour didnt go as well as intended.

Along with the mishaps there was Williams statement conceding he may never follow in the Queens footsteps as head of the Commonwealth. This is a monarchy attempting to come to grips with a changing world.

Perhaps discussing the issues and seeking diverse views from far and wide may avoid repeating past mistakes.

William and Kate are widely admired and respected in Britain. Displaying self-awareness is vital for an institution recognising that it must also evolve to remain relevant and loved.

THE future is even brighter for Lotto pair Marion Wood and Michael Williams, after what they thought was a 1,000 win turned out to be a cool 1million.

Thats 500,000 each... which will no doubt help them fare far better amid the cost of living crisis. Perhaps we should all have a flutter.

See original here:
'Tories are divorced from reality, without any appreciation of how folk are suffering' - The Mirror

The last we left Atlanta, it was nearly four years ago, and also a thousand years ago, and also just moments ago.

Season 2 ended on FX in 2018. This was a long hiatus, even for a series that has always moved with its own fluid sense of time. Since then, there has been (for starters) a pandemic, an attack on the Capitol and the racial reckoning after George Floyds murder, which echoed a theme of this richly drawn show: what life is like for Black Americans like the shows characters, for whom fortune can turn in a moment.

If Atlanta has always been hard to pigeonhole its comedy, except when its drama, except when its horror that may be because it is about complicated people whose circumstances are always just a nudge away from any of these. And the two-episode Season 3 premiere, airing Thursday, is Atlanta in top form, going to new places while maintaining that unsettling sense of never knowing how the ground might shift.

When we catch up with Alfred, a.k.a. the rapper Paper Boi (Brian Tyree Henry); his manager-cousin, Earn (Donald Glover); and their friends Darius (LaKeith Stanfield) and Van (Zazie Beetz), life seems to have turned for the better, at least materially. Alfred is touring Europe, but its not the tour he was beginning at the end of Season 2, when he was still an aspiring artist at a make-or-break moment in his career.

As he gets ready to play a show in Amsterdam, he has returned to Europe as a headliner. He can ask for a 20,000-euro advance on his fee, get it without complaint and toss handfuls of cash to the fans thronging him in the street. There are drivers and fancy hotels and one-night stands in those hotels.

The characters are in a different place now, in more ways than one. The time jump manages to simultaneously pick up where the series left off and move the story forward in time.

But before we get to that, theres a detour. The spectacular and haunting first episode picks up on a boat, seemingly somewhere in Georgia, far from the main characters. The lake, we are told, covers the ruin of a self-sufficient Black town, flooded when a dam was built. (There is a shameful real-life history of such communities being eradicated for dams, lakes, even Central Park.) Under the murky surface, the tale goes, vengeful ghosts await.

Then the story shifts, to Loquareeous (Christopher Farrar), a troubled Black child who is made to live with two white women after a school staffer witnesses a scene of corporal punishment and calls child services. (This premise also borrows elements of a disturbing true story, the murder-suicide of two women and their six adopted children.)

His hippie-ish new moms shorten his name to Larry and lecture him about the unhealthiness of the foods that youre used to. They encourage their kids, without any self-awareness, to sing field songs as they labor in the organic garden. The house is shabby, the food scarce, and Loquareeous remembers a warning from his birth mother: These white people, they going to kill you.

This being Atlanta, the story takes several surreal and unexpected turns. Then it drops us in a hotel room in Europe. Atlanta has always been a digressive series that gets where its going by the back roads. But what does the one story have to do with the other? Directly, not much. Thematically, everything.

For Alfred, Amsterdam appears to be the opposite of a horror story. When we find him in the second episode, hes been arrested, recalling his and Earns arrest at the beginning of Atlanta. But here, the police are solicitous. He is offered a gourmet meal in his comfortable cell and quickly released. In Europe, as Paper Boi, he is welcomed, accommodated, respected.

But wait. It is December in the Netherlands Christmas season, and the season of Zwarte Piet, the helper to Sinterklaas (Santa Claus), traditionally depicted in blackface. Here, there and everywhere are sooty-painted macroaggressions a child on a bike, a porter at a hotel which the Dutch dismiss as harmless fun.

Alfreds exhaustion Henry can play irritated weariness with a thousand different inflections says it all. Suddenly, were back on the lake, where no matter how safe you think you are today, those ghosts of history can arise to drag you under. Were in a different kind of horror story, where the unexamined cluelessness of supposedly tolerant people can hit as hard as overt hostility.

My colleague Wesley Morris wrote last week about the awards-show incident in which the Black tennis stars Serena and Venus Williams were the collateral damage of an off-handed slight by the white director Jane Campion. They were invitees turned, suddenly, into interlopers, he writes, presenting one minute, plunged through a trap door the next. It could have been a prescient description of Alfreds experience in this Atlanta episode. You can have fame, accomplishment, the V.I.P. ticket. But it turns out that even quaint cobblestone streets have trap doors.

According to FX, most of Season 3 will take place in Europe, which raises questions. What is Atlanta without Atlanta? And what, to the characters, is their home city? Is it a place that they can leave, or a history that they always bring as a carry-on?

The premiere episodes, familiarly disorienting and strikingly shot by the longtime Atlanta director Hiro Murai, suggest an answer. Atlanta is where these characters are, as they seek contentment, purpose and balance. The two episodes sent to critics for review are a mere peek, but they give no sign of the shows having lost a step in the past four years. Maybe the pause simply gave the future time to catch up.

Go here to read the rest:
Review: 'Atlanta' Is Back and as Surprising as Ever - The New York Times

A new LinkedIn tool helps make time off part of your professional story.

The Great Resignation doesnt appear to be slowing down anytime soon, and this professional trend isnt just changing how people think about leaving their jobs its also shifting how they look for a new one.

A record-breaking 48 million workers quit in 2021. And while some of them were transitioning into an earlier-than-expected retirement, for many its less about ending their career story and more about diving headfirst into something different, as KCM recently learned firsthand from three women who made big pivots during the pandemic.

While conventional wisdom has long told us its best to wait to put in your notice until you have another opportunity lined up, the cultural shifts of the pandemic have pushed more and more people to take the plunge immediately and figure out their next role later. A January survey conducted by LinkedIn found that 62 percent of workers around the world have taken a career break, and that number is even higher (64 percent) among women.

Its not just dissatisfaction with pay or roadblocks to a promotion thats causing these breaks. Personal issues like mental health, medical leave, burnout, and caring for someone else were all highly cited as motivations for temporarily leaving the workforce.

The good news is that as this kind of personally enriching time off becomes increasingly common, its no longer the obstacle to future employment that it might have been previously.

Were seeing a change in that people think there was a stigma related to taking a career break, but that actually isnt true, says LinkedIn career expert Blair Heitmann. The pandemic has really normalized it.

The evidence can be found in that same LinkedIn survey, in which 50 percent of hiring managers reported they agree career breaks are becoming more common, and 46 percent of them said they believe applicants who have taken these breaks are an untapped talent pool.

Heitmann says thats because employers are recognizing that the kinds of interpersonal skills people can develop during time away from work are actually extremely relevant to high-functioning performance at the office.

Just because youre not working, it doesnt mean youre not learning and growing, Heitmann says. A lot of those skills that you spent time working through during that break are really important for employees today. Things like communication, the ability to multitask, patience, self-awareness its the soft skills that we know make you really good at your job.

But its not just about acquiring (or sharpening) those soft skills during your time off; candidates must also highlight that personal growth and use it to sell themselves. Fifty-two percent of hiring managers told LinkedIn that applicants should proactively bring up their career break during an interview, and 46 percent said they feel job seekers usually undersell what theyve gained from the time away.

Heitmann tells us more and more employers want candidates to feature their career breaks as essential parts of their personal and professional stories. Its so important, she says. Hiring managers say theyre actually more likely to contact you if you include that context.

Considering all this, LinkedIn got feedback from its members that they needed more ways to easily and clearly reflect these breaks (and what they gained from them) in their profiles to help integrate that into their employment history. Thats why the site has introduced a new tool that allows users to specifically list a career break on their profile, with the option to select from a host of explanations for the time off, including career transition, full-time parenting, bereavement, a gap year, pursuing a personal goal, focusing on ones health, and many more.

Using the tool is especially effective, Heitmann explains, considering that 44 percent of hirers told LinkedIn they want to know the reason behind a career break and 51 percent said theyre more likely to reach out to someone whos actively provided that explanation.

One of LinkedIns options for filling in that employment gap is volunteer work, which Heitmann says is a salient example of how other activities contribute to professional development.

With volunteering, you can improve your ability to communicate with your team, to be patient, and to negotiate with a bunch of different people, she says. Those are the types of things that you can dial up and talk about when you discuss that time.

Heitmann just took a break from work herself to go on maternity leave, which has given her a helpful first-hand understanding of how time away to focus on parenting can actually make someone better at their job.

Patience, self-awareness, communication, and multitasking are all things that youre putting the pedal to the metal on when you have a newborn, she says. In the last two months since Ive been back, Ive really felt that juggling my calendar, the babys calendar, the food schedule, and laundry was good training. That time management is really important.

So if youve done a personal assessment about when to quit your job and decided the time is now, you can rest easy knowing that jumping immediately into a new role isnt your only option for moving your life forward while still keeping your career on track.

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LinkedIn is Normalizing Career Breaks: Why It's OK to Have Resume Gaps - Katie Couric Media

Employers are desperate to hire these days, and they're more willing to overlook a short stint or even a gap in your work history.

That's good news for young workers who feel their new jobs have been overhyped during the Great Resignation. A recent survey from The Muse found 80% of millennial and Gen Z jobseekers say it's acceptable to leave a new job before six months if it doesn't live up to your expectations.

If you're preparing to jump back into job-search mode after just a short time away, here are a few ways to talk about it throughout the hiring process.

There are ways to be honest and diplomatic about a short tenure if the job or company turned out to be different from what you expected, says The Muse founder and CEO Kathryn Minshew.

If possible, discuss how the scope of the job changed between the time you interviewed, when you accepted it and when you began working. Did the responsibilities change? Did your hiring manager or colleagues quit? Were there other organizational changes that impacted how you feel about the company or leadership?

Minshew suggests saying something along the lines of: "Obviously, it's not ideal to have such a short stint at a company. When I was interviewing for that position, some of the things that I was looking for were XYZ. There was a lot that was communicated to me about the role and the type of work environment that I was really excited for. But when I joined the team, there were some really key differences in what I experienced compared with what was advertised. It wasn't the right move professionally, so I left."

If you made an impact even with just a few months on the job, that's something to highlight, says career coach Chelsea Jay.

Did you hit the ground running to meet important deadlines for your team? Or overhaul a workflow the company will continue using moving forward? Talk about how quickly you were able to adapt into a new work setting (even though it's one you ultimately didn't enjoy) and how you were able to help the business in a short amount of time.

Self-awareness goes a long way, and you can even play it to your strengths. Lean on the fact that you stood up for yourself and what you want in a job or company, and that you were quick to see the other organization wasn't delivering on it.

"You can tell them you're big on self-awareness, that you recognized the job was a bad fit and you wanted to get out in time for someone else who would truly enjoy it," Jay says.

Then, focus on how the experience reaffirmed what you want in a job or company values like flexibility, innovation, or the ability to help people, for example and that you know how to look for it in interviews. Instill some confidence by adding these values are "[things] I'm really focused on in my next role, and I really want to find a company where I can stay for a long time," Minshew adds.

Job interviews aren't a good place to drag a former employer, even if you feel they misled you in the hiring process. Keep it honest and professional.

If you want, you could frame a bad experience as something you hope to avoid in the future. For example, if you didn't like the competitive nature of a previous company, Minshew suggests saying something like: "I thrive best in a really collaborative environment, where I'm given a lot of information about the various areas of the company, colleagues want to help each other out and there's a minimum of politics or gossip."

You also don't have to go into every single detail about a bad work experience if it doesn't serve the interview, Jay adds. "Your goal in interviews is to take everything you learned and accomplished to reason why you would be perfect for the new company and what you can do for their bottom line," Jay says.

Keep the conversation simple and future-focused, she says: The past work environment was no longer for me, and this is what I'm looking for going forward.

If you worked on a side business or project while at your last job, focus on what you learned while on your own.

If your side hustle directly relates to the job you're applying for, that's extra experience and skills you can talk about. Even if the skillsets don't totally line up, bring out the soft skills that make you a good employee and leader, like time management or the ability to delegate.

More:
Quit your job after less than a year? Here's how to discuss it in interviews - CNBC