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9:04 AM PT -- Nicki's addressing fans she upset with Thursday's retirement tweet, saying it was "abrupt & insensitive" and apologizing. She says she'll discuss her decision on "Queen Radio" soon and she's confident it will make people happy ... but she doesn't say she's taking it back. Stay tuned!

Nicki Minaj's retirement announcement not only came out of nowhere, but it absolutely doesn't add up -- as in it doesn't seem real -- based on her recent actions ... so say sources close to her.

TMZ's learned Nicki has been busy in the studio working on new music in recent weeks and on top of that ... we're told she made plans to record with several artists just in the past few days.

Our sources say Minaj has a lot of songs already in the can, and despite saying on Thursday she's retiring in order to "have my family" -- she still has studio time booked until next month.

So, why the sudden decision to hang it up? We're told Nicki's been growing increasingly fed up with internet trolls who've been harassing her lately, and finally reached a boiling point.

Our sources say the rapper was pushed over the edge by constantly defending herself over accusations of not writing her own songs, questions about her hip-hop legacy ... and her relationship with her fiance, Kenneth Petty. BTW, rumor is she's already Mrs. Petty, but that's another thing Nicki's tired of discussing.

The good news for the Barbs ... we're told those close to Nicki believe she's just taking a much-needed break from the haters and simply needs a moment to chill and reevaluate. As we told you ... DJ Paul agrees.

One more thing -- Minaj's comment about family got many wondering if she's pregnant. We're told she's not ... yet.

Originally Published -- 12:50 AM PT

The rest is here:
Nicki Minaj's 'Retirement' Makes No Sense, Blindsided Everyone

Most people have heard that the Buddha was enlightened and that Buddhists seek enlightenment. But what does that mean?"Enlightenment" is an English word that can mean several things. In the West, the Age of Enlightenment was a philosophical movement of the 17th and 18th centuries that promoted science and reason over myth and superstition, so in Western culture, enlightenment is often associated with intellect and knowledge. But Buddhist enlightenment is something else.

To add to the confusion, "enlightenment" has been used as the translation for several Asian words that don't mean the same thing. For example, several decades ago English speakers were introduced to Buddhism through the writing of D.T. Suzuki (1870-1966), a Japanese scholar who had lived for a time as a Rinzai Zen monk. Suzuki used "enlightenment" to translate the Japanese word satori, derived from the verb satoru, "to know."

This translation was not without justification. But in usage, satori usually refers to an experience of insight into the true nature of reality. It has been compared to the experience of opening a door, but to open a door still implies a separation from what's inside the door. Partly through Suzuki's influence, the idea of spiritual enlightenment as a sudden, blissful, transformative experience became embedded in Western culture. However, that's misleading.

Although Suzuki and some of the first Zen teachers in the West explained enlightenment as an experience that one can have at moments, most Zen teachers and Zen texts tell you that enlightenment is not an experience but a permanent state: a stepping through the door permanently. Not even satori is enlightenment itself. In this, Zen is in alignment with how enlightenment is viewed in other branches of Buddhism.

Bodhi, a Sanskrit and Pali word that means "awakening," also is often translated as "enlightenment."

In Theravada Buddhism, bodhi is associated with the perfection of insight into the Four Noble Truths, which end dukkha (suffering, stress, dissatisfaction). The person who has perfected this insight and abandoned all defilements is an arhat, one who is liberated from the cycle of samsara, or endless rebirth. While alive, he enters a sort of conditional nirvana, and at death, he enjoys the peace of complete nirvana and escape from the cycle of rebirth.

Most of us perceive the things and beings around us as distinctive and permanent. But this view is a projection. Instead, the phenomenal world is an ever-changing nexus of causes and conditions or Dependent Origination. Things and beings, empty of self-essence, are neither real nor not real: the doctrine of The Two Truths. Thoroughly perceiving sunyata dissolves the fetters of self-clinging that cause our unhappiness. The dual way of distinguishing between self and other yields to a permanent nondual outlook in which all things are interrelated.

In Mahayana Buddhism, the idea of practice is that of the bodhisattva, the enlightened being who remains in the phenomenal world to bring all to enlightenment. The bodhisattva ideal is more than altruism; it reflects the reality that none of us is separate. "Individual enlightenment" is an oxymoron.

A branch of Mahayana Buddhism, the Tantric schools of Vajrayana Buddhism, believes that enlightenment can come all at once in a transformative moment. This goes hand-in-hand with the belief in Vajrayana that the various passions and hindrances of life, rather than being obstacles, can be fuel for transformation into enlightenment that can occurin a single moment, or at least in this lifetime. Key to this practice is a belief in inherent Buddha Nature, the innate perfection of our inner natures that simply waits for us to recognize it.This belief in the ability to achieve enlightenment instantly is not the same as the Sartori phenomenon, however. For Vajrayana Buddhists, enlightenment is not a glimpse through the door but a permanent state.

According to legend, when the Buddha realized enlightenment he said something to the effect of "Isn't it remarkable!All beings are already enlightened!" This state is what is known asBuddha Nature, which forms a core part of Buddhist practice in some schools. In Mahayana Buddhism, Buddha Nature is the inherent Buddhahood of all beings. Because all beings are already Buddha, the task is not to attain enlightenment but to realize it.

The Chinese master Huineng (638-713), the Sixth Patriarch of Ch'an (Zen), compared Buddhahood to a moon obscured by clouds. The clouds represent ignorance and defilements. When these are dropped away, the moon, already present, is revealed.

What about those sudden, blissful, transformative experiences? You may well have had these moments and felt you were onto something spiritually profound. Such an experience, while pleasant and sometimes accompanied by genuine insight,is not, by itself, enlightenment. For most practitioners, a blissful spiritual experience not grounded in the practice of the Eightfold Path to achieve enlightenment will not likely be transformative. Chasing blissful states can itself become a form of desire and attachment, and the path toward enlightenment is to surrender clinging and desire.

Zen teacher Barry Magid said of Master Hakuin, in "Nothing Is Hidden":

The teacher and monk Shunryu Suzuki (1904-1971) said of enlightenment:

Both legend and documented evidence suggestthat skilled practitioners and enlightened beings may be capable of extraordinary, even supernatural mental powers. However, these skills are not evidence of enlightenment, nor are they somehow essential to it. Here, too, we are warned not to chase these mental skills at the risk of mistaking the finger pointing at the moon for the moon itself.

If you wonder if you have become enlightened, it is almost certain you have not. The only way to test one's insight is to present it to a dharma teacher. Don't be dismayed if your achievement falls apart under a teacher's scrutiny. False starts and mistakes are anecessary part of the path, and if and when you achieve enlightenment, it will be built on a solid foundation and you will have no mistake about it.

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What Do Buddhists Mean by ... - Learn Religions

Self-awareness involves being aware of different aspects of the self including traits, behaviors, and feelings. Essentially, it is a psychological state in which oneself becomes the focus ofattention.

Self-awareness is one of the first components of theself-conceptto emerge. While self-awareness is something that is central to who you are, it is not something that you are acutely focused onat every moment of every day. Instead, self-awareness becomes woven into the fabric of who you are and emerges at different points depending on the situation and your personality.

People are not born completely self-aware. Yet research has also found that infants do have a rudimentary sense of self-awareness. Infants possess the awareness that they are a separate being from others, which is evidenced by behaviors such as the rooting reflex in which an infant searches for a nipple when something brushes against his or her face. Researchers have also found that even newborns are able to differentiate between self- and non-self touch.

Studies have demonstrated that a more complex sense of the awareness of the self begins to emerge at around one year of age and becomes much more developed by approximately 18 months of age.

Researchers Lewis and Brooks-Gunn performed studies looking at how self-awareness develops. The researchers applied a red dot to an infant's nose and then held the child up to a mirror. Children who recognized themselves in the mirror would reach for their own noses rather than the reflection in the mirror, which indicated that they had at least some level of self-awareness.

Lewis and Brooks-Gunn found that almost no children under one year of age would reach for their own nose rather than the reflection in the mirror. About 25 percent of the infants between 15 and 18 months reached for their own noses while about 70 percent of those between 21 and 24 months did so.

It is important to note that the Lewis and Brooks-Gunn study only indicates an infant's visual self-awareness; children might actually possess other forms of self-awareness even at this early point in life. For example, researchers Lewis, Sullivan, Stanger, and Weiss suggested thatexpressing emotionsinvolves self-awareness as well as an ability to think about oneself in relation to other people.

Researchers have proposed that an area of the brain known as the anterior cingulate cortexlocated in thefrontal lobe region plays an important role in developing self-awareness. Studies have also used brain imaging to show that this region becomes activated in adults who are self-aware. The Lewis and Brooks-Gunn experiment suggests that self-awareness begins to emerge in children around the age of 18 months, an age that coincides with the rapid growth of spindle cells in the anterior cingulate cortex.

However, one study found that a patient retained self-awareness even with extensive damage to areas of the brain including the insula and the anterior cingulate cortex. This suggests that these areas of the brain are not required for most aspects of self-awareness and that awareness may instead arise from interactions distributed among brain networks.

So how exactly do children become aware of themselves as separate beings? Researchers suggest that children progress through a series of levels of self-awareness between birth and approximately age 4 or 5. Self-awareness is observed by how children respond to their own reflection in a mirror.

Level 1: Differentiation - At this point, children start to become aware that what it reflected in a mirror is different from what they simply perceive in the environment.

Level 2: Situation - This level of self-awareness is characterized by a growing understandingthat self-produced movements can be seen in the mirror's surface. Children are also aware that it is their own movements they are observing.

Level 3: Identification - At this point, children recognizethe image in the mirror as themselves rather than someone else staring back at them.

Level 4: Permanence - Children can not only identify themselves reflected in a mirror, they can also identify their own image in pictures and home movies.

Level 5: Self-consciousness or "meta" self-awareness - At this level, children are not only aware of themselves from their own perspective, but also become aware of how they are in the minds of others.

Psychologists often break self-awareness down into two different types, either public or private.

This type emerges when people are aware of how they appear to others. Public self-awareness often emerges in situations when people are at the center of attention, such as when giving a presentation or talking to a group of friends.

This type of self-awareness often compels people to adhere to social norms. When we are aware that we are being watched and evaluated, we often try to behave in ways that are socially acceptable and desirable.

Public self-awareness can also lead to evaluation anxiety in which people become distressed,anxious, or worried about how they are perceived by others.

This type happens when people become aware of some aspects of themselves, but only in a private way.

For example, seeing your face in the mirror is a type of private self-awareness. Feeling your stomach lurch when you realize you forgot to study for an important test or feeling your heart flutter when you see someone you are attracted to are also examples of private self-awareness.

Sometimes, people can become overly self-aware and veer into what is known as self-consciousness.

Have you ever felt like everyone was watching you, judging your actions, and waiting to see what you will do next? This heightened state of self-awareness can leave you feeling awkward and nervous in some instances.

In a lot of cases, these feelings of self-consciousness are only temporary and arise in situations when we are "in the spotlight."For some people, however, excessive self-consciousness can reflect a chronic condition such as social anxiety disorder.

People who are privately self-conscious have a higher level of private self-awareness, which can be both a good and bad thing. These people tend to be more aware of their feelings and beliefs, and are therefore more likely to stick to their personal values. However, they are also more likely to suffer from negative health consequences such as increased stress and anxiety.

People who are publicly self-conscious have a higher level of public self-awareness. They tend to think more about how other people view them and are often concerned that other people might be judging them based on their looks or their actions. As a result, these individuals tend to stick to group norms and try to avoid situations in which they might look bad or feel embarrassed.

A Word From Verywell

Self-awareness plays a critical role in how we understand ourselves and how we relate to others and the world. Being self-aware allows you to evaluate yourself in relation to others. For people who have an extremely high sense of self-awareness, excessive self-consciousness can result. If you feel that you are struggling with self-consciousness that is having a negative influence on your life, discuss your symptoms with your doctor to learn more about what you can do to cope with these feelings.

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What Is Self-Awareness and How Does It ... - Verywell Mind

[Intro]I'ma break you off, let me be your motivationTo stay and give it tonightAnd baby turn around let me give you innovation, hey'Cause I do it so right

[Verse 1]You got that good good, baby don't you?Got that good good, baby, don't you?But you leavin' soloAin't regular that ain't regularI ain't gon' keep, keep fightin' for itAin't gon' keep, keep fightin' for it'Cause you know this thing hereAin't regular, that ain't regular

[Pre-Chorus]Fallin' into the bedWhy would we ever do somethin' instead ofFallin' into the bed right now? Yeah

[Chorus]I'ma break you off, let me be your motivationTo stay and give it tonightAnd, baby, turn around, let me give you innovationHey, 'cause I do it so rightThink about it, ooh, I think about itThink about it, ooh, take a look at me nowHey, a little motivation, alright

[Verse 2]You got a bad one, baby, don't you?Got a bad one, baby, don't you?And we both know there's noOne better, boy, no one better, boyToo late, won't make it, I'ma tell 'em (Yeah)Get you naked, but I won't tell 'em (Woo)'Cause you know that there's noOne better, boy, no one better, boy

[Pre-Chorus]Fallin' into the bedWhy would we ever do somethin' instead ofFallin' into the bed right now?Eh, right now, now

[Chorus]I'ma break you off, let me be your motivationTo stay and give it tonight (And give it tonight)And, baby, turn around, let me give you innovationHey, 'cause I do it so rightThink about it, ooh, I think about itThink about it, ooh, take a look at me nowHey, a little motivation, alright

[Bridge]Hey, ohA little motivationOh

[Chorus]I'ma break you off, let me be your motivationTo stay and give it tonightAnd, baby, turn around, let me give you innovationHey, 'cause I do it so rightThink about it, ooh, I think about itThink about it, ooh, take a look at me nowHey, a little motivation, alright

[Outro]OhOh

Read the original:
Normani Motivation Lyrics | Genius Lyrics

Eating and exercise: 5 tips to maximize your workouts

Knowing when and what to eat can make a difference in your workouts. Understand the connection between eating and exercise.

Eating and exercise go hand in hand. When and what you eat can be important to how you feel when you exercise, whether it's a casual workout or training for a competition. Consider these eating and exercise tips.

If you exercise in the morning, get up early enough to finish breakfast at least one hour before your workout. Be well-fueled going into a workout. Studies suggest eating or drinking carbohydrates before exercise can improve workout performance and may allow you to work out for a longer duration or higher intensity. If you don't eat, you might feel sluggish or lightheaded when you exercise.

If you plan to exercise within an hour after breakfast, eat a light breakfast or drink something such as a sports drink. Emphasize carbohydrates for maximum energy.

Good breakfast options include:

And remember, if you normally have coffee in the mornings, a cup before your workout is probably OK. Also know that anytime you try a food or drink for the first time before a workout, you risk an upset stomach.

Be careful not to overdo it when it comes to how much you eat before exercise. The general guidelines suggest:

Eating too much before you exercise can leave you feeling sluggish. Eating too little might not give you the energy to keep you feeling strong throughout your workout.

Most people can eat small snacks right before and during exercise. The key is how you feel. Do what works best for you. Snacks eaten soon before exercise probably won't give you added energy if your workout lasts less than 60 minutes, but may prevent distracting hunger pangs. If your workout is longer than 60 minutes, you may benefit by including a carbohydrate-rich food or beverage during the workout. Good snack options include:

A healthy snack is especially important if you plan a workout several hours after a meal.

To help your muscles recover and to replace their glycogen stores, eat a meal that contains both carbohydrates and protein within two hours of your exercise session if possible. Good post-workout food choices include:

Don't forget to drink fluids. You need adequate fluids before, during and after exercise to help prevent dehydration.

To stay well-hydrated for exercise, the American College of Sports Medicine recommends that you:

Water is generally the best way to replace lost fluids. But if you're exercising for more than 60 minutes, use a sports drink. Sports drinks can help maintain your body's electrolyte balance and give you a bit more energy because they contain carbohydrates.

Keep in mind that the duration and intensity of your activity will dictate how often and what you should eat and drink. For example, you'll need more energy from food to run a marathon than to walk a few miles. And try not to incorporate any new products before a long-duration sports event. It's best to have previous experience to see how your system handles the food.

When it comes to eating and exercise, everyone is different. So pay attention to how you feel during your workout and to your overall performance. Let your experience guide you on which pre- and post-exercise eating habits work best for you. Consider keeping a journal to monitor how your body reacts to meals and snacks so that you can tweak your diet for optimal performance.

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Read more:
Eating and exercise: 5 tips to maximize ... - Mayo Clinic

Since my early childhood I have felt connected to my being which is the guiding light through challenging human experiences. Although sometimes in gloomy times, like severe illness, burnout, divorce, I had the impression of having lost the connection, I've learned to trust that the sun exists even when I'm walking through the night.

It was the powerful vision of my "future self" which motivated me to host this summit. I want to encourage you to leave the limitations of your conditioned self behind, to find your inherent source of wisdom and love and feel empowered to live a meaningful, authentic life.

There is this inner knowing, this certainty that not just myself but all of humanity is about to birth into something really, really new. A state of being and consciousness which wasnt possible for all of us before. To consciously invite our next step in the evolution of humanity, activate the NEW around the whole planet and to co-create a world we are dreaming of, is my vision for this summit.

I am so excited to take you with us to the leading edge of conscious evolution.

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CONSCIOUS EVOLUTION SUMMIT - transform-your-life.net

Editor's note: In a nearly unbelievable chapter of Oregon history, a guru from India gathered 2,000 followers to live on a remote eastern Oregon ranch. The dream collapsed 25 years ago amid attempted murders, criminal charges and deportations.

But the whole story was never made public. With first-ever access to government files, and some participants willing to talk for the first time, it's clear things were far worse than we realized.

What follows is an inside look -- based on witness statements, grand jury transcripts, police reports, court records and fresh interviews -- at how Rajneesh leaders tried to skirt land-use and immigration laws only to have their schemes collapse to the point they decided killing Oregonians was the only way to save their religious utopia.

Ma Anand Puja stepped into St. Vincent Hospital on a summer night in 1985, hunting for James Comini.

The Filipino nurse was there to kill the rural Oregon politician, who was recuperating from ear surgery at the Portland hospital. She carried a syringe to inject a mixture into Comini's intravenous tube that would stop his heart.

But once inside Comini's seventh-floor isolation room, Puja discovered her target wasn't on an IV. Flustered, she hurried from the hospital to a getaway car, and her assassination team started the long drive home.

Their destination: Rancho Rajneesh, a spiritual encampment 200 miles away in eastern Oregon. It was base for Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh, a guru from India, and 2,000 of his worshippers.

The murder scheme was just one of many increasingly desperate attempts to save the guru's empire.

The Rajneeshees had been making headlines in Oregon for four years. Thousands dressed in red, worked without pay and idolized a wispy-haired man who sat silent before them. They had taken over a worn-out cattle ranch to build a religious utopia. They formed a city, and took over another. They bought one Rolls-Royce after another for the guru -- 93 in all.

Along the way, they made plenty of enemies, often deliberately. Rajneeshee leaders were less than gracious in demanding government and community favors. Usually tolerant Oregonians pushed back, sometimes in threatening ways. Both sides stewed, often publicly, before matters escalated far beyond verbal taunts and nasty press releases.

Three months after the aborted Comini plot, the commune collapsed and the Rajneeshees' darkest secrets tumbled out.

Hand-picked teams of Rajneeshees had executed the largest biological terrorism attack in U.S. history, poisoning at least 700 people. They ran the largest illegal wiretapping operation ever uncovered. And their immigration fraud to harbor foreigners remains unrivaled in scope. The revelations brought criminal charges, defections, global manhunts and prison time.

But there was much more.

Long-secret government files obtained by The Oregonian, and fresh interviews with ex-Rajneeshees and others now willing to talk, yield chilling insight into what went on inside Rancho Rajneesh a quarter-century ago.

It's long been known they had marked Oregon's chief federal prosecutor for murder, but now it's clear the Rajneeshees also stalked the state attorney general, lining him up for death.

They contaminated salad bars at numerous restaurants, but The Oregonian's examination reveals for the first time that they just as eagerly spread dangerous bacteria at a grocery store, a public building and a political rally.

To strike at government authority, Rajneeshee leaders considered flying a bomb-laden plane into the county courthouse in The Dalles -- 16 years before al-Qaida used planes as weapons.

And power struggles within Rajneeshee leadership spawned plans to murder even some of their own. The guru's caretaker was to be killed in her bed, spared only by a simple mistake.

Strangely, most of these stunning crimes were in rebellion against that most mundane of government regulations, land-use law. The Rajneeshees turned the yawner of comprehensive plans into a page-turning thriller of brazen crimes.

A new start

Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh needed a new place to build his worldwide commune.

In India, he worked as a small-town philosophy professor until he found enlightenment paid better. He built a thriving enterprise attracting Westerners to his lectures and group therapies. They sought meaning in their lives, escaping the remains of the Vietnam War and a crashing world economy. And Rajneesh mixed in plenty of sexual freedom, ensuring publicity to build his brand.

Government authorities in India, weary of the Rajneesh's growing notoriety, cracked down on his group's unseemly and illegal behavior, including smuggling and tax fraud. The guru ran, ending up half a globe away at the Big Muddy Ranch, 100 square miles of rangeland an hour's drive north of Madras.

The first contingent of Rajneeshees quietly moved to Oregon in summer 1981, but they couldn't escape notice for long. Part of the guru's brand was clothing in reddish hues. Such dress was out of place in the blue denim reaches of Oregon. Followers, known as sannyasins, also displayed their devotion to the guru by wearing malas, wood bead necklaces holding a photo of Rajneesh.

Resettling in Oregon was the work of his chief of staff, Ma Anand Sheela, then 31 years old. She was a native of India, born to a privileged family as Sheela Patel. She wasn't after enlightenment. She was quick-witted and hungry for power, the perfect instrument for the guru's ambition.

Initially soft-spoken and engaging, Sheela charmed Oregon ranchers and politicians. Early on, she hosted a dance in Madras where cowboys partied until dawn. She curried favor, buying 50 head of cattle from a Wasco County commissioner, even though the commune was vegetarian.

She assured the guru that the commune of his dreams would soon rise on the Big Muddy. She expected to put up housing compounds, warehouses and support buildings. Business enterprises, once based in India, would move to the ranch.

In short, Sheela intended to do as she wished on their remote 64,000 acres.

Anxious to move ahead, she closed the property deal without understanding Oregon law -- a pivotal mistake. She didn't know the state severely limited how many people and buildings could be jammed onto ranch land.

Already it was too late. The money was paid, the guru packed and hundreds of sannyasins were expecting to be housed and fed. Sheela and the guru were undeterred. In India, trickery and bribery got results. Why would Oregon be any different?

The Rajneeshees found that the law did allow some new homes, but only for farmworkers and their families. Sheela homed in on that exemption when she met with Wasco County planners in summer 1981.

She was joined by her husband, a former New York banker named John Shelfer who was known on the ranch as Swami Jay, and David Knapp, a California therapist known as Swami Krishna Deva. For the meeting, they shed any sign of affiliation with the sect. They wore plain clothes, stowed their malas and introduced themselves by their given, not sannyasin, names.

They told the assembled officials they planned to operate a farm commune. Workers would be brought in to restore abused rangeland. They needed dwellings to house the workers.

Attending the meeting was Dan Durow, a young planner who had been with Wasco County less than a month. He had a trusting nature from his Midwestern upbringing and was intrigued by the idea of a farm commune. They discussed how the ranch could legally house perhaps 150 workers.

But the three visitors were vague about whom they represented.

"Are you a religious organization?" Durow finally asked.

"No," came Sheela's quick answer. "We celebrate life and laughter. We are simple farmers."

In the ensuing months, Durow repeatedly traveled to the ranch to monitor developments. He discovered that four-bedroom modular houses were in fact dorms with no kitchen, no living room. The Rajneeshees, on alert for his visits, routinely hid extra mattresses to disguise the true population at the ranch.

Making enemies

To legally stretch the limits, the Rajneeshees moved to form their own city.

Their private Portland lawyers advised they needed to befriend 1000 Friends of Oregon. The environmental group was a watchdog over land use, especially guarding farmland from development.

In late 1981, Sheela, Krishna Deva -- better known as KD -- and others from the commune met with two lawyers from 1000 Friends. They explained they needed to erect a city to tend to the thousands who would be moving there. They explained that remaking the ranch into a working farm was a bigger task than expected.

The environmental lawyers applauded the desire to restore the land, but they saw no need for a city. Plopping an urban area into the middle of an agricultural operation didn't make sense. As their resistance became apparent, Sheela asked whether their opposition would dissolve if the Rajneeshees joined 1000 Friends with a substantial contribution.

The bribe was brushed off. Sheela turned snide. Observing the modest furnishings in the Portland office, Sheela said she wasn't surprised by "shabby" work being done by people working in "shabby" surroundings. The crack was needless, but it was trademark Sheela.

From then on, 1000 Friends and the Rajneeshees battled. The organization launched an aggressive, but not always successful, legal campaign to blunt creation of the city. Its fundraising literature soon bore the picture of Sheela, and donations and membership soared.

In turn, the Rajneeshees portrayed 1000 Friends as a pawn of powerful political interests. They considered the environmental group an enemy, more interested in crushing a religion than protecting land. They named their sewage lagoon after the group's executive director.

Their fight would rage on for years.

Much of it played out in Oregon courtrooms and in the media. Coached by the Bhagwan, Sheela became adept at using the press to her advantage. She could be counted on for outrageous news conferences, where her sharp tongue cut into the enemy of the day. She seemed to spit insults with every breath.

But her conduct troubled other Rajneesh leaders.

KD complained in a letter to the guru that the insults were impairing efforts to build the commune. The guru's response was blunt: You're a coward. KD swallowed the insult and kept his place at the inner circle of the ranch. Later, he used his insider knowledge to get a lenient plea deal for himself -- and to help send Sheela to prison.

Another insider, Ma Yoga Vidya, a mathematician then also known as Ann McCarthy, tried her hand at reeling in Sheela. In a private meeting with the guru, she described Sheela's conduct as "outrageous" and harmful to the commune. The guru nodded as he listened, but otherwise made no reply.

Her end run enraged Sheela. The next day, Sheela dragged herself out of a sick bed and, with an intravenous drip line in tow, took Vidya back to see the guru. This time he had plenty to say. He unloaded on Vidya, who was the commune president. He said Sheela was his agent, and when she spoke, she was talking for him. He told Vidya to never challenge Sheela and to share that instruction with other commune members.

Most Rajneeshees would have been surprised to learn the guru provided such intimate oversight. They believed the guru was a spiritual master, a rare enlightened man untouched by daily events at the ranch. To this day, some former sannyasins hold the view that he knew next to nothing about what was happening at his commune.

Sannyasins well understood, though, that Sheela acted with the guru's authority. She wasn't to be questioned on any decision or directive. She wielded the authority without restraint, sharing it with an elite team of other women leaders, called "moms" by their underlings, who kept the Rajneeshees in line both with favors and punishment.

Cliques and cracks

Not everyone could be so readily controlled, such as the guru's personal doctor, dentist and caretaker.

They and a handful of other sannyasins served Rajneesh in his fenced compound called Lao Tzu. Their independence irritated commune leaders, but especially peeved Sheela.

A group of wealthy California donors also proved challenging to control once they moved to the Oregon ranch in 1984. The most notable were Francoise Ruddy, whose former husband produced "The Godfather," and John Wally, a physician who made a fortune in emergency room medicine. She became Ma Prem Hasya; he was Swami Dhyan John.

They had no zeal for the lifestyle of seven-day workweeks, shared meals or rudimentary sleeping quarters. Instead, the Californians set up a home for themselves apart from the usual housing. They brought in expensive furnishings, artwork and even their own car, a Jaguar. Almost daily, they drove to Madras for groceries to avoid the ranch's staid meals.

That was bad enough, but they also attracted the guru's attention. They obliged him with diamond-studded watches and Rolls-Royces. Before long, Hasya married the guru's doctor.

The Hollywood group and the guru's personal staff soon made Sheela's list of people on and off the ranch considered a threat to the commune and the guru. She split up the Hollywood group, scattering them to separate homes around the ranch. She tried to replace the guru's doctor.

To keep tabs on what was going on inside the guru's compound, she had the place laced with hidden microphones and recording equipment. One bug was placed on a table leg next to the guru's favorite chair. He was told it was a panic button. Trusted sannyasins monitored the eavesdropping equipment, reporting information to the commune's top four leaders.

Eventually the chasm between the commune's leaders and the guru's chosen insiders became too much even for him. On a spring evening in 1984, he summoned both sides to his house and, in front of them all, lectured Sheela. He told her his house, not hers, was the center of the commune.

"Anyone who is close to me inevitably becomes a target of Sheela," the guru said.

He proved prophetic.

Two of those sitting at the guru's feet that day were later marked for death.

-- Les Zaitz: email him at specialreport@oregonian.com; visit the Rajneesh Report page on Facebook

Continued here:
25 years after Rajneeshee commune collapsed, truth spills ...

Want to boost your score? Heres how

Here are some ways to boost your retirement readiness whether youre behind on your goals or are on track but maybe want to retire a little earlier.

My score needs attention.

An individual retirement account is one of the most popular ways to save for retirement given its large tax advantages. You can put in up to $6,000 a year. Learn more about opening an IRA

On my way, but I could close the gap.

The annual limit here is $19,000, but at least contribute to the point where youre getting all matching dollars your employer offers. See about increasing your 401(k) contributions

Im on track, but I want to do more.

A good advisor can help you understand complex issues, diagnose potential problems and take steps to plan for the future. And theyre not as expensive as you might think. Learn how to choose a financial advisor

A common guideline is that you should aim to replace 70% of your annual pre-retirement income. You can replace it using a combination of savings, investments, Social Security and any other income sources (part-time work, a pension, rental income, etc.). The Social Security Administration website has a number of calculators to help you estimate your benefits.

Its important to consider how your expenses will change in retirement. Some, like health care and travel, are likely to increase. But many recurring expenditures will go down: You no longer need to dedicate a portion of your income to saving for retirement. You may have paid off your mortgage and other loans. And your taxes are likely to be lower payroll taxes, which are taken out of each paycheck, will be eliminated completely.

Be sure to adjust based on your retirement plans. If you know you wont have a mortgage, for instance, maybe you plan to replace only 60%. If you want to travel every year, you might aim to replace 100% or even 110% of pre-retirement income.

First, enter your current age, income, savings balance and how much you save toward retirement each month. Thats enough to get a snapshot of where you stand.

Want to customize your results? Expanding the Optional settings lets you add what you expect to receive from Social Security, adjust your spending level in retirement, change expected retirement age and more.

Hover over or tap on the color bars in your results panel to get further insight into where you stand.

You can adjust your inputs to see how various actions, like saving more or planning to retire later, might affect your retirement goals.

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Retirement Calculator | How much do you need to retire ...

Its a shame more people are not aware of the wide array of free online libraries. Databases, books, videos, audio recordings and e-books are available, just waiting to be viewed and used. This guide will help avid readers, serious researchers and casual surfers alike get the most out of free web libraries.

Best Online Libraries

The most extensive free online library is the Internet Archive. Boasting over three million texts and over a million (each) of video and audio recordings, the Internet Archive offers a wealth of free information, including the largest repository of archived web pages, going back to 1996, through its Way Back Machine.

When it comes to digital archives, the U.S. Library of Congress is no slouch, with thousands of articles, photographs, prints, newspapers recordings, collections and exhibits focusing on the history and culture of the United States. The Library even offers a digital reference service where anyone can Ask a Librarian, either by providing an email for reply or using an online chat service.

The United States most precious documents are housed at the National Archives. Using its Archival Research Catalog (ARC), web researchers can view ARC galleries about American history and science, and they can obtain copies of The Constitution and the Declaration of Independence.

One of the webs best kept secrets is the Smithsonians Digital Library. Serious researchers and curious students alike can browse digital editions, fact sheets, artist files, webcasts, bibliographies and online exhibitions gleaned from the Smithsonian Institutions vast collections.

Researchers and casual surfers enjoy exploring European culture with europeana. With a focus on fine arts and history, europeana boasts books, objects, records and recordings from across the European Union.

Many states provide a wealth of resources to their residents through the state libraries. Michigans eLibrary offers full text articles from newspapers and magazines, digital collections, images, digital archives and over 20,000 full text eBooks for free to its residents.

Local public libraries are increasingly putting parts of their collections online. Members of the New York Public Library can find over 700,000 digitized images, online exhibitions and digital projects. The Chicago Public Library offers its subscribers full text copies of newspapers and magazines, as well as articles from encyclopedias and reference books. Most public libraries will also provide their members with current eBooks in all genres and formats.

Serious researchers need online access to academic articles. At Stanford Universitys High Wire, they will find over two million free, full text articles from top journals.

Most people have little to no access to presidential libraries, but wouldnt you know it the vast majority are moving their resources onto the web. The John F. Kennedy Presidential Library and Museum offers interactive exhibits on topics like the Cuban missile crisis, and the George W. Bush Presidential Library and Museum provides a comprehensive 911 Resource Guide.

Professionals have unique research requirements. Lawyers and paralegals will find Cornell Universitys Legal Information Institutes free online law library helpful, and medical professionals and patients alike can find useful information at the U.S. National Library of Medicine.

Best Free Digital Books

Childrens

Traditional stories like The Three Little Pigs and modern classics like The Call of the Wild are available for kids to read for free at byGosh. Appearing in HTML on any web browser, this is an easy site to access, and requires no subscription.

Children enjoy reading stories from around the world with the International Childrens Digital Library. Books are available in dozens of languages and children can search by age or interest. With optional registration, children can access more of the librarys services, such as maintaining their own digital bookshelf.

Crime

At The Book Depository, lovers of crime writing will find hundreds of novels available to download, for free, in PDF. Notable titles include G.K. Chestertons The Man Who Knew Too Much and Sir Arthur Conan Doyles Uncle Bernac.

The collection of books on crime at Project Gutenberg includes dozens of novels and other stories such as A Study in Scarlet from Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and The Purloined Letter by Edgar Allen Poe. Supported formats include HTML, EPUB, Kindle and plain text, and some are even available in MP3 (audio) format.

Academic

Great reference works, as well as historical and scientific texts are available for free online from Bartleby. Peruse Sigmund Freuds The Interpretation of Dreams, Martin Luthers The Ninety-Five Theses and Henry Grays Anatomy of the Human Body.

The University of Pennsylvania offers over one million books online, for free in topics ranging from history and law to medicine, military and naval science. Ebooks can be downloaded in zip or text format and many are even available in HTML.

Classics

At kobo, lovers of the classics can find and download some of the greatest books in the English language including Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte and Mark Twains The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.

A number of classics are available for free from the Electronic Literature Foundation (ELF). Literature lovers can read such great works as Paradise Lost by John Milton and Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austin.

Science Fiction and Horror

At Many Books, sci-fi fans choose from dozens of free, downloadable titles, including Murray Leinsters The Aliens and Edgar Rice Burroughs The Chessman of Mars.

Regional library consortiums offer a wide range of Sci-Fi books, from classics to recent bestsellers. The Oregon Digital Library Consortium offers hundreds of titles through the cooperative effort of its 30 plus member libraries. Science fiction titles are available for Kindle, iPad, Android and iPhone in epub and PDF formats and include top sellers like George R. R. Martins A Dance with Dragons.

This is a cross-post from onlinecollegecourses.com

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A Guide To Finding Digital Books: 20+ Free Online Libraries

13

You have somewhere around 45,000 negative thoughts a day.

Not just you everyone does.

That's about 80% of all of your thoughts. The vast majority of our thoughts are unpleasant, stressful, or self-sabotaging. Our brains are like a network news channel, only reporting the bad stuff with a sprinkling of good news to keep us from throwing ourselves off a cliff.

I'm sorry if this information just added to your negative thoughts, but hopefully the awareness of how steeped we are in negative thinking will give you pause.

Negative thinking is almost always focused on two areas the past and the future. You ruminate and relive painful, frustrating, or shameful past events, or you fret about some anticipated event or encounter that hasn't happened.

Either way, you're tethered to an illusion. The past is gone. The future doesn't exist. But somehow you're able to create a tremendous amount of discomfort over these non-existent scenarios. Your thoughts run rampant in your brain, creating all sorts of havoc without anyone stopping them. It's like having a toddler in the house whose parents implement no rules or restrictions.

Your thoughts produce powerful emotions, and it's these emotions that can make your life miserable and difficult. But I'm here to be your mental Super Nanny and tell you it's time to get control of your toddler thoughts and become the boss of your brain. Once you learn to control your thoughts, you can build a positive attitude that fosters peace of mind, confidence, happiness, and self-awareness.

1. Create awareness.

Put a rubber band on your wrist as a reminder to notice your thoughts. When you look at the rubber band, take note of your thoughts and feelings. Sometimes you can catch yourself in the middle of a rumination or worry.

Other times you might notice you feel anxious, irritated, or sad, but you aren't immediately sure why. When this happens, ask yourself what the thoughts are that have produced these feelings. By paying attention this way, you'll see how often you get caught up in negative thinking.

2. Break the spell.

After you've spent two or three days noticing your thoughts and feelings, it's time to do something about them. Keep the rubber band on your wrist, and every time you notice negative thinking, gently pop the rubber band or move it to the other wrist. You want a physical pattern interrupt to break up the mental looping of negative thoughts.

Then mentally identify and label what you were doing. Oh, there's that negative thinking again. There are those thoughts and feelings popping up again. You want to dis-identify with the thoughts they are separate from YOU as a person. It's important to recognize your thoughts as random products of consciousness instead of seeing them as reality.

3. Fill in the blank.

Once you interrupt the negative thought and identify it, you need to switch gears entirely. You can't leave a mental void, or you'll go directly back to negative thinking, which is an entrenched habit that's become natural for your brain. You must retrain your brain to think differently. So after you pop the rubber band, redirect your thoughts or actions.

One way to do this is by reframing your thought to disprove it or make it positive. For example, if you're thinking, I'll never get this project finished on time, then say to yourself, No, that's not true. I can and will get it done on time. I always have in the past, and I will again. Even if you don't believe this totally, say it out loud or to yourself. Acknowledge any solid evidence you have that counters your negative thought.

Be rigorous in your efforts at redirecting your thoughts, just as you'd continue to put a toddler back in a time-out chair when they keep getting up. Eventually, your mind will know you mean business. You can also use positive action to replace negative thinking. If you find yourself ruminating over something unpleasant, get up and do something that will occupy your mind and distract you from your thoughts.

4. Practice daily gratitude.

With all of our negative thinking, sometimes it's hard to see how much is truly wonderful about our lives. To appreciate how great life really is, you must be intentional about it. I'd suggest keeping a gratitude journal, as writing tends to reinforce thinking. It's good to write in this journal at night before you go to bed, as you will fill your mind with positivity before you drift into sleep.

You may be in the midst of a crisis or worry, but that doesn't negate all of your many, many blessings. Write down each one in your journal, and as you write, really focus on the gratitude item and flood your mind with feelings of gratefulness.

Do this every day, even if you're repeating the same items over and over. This will help you keep gratitude at the forefront of your mind rather than in the dark recesses.

5. Stop reacting.

Small negative events during your day can trigger a cascade of pessimistic or angry thoughts and feelings. Someone says something rude to you. You comment back to them. They say something else. You go brood about it for hours. Traffic is bumper to bumper, and you're in a hurry. You honk your horn and feel your blood pressure rising. It takes you hours to calm down.

Every day life presents us with a multitude of dirty little tricks to goad us into negativity. But as the CEO of your mind, you can chose how you want to react. Sure, you can get pissed off, hurt, or frustrated but you'll losehours of your day that could be joyful. Instead, mindfully choose how you want to react. You know difficult things will happen on occasion, so mentally prepare. Teach yourself to take some deep, calming breaths.

Decide on a better way to respond that minimizes negativity. Acknowledge your knee-jerk reactions, but consciously decide not to follow them. If possible, try to find humor in the inanities and frustrations of life, as they are part of the human condition.

6. Find positive people.

We tend to absorb and reflect the emotions and attitudes of those we spend time with. If you're hanging around negative people who complain and worry much of the time, then you are bound to catch their ailment.

You may need to make some hard decisions about who you spend time with, but if someone had a contagious disease, you'd have no trouble creating a boundary between you and them. Negativity is a contagious disease. Find people who uplift you and who are positive, happy, and confident. Do your best to spend less time with people who pull you down.

7. Have more fun.

We get so caught up in the serious business of life that we forget to simply have fun. When was the last time you played a game, rode a bike, flew a kite, or did anything carefree and non-competitive? We need daily fun to balance the stresses and demands of our complicated lives.

If you can't remember what feels fun to you, go back to your childhood and think about fun activities. I have a friend who swings on her children's swing set for relaxation and pleasure. Be vigilant in making fun part of your life.

8. Turn off the news.

Every time I watch the news, I feel worried and sad. A reporter might cover a story on a new health scare, and of course, I worry about that for myself. The never-ending coverage on terrorism, shootings, politics, and natural disasters makes us feel anxious and threatened.

Yes, there is plenty of bad news, and we need to stay informed. But there's plenty of good news as well. There are plenty of positive, happy, uplifting things going on in the world. So make a choice to limit the amount of news you watch, and instead find programs, podcasts, blogs, books, and articles that inspire and motivate you. Seek out positive information to fill your mind.

9. Simplify your life.

The busier and more complicated your life is, the more difficult it will be to remain positive. When you have too many demands and obligations, with little time for fun, reflection, relationships, or exercise, the more stressed and unhappy you are bound to feel.

We often resort to buying things to soothe our feelings, but all of these material things create stress as well, as you must store them, take care of them, and pay for them. Too much stuff drains your psychic energy. Simply the act of simplifying dropping things from your to-do list and getting rid of stuff will make you feel lighter and more positive.

Schedule a few days to streamline your life, giving yourself plenty of time and space for your most important life values and activities.

10. Spend time with friends and family.

Quality time spent with the people we love and cherish most is the best way to develop a positive attitude. People on their deathbeds report their biggest regret is not spending more time with friends and family.

Be proactive in making time for those you love. Initiate more family events, as well as one-on-one time with your spouse or partner, your children, and your friends. Create rituals and traditions that are meaningful and happy.

Mindfully choose to avoid family drama or conflict and speak words of love, affirmation, and healing to serve as an example and inspiration to others in your sphere.

Having a positive mental attitude involves making mind shifts and recognizing how much control you have over your thoughts. As you work toward managing and changing your thoughts, and choose positive behaviors and actions that are healthy and uplifting, over time you'll see that positivity is your fallback position. Even during difficult times, you'll have the inner resources to turn yourself around and regain your happy state of mind.

photo credit: Hadock

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Positive Mental Attitude: 10 Mindsets For Happiness