While some embrace change, others just find simple habits hard to break.

We can fight it, but we can't always stop it. While some embrace change, others just find simple habits hard to break.

Books, half-day or full-day workshops, week-long retreats, longer-term clinics and regular psychological therapy all compete to help the world-weary human stuck in old patterns that no longer work for them. But how many of them actually work, and how long does real change take?

The myth of 28 days to create a new habit or change no longer applies. When study participants at the University College in London tried to create new habits, the average time to create a new habit was 66 days and some were predicted to take more than 200.

Dr Timothy Sharp of the Happiness Institute.

The time it takes to change will vary, considerably, from person to person and behaviour to behaviour, says Dr Timothy Sharp, a clinical psychologist and executive coach who also responds to the title of Chief Happiness Officer from the Happiness Institute.

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Some changes can be initiated immediately whereas, obviously, others will take time. It depends on what's trying to be changed, sometimes more intensive and longer-term work is needed. But I would never underestimate the impact that a seminar or workshop (or even reading an article in a newspaper) can have.

Michelle Duval is the author of Coaching Change and the director of business, executive and life coaching company Equilibrio. She believes humans are wired to consistently create new neural pathways.

We see this in all the things we learn in our development and in our adaptability, and in how brain-damaged people adapt and function, she says. Even in difficult life circumstances (such as death of a loved one, loss of a job, divorce, illness, car accident, etc) we are capable of change, though only when we finally accept the events.

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How long does it take to change?

THE CLIENT was stressed out: Her three kids were hyped about being home from school and wanted to decorate for Christmas, but she hadn't gotten around to cleaning up from Thanksgiving yet.

She couldn't focus on the joy of the upcoming holidays because she was completely overwhelmed by her to-do list.

This time of year, holistic wellness coach Prakriti "Pax" Tandon sees a lot of clients, especially women, struggling like this.

"Isn't it heartbreaking? This is one of the most beautiful times of the year, and most women can't wait for it to be over because it's infused with so much stress," said Tandon, who, in October, was named editor of the Authentic Happiness website run by the University of Pennsylvania's Positive Psychology Center.

Tandon is all about balance. So she guided her client toward tapping into her inner childlike joy and being present for her children - instead of staying stuck in responsible adult mode, the way she was.

"It was like a lightbulb went off. There was silence for a minute," recalled Tandon, 36. "It was like, 'Whoa! I never thought about it that way. I never thought that it doesn't have to happen now and that just because I'm a parent doesn't mean I don't play with my children, [that] I don't engage in the things that they find joyful.' . . . That's a concept that we lose as adults."

I asked her what other advice she has for those of us caught up in holiday cray-cray. Studies show that women get more stressed than men this time of year.

"Be mindful of your balance," Tandon said, sounding very Zen.

Huh, what? I had to stop her right there.

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Stay positive and unstressed this holiday season

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