When was the last time you expressed your appreciation to someone? Expressing appreciation from the heart is one of most rewarding gifts. Yet, words of appreciation seem to be hard for people to say.

I have always wondered why it is hard for bosses to tell people within an organization they are appreciated. When people do not hear appreciation, they begin to wonder about their worth.

I am fortunate to work with folks continually sharing their appreciation. This attitude of appreciation starts at the top of an organization. It is amazing how much is accomplished when people feel and demonstrate appreciation.

A simple act of kindness can make all the difference in another persons life. However, society many times, view words of kindness as sissy or fake. It takes a bigger person to say thank you, express genuine appreciation, than it does to speak negative.

The Bible teaches us that it is better to give than to receive. Giving gifts and saying thank you, expresses appreciation. The joy is in giving, although I have viewed a couple bosses giving gifts, writing notes and saying kind words only because they wanted to receive something in return.

These kind of people are found out over time and have difficulty developing a cohesive team of comrades. Zig Ziglar in his book How to Win Friends and Influence People talks about the fake boss. Employees can usually tell if the gesture of kindness is genuine or not.

Appreciation can also be shown by helping others. Sincere appreciation comes from the heart. Sacrificing time to help someone when they are in need demonstrates sincerity.

When people continually help comrades even when the task is not their assignment is a genuine act of appreciation. This is action demonstrating appreciation. Again, this starts at the top and true appreciation is continually demonstrated in the workplace.

This reminds me of a story of a begging blind boy and a kind man that was passing by. The blind boy was sitting on a street corner with a sign, saying he was blind and needed help. As a man was passing by, he stopped and donated some coins in the boys almost empty bucket.

He also took the boys sign and wrote some words on the backside. He put the sign in front of the boy so everyone who walked by would see the new words. Soon the hat began to fill up with lots of money. A lot more people were now giving money to the blind boy.

That afternoon the man who had changed the wording on the sign came to see how things were going for the boy. The boy recognized his footsteps and inquired if he was the person who wrote something on his sign. The man confessed he changed the wording but left the same meaning.

He explained his sign explained the boy was blind but in a much different way. The new words said the day was beautiful, but the boy could not see it. Both signs told people the boy was blind.

However, the second sign told people that they were so lucky that they were not blind. Isnt it a blessing to have people help you in life? I encourage each of us to tell people around us how much we appreciate them.

Thought for the week:

Be thankful for what you have; youll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you dont have, you will never, ever have enough.

Oprah Winfrey

Dr. Jack Welch has been a college and high school coach for 38 years. He can be reached at jackwelch1975@gmail.com.

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FROM THE BLEACHERS: Expressing appreciation most rewarding gift - Herald-Banner

Seeing and hearing examples of people who have begun making decisions based on their values has been the most rewarding outcome of people reading my books. A great example of this includes a CPA who, after realizing her business partners were not willing to commit to values-guided leadership in their shared practice, had the courage to leave to begin her own business with values at the core ofit.

As part of my series about How to write a book that sparks a movement I had the great pleasure of interviewing Dina Dwyer-Owens, Brand Ambassador of Neighborly (formerly Dwyer Group), the worlds largest franchisor of home services with 22 brands under its parent company umbrella. America also knows her for participating in CBSs Emmy-winning hit reality show Undercover Boss. Dina is a certified franchise executive with more than 35 years of industry experience, 15 years as CEO of Dwyer Group. Dina is the author of two books: Live R.I.C.H. and Values, Inc. that both share her global message for living and leading with a proven code of values (books available for purchase at Values-INC.com).

Thank you so much for joining us Dina! Can you share the backstory about how you grew up?

Before the company I serve as Brand Ambassador for was known as Neighborly, it was originally founded by my father, the late Don Dwyer Sr., as the Dwyer Group. It started much smaller than it is now, but my father always envisioned a company that would specialize in buying and building related businesses that would provide high-quality residential and light commercial services.

So, I literally grew up working in the business long before our company became the global holding company it is today. By age 13, I was learning all about sales and customer service at a car wash my father owned. From there I went on to work in almost every aspect of our familys home services company. From cleaning carpets to franchise sales, I learned by doing.

After my fathers unexpected passing in 1994, I was elected by our public company board of directors as acting CEO of the company until they were sure I was the right leader for the job (at the time, many of our top franchisees did not see me as the best fit for permanent CEO of the company since I was a woman, and we work in a male-dominated industry).

Within six months, and with an amazing and supportive team of talented people, I had proven myself as a leader and went on to serve 15 years as CEO of the Dwyer Group, now Neighborly. In that time, I relaunched VetFran (a program designed to help veterans pursue franchise ownership), I was honored to be the second woman ever to serve as Chair of the International Franchise Association, I made two appearances as a boss on the CBS hit reality show Undercover Boss, and I wrote two books: Live R.I.C.H. and Values, Inc., both of which share my global message for living and leading with a proven code of values.

When you were younger, was there a book that you read that inspired you to take action or changed your life? Can you share a story?

I like to think that I was one of the earlier adopters of audiobooks, before they were really such a popular thing. Rather than reading a lot of books that inspired me at a young age, it was the motivational cassettes, featuring role models such as Zig Ziglar, Stephen Covey, and Ken Blanchard, that really made an impact on my own leadership journey.

But as I got older, the book that has resonated with me the most over the years is Lead Like Jesus by Ken Blanchard. Regardless of your beliefs, this is a book that is all about servant leadership: Seeking opportunities to serve and support others through the authority you have as a leader.

What was the moment or series of events that made you decide to bring your message to the greater world? Can you share a story about that?

Neighborlys company culture was built on a very clear set of values that my father identified from day one: the Code of Values. The code was a collection of his beliefsinspired by the works of great leaders of business, the military, and religionthat he grew to live by and intended for our company to abide by as well.

When my father died, our company was determined to make sure his legacy lived on by sticking to these values. In order to make them an integral and consistent part of the business model across all of our franchise brands, we came up with the idea of the operationalized code: Live R.I.C.H. The four key areas that make up this code today are Respect, Integrity, Customer focus, and Having fun in the process. 14 key values make up each of these areas, setting standards for how we conduct ourselves in business.

Over time, I saw the impact this Live R.I.C.H. mantra was making on our business. The way we conducted business was a strong selling point among our various stakeholders, ultimately enhancing the value of our company in a way that was more than just cultural, but also financial. I did not intend to keep this revelation that Values create Value$ to myself, and what better way to spread a message than through a book?

In 2005, I published my first book, Live R.I.C.H., to begin spreading the message of the benefits of living and leading with clear values. It was not long before I found a deep recurring connection with readers who had a desire to grow that same values-based culture and message in both their professional and personal lives. This encouraged me to graduate my message to the next level in my next book, Values, Inc., which was named a Forbes Top 10 Business Book in 2015.

What impact did you hope to make when you wrote this book?

As I started to recognize the positive impact our operational and measurable values were having on my own organization, I started to envision the possibility of such an impact being widespread across businesses all over the world. Imagine how much good could come from all companiesregardless of size, industry, or locationadopting and applying their own sets of values to business? In a perfect world, this is the ultimate goal of sharing my message of values-guided leadership. But ultimately, if even one individual or one business can benefit from incorporating a standard set of values in their professional and personal lives, then I feel like Ive accomplished something important.

Did the actual results align with your expectations? Can you explain?

The results actually far exceeded my expectations. Even though I would have been pleased if my message positively impacted just one person, it appears that it effectively reached many more. Ive been asked to speak at a number of events, and I receive personal messages on a regular basis from people who have positively benefitted from incorporating values into their own daily routines. It makes me especially happy to know that people who have started doing this have not stopped at the professional level, but rather they have brought these operationalized standards into their homes, developing specific sets of values for their families to abide by in their personal lives as well.

What moment let you know that your book had started a movement? Please share a story.

Shortly after Values, Inc. was published, I was contacted by a young man in college who read the book. He shared with me that it helped him gain clarity of his values, and he planned to start applying what he learned to how he handled his leadership roles across the multiple campus organizations he was involved with.

What kinds of things did you hear right away from readers? What are the most frequent things you hear from readers about your book now? Are they the same? Different?

From the very start, I had readers contacting me to tell me that the book did a great job of demonstrating how values truly can translate into financial results, and this is the type of feedback I continue to receive to this day. Other responses I receive on a regular basis include people expressing appreciation both for the care that leading with values demonstrates as well as for how values-guided leadership helps to clarify workplace expectations.

Over time, another piece of feedback that has started coming up more often is a question of how employees can encourage the companies they work for to start applying values-guided leadership, even when those employees are not in executive leadership roles themselves. In response to this, I encourage people to buy copies of my books for their bosses, and to then offer to serve as the companys champion of values to help the company implement them in daily practices.

What is the most moving or fulfilling experience youve had as a result of writing this book? Can you share a story?

Seeing and hearing examples of people who have begun making decisions based on their values has been the most rewarding outcome of people reading my books. A great example of this includes a CPA who, after realizing her business partners were not willing to commit to values-guided leadership in their shared practice, had the courage to leave to begin her own business with values at the core of it.

Have you experienced anything negative? Do you feel there are drawbacks to writing a book that starts such colossal conversation and change?

From sharing the message of my books with audiences far and wide, I eventually came to the realization that my message is sometimes difficult for people to hear. After noticing a contrast between my audiences that were fired up about the message and those that seemed almost somber about it, I eventually came to the realization that the difference between these audiences has been how ready they are to take accountability.

But still, I do not believe there are any drawbacks in writing a book geared toward inspiring a movement. While most may not take the action to put my recommended practice in place, those who do will cause a positive ripple effect in the lives of those they touch.

Can you articulate why you think books in particular have the power to create movements, revolutions, and true change?

Books are powerful tools for helping people envision their hopes and dreams. Reading allows our imaginations to let loose so that we see the world around us in a different way. When we read about ways we can improve our lives and the lives of those we surround ourselves with, we start to actually visualize the potential outcomes of these efforts, motivating us to strive for them in real life.

What is the one habit you believe contributed the most to you becoming a bestselling writer? (i.e. perseverance, discipline, play, craft study) Can you share a story or example?

While I am far from perfect, I consider it my duty to practice what I preach as closely as possible. I often joke that people probably get sick of hearing me recite Neighborlys original Code of Values or going on about the importance of clarifying our values as much as I do (There goes the crazy values lady again!). But what kind of leader would I be if I were not constantly searching for the next opportunity to teach the lessons I write about in my books? I strongly feel that if I did not 100% believe in the messages I share with others, then no one else would believe in them either, and then whats the point? I like to think that my passion for values-guided leadership comes across clearly in every interaction I have, whether its speaking to people in a crowd from a stage, through my words on paper, or even just in the daily interactions I have with strangers.

What challenge or failure did you learn the most from in your writing career? Can you share the lesson(s) that you learned?

I actually do not consider myself a particularly great writer. The messages I want to convey are clear in my mind but putting them into words on paper does not come as easily to me. In reality, I probably would not have two books published today were it not for the skilled writers who helped me organize my thoughts into cohesive works.

Coming to the realization that writing wasnt my forte taught me a valuable life lesson: In life, while we may not be great at everything, we do have the option of combining our skills and talents with others who excel in the areas where we are lacking. I learned to accept that it was okay for me to secure help from those who were especially skilled at making my words come to life. Between my good ideas and experiences and their strong writing abilities, we created the perfect formula for a good book.

Many aspiring authors would love to make an impact similar to what you have done. What are the 3 things writers needs to know if they want to spark a movement with a book? (please include a story or example for each)

1. Be honest with your readers about who you really areIt is tempting when youre writing a book to paint yourself in as positive of a light as possible in an effort to assure your readers that youre a credible source. In reality, readers prefer for an author to be relatable, which may sometimes mean being brutally honest about your imperfections. A reader doesnt want to take advice from someone who has been perfect since day one; they want to know how youve made mistakes and faced challenges, and what those instances of adversity taught you to make you the thought leader you are today.

2. Provide specific examplesRelate any advice you give or insight you share to your own personal experiences. Not only will this provide anecdotal evidence for why others should trust that your guidance is applicable to real-life circumstances, but it also helps readers visualize the value in what youre sharing.

3. Try to put yourself in others shoes so you can understand the variety of ways in which your message will be perceivedAs you write, have conversations with people from different backgrounds with different experiences to determine how your insight could be applicable to their respective journeys.

The world, of course, needs progress in many areas. What movement do you hope someone (or you!) starts next? Can you explain why that is so important?

Id love to see a movement begin with a focus on cheer leadership. In my role as Brand Ambassador, a.k.a. head cheerleader, for Neighborly, Ive seen firsthand how much it motivates people to know that someone believes in them and is willing to cheer them on to achieving their full potentials. We need to see more of this from todays leaders!

How can our readers follow you on social media?

You can find me on all of the major social media platforms! Here are my handles:

Twitter: @DinaDwyerOwens

Facebook: @DinaDwyerOwens

Instagram: @dina_dwyerowens

LinkedIn: Dina Dwyer-Owens

Thank you so much for these insights. It was a true pleasure to do this with you.

About the author:

Chaya Weiner is the Director of branding and photography at Authority Magazines Thought Leader Incubator. TLI is a thought leadership program that helps leaders establish a brand as a trusted authority in their field. Please click HERE to learn more about Thought Leader Incubator.

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How to write a book that sparks a movement, with Dina Dwyer-Owens and Chaya Weiner - Thrive Global

REY ELBO

IN the book Improvisation, Inc. (2000), author Robert Lowe talks about how to deal with confusion and how to accept it as part and parcel of our life. He says the best way is to accept it, then to relax into it, and allow it to be part of the natural process of organization and reorganization.

If youre following the current events in this country, youll readily understand what Im talking about the countrys national confusion. This includes how a spokesman interprets many controversial presidential statements and other related things.

But lets forget politics and limit ourselves to business management. To manage confusion in our respective organization, Lowe suggests several practical exercises we could try: Make a list of things you could do to place yourself into confusion, without placing yourself in danger. For example, walking around with your eyes closed in a safe place, perhaps with a guide. Attend a meeting of an opposing political party. Attend a function with an age group that is twenty-five years older or younger than you are.

The list can be endless depending on your own creativity. As an armchair reader and writer, I focused on identifying many SM (stupid management) practices, explained them on social media via a one-page visual story under the Elbonomics brand, as I enjoyed exchanging various comments with people. Take the following intriguing statements that gained many likes from people and resistance from less than one percent of rebels without a cause:

One, we dont need motivational speakers. Thats because motivating people is job number one for line supervisors and managers. You cant delegate it to external motivational speakers, no matter how good they are in public speaking and entertaining people. The much-revered motivational speaker Zig Ziglar (1926-2012) admitted that motivating people is like taking a bath.

We need it daily from our respective bosses. Thats why people managers must do a daily face-to-face interaction with their workers which cannot be done by motivational speakers through several hours of one-time engagement.

Two, exit interviews are an exercise in futility. Its a reactive communication process. Its too late for management to seek the reason why their workers are resigning. They should have done that a long time ago through a series of proactive stay interviews that include an important question like: How can I help you succeed in your career in this organization?

But more than that, who would want to burn the bridge with their past employers? Who among resigned employees would badmouth their bosses as they wait for the release of their terminal pay, clearance, completion of background checks and in the hope of coming back should their new employer fail to satisfy their expectations?

Three, talkative managers are unqualified to govern. If the boss talks too much, its not helpful towards a successful work relationship with people. Hijalmar Gislason in his Forbes article Dont Be the Boss Who Talks Too Much recommends that managers must make it two-way and engage the workers by asking their opinion in an ad hoc set-up, and not in a formal meeting that tends to clamp people.

As you hold meetings, keep tabs on how much time you spend talking, and how much listening. And when you get a question, sometimes invite other team members to weigh in as part of the answer. That way, everyone is included and feels that their input is valued. Undoubtedly, managers to become effective, must do active listening by asking a lot of questions instead.

Four, the perfect attendance award is a sham. Why reward and recognize people who are expected to report for work daily and on-time? Sure, its a positive reinforcement approach. But thats not the point. Would it be better if management spends its valuable time in monitoring, recording, and rewarding actual, tangible results by the workers instead of their physical presence in the workplace?

Not only that, it is too tedious and time-consuming for management to do things that are unnecessary. To find out if your award is working or not, discover how many employees in the perfect attendance list have consistently logged in an above-average work performance. You may be in a big surprise.

Five, problem workers are created by problem managers. Its a derivative of the many ideas of influential management thinker Peter Drucker (1909-2005) who claimed: So much of what we know about management consists of making it difficult for people to work. Why blame management? Thats because they have the authority to do almost everything from planning, organizing, leading to controlling.

American management genius W. Edwards Deming (1990-1993) was right: A bad system can beat a good person all the time. That is, if that person continues to be blind and oblivious to all the bad systems and procedures around him.

And so, what kind of person could come up with a valid argument to demolish the above statements? I cant think of no one, except those who refuse to admit their mistakes. Then lets leave it at that. After all, how can we persuade people who dont want to be persuaded?

Lowe says confusion is a relative of fearthat it can also lead to hostility or aggressiveness, to calcification of our ideas. Thats the way it goes if only wed like to understand the world. Thats the benefit of sowing intrigues and confusion that hopes to strengthen the foundation of our perspectives.

Rey Elbo is a business consultant specializing in human resources and total quality management as a fused interest. Send feedback to elbonomics@gmail.com or via https://reyelbo.consulting

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The upside of sowing intrigues and confusion - The Manila Times

When we refuse to accept children the way they have been wired, we kill them subtly by trying to turn them to something else. We must help children to find, discover and express themselves, instead of trying to change them.

Prudence Kohl said: The search for self-worth begins by finding what is indestructible inside, then letting it be.When we tamper with the way people are designed and wired, we ultimately set them on the journey of identity crisis.

Francois de La Rochefoucauld said: We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end, we become disguised to ourselves. Parents should avoid the temptation of forcing their children to fit into their own design, but rather provide them with a platform to stand out with their uniqueness.

Zuriel Elise Oduwole is an American education advocate and filmmaker, best known for her works on the advocacy for the education of girls in Africa. Born in July 2002 in California, United States, to a Nigerian father and a Mauritian mother, she is home-schooled and her advocacy has since made her, in the summer of 2013, at the age of 10, the youngest person to be profiled by Forbes.

In November 2014, at age 12, Zuriel became the worlds youngest filmmaker to have a self-produced and self-edited work screened. After her film showed in two movie chains, it then went on to show in Ghana, England, South Africa and Japan.

She has met with 30 Presidents and Prime Ministers in line with her education advocacy work, including leaders of Jamaica, Nigeria, Kenya, Tanzania, Malawi, Liberia, South Sudan, Malta, St. Vincent and the Grenadines, Guyana and Namibia. She has also appeared in popular television stations, including CNBC, Bloomberg TV, BBC and CNN.

In 2013, Zuriel was listed in the New African Magazines list of 100 Most Influential People. On April 21, 2014, she was listed as the most Powerful 11 year old in the world by New York Business Insiders in its listing of Worlds Most Powerful Person at Every Age.

In February 2015, Elle Magazine listed her in its yearly feature of 33 Women Who Changed The World. In December 2015, she formally launched her DUSUSU Foundation aimed at building partnerships with corporation and individuals to develop the education capabilities of children, especially the girl child, across the globe. She started filmmaking at age nine. Her education project for the girl-child kicked off at age 10. Today, at 17, Zuriel, an avowed girl-child empowerment advocate already has five films up her sleeves.

The secret of her breakthrough is in her parents ability to discover the star in her, while other children at that age were still struggling with their identities or being manipulated by their parents. If you wish to give your child an unusual edge in life, you would have to stick to the following.

Give Them A Platform To Be ThemselvesThe greatest gift parents can ever give to their children is to provide them with a platform to be themselves. Parents are meant to nurture the uniqueness in their wards. Allow them to make their own mistakes and learn from it. Be a good and empathic listener to your children. Do not dominate conversations when you are talking with your children. Give them the platform to express themselves.

We must allow our children to fully live and experience life. We must prepare them emotionally to live independently of us. Refusal to create a platform for their independency may cause them to cling to insecure anchors that are detrimental to their future.Help Them Nurture Their Gifts And Talents

Zuriel discovered her filmmaking talent at 9. Every child is uniquely gifted. Our work as parents is to nurture the individuality and uniqueness in our wards and not to beat them into the shape or picture we have in our minds. We are responsible, as parents, to help our children discover their gifts, unravel their hidden talents and help them fire up their passion. The world is in a dire need of kids that can solve problems with their gifts and talents. We have the responsibility to nurture their uniqueness.

Dont Allow Their Schooling To Hinder Their EducationMost of the skills that would help a child survive in life are not found in the classroom. Albert Einstein said: Education is not the learning of facts, but the training of the mind to think. Most schools dont teach children to think or to be creative. Creativity and thinking skills are only found in the way a child interacts with lifes challenges and disappointments.

We must endeavour to give our children ample time to do other things that are not schools homework and assignment. Their vacation periods must not be studded with academic activities alone. Let them travel, learn a new skill, go to orphanage homes and do some volunteering activities.

Find A Mentor That Can Help ThemEvery child needs someone they can look up to. Children are in a dire need of models and mentors. Zig Ziglar said: A lot of people have gone further than they thought they could because someone else thought they could.

What a child would ultimately grow up to become is a deep reflection of the values passed down to him/her from the parents and mentors. Children dont need critics; they need models and mentors.

Give Them Exposure In Their Areas Of AbilitiesThe greatest form of disability is not knowing our abilities. We should discern our childrens areas of strength and their unique abilities and help them build it. We should give them the exposure that is needed in those areas. When we discover a childs ability early and help them build it, we give them a unique edge in life.

Monitor, Dont Manipulate ThemThe greatest parental sin and abuse is to manipulate our children to live a life that is not theirs. Many parents already have a script they want their wards to fit into for their own selfish interest. They obsessively try to control their children and dictate how they are supposed to live their lives. These parents want to live their lives through their children, neglecting the fact that those children have their own lives to live.As parents, we must prepare our children for their future, instead of using them to correct our own past.

Watch What You Say To Them In Their Formative YearsIt has been ascertained that the life of a child is fully formed from the words he or she hears between the ages of one and seven years. If there is something that exerts so much influence on children in their formative years, it is the words they hear. Many years after, these words would keep ringing in their heads.

Peggy O Mara said: Watch what you say, for the way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice. The worst kinds of parents are those that dont know how to use their tongue. Parents should avoid cursing and ridiculing words. Children will surely make mistakes; we all do. When we yell at children for making mistakes, we ultimately kill their ability to innovate.

Dont Skip Processes For ThemThe process validates the products. Dont help them skip difficult processes; it is actually part of what is meant to form them. You cannot help your child skip the basic process of life and expect him or her to live a fulfilling life. What many parents fail to realise is that the more we help our children avoid facing their own challenges, the more we make them unfit for the future.

Hellen Keller said: A happy life consists not in the absence, but in the mastery of hardships. We need to have strong faith in the processes of evolution of our children. Parents must be mature enough to expose their children to life situations that would shape them for the future. A smooth sea never made a skilful sailor and every problem introduces a person to him/herself.

Parents who tend to dominate their childrens choices eventually produce obedient, but dependent children. We must encourage decision-making from an early age. We must subtly expose them to the risk of choices and consequences in life. We must raise our children in a way that promotes self-confidence, adaptability, self-respect and optimism. This way, we reduce their vulnerability.

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Zuriel Oduwole: Discovering the Star early in your child - Guardian

Children need to know that they are worthy. If parents, the ones who made them, do not spend time with them, it shows the child they arent worthy, and it will simply make the children take that feeling of unworthiness out into their life. It is simply the most damaging action a parent cando.

I had the pleasure of interviewing Aurora Bushner. Aurora is the Executive Vice President for Incentive Technology Group accountable for strategic leadership of the companys delivery and operations. She successfully established the delivery frameworks and practices for agile software development at scale for this unique, pure play digital consulting firm. With a focus on detail, accountability, quality, and transparency, she manages a workforce of over 400 people with an annual run rate of $100M delivering IT systems modernization and business transformation for government and commercial clients, all while balancing a blended family of 8 (her partner Toga, 19-year-old Mikayla, 13-year-old Ariana, 11-year-old Torrie, 8-year-old Aiden, 3-year-old Adam, and 1-year-old Alex). She holds a bachelors degree in Criminal Justice, Legal Studies from Marshall University where she was awarded the Criminal Justice Student of the Year and the Wallace E. Knight Writing Award. In her free time, she enjoys spending time with her family, coaching rugby, and watching her children grow into themselves.

Thank you so much for joining us! Can you tell us your childhood backstory?

I was born in Yuma, Arizona and spent my childhood as an Army Brat. I moved every 13 years and had the great pleasure of living in Germany (I was there when the Berlin Wall came down!) and nine different states. Growing up with a military dad, it wasnt unusual for him to be deployed for significant amounts of time. In fact, we spent an entire year without him when he was deployed to the first Gulf War. Whenever he came home from a long stint away, we had our rituals that helped pull us together. I still remember being small and running to greet my dad at the door when he returned from work and fighting with my siblings to see who could unlace his military boots!

Whether my dad was home or deployed, my mom stayed home with us and created an environment where she was always present. As a family we camped, took long road trips driving for days, saw the world together, and experienced the magic of Christmas, Easter, and the tooth fairy. These traditions have been passed down to my children, and in these moments, I am fully present and create magic for them just as my mom and dad did for me.

Our house was the one that everyone gravitated towards, and although my parents were laid back and understanding, they were also strict. I think I spent most of 9th grade grounded and being called Cinderella by friends because of the huge amount of daily chores I had to do! One particular punishment I had was to write sentences like I will not talk back to my parents 1,000 times and could not go outside until I was finished. For more elaborate punishments that my parents would dish out, I would enlist my friends to divvy up my punishment. It was a great way to reflect and at the same time rally my peers to help me in my punishment! However, my parents got smart to my games and started assigning me 5 page book reports on books that werent even required in school. Of course, at the time, I didnt like the punishments, but the constructive discipline I received created a structure for me to perform and made me a self-starter who will do what it takes to get the job done. It also taught me problem-solving and how to do something right the first time. Believe me, my dad even checked the back of the sinks faucet to see if I had cleaned it. If not, I had to do it all again!

I was a shy child but very driven. Moving around all the time could have caused negative developmental issues, but for me, it actually helped me to hone resilience, embrace the fact that everyone has a choice on how they choose to view the world, and to lead a life of faith and gratitude. In 11th grade, I moved from Germany to Virginia leaving a junior class of 36 to join a junior class that numbered in the thousands. This really taught me to embrace change! Looking back, my childhood was pivotal in my development as a great parent and executive. I learned to multitask, solve problems creatively, appreciate teamwork (thanks to playing volleyball, soccer, track and field, and rugby!) and create a space that allows me to be fully present in both my work and my family today.

Growing up in a family whose values enabled us to each be an individual, chart our own path but have the comfort of knowing that no matter what I did, my family would be there for me, gave me the safety net required to take risks, fail, and find new opportunities for greatness.

Can you share the story about what brought you to this specific point in your career?

A lot of amazing mentors and colleagues brought me to this point in my career. For my entire life, I have been fortunate to be surrounded by very smart people from diverse backgrounds. Each person I have encountered has taught me something about myself, about the world, and about others. I started my career at IntelliDyne where I spent 13 years in various roles reinventing what I did every 1218 months and was lucky enough to be given the ropes to learn, to fail, to succeed and to lead. Doug Hardin, the first Program Manager I ever met, gave me the book Something to Smile About, by Zig Ziglar. Business was something I knew little about growing up in a military family, and the compilation of stories in Ziglars book provided a breadth of experiences and anecdotes for living a life of greatness. Scott Peterson, was my manager for several years and supported my drive and ambitious spirit in my early twenties by embracing my leadership style, and he supported me when my team sometimes found my young zest challenging. Moreover, he let me drive my career from a front desk administrator to a Senior Program Manager over several accounts because of my demonstration of competence while inspiring me to be my best. In 2013 I joined ITG. Working under the mentorship of Michelle Samad, I saw my career and our company flourish. Michelle is the epitome of a strong, humble, grateful, tenacious, inspirational leader, who operates with a personal touch, and is wicked smart, which enables our team to deliver against our corporate and family commitments.

I could not have made it to this point in my career without the support of my family and friends. My partner Toga, a pillar in my life and one of the biggest champions of my career, took care of the kids for the last eight years so that I could focus on my career. He raised our three sons from the time they were newborns once I returned to work. He ensured that the kids got to each practice, were picked up from school, and had dinner on the table. I also supported him in his role as a Rugby Coach for the Womens Premier League, the Capital Select, the Washington Irish, the Stars, and now support him as he supports the Major League Rugby team Old Glory. We would balance our schedule and external demands together. When Toga recently went back to work and my parents retired to Arizona, my sister stepped in to share the love and support and now helps shuttle the kids to their activities and is the nanny to our 1-year-old. She, too, is a gift which supports my professional success. In earlier years, my parents and our friends were also quick to step in to watch the kids when we both had work trips or needed our coveted once a year trip to Las Vegas to watch the International Rugby 7s tournament. I recently returned from a 10-day work trip. It really does take a village.

Can you tell us a bit more about what your day to day schedule looks like?

Although my schedule varies, I try to be consistent in some aspects. For example, every Saturday morning, I wake-up before the rest of my family and plan my schedule for the following week. And every night, I review my schedule and priorities for the following day. During the weekdays, my mornings usually start at 6 am (sometimes earlier though if I have some work to accomplish), and before heading to work, I take our 3-year-old and 13-year-old to school. Thankfully, there are some some days that I go into work a little later, so I also take our 8-year-old to school at 9 am. After drop-offs and as I head to work, Im usually on phone calls (safely, of course!) with my program managers trying to get caught up before I even step foot into the office. And if Im not on the phone with them, then I take a few relaxing minutes to listen to the radio or call my parents or siblings to catch up. Once I get to work, my days are always different; I may travel to a client site, conduct team meetings, give presentations, write proposals, work on deliverables, or just do a little of everything.

Work ends at various times also. Networking, team events, client meetings, and mentoring others all takes place and needs to be juggled with kids activities. Some days I might get home at 5 pm and can support daycare pick-ups, sports activities, dinner, bath time, Zumba with the kids, bedtime and work after they go to bed. Other days, I might get home at 10 pm. When work demands more and there is less time with the family during the week, the weekends are used to make up that time. And when work demands less, I can focus more on my family. What really makes my schedule work effectively is flexibility and a sense of humor. Sometimes things may seem hectic and rushed, so having a sense of humor is an absolute must!

Lets jump to the core of our discussion. This is probably intuitive to many, but it would be beneficial to spell it out. Based on your experience or research, can you flesh out why not spending time with your children can be detrimental to their development?

Spending time with ones child/children is critical for their development because it helps create stability and consistency in behaviors and attributes. Parents teach children how to interact with their world, how to be polite and have manners, how to share and have empathy, and how to be kind and resolve conflict. With the support and guidance from their parents, children establish their identity as a person, learn independence and self-care, and they discover their talents, their strengths, and their weaknesses. They learn values and social cues. They learn how to pretend, how to play, how to have conversations and how to build relationships. They learn structure through chores and how to contribute to the family and in turn to the community and society at large. When you dont make time, you dont know your childs skill level and ability, thus you wont know where to stretch them or how to push them to grow.

By not making time for ones children, it can be detrimental in advocating within areas where they may require extra support. They may seek attention through bad behavior; they may lack structure, becauselets face itif left alone they may play video games 24 hours a day! Without a parent or positive adult figure, children may have a tougher time becoming the person they are meant to be and applying their unique talents and skills to the world. In addition, it doesnt provide the opportunity to create a bond and that safe secure relationship with someone that children know will always be there. Im sure there are plenty of children who succeed in spite of absent parents, but I believe that children with a strong support systembe it parents, family members, friends, or communityhave a better chance at success beginning at a very young age.

On the flip side, can you give a few reasons or examples about why it is so important to make time to spend with your children?

This may be the shortest answer youve ever received but its quite simple. Children need to know that they are worthy. If parents, the ones who made them, do not spend time with them, it shows the child they arent worthy, and it will simply make the children take that feeling of unworthiness out into their life. It is simply the most damaging action a parent can do.

Children are constantly learning from their environments, from the people they interact with, and from their peers and families. Its important to spend time with your children for the sake of their development. Creating a strong bond with your child ensures your child has trusting relationships with adults and their peers. It creates a loving and caring relationship that withstands both the good in life and the bad. It creates stability, consistency, and enables you, as a parent, to teach your child values. Spending time with your children makes them feel valued, and it also ensures that they have an advocate. Its hard growing up and its even harder when a child faces developmental challenges, peer challenges, or identity challenges. Being present with children and ensuring consistency across all aspects of their life are keys to creating self-starters with an aptitude for success.

According to this study cited in the Washington Post, the quality of time spent with children is more important than the quantity of time. Can you give a 35 stories or examples from your own life about what you do to spend quality time with your children?

I totally agree that quality of time is more important than quantity of time. My dad travelled a lot, and I came to understand that it was never about the quantity of time I got to spend with him; it was all about the quality of time he spent with me. When my dad was gone, my mom always made his absence feel less sad by giving us special moments, such as letting us sleep in her room, which was never allowed when he was home. Both my parents taught me the importance of quality time, which I now ensure to pass onto my children.

We all live in a world with many deadlines and incessant demands for our time and attention. That inevitably makes us feel rushed and we may feel that we cant spare the time to be fully present with our children. Can you share with our readers 5 strategies about how we can create more space in our lives in order to give our children more quality attention?

How do you define a good parent? Can you give an example or story?

There are so many types of parents and approaches that work. Each child is unique even within the same family. I have six children and none of them are the same. A good parent creates a relationship with their child. They establish clear expectations and boundaries but also give room for a child to make their own choices and face their own consequences whether positive or negative. A good parent doesnt always have to entertain their child, but they do enable the child to find things to do that they enjoy. I think letting a kid be bored every now and again is good for their creativity because it assists in creating their self-drive and self-reflection. A good parent also creates an environment for them to succeed, to feel safe and loved, and to know that no matter what they face in life, their family will always have their back.

Using teachable moments and supporting a growth mindset is important. One day, we had a thunderstorm raging, and I came home from work to learn that Aiden and his bike were missing. To our horror, Toga found them down by the creek boogie boarding. Aiden didnt understand why this was dangerous, so we took the time to look at YouTube videos on flash floods with him and even had my friends talk to him about experiences that they had and the consequences that occur with that type of dangerous actions. A good parent doesnt just tell the child what they did wrong; instead, they tell the child why it was wrong to do.

A good parent figures out how to be flexible and find time for themselves while also making time for their family. My oldest daughter grew up with me during the the last two years I was in college, and my friends would read their biochemistry books to her while I attended classes. My job for the Center of Business and Economic Research allowed me to bring her while I stuffed envelopes for surveys. I had my first child at 20 and refused to accept that I would not graduate in four years while being a single parent, working 20 hours a week, returning to rugby six weeks after she was born, and developing a child who thought rugby was a womens sport. She had no idea boys even played rugby until she was eight.

Knowing my children through spending quality time with them and understanding fully development milestones enabled me to identify that my son had a speech delay and obtain the proper care for him. He is now blossoming, and although he has more work to do, had I not been present and identified signs to discuss with the pediatrician and advocate for his care, he would not have the immense vocabulary he has today.

A good parent creates structure and habits through consistency. They teach perseverance, grit, and hard work. Chores enable a child to feel accomplished but also feel part of a team. We all contribute to a family and as being a busy executive, its important for me to know my kids have learned how to do basic life taskswhat needs to be done and when. I also believe that I should help the kids with chores. On the weekend we can often be found scrubbing the walls, learning to clean a bathroom, vacuuming, and making it a race to see how we can get done with quality work but with fun! It supports the family unit. They learn that this is our house and we all have to take care of it.

Accepting each childs learning style and figuring out what motivates them is important to obtaining the best from them and enabling them to be whatever they want to be in this life. Without being present, a parent wont know their childs interests. Aiden did not like to read. He loved math and science, and we taught him his times tables in 1st grade and he excelled. At the beginning of 2nd grade, he was at a kindergarten reading level, so every day we made him read for 20 minutes, then 30 minutes, and we now set the time for an hour (maybe without him knowing). We learned that Aiden loves zombies, fantasy, and mysteries, so that what we encourage him to read because it holds his interest. Hes now super excited about reading Harry Potter, Nancy Drew, and The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. Through advocating at school and supporting him at home, he is reading at his current grade level and is slowly overcoming his challenges with words.

To summarize, being a good parent is supporting your children, but dont over-parent and protect them so much that they cannot survive without you. Parents need to build self-efficacy in their children. Parenting is leadership, and Sheryl Sandberg defines leadership well: Leadership is about making others better as a result of your presence and making sure that impact lasts in your absence.

How do you inspire your child to dream big? Can you give an example or story?

Mikayla, my oldest, has had a vast array of ambitions beginning at a very young age. She loves animals, science, cooking and baking. At 5-years-old, she told me she wanted to be an owner. After talking to her more about what that meant to her, she explained that she wanted to own a business. Pretty big dreams for a 5-year-old! In high school, she wanted to be a veterinarian and even took a class to be a veterinarian technician. Unfortunately, Mikayla has asthma and eczema, and a career caring for animals was not going to be in her future. So her attention went to a different subjectanatomy and science. Shes always challenged herself to do more even when I was concerned she took on too much. She has the drive to explore, imagine and dream! Going into college she thought about being an athletic trainer. I talked to her about the education required and challenged her to think bigger, especially with her interest in science and anatomy, so shes now looking at completing classes that give her the option to attend medical school or even focus on becoming a forensic psychologist. I believe supporting your child, leading through example, and helping them understand the characteristics it takes to be successful in life are essential in having your child dream big.

Embracing your childs strengths is important for their self-worth and also to help guide them to be whatever they want in life. Ariana loves sports, is a talented dancer, and enjoys helping people. She recently volunteered to teach children with disabilities to ride a bike and dance. It gave her such a sense of accomplishment that the child she was helping learned to ride a bike and to share her love of dancing. When she turns 14, she has been asked to help in the Acrobatics level I dance class. I will have to maneuver my schedule to support this, but its imperative to her development and showing her that she can have a career in the arts.

How do you, a person who masterfully straddles the worlds of career and family, define success?

Success is doing what I love every day: being able to spend time with my children that creates emotional responses that they will remember throughout their life. Success is creating an environment where my children have a growth mindset, learn the characteristics of hard work, grit, determination, perseverance, kindness, and believe in themselves. Being successful at work means being an authentic leader: building teams, delivering solutions that modernize the way work happens, knowing what needs to be done and who is the best person or team to perform the task. At home and work, its understanding priorities, limitations, accepting myself for who I am and what I can accomplish, and being resilient. In addition, success is demonstrating through my dedication at work and home that if I want something, I can achieve it. Success is also being able to co-parent with my step-daughters mother, especially in creating moments that as a blended family we are still family no matter the miles between us. It is supporting my daughters in their relationship with their extended family. Furthermore, success is exhibiting the values we find in Faa Samoa and applying it across all aspects of our lives. Weve been able to mix the culture and values I grew up with in America under the leadership of a military father and a loving mother with the living culture of Samoa, which is where Toga grew up. The values taught through Faa Samoa of Love, Respect, Generosity, Spirituality, Service, and Reciprocity, to name a few, are easily embraced and mirror the values of my childhood. Samoans are known as the Happy People, and laughter and jokes are ever present in our household, which is what I strive to have in my family. The traditional lifestyle revolves around family, so no matter how busy I may be in my career, my family is integral to that success. Success becomes not only what one is able to accomplish but is heavily rooted on how well the team performs. I have more emphasis on the team/community than on myself, and this starts at home.

What are your favorite books, podcasts, or resources that inspire you to be a better parent? Can you explain why you like them?

Legacy by James Kerr is a brilliant book on building great teams and applying key leadership principles based on the worlds most successful sports team, the New Zealand All Blacks. Its practical lessons can be applied to ones homelife. Lessons include never being too big to do the smallest task, always doing what needs to be done without being asked, and constantly striving for improvement even when you are at your best. All these lessons are core aspects in my parenting style.

The Whole Brain Child by Dr. Dan Siegelwhich helps provide perspective on how a childs brain works and how to work with them in their development stage. This is very important raising six children who, for the most part, are always in a different stage.

How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie is a great book on building relationships and learning how to motivate people both at work and in the home.

Defining Moments: When Managers Must Choose between Right and Right by Joseph L. Badaracco, Jr. is an interesting book as it digs deeper than some other business books, and I find it relates to leadership as much as it does parenting.

TED Talks. I know podcasts are in but I continually go back to TED Talks, which include short talks on everything a parent would want to know and from different perspectives. Sometimes reminding us that, yes, children need direction but just to back off a little bit and let the child breathe, and to sit and do nothing instead of rushing from one activity to another. Sometimes TED Talks gives a glimpse into ideas and topics that are brand new to me and I can dig deeper if I want. The talks are my standby when I feel frazzled and just need to concentrate on something light.

Can you please give us your favorite Life Lesson Quote? Can you share how that was relevant to you in your life?

Life gets pretty hard and being an executive, a partner, and a working mother of six means I need inspiration to draw from to reframe my mindset and stay positive. Sometimes things really hit the fan and life has to be taken in strides. I have several quotes that I have drawn on throughout my life. They help me reframe and focus on gratitude. Here they are in no particular order:

I embrace every day as an opportunity to be better than I was the day before. Some days I succeed and some days I fail. But, I always know that I will have more opportunities than not to figure it all out!

You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good to the most amount of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger.

As I stated with my quotes, I would encourage others to realize that each morning you can be better than you were yesterday. Each day is an opportunity to do something great. If you were a smoker yesterday, you dont have to be today. If you were supposed to work out or walk yesterday and didnt, you can do it today. If you made a bad choice yesterday, you dont have to do so today. Everything is brand new if you see it that way. Make an intentional focus every day on at least one thing you really want to conquer, and youll soon see that this focus becomes habit, and that habit will move you forward until pretty soon youre accomplishing the goals you have set out to reach.

Thank you so much for these insights! This was so inspiring!

About the author:

Chaya Weiner is the Director of branding and photography at Authority Magazines Thought Leader Incubator. TLI is a thought leadership program that helps leaders establish a brand as a trusted authority in their field. Please click HERE to learn more about Thought Leader Incubator.

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Children need to know that they are worthy with Aurora Bushner and Chaya Weiner - Thrive Global

Im not accepting what I cant change, Im changing what I cant accept, activist and entrepreneur Sonya Renee Taylor said Sept. 20, at a Body Positive Cornell event, a University initiative striving to help Cornellians lead a healthy lifestyle that doesnt focus on weight.

Our society tells us that we should be able to lose weight and keep it off, and always promises this or that diet as the solution, Jennie Bernstein, Body Positive outreach coordinator at Cornell Health, told The Sun. The resulting detrimental effects including stigmatization of heavier weights and harmful behavior like weight cycling, the practice of losing and gaining weight repeatedly.

Instead, Bernstein believes that taking the emphasis off weight and instead focusing on improving health and lifestyle behaviors is a better attitude towards our bodies and life in general, as weight doesnt have a direct connection to health conditions.

You actually dont need to see the number on the scale drop to see an improvement in health outcomes, she said.

Increasing pleasurable activities or exercises, recognizing that mental health is an important part of physical health and eating intuitively or eating only when hungry are some of the ways Bernstein suggests for maintaining a healthy lifestyle.

Bernstein and her team were inspired to run the BPC initiative by the lack of awareness around the Health At Every Size Approach. They coordinated the eight-week discussion group program using the curriculum developed by the Body Positive Institute and trained peer facilitators. The program is open to both undergraduate and graduate students. There are also specific groups for Panhellenic, women of color and Cornell staff members.

As a peer co-facilitator, I hold a script and lead the program; but just like the members, I am continuing to grow and learn new ideas every time I meet with a different group, Michelle Kubasek 20 told The Sun. She said she started out as a member of the BPC program and finished it with a new understanding of self-love and self-acceptance.

In addition to the program, past participants have started a Body Positive Cornell club that seeks to provide opportunities for other interested students to get involved with Body Positive.

We are collaborating with Cornell Pole Posse to host a workshop on pole dancing as well as a discussion regarding intuitive movement, said Caroline Mameesh 20, an executive board member for the club. Additionally, they plan to hold a fall panel where different people are invited to talk about concepts such as intuitive eating and intuitive movement.

The club general body meets every other Thursday at 5 p.m. in Rockefeller 122, beginning today.

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Body Positive Cornell Initiative Hopes to Push Back Against Societal Stereotypes About Weight and Health - Cornell University The Cornell Daily Sun

Adelaide Monday September 23, 2019

South Australian children experiencing mental crises are being tied down under nets, locked up in seclusion at extreme rates and forcibly injected with sedating drugs, prompting warnings youngsters are suffering lasting harm from coercive health-system practices.

An InDaily investigation into the treatment of an estimated 20 children a week sectioned by police or paramedics under the Mental Health Act and brought to the Womens and Childrens Hospital have prompted calls for changes and an inquiry from clinicians, experts and senior State Government office-holders.

Nets are being used to tie children to ambulance stretchers to take them to the hospital and, once there, children are being locked in seclusion at a rate which is the countrys highest, far outstripping the national average.

We collectively dont take an appropriately therapeutic attitude to these kids when theyre distressed, said senior child psychiatrist and Adelaide University Paediatric Mental Health Training Unit head Jon Jureidini.

Of course youve got to make [children] safe, but too often a level of force is being used in doing so thats damaging,

Professor Jureidini, who trains Womens and Childrens Hospital emergency department clinicians, said asignificant proportion of kids crises currently managed with netting, involuntary sedation and seclusion could be managed less restrictively, given appropriate training, support and staffing levels.

For somewhere between a third and a half of people who have an experience like this the trauma of it has a significant psychological impact on them.

State mental health laws and policies allow the use of restraint, involuntary sedation and seclusion where a patient is locked in a cell by themselves to prevent risks to safety such as violence or self-injury or to administer immediately required medication.

At the same time, the government acknowledges the practices themselves can cause significant harms, including deaths, injuries, emotional trauma and re-traumatisation, and has been committed, since a 2005 intergovernmental agreement, to reducing use of, and where possible eliminating, restraint and seclusion.

Researchers say reliance on the practices backfires, sparking increased patient aggression that in turn causes trauma, avoidance and thenvisceral gut reactionamong staff and that threats to safety have been better reduced by measures such as improvements in patient care and engagement and staff training in de-escalation and diversion.

We bring people in traumatised; we re-traumatise them in the context of apparent health care

Professor Jureidini said he would conservatively estimate that at least 100 times a year children arrive at the Womens and Childrens in an ambulance, having been netted restrained from neck to feet under a webbing net strapped to the stretcher.

The SA Ambulance Service, which did not answer questions about netting, says it restrained 36 children aged 17 or under in 2018.

But Jureidini said: I suggest the SAAS reporting system is far from capturing all incidents.

It is believed the SAAS data is derived from paramedics reporting episodes of restraint they have been involved in.

Principal Community Visitor Maurice Corcoran, a statutory office-holder who inspects mental health facilities and advocates for patients, said the netting of young people was something weve raised concerns (about).

Im just concerned about the level of restraints, and kids are being traumatised by that experience, absolutely.

Flinders University Professor of Nursing (Mental Health) Eimear Muir-Cochrane said while paramedics were much more aware these days about mental health patient issues she had anecdotally heard that if a person is seen as a mental health patient they automatically have to go to the hospital in netting, and thats discriminatory.

SA Ambulance Service Chief Executive Officer David Place said SAAS staff were highly trained in managing patients who present in a distressed state, with de-escalation measures a major focus of all our interactions.

Restraint is only used in cases of extreme behavioural emergency and as a last resort option, to ensure patient and staff safety.

Mandatory SA Health policy says the potentially harmful non-therapeutic interventions of restraint and seclusion may be used only when alternative strategies have been tried and warns unjustified restraint is potentially an assault or unlawful imprisonment.

InDaily can reveal the WCHs mental health ward, known as the Boylan Ward, has been secluding children at by far the highest rate of any mental health ward in Australia for both of the two years for which hospital-specific data is available.

The federal Department of Healths reporting set on seclusion, mechanical restraint and physical restraint shows the wards rate was 851 per cent higher than the child and adolescent national average in 2017-18 and 504 per cent higher in 2016-17.

Womens and Childrens Health Network Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service Clinical Director Mohammed Usman said seclusion was used as a last resort and but acknowledged infrastructure limitations of the current ward.

We acknowledge that the physical environment within Boylan Ward means the best way to safely contain threats of physical aggression or intrusive behaviour towards other unwell patients is to use the seclusion room, Dr Usman said.

The antiquated ward, the only mental health unit for children in SA, has neither a high-dependency area used in some other wards to locate higher needs children nor an outdoors area for patients.

Dr Usman said the hospital was building a new purpose-built child and adolescent mental health ward which would have a significant impact on safe care practices and was anticipated to be completed by October next year.

In a statement, SA Health said that Boylan Wards average seclusion duration was 15 minutes compared to a national average of 1.3 hours for child and adolescent services; that staff upheld standards regarding [use of] least restrictive practices; and that in 2017-18, two clients accounted for 60 per cent of the total [seclusion] incidents.

Boylan would still have the highest seclusion rate in the country with 60 per cent of its rate subtracted.

Some children held or treated under mental health laws are involuntarily sedated with powerful drugs, including antipsychotics and benzodiazepines.

An Adelaide mother who asked not to be identified told InDaily that during a 2017 WCH admission her agitated daughter was forced into the (Boylan) seclusion room and injected with a potent antipsychotic, leaving the girl extremely distraught, only for staff to announce the next morning she was being released, without providing any discharge information, including a diagnosis.

Principal Community Visitor Corcoran said his office wanted to see far better understanding and use of staff whove got expertise in supporting and engaging with people to deescalate well before jumping straight into a sedation.

Community visitors had raised the issue particularly in relation to children with mental illness and one or more other conditions, such as autism or an intellectual disability.

Physical adverse effects of forcible sedation can include respiratory depression, seizure, dehydration, and movement abnormalities, and researchers say the trauma of involuntary injection can put patients off accepting medication or treatment in future.

SA Health did not answer specific questions on sedation but said: All medication is administered at Womens and Childrens Hospital in line with designated clinical protocols.

The Womens and Childrens Hospital. Photo: wch.sa.gov.au

Professor Jureidini said the commonest reasons for the use of overly restrictive means of control was lack of training and support, inadequate staffing levels and redundancy in the staff team, and he stressed he was not blaming front-line health staff.

You cant just say, You blokes are doing a bad job; its actually us [public mental health services] who are not providing them with the support and training they need to do a better job, he said, adding this could be be done with very little investment.

Many of the most disadvantaged or traumatised children in the state are massively overrepresented in the paediatric involuntary and emergency mental health system pathways, data cited by the Guardian for Children and Young People suggests.

Guardian Penny Wright she understood that children who live in state care made up about 30 per cent of young people brought in to Boylan Ward by police and ambulance officers in the last year, even though they made up only about 1 per cent of the population.

It is even more troubling that many of these young people had multiple presentations, up to 24 in one year, Wright said.

Coercive practices could be traumatic in themselves and for many kids with a care background reinforce the trauma they have already experienced.

Commissioner for Children and Young People Helen Connolly slammed the use of ambulance nets as the spithoods of the health system, said SAs Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service was overstretched and called for a review of the childrens mental health system.

Melbourne University Professor of Youth Mental Health Pat McGorry said Boylans seclusion rates probablyneeds an inquiry of itself and called for well-resourced, 24-hour mobile home-based mental health care, which he said would reduce presentations at hospitals, allowing their staff to look after the people that do end up in hospital in a much less desperate or crisis-ridden way.

Professor Muir-Cochrane said mental health patients should have completely separate emergency departments, as the noisy and frightening nature of mainstreamed emergency departments reduced the ability of staff to distract and diverge patients who could be out of control.

Leading SA consumer advocate and 2017 Australian Mental Health Nurse of the Year Matt Ball said: We bring people in traumatised; we re-traumatise them in the context of apparent health care; they become less likely to access the system again, unless under duress, at which point we are going to re-traumatise them over and over again.

Is that about healthcare or is it really about punishment, containment and re-traumatisation?

For advice, consult a knowledgeable health professional, call the SANE helpline on 1800 187 263 or Lifeline on 13 11 14 or visitReachOutorBeyondblue.

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Netted, drugged, locked away: the damning face of child mental health in SA - InDaily

Talk Like a Pirate Day is returning to port on September 19th and you can bet your boots that a few celebrants will be using the terms pirateand buccaneerinterchangeably. Most people do. Nevertheless, these two words arent actually synonymous.

Four hundred years ago, if you were a seafaring thief, the label that you received said a great dealmainly about whoever it was doing the labeling. Anyone who called you a "pirate" probably hated your guts. But those who cited you as a buccaneer might have had a very different attitude. Within certain contexts, the latter group may have even embraced you as a national hero.

Time for a swashbuckling semantics lesson. In article 101 of theUnited Nations Convention on the Law of the Sea (UNCLOS), piracy is defined as "any illegal acts of violence or detention ... committed for private ends by the crew or the passengers of a private ship." UNCLOS also states that, to be considered piracy, a crime must occur within international waters. If the event in question takes place within a particular countrys territorial waters, the aggressors will be deemed armed robbers rather than pirates.

Historical definitions tended to be a lot broader. During the 17th and 18th centuries, England regarded piracy as any criminal act committed on the high seas or below the low tide mark around shores, rivers, and estuaries. Hundreds of years earlier, in the year 100 CE, Plutarcha noteworthy Greek scholar talked about pirates as anybody who attacked a ship or maritime city without legal authority.

Just what did he mean by legal authority? Plutarch was probably alluding to warships. Nowadays, these are generally owned by national governments, but this wasnt always the case. From medieval times through the early 20th century, it was common practice for a nation at war to recruit private vessels to assault its enemys ships, steal their goods, and plunder their ports. Mariners who engaged in such state-approved mischief were called privateers.

Usually, a privateer vessel was allowed to operate under a license that was granted by the country it served. Dubbed the Letter of Marque, this document laid out a code of conduct and payment policy for the crew. (Privateers almost always got to keep a percentage of whatever they took.)

Essentially, privateers were independent contractors, acting as hostile, government-commissioned, seafaring mercenaries. Therefore, they technically werent pirates because real pirates didnt behave in accordance withany national laws or regulations. But the dividing line here was pretty blurry. Many privateers eventually became pirates and vice versa. Also, a captured privateer would sometimes be tried as a pirate by the country he or she was victimizing.

This brings us back to buccaneers: Throughout the 16th through 18th centuries, Spain more or less controlled the Caribbean. However, in the 1600s, she started to get some not-so-friendly competition. By the middle of that century, settlers from various other European countriesincluding England, France, and the Netherlandshad colonized parts of the Leeward Islands and Hispaniola. Among these newcomers, transplanted Frenchmen were especially common. The Gallic colonists would frequently smoke their meat over a wooden platform that they called a boucan. Thanks to this cooking technique, the frontiersmen were given the nickname buccaneers.

Before long, many turned to piracy. Because of Spains huge colonial presence in the Caribbean, buccaneers more or less exclusively targeted Spanish ports and ships. This turned plenty of heads across the Atlantic. In an attempt to cripple Spains empire, the English, French, and Dutch began issuing Letters of Marque to buccaneer vessels.

Eventually, the word buccaneer came to possess its currentand very specificdefinition, which is: any of the piratical adventurers who raided Spanish colonies and ships along the American coast in the second half of the 17th century. (Told you it was specific.)

The most famous buccaneer of them all was undoubtedly Sir Henry Morgan. Little is known about his early life, although most historians believe that he was born in Wales at some point in 1635. Nearly 20 years later, he set sail for Barbados as a member of an expedition that saw England seize Jamaica from the Spanish.

Morgan quickly emerged as a leading buccaneer, and as Englands most ruthlessly effective privateer. In 1668, he seized the heavily guarded city of Porto Bello, Panama, holding it for ransom until the Spanish coughed up an amazing 250,000 pesos. Three years later, Morgan raided and sacked Panama City, which promptly burned to the ground. Such exploits did not endear him to the Spanish, but in England, Morgan was a widely beloved figure. Knighted by King Charles II, he was made Lieutenant Governor of Jamaica in 1674. Following his death on August 25, 1688, Morgan received a grandiose state funeral, complete with a 22-gun salute.

And, yes, that rum was named after him. Clearly, buccaneering had its perks.

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A scene from the play (above); Anub George

Written by Sadaf Inamdar

Although there are virtually no accurate statistics to go by, anecdotal and narrative evidence point to a problem that is rising exponentially and has reached epidemic proportions in many parts of the world loneliness. A play written and directed by Anub George and titled The Damned Silence, focuses on how to come to terms with a persistent and pervasive problem in our cities.

Written especially for the Vibrancy Festival, a two-day diversity and inclusion event in Pune and organised by the Centre for Creative Transformation on the occasion of World Mental Health Day, the play centres around a male protagonist in his mid-20s who is going through various shifts in life alone. It takes one through his emotions, personified by other actors . Although its easy to blame the breakdown of a traditional family unit, mindless scrolling of our phones or the jobs that follow us through emails and texts, the loneliness that city dwellers are experiencing is not rooted in any one phenomenon, says George.

The play, which has no spoken word, uses a play of light as well as stylised movements to depict the dark monotony of loneliness. The protagonist mimes his longing to reach out and interact with others through actions such as watching his phone, scrolling incessantly and walking aimlessly.

There are various elements in the play that I directly pulled from the struggles I went through during the period of trying to choose a career and tackling issues of self-sustainability in todays competitive environment, he says. The play also highlights the effects of anger on men. There are a lot of violent crimes being perpetrated by men due to lack of understanding of their own emotions and frustration within. The way men experience anger is informed by societal expectations. These traditional notions of masculinity tend to favour stoicism and dominance.

Although not inherently negative, adhering rigidly to these traits has a very negative impact on their mental health and this then comes out in wrong ways, says George. His last play, Caf Alibaba, a six-scene play written by Satish Khot, was a take on modern-day relationship dynamics and talked about young people and their struggles and aspirations. His forthcoming play deals with another searing topic child abuse at home. George is working on Mahesh Dattanis classic 30 days in September, which tackles the issue through a poignant tale.

In the countdown to the Vibrancy Festival, he is fine-tuning The Damned Silence. Tackling the issue of loneliness requires a complex, multi-pronged approach and a good way to start would be to normalise conversations around the subject and not dismiss serious concerns as being dramatic or throwing an attitude. So much of the pain of loneliness is due to feeling compelled to hide the vulnerability, because more often than not, when someone does open up, they are told to chill. We have to think retroactively and not just in regards to how it affects us. Through the play, I hope to encourage people to think of the various ways they can help people suffering with these issues in life, he says.

Read the rest here:
Silence and the city - The Indian Express

Credit: Nirzara VerulkarTinder story

For an Indian woman, Tinder often feels like the mental equivalent of being groped on a DTC bus. Its not just the disturbing number of men who are still obsessed with Friends in 2019 and insist it should get leeway for beingsexist, homophobic, and transphobic because it was from the 90s, or the type who comment furiously onUNILAD videos about how women who wear make-up are cheating them with their dark mastery of Revlon products.

Thing is, men who may have just begun learning how to handle rejection gracefully, how not to hyper-sexualise women and be generally respectful of their space and agency, seem to believe that the rules are different online. A dating app culture that on one hand thrives on candid conversation and on the other allows for secrecy and elusiveness with very few checks in place has facilitated the predatory and entitled behaviours that many urban, educated Indian men generally keep under wraps in real life. Here are some manifestations that could perhaps inspireSandeep Reddy Vangas next hero, but have women wanting to press delete forever.

When a woman creates an online dating profile, she may as well be opening applications for friendship on all her social media accounts. Most women would concur that the moment they signed up on the casual dating app, their others folder basically doubled up as their Tinder recycle bin, full of the users who refused to give up after a left swipe. Many of these disbelieving men end up shooting their second (or third or fourth) shots on Facebook and Instagram, unmindful that this persistent entitlement to a womans time and attention is not only intrusive, but also goes against the very spirit of this online subculture. Tinders defining feature is allowing users to text each other only after they mutually swipe right, and the app is designed to grant complete control to its users over who they choose to engage with (on the app at least). These rules of engagement are sacrosanct, and anyone who doesnt honour them should rightfully be banishedfrom your matches, if not the app.

When the Wanna fuck? message arrives as a conversation starter, it feels an awful lot like an unsolicited dick pic. Tinder has built a reputation as a booty call app, and neither the company nor its usersnot most of them, anywayhave any qualms about using it the way the tech-gods intended it. So, propositioning someone for sex is acceptable, if not expected of you. But even then, this particular MO gives away not only a lack of communication skills but a dehumanising attitude toward women. Do I hear you whine, But I just want to be upfront and not mislead anyone?

The difference between spending the night drinking wine straight out of the bottle alone, and swirling it around in your mouth pretending to be a sommelier, and making up an origin story to impress a date, could be this slightly longer, more polite message: Hey brand new match, would you mind if we got straight to the point and figured out if we could get together/hook up, and when?

Kids, remember, when in doubt, talk it out.

Getty Images

If pornography or a handful of obscure coming-of-age art films are to be believed, all non-heterosexual women spend their entire day unravelling the mysteries of their bodies and testing the boundaries of their sexual desires. Non-hetero women are highly fetishised not only in porn but also in pop culture, and these associations and perceptions follow them everywhere. Given the cushy illusion of anonymity that online interactions provide, queer folks get directly propositioned for threesomes painfully often. Some have even complained of being asked by cis male matches if the latter could join just to watch.

While the patriarchal notion that womens bodies are inherently sexual has been widely documented, heres a crucial intersectional observationnon-hetero women are subjected to this creepy entitlement much more rampantly. And sadly for them, life off the app is no different. They are accustomed to being asked questions that are all too personal, all too inappropriate (do you like licking or scissoring better?), all too often.

Virginia Woolf in A Room of Ones Own wrote, Women have served all these centuries as looking glasses possessing the magical and delicious power of reflecting the figure of man at twice its natural size. Just about every woman with A Tinder Account of Her Own has felt this too when she encounters a dude who defines himself in relation to (his idea of) his female audience. There are those who believe they should be showered with accolades and matches for picking up a skill that they clearly believe is a woman thing, marking them as extra special and sensitive. As for the guy whose USP is that hes taller than you in heels(?) all you can do is congratulate him on being able to more easily reach the lightbulbs he was born to fix. Theres nothing like a bit of reverse sexism to restore the balance in the universe.

Some men like to proclaim their love of fat women on their bio. Now, try to think of the last time you caught a woman describing her specific body-type preferences on her Tinder profile. This doesnt necessarily mean that all women are brimming with body positivity towards menits just that contempt for big men is not the default for them, so they do not feel the need to make any disclaimers. Moreover, men who articulate their desire for larger women are most likely not coming from a place of body positivityits garden variety objectification and fetishism only dressed as inclusivity. They typically view large bodies as a thing of novelty rather than normality, and reduce them to a porn category. Several women have confessed to being told it was a check-list item, too. Whats worse, in their warped heads, these men are doing a kind of charity; social media is crawling with screenshots posted by plus-size women who call out this fetishism, but instead, are asked to be grateful that someone finds them desirable at all.

The rest is here:
5 Horrid Things Indian Men Do On Dating Apps To Make Women Want To Quit - HuffPost India