Continue to learn and find new challenges: Even if health issues keep you from engaging in the type of challenges you enjoyed in earlier years, studies show that the mental health thrives when we continue to learn and challenge ourselves throughout life. Rather than staying with the same activities or old routines, its important to carve out time to embrace new learning experiences and challenges.

As a part of my series about the 5 Things You Should Do to Optimize Your Wellness After Retirement I had the pleasure of interviewing Clinical Psychologist Dr. Carla Marie Manly. Dr. Manly is a practicing clinical psychologist and aging expert with a passion for helping others optimize their lives. As an author and speaker, Dr. Manly enjoys creating greater awareness and wellness throughout the world. Her latest book, Aging Joyfully, guides readers into finding vast fulfillment in the more mature years of life.

A former investment manager, I returned to the field of psychologymy passionin my 40s. Having spent the first few decades of my adult life raising children, managing a very successful business, and creating financial wellbeing, I wanted the second half of my life to be spent focusing on creating internal successfor myself and others!

One of the most interesting stories is my new-found fame among older and younger populations. Those in their 20s are discovering me as a guiding light for their future, and those in their 40s, 50s, and beyond are also gravitating toward my work as a light for their more mature years. This story is stunning to me for many reasonsnot the least of which is having youthful minds be star-struck as a result of my humble life learnings and offerings.

During my first speaking engagements, the learning curve was rather large. Looking back, I realize that my greatest mistake was in over-preparing for my engagements. I quickly foundafter a few humorous stumbles that were embraced with kindness by the audiencesthat the events were more successful when I kept things simple. By showing up as authentic me, learning and growth were abundant for all.

My parents have passed away, yet I now seemore than everthat they were both truly bright lights in my life. As the ninth child in a family of ten children, my mom and dad (both children of immigrants) had their hands very full. And, although they were imperfect, they taught me the important of integrity, lifelong learning, and hard work. These skillsand so many morehave helped me achieve the success I have today.

Every person has unique needs when it comes to fulfillment and optimal wellness. Yet, we often consciously and unconsciously look to others we admiretheir schedules, routines, and goalswhen creating our own life goals and routines. Unfortunately, what might work beautifully for the man across the table or the woman in the magazine might be too muchor too littlefor our own needs. Thus, I suggest that my colleagues take the time to focus on their own unique needs. It is certainly wise to embrace the wisdom of others, yet there is nothing more profoundly helpful than learning to notice what works right for YOU. And, when you determine what works well for your lifedo more of it. As you determine what is harmful or not beneficial for youdo less of it. This concept is simple yetfor many of usextraordinarily difficult to due given internal and external pressures. Yet, the price we pay by not listening to the inner self is highwhen we get on a treadmill without taking note of what is appropriate for oneself in the here and now, chronic stress and burnout occur. Research shows that chronic stress and burnout take an enormous toll on our physical, mental, and emotional health.

Think outside the box when it comes to creating a fantastic work culture. Dont be afraid to get out of the routine that may have molded your business environment for decades. If you want your work culture to be amazing, you may need to make some profoundly amazing changes. Employees love working in environments that are open, honest, and uplifting. When employees feel valued and honored, theyll give extraordinary gifts through hard work, new ideas, and commitment. Sadly, Ive seen so many employees mired in anger and resentment when employers dont create a team-oriented, open work culture with clear, achievable goals. If in doubt about what to do to create a fantastic work culture, reach out for insights from a specialist who is able to view the issues with objectivity and keen awareness. Life tip: Reach out for insights from others. Give excellent training. Be present to support your employees on an ongoing basis. Your employees are part of your family; appreciate them. Give up micro-managing and give your employees the freedom to soar. Yes!

As a clinician and researcher, I have found that retirement can negatively impact ones health if the retiree has not adequately prepared for the many changes that can come with retirement, such as loss of social connections, changes in daily routine, and a lack of activity and challenge in post-retirement life. All of these issuesand many morecan lead to depression and irritability. As well, if post-retirement life is sedentary, the decline in activity can contribute to a host of debilitating health conditions including cardiac concerns, diabetes, and stroke. In addition, primary relationshipssuch a marriagecan also be negatively impacted due to the changes and stress that often accompanies post-retirement. When a primary relationship is negatively affected, the individuals general well-being is certainly impacted.

My most recent book, Aging Joyfully (Familius, 2019) made a huge impact on my own life. Although nowhere near retirement myself, the research and discovery involved in writing book has had a profound impact me. As the author, I found myself delving deeply into medical research, clients case studies, and the lives of friends to learn more about the upsides and downsides of aging and retirement. Through this intensive process, I learned a great deal about myself, about ageism, and need for us as a society to RE-ENVISION AGING.

If I could start one movement, it would be a movement to TEACH OTHERSchildren and adultsabout the power of integrity and respect. By introducing basic concepts such as these to children AND adultsmany of whom have no idea what real integrity and respect look likewe could change our world for the better. I so believe thisfrom my heart and soul.

I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul. (Invictus, Henley). This quote from Invictus reminds me that, no matter how challenging my life might be at times, I am responsible for the outcome of each moment. I am responsible for my thoughts, attitudes, and behaviors. This truth guides me.

Ariana Huffingtonshe shines and radiates vibrant, beautiful agelessness. Oprah Winfreyshe radiates intensity and commitment to good. Yitzi Weinerbecause you strive to do good in the world; I truly honor that about you. Gavin Newsombecause he has the power in California to institute programs in our schools that could change the future of our state-and the world.

Website: https://www.drcarlamanly.com

Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/drcarlamanly

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drcarlamanly

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/carla-marie-manly-8682362b/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drcarlamanly/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCQmSoiWGJEBasrIV3lrPsXw

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Women In Wellness: Continue to learn and find new challenges With Dr. Carla Marie Manly & Beau Henderson - Thrive Global

As they near the end of their first year, Beyond Mental Borders-comprised of Armand Antony and Alexandra Brynn-has seen their act go farther than they could have anticipated. Their live show CONNECTION, held twice monthly at The Rec Room, has become an incredibly popular event that's sold out it's last few shows with no sign of slowing down.

On a cool autumn morning, Antony and Brynn were already tucked away in a cozy corner of a downtown Toronto caf when I arrived. They're young, friendly, have great chemistry (based on how often they could finish each other's sentences), and don't subscribe to the stereotypes other magicians and mentalists often fall into-making our conversation about their whirlwind of a year all the more interesting.

Let's start at the beginning; how did you both get into mentalism?

Antony: I started off with card tricks just to mess around with people at work, and eventually learned how to flip that around into the concept of mind reading, and realized just how much more of a reaction I got from that. I got to see a couple different mentalists and see their performances, and there's something just way more intriguing about someone who can influence an audience in that way, so I started learning, trying to figure out what could be done and what was possible.

Brynn: I'm an actor, so I had a weird introduction-magic and I came together without me really knowing it. Back in the UK I was performing in a Hollywood Special Effects show produced by the company that does Champions of Magic; I was around all this magic so it kind of rubbed off on me. Fast forward to this year, Armand was looking for a partner to develop the act, so we just came together and it all sort of worked out.

What was that act that you were working on?

Antony: The act originally started with myself and a friend of mine, because I was petrified of doing a variety show slot I was offered alone; I had never done anything like it before. And my friend had done some assisting before, but I decided I didn't really want to do the clich magician-assistant thing. When Alexandra came on, it started off as the two of us trying things out, and it just worked out for us.

Brynn: We had our first meeting in here, at that table over there!

Antony: Basically when we met, we had three weeks before our very first show. So that was fun!

Brynn: It was a lot of reading, a lot of rehearsing, but you're a fun person to work with.

You both seem to have a great connection (pardon the pun), so I'm curious-what was the dynamic like when you first started working together?

Brynn: One of the first things when I came into it, I hadn't seen his show previously, but was I saying that especially in this day and age, the whole girl coming onstage with a Vegas showgirl attitude and assisting or being sawed in half was not for me. There are a few jokes in the show about it, and how that's not our deal. We were coming at it from an equal partnership, and having a strong female character onstage is really important to what we do and in making our audience comfortable.

Antony: I think also-Alexandra's said this, too-you can probably count the number of female magicians in Toronto or in Canada on one hand, which sucks, and I'm glad that we have a...

Brynn: Platform?

Antony: Yes!

Brynn: Yeah, a platform to try and promote females in magic or mentalism. I forget what show it was, but there were these two little girls off to the side of the stage who were bouncing around and dancing throughout the whole thing, and after they came up to me and gave me a big hug and said "That was so cool, we wanna do that!" which was so nice because in the past magic or mentalism was more of a thing that boys did with a deck of cards.

My main thing was I wanted to make our show accessible. When I was younger and thought about magic shows I'd think about David Copperfield or older men doing this big thing-and David Copperfield is amazing, I'm not saying he's not-but I wanted to make our show a thing where people could come and see it even if they didn't know anything about magic or mentalism. And it's not a guy in a suit and a woman in a sparkly dress; it's more like jeans and a leather jacket, and just being cool instead of stuffy.

Now for anyone reading who might not understand mentalism, what would you say is the best way to describe it?

Antony: My favourite way of describing it is, where magic is sleight of hand, mentalism is sleight of mind. Our goal is to create the perception of mind reading, and mind reading isn't real. For us it's just using a variety of different skill sets, so it's using body language, micro expressions, psychology, it's a lot of reading that goes into just trying to look at a concentrated thought and peel that apart, and reveal it to yourself or the audience or whoever.

Brynn: We say right at the beginning of the show, you know we're not psychics, we're not mediums, we're not fortune tellers. We don't claim to do any of that stuff. All the stuff that we're doing is just studying who comes into the room. It's a lot of people watching and trying to gleam what we can, or using psychology and some of those mental tricks to try and influence what choices people might make. It's pairing (the science) with what goes into making a show, and what goes into theatre.

Does your expertise in mentalism have any effect your relationships outside of work?

Antony: I'd say anytime I have something I'm working on, I take it to my dad. The atmosphere changes from 'we're having a good time,' to just 'no, no, no, no,' (laughs) because while he finds it fun, he has to walk away for five minutes to try and process it and he's always like "I can't figure it out."

Brynn: My family lives in BC, but even my mom who's a huge magic skeptic, looks at what we do and thinks it's interesting because of the psychology behind it. She finds it really cool to see how the mind works.

And outside of family-is it something you always have running in the back of your mind, or can you shut it down pretty easily?

Antony: I personally don't look around the room and study people. I will say there are certain components that you start to learn over time, there's a fun little routine where you try to determine what someone's tells are when they're lying. Even being on a date I've found my mind could be going through a million things and I have to step back and say, I need to turn this off right now because I'm just not paying attention to what I'm supposed to be.

Brynn: One of the funniest things happened on a walk-around at an event. There was this big group of guys and we were messing with their heads a little bit, and this one came up and was like "Oh man, I don't know if I'd want to date you because you'd totally get in my head, you know what I'm thinking right now!" So it is funny, and you learn to anticipate what people are going to think or say, but I'm not sitting here watching you and going like, she's going to do this when she gets home later, and she's going to take the TTC (which, for the record, I did do) but you definitely do get more aware of people's emotions or reactions to things.

Let's talk a bit more about CONNECTION. You mentioned you tend to alter the act on a month-to-month basis-could you walk me through that development process?

Brynn: I think it changes, so sometimes one of us will come into the room and go "Hey, wouldn't it be really cool if we did this thing, but we did it completely different in this way?" Then we workshop things, try to figure them out, but it is very hard with the nature of what we do for us to be in a room working together without people to test things out on-so we use some of the other shows we do around the city to test those things out, workshop them, and then bring something into CONNECTION when we feel confident with it.

Antony: We've been looking into 2020, and there's been a lot of us saying "Wouldn't it be cool if we did this, this, this and this?" But there's no method-

Brynn: No, we're not looking through a handbook of how things are done, it's more like "This would be a cool idea, why don't we figure something out with this?"

Antony: And then we have three months to figure out exactly how we're going to do it.

Brynn: It's not like we're writing a story; we have to figure out how it's going to be done, how it's going to look to the audience, will these steps make sense to them-because the audience needs to understand what we're doing in real time. We've had times where we've tried to do something and explained it to a person and they go "Wait, that step is confusing, and that step is confusing," and we have to take a step back and realize that we need to explain more, or in a different way.

I guess directing audience members and having them involved has resulted in some tests not working out exactly as planned?

Antony: Oh, what an interesting time to ask that question!

Brynn: First of all we have people on stage, and these people-all the venues that we perform in are venues where alcohol is supplied-and you never really know who's been drinking. And we never say, you know, if you've had more than five drinks don't put up your hand. So, there is that aspect when people come onstage, you never really know what they're going to say or what's going to happen, or if they're going to drop something. But because our show is real and it's done in real time, some things are going to be different. Sometimes things go wrong, and when they do we have to rely on our connection-no pun intended-and our style as performers to carry it through and just say, you know, this stuff is not science, it's an art form-things go wrong, but that's often when things are the funniest, I think, and when the audience has the most fun because they see us poking fun at ourselves.

Antony: I think it also makes us, the whole performance, a little bit more human. We say right from the beginning that mentalism isn't about illusions, or us making something disappear-this is us using a variety of skills to try and figure out what people are thinking. And believe me, if we could do that at 100% accuracy, we'd be in a great place! Not just in this act, but in life in general! So, I mean, sometimes it's just as honest as saying "Okay, cool, we didn't get that right and that's totally okay, but we also have another 59 minutes of the show where everything has gone right."

Brynn: Exactly.

Antony: I think it doesn't really ruin any credibility, but if we were missing everything it'd be a different story!

You can see Beyond Mental Borders monthly at The Rec Room, 255 Bremner Blvd., Toronto, ON.

For more information or to purchase tickets, visit https://www.beyondmentalborders.com/tickets

You can also keep up with Beyond Mental Borders on Instagram and Facebook

Photo courtesy of Beyond Mental Borders

This interview has been edited and condensed.

Go here to see the original:
BWW Interview: Beyond Mental Borders' Armand Antony & Alexandra Brynn Are Redefining Mentalism In Toronto - Broadway World

While writing a New Yorker profile on Donald Trump in the late 1990s, Mark Singer attempted to discover something about the businessmans private thoughts, as opposed to his outsized, public persona. When Singer asked him what he thought about when shaving in front of the mirror, Trump did not really understand the question.

OK, I guess Im asking, do you consider yourself ideal company? Singer said. You really want to know what I consider ideal company? replied Trump. A total piece of ass.

Divining, assessing and adjudicating the mental health of this US president has become more than just a parlour game

Divining, assessing and adjudicating the mental health of this US president has become more than just a parlour game. Following a 2017 conference, 27 psychiatrists, psychologists and other mental health experts wrote a book, The Dangerous Case of Donald Trump, arguing it was their moral and civic duty to warn America that for psychological reasons, Trump was more dangerous than any president in history. They diagnosed him with everything from severe character pathology to delusional disorder, which can be added to the more common verdicts of narcissistic personality disorder and antisocial personality disorder which are regularly offered.

His behaviour and comments over the past fortnight would appear to not only confirm these conclusions, but to suggest his condition is deteriorating. There has been the appalling treatment of Harry Dunns parents, and his reference to his own great and unmatched wisdom. He sent a letter to the Turkish president, Recep Erdoan, warning him: Dont be a tough guy. Dont be a fool. I will call you later. On Wednesday, in a single press conference with the Italian president, Sergio Mattarella, he attacked Google, Amazon, Germany, France, Spain, his guest and the European Union, as well as several US intelligence and law enforcement officials.

Later that day, Democratic leaders walked out of a White House meeting with him after he continually insulted them. But not before he told House speaker Nancy Pelosi: I hate Isis more than you do, and claimed I captured Isis in one month.

As the threat of impeachment leaves him more isolated, and an election he may lose makes him more vulnerable, we can expect more bizarre behaviour and, consequently, more attempts to frame his actions as those of an unstable and unhinged despot. Such depictions are tempting. They should also be resisted.

Trumps state of mind is, of course, relevant. He is the commander-in-chief of the most powerful military forces in the world. He has the nuclear codes. He is impulsive and capricious. He lies constantly, unashamedly and apparently compulsively. It is deeply worrying that the executive powers of the presidency lie in the hands of a man who is at one and the same time so brittle, aggressive, vindictive, ridiculous and self-obsessed. His decision to abandon a longstanding ally in Kurdistan and pull US troops out of Syria, against all military advice, is a case in point.

But to reduce his presidency to this one man and his frail mind is to ignore how he got there, all he has said and done since he has been there, and how he remains there. (It also risks reducing mental health to a lazy slur.) Just because he believes he will go down in history as a great man doesnt mean we have to subscribe to the great man theory of history the theory which claims events are moulded not by ordinary people, social movements and economic processes, but by key individuals who stamp their will on the world through force of personality.

For along with Trumps personal frailties is a series of political characteristics that underpins his anomie. He is a misogynist, a racist, a xenophobe and a nationalist. Those are not psychological descriptors but political ones, fortified by systems and ideology.

As such, his behaviour has been irascible but hardly erratic. The rhetorical objects of his disdain are not random. He has not lashed out at the National Rifle Association, the religious right or white people. Politically, his tantrums invariably find their mark in the weak, the poor, the dark, the female, the Muslim, the marginalised and the foreigner. (He will attack powerful people, but not simply for existing. They must cross him first.)

These inclinations were clear when he stood for the presidency. He has been every bit as bigoted, undisciplined, indiscreet, thin-skinned and braggadocious as his campaign promised. And he won.

This was not because people didnt see those things, but because they either didnt care, cared about other things more, preferred him to the alternative, or simply didnt show up. As such, his victory marked a high point for the naked appeal of white supremacy in particular and rightwing populism in general, and a low point for the centre-left, neoliberal agenda.

True, he did not win the popular vote, but nonetheless close to 63 million people voted for him. True, his party lost the House of Representatives in the 2018 mid-term elections. But they also gained two seats in the Senate the first time the party holding the presidency has achieved that since 2002 in the wake of a synagogue shooting and mail-bomb attacks inspired by his rhetoric. True, more than half of the country wants to impeach him; but about 40% still approve of the job hes doing. The one thing that stands between him and impeachment is the party behind him in both houses.

Even his thuggish America first foreign policy stands as part of a tradition. In 1964, when the Greek ambassador tried to point out the shortcomings of the US plan to partition Cyprus, President Lyndon Johnson replied: Fuck your parliament and your constitution We pay a lot of good American dollars to the Greeks, Mr Ambassador. If your prime minister gives me talk about democracy, parliament and constitution he, his parliament and his constitution may not last long. He would never have put that in a letter. But three years later, Greece was under a brutal military junta backed by the US from which it did not emerge for seven years.

In other words, this particular form of insanity if that is what it is enjoys mass, if not majority, support, institutional defence and historical precedent. It is the mindset of more than just an individual. Trumps presence serves a purpose and interests. If he is a lone wolf, how do we explain the likes of Boris Johnson or Silvio Berlusconi, who share so many of his idiosyncratic traits, from accusations of sexual harassment to a cavalier attitude towards democratic norms and casual racism.

The great man of the age, wrote Friedrich Hegel using great to mean powerful rather than wonderful is the one who can put into words the will of his age, tell his age what its will is, and accomplish it. What he does is the heart and essence of his age; he actualises his age.

As such, in his desire to blame everyone but himself, in his lies, bullying, despotism, insecurity, ineptitude, cheating, scapegoating, preening self-regard, vanity and ignorance, Trump is an emblem of the free-market, white supremacist nationalism that is ascendant in this moment.

Ultimately there may be a medical or therapeutic intervention that can help him; but only a political intervention can help us get rid of him.

Gary Younge is a Guardian columnist

This article was amended on 18 October 2019 to correct an indiscrete/indiscreet homophone

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Donald Trumps sanity is not the question. The real issue is how he got into office - The Guardian

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While external factors of course have an impact on our motivation levels at work, the attitude we bring each day is self-determined. Attitude explains how someone fired from his own company might then become a business icon.

Based on my experience as both a professor and consultant, here are 10 behaviors and attitudes that help increase self-motivation and professional effectiveness:

1. Accept reality and others as they are. Self-motivation begins with having realistic and appropriate expectations of work and of those around you. Instead of demanding that circumstances conform to your wishes, accept them as they are and, from that point, find room for improvement.

2. Know yourself and accept that you have strengths and weaknesses. Sometimes we seem to think that making a mistake is intolerable in a good professional, that it leads to disaster. But if we do not come to terms with our own fallibility, we end up piling on frustration and missing out on opportunities for improvement. Being aware of your own strengths and weaknesses allows you to be more effective and may save you from a downward spiral of low self-esteem. Acknowledge your mistakes, but also appreciate your successes.

3. Don't complain. Imagine you own a fast-food franchise and a bad batch of meat is discovered in another location of the same chain. You have done nothing wrong, but your business will be affected. In this situation, a franchise owner could either complain about the stroke of bad luck or be proactive and establish concrete measures to minimize the negative impact of the news. Complaining solves nothing while focusing our attention on that which we cannot control.

4. Appreciate what you have and be grateful. "Psychological hedonism" is a mental mechanism by which we accustom ourselves with astonishing ease to the progress of our work and then no longer appreciate this progress. We must make a pointed effort to pay attention to the positive, to what is working well. When we emphasize what we lack rather than what we have, we can end up discouraged.

5. Bring a positive attitude to your task. A business study showed that positive, optimistic salespeople billed 90 percent more than those saddled with negativity. And that is because the attitude with which we handle a situation or task influences the final result. In other words, if you go to a party thinking it will be boring, you probably won't have much fun, as your initial attitude will make it more difficult. Now, do not confuse positivity with naivet or a lack of realism.

6. Set relevant goals and challenges. According to the goal-setting theory of Edwin Locke, we are motivated when we perceive that our goals can be achieved and will involve considerable effort. Also, we are more motivated by more relevant goals. Therefore, important goals goals that provide something of value to others are more inspiring than an intrinsic objective (e.g., professional development) or extrinsic one (e.g., a raise or promotion).

7. Imbue what you do with meaning. Given the same task, one worker may just carry stones while another helps build a building. Going to work each morning to get paid is not the same as going to serve the community and develop personally. It's about finding important motives for doing what we do and giving our best to the task. A full life is not dependent on our occupation, but our ability make our actions matter.

8. Be proactive. When we take decisive action at work, rather than sit back as spectators, we take on more ownership and feel more motivated.

9. Raise hopes and rely on responsibility. The key to motivation is not so much doing just what we like, but instead pouring the most enthusiasm into what we have to do. And when enthusiasm fades, take responsibility to carry on.

10. Be persistent and persevere. If we give up when faced with obstacles, we head into a negative feedback loop being discouraged, with sapped enthusiasm, making us less likely to achieve our goals. Trying to overcome obstacles is, in itself, a motivating force. Determination and perseverance in tough times are the way to rekindle motivation.

While we cannot control everything around us, we can control our own attitudes and behaviors to our own circumstances. As such, following the ten principals outlined above can help us improve our motivation in all aspects of our lives both professional and personal.

By Pablo Maella, Senior Lecturer of Managing People in Organizations, IESE Business School

Read this article:
Ten Ways To Increase Your Motivation At Work - Forbes

"Can you bring the washing in? It's starting to rain," you ask with your head in the oven as you check on the lasagne.

"Yeah, in a minute," he says from the couch, staring at his phone.

"Don't worry, I'll do it then," you say with a small huff. It's just easier to do it yourself.

What's this story about?

Even if you haven't really heard about the "gender gap" or "mental load", if you're a woman in a heterosexual relationship then you probably know what they are.

To explore these issues and how you might resolve them, we've put together a "choose your own adventure" that puts you in the story and lets you play out a common scenario and see how, or if, it changes depending on what you choose.

You can follow it just as a bit of a story, or you can take some tips and try it out in real life. It's really up to you.

You come back in with the washing basket of slightly damp clothes. He's still on the couch scrolling on his phone.

You start to hang the clothes out on the clothes horse, then stop to go get the lasagne out before it burns.

As you walk back to the oven, you notice the house plants look limp and make a mental note to water them, adding the task to the rest of what you've got to do tonight; book the dog in to see the vet, do the washing up, iron your clothes for tomorrow, research new car insurance options and is that report due tomorrow or Thursday? You'd better check.

While you're planning out your to-do list, you notice the power bill stuck on the fridge was due two days ago.

"Hey, did you pay the power bill?" you ask.

"Oh, damn. Sorry I forgot. I'll do it tomorrow can you remind me?" he says.

"I'll just pay it now," you snap, getting the bank app up on your phone.

"What's with the attitude? I said I'll do it, just leave it. You need to relax," he says.

Relax? How can you relax when you have to keep track of everything all the time? You start to see red and know you're about to blow up.

The ABC's Australia Talks National Survey reveals that when it comes to little jobs around the house, plenty of women are over it. In fact, 44 per cent of women surveyed say they would be happier if they spent less time running errands and doing chores, compared to 32 per cent of men.

We asked 54,000 people about their lives. See what they told us and how you compare.

We often hear about the gender gap in the context of the workforce (we all know men get paid more than women, right?), but data shows it's just as prevalent in the home.

Despite women working in paid employment more than they have in the past, they're still doing more of the household chores, life admin and running around after kids (if you've got them).

The 2019 HILDA Survey breaks the "female-male housework gap" down clearly.

If you are a woman in a childless couple earning the same money, you are likely doing four hours more housework per week than your male partner.

An equal-earning couples with kids? Women are doing seven hours more housework per week, plus an extra seven hours of childcare.

Even if you are the breadwinner in a family with kids, you are probably doing five hours more housework and eight hours more childcare than your partner.

And research shows men enjoy more leisure time than women, which perhaps explains what they're doing instead.

On top of that, women are often the ones to remember when the bills are due, the kid or the dog needs its vaccinations, and to remind their partner of the things they need to do.

That stuff is sometimes called the the mental load; the organising, list-making and planning that you do to manage your life and the life of those dependent on you.

And here's the thing, being the boss of your own household might sound like a powerful role, but it doesn't exactly help you build a rsum and get a promotion, and it means you have less time to look after yourself.

It can also impact how your partner feels about themselves. You probably don't mean to, but telling someone what to do, or taking control all the time, can send the message that they're not good enough.

Like what you're reading? Sign up forthe ABC Life newsletter to see more

While almost half of the Australians surveyed in the ABC's Australia Talks National Survey consider themselves to be feminists, one in five think our society would be better off if more women stayed home with their children.

And one in three Aussies think changing expectations around gender roles have made life more difficult for men, including 44 per cent of men themselves.

So how do we improve things?

It sounds cliche, but talking about it can be important especially with your partner.

Inequity in roles can cause both stress and resentment, which can erode a sense of wellbeing and relationship satisfaction.

Starting a conversation about the mental load can help even things up between a couple, and can bring you closer together.

If you're both keeping track of household chores and sharing the work, you'll both have more time to devote to each other and less time feeling resentful or downtrodden.

There is also research that domestic fairness is positively correlated to a better sex life! Who doesn't want that?

For bigger picture stuff, breaking out of traditional gender roles helps everybody, not just women.

And the more we break down those gender roles and have real conversations that lead to action, the more society can begin to reflect equality and respect for everyone, regardless of gender.

We spoke with a wide range of psychologists, social workers and therapists who all work in the field of relationships while putting this guide together.

Special thanks goes to Relationships Australia NSW CEO Elisabeth Shaw, relationship counsellor Paul Gale-Baker, couple and family therapist Jacqueline McDiarmid, psychologist Annie Cantwell-Bart and Lee Town, director of Anger Management Institute Australia.

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What do you do when you're sick of carrying the mental load for your household? - ABC News

After record-breaking heat over the summer, many have been looking forward to autumn, but not those of us bracing ourselves for seasonal affective disorder, a major recurrent depressive disorder that causes and exacerbates episodes of depression annually.

An estimated 10 million Americans are affected by it, and the disorder is most common in women ages 18-30, according to Psychology Today.

If youre already prone to depressive tendencies the rest of the year, you too may be bracing yourself for less sunlight and less warmth. It might not help that this year, the fall colors are expected to be less vibrant here in Northeast Tennessee.

Seasonal affective disorder, or SAD (an appropriate acronym, might I add), is usually most prevalent in the winter months of December, January and February due to the colder weather and shorter days, but many experience a decline in energy and motivation as early as October.

Much of this has to do with the lack of sunlight as the days get shorter, which causes our brains to produce more melatonin, a hormone that makes us sleepy and lethargic. As this is happening, our brains produce less serotonin, the hormone responsible for managing stress and mood balance.

According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, the symptoms of the winter blues often include increased suicidal thoughts, change in appetite, irritability, oversleeping, decreased physical activity, a heavy feeling in the limbs, hypersensitivity to social rejection, general dysphoria and more.

Treatment options can include some combination of light therapy, vitamin D supplementation, antidepressant medications (in serious cases) and counseling. Mental health experts recommend trying to stay physical while taking advantage of available sunlight whenever possible. Its also important to plan pleasurable activities with friends whenever possible.

Two years ago, when I touched on the topic with East Tennessee State University psychology professor Julia Dodd, I was bracing myself for a change in my own mood. She also recommended staying busy to maintain a positive attitude and resist the tendency to self-isolate.

Some of the ways to ward that (SAD) off is to make sure youre staying active, staying involved socially, doing the things you enjoy and getting out of the house as much as possible, Dodd said.

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Understanding seasonal affective disorder - Johnson City Press (subscription)

MONTREAL Nick Seeler has gotten quite familiar with NHL press boxes the past couple of weeks. Thats what happens when you dont play. As the Wild have stumbled to a 1-5-0 start, Seeler has been relegated to watching from above as Carson Soucy has taken his minutes on the blue line.

Its been really difficult, said Seeler, a 26-year-old from Eden Prairie. I love to compete and help the team in any way I can, and when Im not in its obviously hard to do that.

After two weeks of waiting, Seeler was back in the lineup for Thursday nights game against the Montreal Canadiens. It is his first time playing since the season opener against the Nashville Predators, and he was eager to prove his worth to coach Bruce Boudreau.

Just compete and play simple, said Seeler, who played one season with the Gophers, in 2015-16. You dont have to do too much out there.

Thats the key to Seelers success.

Hes never going to be Ryan Suter or Matt Dumba, leading a rush up the ice, dancing on defenders in the neutral zone. The 6-foot-2, 200-pounder makes his money by being hard to play against and bringing some added toughness when needed.

Just stay composed and play my game, Seeler said. Thats what Im looking to do.

It should help that Seelers composure has been tested over the past two weeks. Instead of complaining about playing time, Seeler has made a point to stay after practice, working with assistant coach Bob Woods to make sure hes ready the next time he got back in the lineup.

Just trying to keep a positive attitude and be a good teammate, Seeler said. Theres ups and downs whenever (something like this) happens. Its just a mental thing. It can be draining being out of the lineup for that many games. As long as you stay mentally strong and persevere and work through it and try to have a good attitude every day, I think that makes it easier.

Backup goaltender Alex Stalock got the nod for Thursdays game, and while he always brings added flair with his willingness to play the puck, sometimes it gives Boudreau heart palpitations on the bench.

I think hes bored in the net, Boudreau said, joking. He just likes to play the puck all the time. Hes good at it and yet he scares me to death.

As nerve-wracking as it might be, Boudreau noted that he would never tell Stalock to change his playing style.

Thats in his blood, the coach said. If you tell him not to do it, thats really taking away part of his game.

Marcus Foligno leads the Wild with 32 hits this season. He trails only Ryan Reaves, who leads the league with 37 hits.

That physical style of play is something Wild might have to embrace even more considering they likely will be slower on the skates than most teams this season.

We have to have it because we have to be able to slow teams down that are faster than us, Boudreau said. Youve got to be able to skate with them or slow them down with hits, and Marcus has done a great job so far.

After playing in the past two games, Victor Rask did not participate in Thursdays morning skate. He is dealing with a lower-body injury, according to Boudreau, though the severity of the injury is unclear.

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Wilds Nick Seeler finally takes the ice after two weeks of watching, waiting - St. Paul Pioneer Press

A few intriguing studies suggest that a youthful frame of mind can have a powerful effect. When scientists trick older people into feeling younger, most tend to instantly become more capable. In a 2013 experiment by Dr. Stephan and colleagues, for example, peoples grip strength significantly improved after they were told that they were stronger than most people their age. A Chinese study published last November in the journal Aging & Mental Health found that people performed better on a memory task after being told they were sharper than others their age.

Whether these findings translate into real-world situations, however, is uncertain. In a 2018 German study, investigators asked people in their 60s, 70s and early 80s how old they felt, then measured their walking speed in two settings. Participants walked 20 feet in the laboratory while being observed and timed. They also wore belts containing an accelerometer while out and about in their daily lives. Those who reported feeling younger tended to walk faster during the lab assessment. But feeling younger had no impact on their walking speed in real life. Instead, the researchers found, the ones who walked faster were those who walked the most.

What makes subjective age such a powerful predictor? Dr. Stephan believes that people possess intuitive information about their physical abilities, mental sharpness and emotional stability, all of which gets distilled into a single meaningful number.

But critics assert that for many, subjective age simply reflects cultural obsessions with youth. People cultivate a younger identity to fend off stereotypes of frailty and senility, said David Weiss, a life span psychologist at the University of Leipzig. If old age werent negatively valued, you wouldnt have the need to say that you feel younger, he said.

Indeed, in cultures where elders are respected for their wisdom and experience, people dont even understand the concept of subjective age, he said. When a graduate student of Dr. Weisss did research in Jordan, the people he spoke with would say, Im 80. I dont know what you mean by How old do I feel?

Paradoxically, older people may hold warm feelings for their generation even as they feel distaste for people their age. In a 2012 experiment, Dr. Weiss and a colleague divided 104 people aged 65 to 88 into two groups. Everyone had to complete five sentences, but one group was asked to describe people their age, while the other was asked about their generation.

The first group wrote things like People of my age are afraid and worry about the future and People of my age often talk about their illnesses. The generation-oriented group displayed a stronger sense of empowerment and meaning. They wrote things like People of my generation were the 68ers who founded a more civil society, a reference to the student protest movements of the late 1960s, and People of my generation should pass on their life experience to the youth. One way to combat internalized ageism, Dr. Weiss suggests, is to identify with ones generation.

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Youre Only as Old as You Feel - The New York Times

You are who you associate yourself with

That's what I discovered through my "Rich Habits" study, in which I spent five years interviewing and researching the daily activities, habits and traits of 233 wealthy individuals (with at least $160,000 in annual gross income and $3.2 million in net assets) and 128 low-income individuals (with at least $35,000 in annual gross income and $5,000 in liquid assets).

It's human nature to associate ourselves with like-minded people with whom we feel the most comfortable.

The ultra wealthy and successful, however, are a lot more selective when it comes to who they allow into their inner circle. Nearly all of the self-made millionaires I interviewed said one of their top priorities was cultivating "rich relationships" and avoiding the "toxic" ones.

It's important to note that a "rich relationship" is defined by mindset, rather than wealth.

In other words, individuals who contribute to rich relationships don't necessarily have big bank accounts (though they do know how to save money and don't spend recklessly), but they all have lofty goals and aspirations and they spend much of their time trying to achieve them.

"I limit my exposure to toxic, negative people," one individual in the wealthy group of my study told me. "Some of them may bring you down and infect you with their negativity, which can undermine your ability to creatively find solutions to problems and overcome obstacles."

And it makes sense, doesn't it? Those with a positive attitude are better able to stay focused on seeking and finding solutions to their problems. Positivity can make you a problem-solver, whereas negativity can make you a problem-finder.

Based on my research, individuals who contribute to rich relationships have at least one or several of the following traits:

As for the people who often contribute to "toxic relationships," they usually have a very pessimistic view on everything and a "poor, poor me" attitude. They rarely take any sort of responsibility for the circumstances in life.

Those in the wealthy group essentially see their relationships as trees: in order for their roots to grow, they must be nurtured.

Even billionaires Bill Gates and Warren Buffett agree that by choosing the right group of friends, you can push yourself to achieve bigger professional goals. "You will move in the direction of the people that you associate with," Buffett once said.

Making sure the relationship thrives and continues to do so over time takes a lot of work and commitment. Here are the four most common things the self-made millionaires in my study did every day to deepen and maintain their rich relationships:

We are only as successful as the people we spend the most time with. If you want to create and grow your wealth, you have to evaluate each of your relationships and determine whether it's rich or toxic.

Tom Corley is an accountant, financial planner and author of "Rich Kids: How to Raise Our Children to Be Happy and Successful in Life" and "Rich Habits: The Daily Success Habits of Wealthy Individuals."

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This is the No. 1 habit self-made millionaires shareand it's also the most overlooked, says money expert - CNBC

THERE is a theory that a majority of Scots voted No in the 2014 independence referendum because as a nation we lack the self-confidence needed to take matters into our own hands. Believing in ourselves and being willing to portray an image of success doesnt always come naturally to us. It is why we specialise in self-deprecation and cast a suspicious eye at anyone considered acting above their station.

It perhaps also partially explains a lack of recent success on the sporting front. Despite the proliferation of sports psychologists and the recent fad for visualisation and mental stimulus techniques, you do sometimes wonder if our athletes really genuinely believe they deserve to be on the same level as the best in the world. Drilling deep into the Scots psyche to discover more on this would surely be an instructive but time-consuming exercise.

Recent national performances in our two most popular sports - football and rugby - have been largely lamentable. The mens football team have struggled for so long now that the country has almost become inured to their failures. An entire generation or two have known nothing but a world where Scotland doesnt compete at major events.

The womens team have offered some sunshine among the gloom but even their recent World Cup adventure ended in the sort of catastrophic fashion their male colleagues appear to have patented. Throwing away a three-goal lead in a decisive match before a finger-pointing post-mortem after a few drinks felt typically Scottish.

Rugby has offered little respite. Having pushed to be given the opportunity to qualify for a World Cup quarter-final place in the aftermath of a typhoon, it was Scotland who ended up being blown away. Japan showed national spirit and determination in droves as their visitors meekly capitulated. Ah well, a nation shrugged. Never mind.

It is in danger of becoming a vicious cycle. The lack of success on the international front not only damages those involved but has a detrimental effect on those coming after them, looking for inspiration.

Where are the role models? Who should young Scots be looking to emulate? Is it any surprise that many younger football fans prefer to pull on the shirts of Belgium, Brazil or France rather than their own? These, after all, are the countries their heroes play for.

The few who have broken the trend by succeeding at world level have done so by detaching from that debilitating Scottish cringe. Andy Murray may be self-deprecating and self-effacing away from tennis but on court his sense of belief has always been unshakeable.

Born in Scotland but nurtured in Barcelona, his confidence and desire to prove himself rather than worry what others may think seems almost un-Scottish. His tenacity to keep playing when the end seemed nigh was another indication of his unique mental strength. We should cherish him while we can as there may not be another like him for quite some time.

Josh Taylor is another blessed with the requisite focus and self-confidence to compete with the best. Scotlands only current boxing world champion faces his toughest test to date next Saturday when he takes on Regis Prograis in the final of the Muhammad Ali Trophy.

Self-belief is a vital component in any boxers make-up but Taylors calm assurance doesnt seem in any way contrived or artificial. If he could transplant that attitude into some of his compatriots then perhaps Scotland could go back to enjoying wider sporting success.

Nostalgia is rarely an accurate barometer for comparing eras but, growing up in the 1980s and 1990s, we never seemed short of national heroes. It proves that being Scottish need not be a barrier to success. As a nation we just need to somehow find a way to get that gallus swagger back again.

TALKING of boxing.there was sad news earlier this week when Patrick Day became the fourth fighter this year to lose his life as a result of injuries sustained in the ring. The Americans death has again promoted calls from brain injury charities and others for the sport to be banned.

It is a natural reaction to what many will consider an entirely avoidable outcome. And it is easy to see why opponents see it as an illogical, dangerous and often barbaric pastime.

But to throw the towel in on boxing completely would be an overreaction to a still mercifully rare tragedy. The argument that even a solitary death in the sporting arena is one too many is a strong one but misses the point when it comes to boxing.

Day and the others who sadly lost their lives this year stepped voluntarily and willingly into the ring every time. There was no conscription required.

There are a myriad reasons why boxers take up the sport to get fit, to scratch a competitive itch, in search of fame and fortune or simply for the visceral thrill of it all but all do so of their own free will and mindful of the dangers they face while doing so.

It takes a certain kind of bravery to step into a ring knowing there will be someone standing just a few feet away intent on delivering relentless physical damage to your wellbeing until one of you can stand it no longer.

But those who have tragically succumbed to their injuries all willingly accepted that risk to participate in a sport they loved.

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Nation can learn from Andy Murray and Josh Taylor in bid to rediscover gallus swagger - HeraldScotland