Laura Montgomery is speaking with a matter of factness that betrays the content of her words. She could be talking about the weather or her favourite food but instead she is speaking about the death of her partner of 16 years, Kat Lindner.

Psychologists might call it compartmentalisation of grief. Whatever, Montgomery freely admits she is merely finding a way of coping. Her days are spent blocking out the noise. Her role as head of sales and sponsorship at Hibernian occupies her for six days a week; her remaining time is spent immersed in running Glasgow City Football Club, the team she founded 21 years ago. But she is living a half-existence these days, like a spectator watching a macabre drama about her own life.

Montgomery is angry. Not at Lindner, who had suffered for much of her life from depression, but the circumstances behind her death, now the subject of an inquiry.

She took her own life, she says quietly.

The very difficult thing for me is that she was in hospital at the time. And that still happened. Thats hard for me because when youre in hospital, thats when you think somebody is safe. Shed attempted to take her own life the week before and it was really emotional for both of us and so for her to actually take her own life when I thought she was safe and being looked after was very difficult for me.

We were so in love we were so great together. And that makes me so angry, I dont get why I cant have had that forever. The last thing Kat and I said to each other was that we loved each other and we kissed each other. So I dont have any regrets in that respect.

February 9 this year has left an indelible mark on Montgomery. It was the moment time stopped and simultaneously carried on. Almost every day since that fateful night, Montgomery returns to the house in Glasgow she shared with Lindner. It is filled with her things, their things. There is barely a corner of their home that doesnt possess a frame with a photograph of the pair together.

Montgomery suspects people who visit think she has put these pictures up in the months since Lindners death but that couldnt be further from the truth. Everything in their house is exactly as it was the day she died. The 43-year-old has been unable to bring herself to move a single item. Every cupboard remains untouched, with Lindners clothes and belongings just as they were when she was admitted to hospital in February. There are reminders of Lindners life everywhere.

Theres probably not a day I dont lie on the floor and cry my eyes out, she says.

Its very difficult. Im not going to deny that Kat was my everything and I miss her terribly. Its by far the most devastating thing to ever happen to me because Kat was the love of my life. The past few years, it had been really difficult to see her get so ill but she was the most amazing, beautiful, intelligent person.

You could say that, given whats happened, Im fortunate that Ive got a very full-on job so I dont really have a minute, I dread to think if I did have a minute.

If Im honest, I just survive now. Im the opposite of Kat mentally Im really upbeat and really positive. But Ive found Ive been really low with this, as you can imagine. I dont really enjoy life now. Im not suicidal or anything but I used to look forward to every day Id be one of those people who would scream in the shower for no particular reason, just because I was excited and I dont do that anymore.

Im sure if there was an expert hearing me speak theyd say its not sustainable. And Im sure its not sustainable. But I dont know what else to do.

The pair met in the late-90s, when they faced each other during a set of friendly matches; a long-distance relationship then followed with Lindner turning down the offer of a scholarship at Penn University to move to Glasgow to be with Montgomery in 2005. There was no other club she was going to join than Montgomerys beloved City.

Montgomery recalls buying Lindner, a highly-respected academic, a pair of adidas Predator football boots when she arrived in Scotland. The German was puzzled by the gesture, assuming her new club would provide her equipment until Montgomery pointed out to Lindner that she would have to pay 40 a month in subs just to get a game for City. She would go on to become one of the clubs all-time greats, winning five league titles, two Scottish Cups and two League Cups and scoring 128 goals in 173 games in the process.

Kat was one of the best players ever to play for Glasgow City, if not one of the best players to play in Scotland. She means a lot to a lot of people who played with her. Its been really emotional for the club because of her legendary status, Montgomery said

Because of Kats illness over the past few years, Ive not been able to give the club the focus that I used to quite rightfully, because Kat was the most important person to me. Glasgow City was secondary to me and Id have got rid of it when Kat was ill, I thought of doing that many times actually and I looked to see how it could continue without me because I started to resent that it was taking time away from being with Kat.

But now, Im glad Ive got it because if I didnt, I wouldnt have anything to focus on. Im now back to where I used to be in trying to drive things forward. The support Ive got from the club has been brilliant and Scott (Booth) has been brilliant, hes been very understanding of the situation.

It wasnt just on the football pitch that Lindner excelled, however. A lecturer at Stirling University, she was published in a number of academic journals but she was equally comfortable as a confidante and counsel in her professional life in spite of her own struggles. It is a crumb of comfort that Montgomery clings to even if there is a sobering contradiction that the person who has gone has no concept of how highly valued they were.

Ive had people tell me that Kat was helping them through difficult times and they had no idea she was going through such a tough time herself. And Ive had so many beautiful letters from her students saying she was the most amazing, caring, insightful, informative teacher who made a difficult subject easy, she said.

What frustrates me is that when someone suffers from ill health, theyve got no idea how important and valued they are in the world. And how loved they are. Kat was respected and loved by so many people but she could not take that in at all. Thats really difficult when someone is so ill, you tell them but they cant feel it, they just dont believe it.

I dont want Kat to ever be forgotten. Scottish Womens Football are having an award in her honour now and there are other awards and things being named after her. When someone passes away, everyone is really kind and thoughtful but my fear is that people go on with their lives but I dont want people to forget about her.

There was never, it appears, one particular moment that triggered Lindners depression, instead it was, it seems, more like an ongoing battle that had to be fought daily.

Montgomery does, though, sometimes wonder if Lindners illness had been caught right at the beginning of their relationship, could it all have been different?

She suffered really badly in the last few years of her life particularly. With hindsight, she did have challenges her whole life. Did either of us really notice or know what they were? Probably no. I remember when she was in the States, Id send her things about having a positive mental attitude and I knew that she was approaching things in a different way to the way I would but we were young, you dont know what that means or what it is, she reveals.

In the last few years of her life, she realised she was a high-functioning individual theres a number of things that combined to make Kat as ill as she was but it all stemmed from being such an extremely high achiever.

If you only ever get 100 percent, you dont really enjoy it anymore. And if you dont get 100 percent one time, it feels like a failure. The level of Kats ability was incredible she got basically 100 percent the entire way through university and so the pressure on you with that is huge.

What makes me want to kick myself was looking back 15 years, all those tiny little things, if Id been a bit more mature and intelligent, and had any clue what those tiny things might have been, we maybe could have sought help all those years ago.

At the time, Kat would have said there was nothing wrong but with hindsight, there was. Thats my only regret, thinking we could maybe have changed things. But when I think about our years together, I know that Kat was the love of my life and that love we had has shaped the person I have become. If I cant have a life with her, I couldnt have asked for anything better than that.

Originally posted here:
Laura Montgomery: Kat was my everything and I miss her terribly - HeraldScotland

British sailor Alex Thomson says tales of Leicesters shock Premier League title success have aided his ongoing mental preparation for the worlds toughest yacht race.

Skipper Thomson is set to embark on a maiden competitive voyage aboard the 5.5million boat he hopes can end his wait for glory in the solo, around-the-world Vendee Globe.

The 45-year-old, who on Sunday begins the double-handed Transat Jacques Vabre (TJV) warm-up event from France to Brazil, regularly works with psychologist Ken Way to focus and train his mind.

Way was part of Claudio Ranieris backroom staff when the Foxes defied 5000/1 odds to be crowned champions in 2016, and Thomson has taken plenty of inspiration from stories of one of sports most unexpected triumphs.

Weve talked about that quite a lot, learnt lots of interesting stuff out of it, Thomson told the PA news agency.

It reinforces the ability that Ken has when people buy into the thinking and the possibility of making gains through your mental attitude and mental techniques to improve your sport.

I think in this particular case with what we do, there are so many tools, so many possibilities to make improvements, so its a really fascinating subject.

For me, the Vendee is as much a mental game as a physical, maybe even more so. Training your mind and I cant understand why you wouldnt do it its an absolute no-brainer.

But each to their own. I very much enjoy working with Ken and find what we work out not only helps me with the race but helps me be a better human being, so its all good.

The 4,350-mile TJV, sponsored by a French coffee company, follows a former trading route, beginning in the Normandy port of Le Havre before crossing the equator to finish in the Brazilian city of Salvador.

It will provide the first test of Thomsons latest custom-built Hugo Boss boat, named after his teams principal sponsor and christened on the river Thames last month.

Gosport-based Thomson, who will compete alongside former Olympic sailor Neal McDonald, capsized off the north coast of Spain and was airlifted to safety the last time he entered the TJV.

With the long-term aim of becoming the first non-French winner of the gruelling non-stop Vendee Globe the next edition of which starts in November 2020 his primary objectives during the forthcoming fortnight are a safe passage to South America and developing a greater understanding of his new vessel.

Its about the bigger picture. Thats the main thing. If we can avoid a big problem and get to the finish, thats the first objective, said Thomson, who finished second in the 2016-17 Vendee and third in 2012-13.

The second objective is to make sure we get enough information to inform the next choices that we want to make, the next developments.

These are prototype boats, there are always little niggles and stuff to improve and stuff that doesnt quite work from the very beginning.

If you think about Formula One, the cars are launched and by the end of the season they are completely different because they are being developed and changed all the time to try and make then go faster and thats exactly the same for us.

We expect in a years time we will be 10 or 15 per cent faster than we are now.

See the rest here:
Thomson inspired by Leicester title triumph as he seeks Vendee Globe glory - Lancashire Telegraph

In some ways, as Ben Gordon splashed a three-pointer inside the Bulls practice facility recently, it felt like 2004 again.

At his playing weight of 198 pounds and with his chiseled torso, one could argueGordon lookedthe part. The jumper was pure, too.

But the gray in Gordons goatee is one hint that his playing days are behind him if the sight of his 8-year-old son merrily shooting at another basket hadn't already given it away.

And then Gordon speaks, calmly and matter-of-factly, his words jarring anyone strolling down memory lane back to reality.

I remember being literally, like, suicidal at one point, Gordon said. Unless youve been through that, its a really strange place to be.

Gordon visited many strange places as his 11-year NBA career came to an unceremonious end in 2015. He was waived by the Magic and Warriors. He was arrested three separate times in 2017. TMZ released a video of Gordon using threatening language to acquaintances he believed were stealing his business ideas. He was hospitalized for a psychiatric evaluation following an incident (in which he was not charged) at a business he owned in New York.

In short, he was a long way from the calm, quiet force who made a career of rising to the occassionduring the most chaotic moments. Still the only rookie in NBA history to win Sixth Man of the Year back in 2005,Gordon had descended into darkness.

Im not there anymore, Gordon said. Going to multiple professional therapists, Ive resolved that. Ive left that place.

I learned to understand who I was as a failure. This was the first time in my life where I ever failed. I won a state championship in high school and college. I always had good fortune. I was skilled.

Before therapy, I was difficult to be around. Some of my relationships were tarnished. Bridges were not burned, but damaged. I was in an unfamiliar place with myself. I finally said, Dont fight it. Learn about yourself in this space. And I learned a lot. I realized I was bulls****ing a lot about a lot of things. I learned to do the opposite of what I was doing.

And where do you get the willpower to do that? I started to return to what made me me. Going to the gym every day. Getting shots up every day. Lifting weights every day. Doing things Ive been doing my whole life. I was like, Let me just start there.

So Gordon did. At a very unfamiliar 230 pounds, Gordon returned to the structured and disciplined lifestyle that defined his five years with the Bulls a tenurethat still resonates fondly with many fans.

The more I did that, the more clarity I got, he said. My relationships started to get better. When you get depressed, its almost like you catch amnesia and you forget who you are and you become this new unfamiliar person to everybody.

And I wasnt depressed because I was an unhappy person. I was depressed because I had these great gifts. I put in all these hours of work. And now I cant use it anywhere. That made me feel like, Damn, whats my purpose? Im a very goal-oriented person. I didnt have any goals. With no structure, I lost my control.

As he shed pounds, Gordons identity started to return. Now 36 and with his legal issues quieted, he has started setting new workout challenges for himself. How much of his former athleticism could he regain? Could he windmill dunk again?

Throughout this process, Gordon visited his therapist weekly. He watched from afar as current NBA stars like Kevin Love and DeMar DeRozan publicly revealed their struggles with anxiety and depression. This week, Proviso West product and Timberwolves forward Robert Covington talked to the Minneapolis Star-Tribune about the value of therapy.

But even if mental health doesn't become as much a part of the discourse surrounding NBA as three-point shooting, Gordon is comfortable addressing the subject. In fact, he wants to find a documentary filmmaker to help him get his message of healing and recovery out to more people.

I dont understand why people feel embarrassed to talk about going through bad stuff. To me, I feel very empowered. I walk around with a sense of renewed personal strength, Gordon said. When my issues were in the media, some people would say, Ah, look, Ben Gordon is going crazy. Hes broke. Ha, ha. Why is it so amusing when somebody is going through depression when its really a serious issue?

I talk about my depression to people, and not to defend what I went through. Im doing [it] to share what Ive learned about the human mind and body when its stressed. Im speaking from a place of experience. Im very educated on the topic.

Thats why I want to do a documentary where Im talking about all my demons. I feel that would be therapeutic to certain people. I want to show people the fruits of the labor of figuring out a very difficult thing youve gone through. I didnt cut corners in the healing aspect of what you have to go through to get back to being your normal self or a better version of yourself.

Staying in this place is obviously Gordons goal. Before his ascent from such depths, Gordon didnt necessarily view seeking professional help favorably.

I was like many in the black community who were like, Therapy? No, Im not talking to anybody about my problems. Im going to internalize it, be strong and do it myself. And I learned that type of attitude is only really good when youre doing something competitively and trying to push yourself. Youre trying to create an edge so you create this thick skin, Gordon said. But when you need help, you need a professional. If youre in therapy and in denial, youre never going to get anything out of it because youre not going to open up.

I went through all these phases like, I dont want to go to therapy. OK, Im in therapy. Oh, its not that bad. Oh, you know what? I like therapy now. What helped me is I started listening to what I was saying and I could really sort out my thoughts. Once I was able to do that, I was like, Yo, BG, you have to be more accountable.

Gordon worked to restore personal relationships. He vowed to repair any damage done to his beloved hometown of Mount Vernon, NY,where he opened a holistic wellness center and sports rehabilitation facility that is now shuttered. Gordon has long given back to his community with free clinics, autograph sessions and barbecues. A playground is named after him there.

Gordon played 25 games with the Texas Legends of the G League in 2016-17. In a conversation with NBC Sports Chicago that lasted over an hour, he alternated between acceptance that his career is over and acknowledgement that the game has shifted to even more fully match his strengths of shotmaking and offensive flow.

Its a weird space to be in, Gordon admitted. I could be doing this but theres not really a platform for me to do it. People ask about playing in the Big3. I dont want to play 3-on-3 basketball. I didnt work hard to do that. Its like settling or being desperate. I can play in the Big3 when Im 50.

But Im enjoying helping other players when I can. Thats more fulfilling than being desperate. I dont miss the game in that way. I work out every day. I get my fix every day. If I make 10 threesin a row, that does something for my self-esteem. I feel good. I got better at something I love to do. That part is fulfilling.

Even the fact Gordon visited the Advocate Center as a welcomed guest is a sign of progress. For many years, Gordon harbored some resentment towards the Bulls organizationover how his contract negotiations led to a messy exit to the Pistons in 2009. With his son living in the area, he splits his time between Chicago, New York and California.

To keep busy outside of parenthood, Gordon works out and trains those who ask him to, and ishappy to share his knowledge. He talks about possibly getting into coaching in a player development role or reviving his rehabilitation center in Mount Vernon.

For now, his life has returned to calmness.

Ive become more comfortable not being wanted by an NBA team. Im at peace with my career, Gordon said. The reason why I wasnt around the last two years is I couldnt be in this environment. That would trigger me. But now Im at a point where I resolved so many things and changed my perspective on so many things that nothing bothers me anymore. I know what my triggers are now.

Im how I always was, peaceful and focused. My son sees it the most. My Mom sees it the most. Im able to pour into players I work with because Ive done what I needed to do. I couldnt help players before because I wasnt myself. Just being through all that stuff and proving to yourself you can overcome it, its empowering. I feel great.

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline provides 24/7 support for people in distress. If you or anyone you know is ever in need, their number is 1-800-273-8255.

HeadStrong: Mental Health in Sports will premiere right here on NBC Sports Chicago on November 9th, immediately following Blackhawks PostGame Live. Its all part of a month-long campaign this network is undertaking for the month of November in partnership with the Movember foundation to bring attention to mens health issues.

Though men are certainly not alone in struggling with mental health, men are three-to-five times more likely to commit suicide than women. Watch for HeadStrong and a compelling series of more than thirty digital shorts in November.

Go to http://www.nbcsports.com/headstrong for a special extended version of this trailer and more information on times and airdates.

Original post:
After years of struggle, Ben Gordon has found his calm - NBCSports.com

Warning: This article contains content relating to attempted suicide.

I cant quite remember if it happened on a Monday or a Tuesday, but I do know that the night I tried to commit suicide felt like it went on forever. The house was empty, I was sixteen-years-old. After raiding the alcohol cabinet and filling up on spirits, I scoured the medicine cabinet for painkillers, then stuck a note to the TV for my mum. It read something along the lines of Ive gone to bed early, please dont wake me up when you get home. I started to swallow down the pills, because Id hit rock bottom after a break-up.

The relationship with Jamie*, my first ever boyfriend, had ended because hed slept with multiple other people and I found out after a friend overheard him bragging. For three years, wed been a highly volatile and terrible match. But at the same time, Jamie was charismatic, funny and knew how to please a crowd and at that point of my life, he was all Id ever known in terms of romantic relationships. Because of his good qualities, he was popular, and we had a lot of mutual friends. Friends who suddenly alienated me following the split, so the loss was a double whammy, and I felt totally alone.

Photographer: Maria Jose Roda GarciaGetty Images

After taking handfuls of pills and washing them down with alcohol, I called Jamie and scream-cried nonsense down the phone. He told me, hilariously (in retrospect), that he was about to take a shower and would call me back. Unsurprisingly, he didnt. What follows is hazy. I was sick constantly, throughout the course of the entire night. At one point, I even called myself an ambulance but cancelled it because I was scared that the sirens would wake my mum and the neighbours. In the morning, I finally told her what Id done, and we sped off to A&E.

This reaction to a break-up is sadly not uncommon either, says Professor Craig Jackson, a psychologist from the School of Social Sciences at Birmingham City University. Break-ups can have massive impact upon mortality levels and general morbidity, its a genuine public health problem that society faces. The cost of broken hearts in society are real and hugely impact on the health and social care systems.

"I heard a group of girls whispering about me being Jamies 'psycho ex-girlfriend'"

A few weeks later, at a house party, I heard a group of girls whispering about me being Jamies psycho ex-girlfriend it was a comment that would swirl around my head for years to come, and while the suicide attempt was thankfully a one-off, it wasnt the last break-up I struggled to cope with. I clawed at myself with embarrassment for the way Id reacted and felt as though I had a big red arrow pointing at me as I walked down the sixth form corridors. Things took a long time to get better.

The term "Crazy Ex-Girlfriend" (CEG) can be problematic, says Professor Jackson. It can be used as a label by some men towards women theyve been in abusive or controlling relationships with it removes any blame from their own actions, and thereby shifts it onto her, suggesting that shes inherently unstable and defective. Say it louder for the people at the back, Professor! It insinuates that the problems in such a relationship may have been her fault. If the woman isnt coping well with a breakup, it again implies shes defective and possibly even dangerous. When my mental health and happiness did start to improve, along came Liam*.

Someone fell in love with photography

Liam and I were happily together for a year and a half, until we both headed off to different universities. Like a lot of young couples, we split after a few months of living in cities that were over 100 miles apart. But it wasnt a clean break. Within weeks he had a new girlfriend, but we continued to speak over email. I spent my life on edge, waiting for a message from him to appear in my inbox. I became nocturnal, I sat, drank wine and smoked in my room for hours on end, rehashing every single detail of the split and the relationship. What could I have done differently? How had he so easily replaced me? What was wrong with me?

This continued for almost two years. Two long years. Sometimes Id drunkenly message him, paragraphs (again, very in-keeping with the crazy ex stereotype). Sometimes hed reply saying he still thought about me, that he missed me and was too afraid to break up with his new partner as he feared his friends would think badly of him. Those little breadcrumbs he threw saw everything else in my life slide by the wayside. I tried dating other people and definitely hooked up with plenty, but still struggled to meet anybody I deemed to be on Liams level. Friends offered me incredible support but Christ, was I a broken record.

The quality of social support, ability to let off steam when needed, keeping physically active, not relying on alcohol, drugs or food to get by, and having other meaningful relationships, will all have an impact in recovering from a relationship, says Professor Jackson, confirming what I already knew (that wine can only help to an extent and definitely shouldnt be drunk continuously and alone). As does having hope and other things on the horizon to focus on. Individual differences in things like personality, coping skills, mental attitude and personal resilience that can determine how people will fare.

"Id witness friends going through break-ups, they'd eventually move on. I couldn't."

Thinking of Liam was as regular as my own ever-increasing heartbeat, the baggage I carried was astronomical. Yet, Id witness friends going through break-ups with their long-term partners too, and although theyd be sad and theyd want to dissect it over coffee, sooner rather than later crucially they moved on. I simply couldnt. But, says Professor Jackson, thats actually a more common experience than I could have ever realised. Other key factors, he explains, is who instigated the break-up in the first place, as research shows the dumpee (moi, hi, hello) tends to take longer to process the former relationship, as well as the circumstances (infidelity, heartbreak, ties such as children being involved).

Its simplistic to think theres a standard period of time in which to get over a break up like when we lose anything in life from a loved one to a job, or a pet there isnt a set grieving period. Grief, sadness or loss are subjective emotions and involve complex processes that we often have little insight into at the time, and depend on individual personal factors, plus the nature of the relationship with the ex, he explains, easing some of my long-held fears that Im actually a gigantic freak who needs to get a grip.

Ive also experienced serious mourning after less serious relationships too though, like after Max*, who I met a few years back after moving to London. We met approximately ten times over the course of year, with huge swathes of time passing between. He occupied my thoughts constantly I once remember looking at the clock in a spin class and congratulating myself because ten minutes had passed without thinking about him. After we first slept together, he ghosted me. It was the straw that broke the camels back (I was already grappling with major health anxiety at the time) and I spiralled into a pit of depression I called in sick repeatedly until the doctor offered to sign me off.

I became a paranoid wreck, all because of a random guy from Bumble had tipped me over the edge. Whereas most other people would probably have walked away, dusted themselves off after being ghosted, I couldnt my brain slipped back into those ruminating thoughts, fine-tooth combing every text, interaction, outfit Id worn to meet him. When he reappeared months later, I couldn't help but get pulled back in (top tip: if this happens to you, try BLOCKING THEM ON EVERY PLATFORM INSTEAD).

Its actually a fallacy to use the phrase "get over a relationship" - it assumes that people always do get over break ups, comments Professor Jackson. Truthfully, this doesnt always happen. There are some relationships we cant ever fully move on from, and that actually may be quite normal. Wait, hold up never get over? Bleak. I also wondered whether my seeming inability to get over a splintered union was because Im prone to anxiety and depression, but Professor Jackson says there are no clear links there. It seems to boil down to simply falling very, very hard and the nature of the relationship itself (all of which Ive mentioned were pretty intense).

Since and in between these interactions, Ive had various other relationships ranging from one nighters to more serious and emerged from them entirely unbothered and unscathed. But that stereotypical crazy ex label still bothers me. Looking back, at Jamie, Liam and Max, and trawling through old chats and inboxes to examine messages that went between us, its quite plain to see that there was also a lot of gaslighting involved. Which is why the crazy ex stereotype is such a difficult one to navigate I dont want to belittle anybody who is really suffering from harassment from a former partner, but the label isnt always warranted or kind and its definitely bandied about far too often, usually at a woman's expense.

"Now, I dont think I was crazy; I think Id been gas lit and taken advantage of"

Now, I dont think I was crazy; I think Id been gas lit, taken advantage of and am naturally prone to unhealthy thought patterns, which is a lethal combination. Closure is so key. Equally, as Ive now discovered, is putting yourself in the centre of your world. What I mean by that is if you put a relationship, or person, in the centre of your universe, when it falls apart or they fuck up, so will everything else. Work, maintaining friendships, self-care. Itll all go to pot. But if you put yourself as the number one priority and things go wrong youre less likely to lose your head, because youll still always be there, right in the centre. Imagine it like a wheel with spokes coming out of it (the spokes representing all the important areas of your life).

And as for those earlier exes: Jamie contacted me years later out of the blue to apologise for the way he treated me when we were together (and to thank me for stopping him from going off the rails), I don't blame him for our relationship being so messed up or his response to my suicide attempt phone call. We were both young and naive, but are better people now. Liam is getting married soon and I feel absolutely nothing about it. Max, Ive now chalked up as a major learning curve Id never accept that kind of behaviour again. Its terrifying to think that my overdose might have put a halt to my life at such a young age too, when its now better than its ever been, in so many ways. But Im glad for all the lessons Ive learnt from it.

Im now approaching the two-year anniversary of my healthiest relationship yet, its full of respect, honesty and communication. If it ended, of course Id be heartbroken, but I *hope* I wouldnt let myself go back to those scarily dark days of endlessly ruminating on it and self-destruction and thats not because I love him less than previous partners, but because Im starting to love myself a lot more too.

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Read the rest here:
Why we need to stop using the term crazy ex-girlfriend - cosmopolitan.com

In April 1915, former president Theodore Roosevelt penned a piece for Ladies Home Journal titled The Books That I Read and When and How I Do My Reading. In it, he notes that it would be impossible to try to enumerate all the books I read, or even all the kindswhich is understandable, considering he typically read around a book a day and was often reading several books at a time.

Still, Roosevelt recommends plenty of books in the piece, name drops a few titles hes not so crazy about, and doles out tons of reading tips in the process. Here are a few of them.

Mental Floss just launched a new podcast with iHeartRadio called History Vs., and our first season is all about Theodore Roosevelt. Subscribe here!

Fathers and mothers who are wise, Roosevelt wrote, can train their children first to practice, and soon to like, the sustained mental application necessary to enjoy good books. He also advised that parents have their children learn a second language, so that at least one other great literature, in addition to our own noble English literature, shall be open to him or her. On both counts, Roosevelt is drawing from his own experience: Confined to the indoors as a young boy because of his asthma, he read constantly. He also read in German, French, Italian, and Latin (although he didnt enjoy reading in Latin; he called it drudgery).

The readers personal and individual taste must be the guiding factor when choosing a book, Roosevelt wrote. I like hunting books and books of exploration and adventure. I do not ask anyone else to like them.

Roosevelt notes that the equation of personal taste is as powerful in reading as in eating; and within certain broad limits the matter is merely one of individual preference, having nothing to do with the quality either of the book or of the readers mind.

He wrote that he likes apples, pears, oranges, pineapples, and peaches. I dislike bananas, alligator pears and prunes at times in the tropics I have been exceedingly sorry I could not learn to like bananas and on round-ups, in the cow country in the old days, it was even more unfortunate not to like prunes; but I simply could not make myself like either, and that was all there was to it.

Roosevelt goes on to say that of the books he had tried to read in the last month, he could read Guy Mannering, The Antiquary, Pendennis, Vanity Fair, Our Mutual Friend, and The Pickwick Papers over and over, but did not care for Fortunes of Nigel, Esmond, and The Old Curiosity Shop. I have no question that the latter three books are as good as the first six, he wrote. Doubtless for other people they are better; but I do not like them, any more than I like prunes and bananas.

And of course, as Roosevelt noted in his autobiography, a reader must not hypocritically pretend to like what he does not like.

Youre the best person to choose what books you want to read. If a man or woman is fond of books he or she will naturally seek the books that the mind and soul demand, Roosevelt wrote. Suggestions of a possibly helpful character can be made by outsiders, but only suggestions; and they will probably be helpful about in proportion to the outsiders knowledge of the mind and soul of the person to be helped.

Or, as he wrote in his autobiography, The reader, the booklover, must meet his own needs without paying too much attention to what his neighbors say those needs should be. And all readers should beware of the booklovers besetting sin, of what Mr. Edgar Allan Poe calls the mad pride of intellectuality, taking the shape of arrogant pity for the man who does not like the same kind of books.

Roosevelt has a lot to say about personal preference when it comes to books, and how that should dictate what someone reads. However, he also has opinions about reading classics versus reading the trashy stuff. If anyone finds that he never reads serious literature, if all his reading is frothy and trashy, he would do well to try to train himself to like books that the general agreement of cultivated and sound-thinking persons has placed among the classics, he wrote. Let man or woman, young man or girl, read some good author, say Gibbon or Macaulay, until sustained mental effort brings power to enjoy the books worth enjoying.

Only when this has been done can the reader trust himself to pick out for himself the particular good books which appeal to him.

Roosevelt wrote in his autobiography that books are almost as individual as friends. There is no earthly use in laying down general laws about them. Some meet the needs of one person, and some of another.

Still, in How I Do My Reading, he wrote that personal preference isnt an excuse for permitting oneself to like what is vicious or even simply worthless. What he means by that, we can ascertain from what follows, are books that deal with sexwhich makes sense, given that Roosevelt was quite proper (some might have called him a prude).

He wrote that If any man finds that he cares to read Bel AmiGuy de Maupassants 1885 novel about a poor young mans scandalous rise to powerhe will do well to keep a watch on the reflex centers of his moral nature. (Roosevelt advised picking up books by French dramatist Eugene Brieux or writer Henry Bordeaux if one finds himself in this particular situation.) Leo Tolstoys Anna Karenina and War and Peace are great books to read, but if his reader prefers the authors 1890 novella, The Kreutzer Sonataanother book that, like Bel Ami, deals with sexhe had better make up his mind that for pathological reasons he will be wise thereafter to avoid Tolstoy entirely. Tolstoy is an exceedingly interesting and stimulating writer, but an exceedingly unsafe moral advisor.

It is clear the reading of vicious books for pleasure should be eliminated, Roosevelt concludes. It is no less clear that trivial and vulgar books do more damage than can possibly be offset by any entertainment they yield.

Roosevelt wrote that he reads in streaks, where he gets interested in a particular subject and reads about it in book after book after book, and probably also [reads] books on subjects suggested by it Even in pure literature, having nothing to do with history, philosophy, sociology or economy, one book will often suggest another, so that one finds one has unconsciously followed a regular course of reading.

You may think that youre too busy to read, but Theodore Roosevelt would disagreehe always found time to fit in a book (or four) every day. He wrote that he could almost always read in the evenings, and if he was otherwise occupied, hed schedule half an hour of reading before bed. But he never limited himself to just the evening for reading. All kinds of odd moments turn up during even a busy day, in which it is possible to enjoy a book, he wrote. And then there are rainy afternoons in the country in autumn, and stormy days in winter, when ones work outdoors is finished and after wet clothes have been changed for dry, the rocking chair in front of the open wood fire simply demands an accompanying book.

Theodore Roosevelt, who traveled quite frequently, knew the value of bringing a good book along on vacation. Railway and steamboat journeys were, of course, predestined through the ages as aids to the enjoyment of reading, he wrote. I have always taken books with me when on hunting and exploring trips. He put Darwins On the Origin of Species in his bag on hunting trips; when pursuing boat thieves in the Dakotas, he brought along a copy of Anna Karenina (he finished it on the trip, then borrowed a dime novel from one of the thieves); and he took 60 booksgiven to him by his younger sister, Corinneon his year-long African safari.

In such cases the literature should be reasonably heavy, in order that it may last, he wrote. Being under these conditions allows the reader to tackle more ambitious books and authors, as you never would if surrounded by less formidable authors in your own library; and when you do reach the journeys end you grasp with eager appetite at old magazines, or at the lightest of literature.

Roosevelt notes that the best critics scorn the demand among novel readers for the happy ending, but he personally didnt see anything wrong with happy endings in novels, especially because real life is tough enough. There are enough horror and grimness and sordid squalor in real life with which an active man has to grapple; and when I turn to the world of literature I do not care to study suffering unless for some sufficient purpose. It is only a very exceptional novel which I will read if He does not marry Her; and even in exceptional novels I much prefer this consummation. I am not defending my attitude. I am merely stating it.

Later, he wrote (and one gets the sense that hes speaking from experience here) that if one is worried by all kinds of men and eventsduring critical periods in administrative office, or at national conventions, or during congressional investigations or in hard-fought political campaignsit is the greatest relief and unalloyed delight to take up some really good, some really enthralling book and lose all memory of everything grimy, and of the baseness that must be parried or conquered.

Roosevelt was widely read, devouring books on everything from history and the military to volumes of poetry and natural history. A man with a real fondness for books of various kinds will find that his varying moods determine which of these books he at the moment needs.

TR also wrote in his autobiography, A book must be interesting to the particular reader at that particular time. So theres no shame in putting a book aside if its not what youre in the mood for at the moment!

If theres one thing youll learn from reading How I Read, its that TR seems to prefer classics to brand-new books. Another matter which within certain rather wide limits each reader must settle for himself is the dividing line between (1) not knowing anything about current books and (2) swamping ones soul in the sea of vapidity which overwhelms him who reads only the last new books, he wrote, adding that the headline books of the week is damning both for the books and the reviewer:

I would much rather see the heading books of the year before last. A book of the year before last which is still worth noticing, would probably be worth reading; but one only entitled to be called a book of the week had better be tossed into the wastebasket at once. Still, there are plenty of new books which are not of permanent value but which nevertheless are worth more or less careful reading; partly because it is well to know something of what especially interested the mass of our fellows, and partly because these books, although of ephemeral worth, may really set forth something genuine in a fashion which for the moment stirs the hearts of all of us.

Roosevelt, whose own library at Sagamore Hill spanned multiple rooms (an accounting of all of the familys books from 1919 was 77 pages long [PDF]), was no fan of best books lists and what he called a 5-foot library. (Hes referring to Harvards 5-foot shelf, a compilation of 51 works of literature. According to Project Gutenberg, Dr. Eliot, then president of Harvard University, had stated in speeches that the elements of a liberal education could be obtained by spending 15 minutes a day reading from a collection of books that could fit on a 5-foot shelf.) There remain enormous masses of books, of which no one man can read more than a limited number, and among which each reader should choose those which meet his own particular needs, TR wrote. There is no such things as a list of the 100 best books or the best 5-foot library. To attempt to create such a library that shall be of universal value is foreordained to futility.

In his autobiography, he wrote that he had no sympathy for either concept, saying, It is all right for a man to amuse himself by composing a list of a hundred very good books; and if he is to go off for a year or so where he cannot get many books, it is an excellent thing to choose a 5-foot library of particular books which in that particular year and on that particular trip he would like to read. But there is no such thing as a hundred books that are best for all men, or for the majority of men, or for one man at all times; and there is no such thing as a 5-foot library which will satisfy the needs of even one particular man on different occasions extending over a number of years.

Roosevelt wrote that books can provide consolation of a non-literary kind. He advised that those who are irritated or frustrated or depressed about the current state of affairs might find reading books that deal with history illuminating or consoling. In some cases, he will be . devoutly thankful that his lot has been cast in the present age, in spite of all its faults.

The rest is here:
Theodore Roosevelt Reading Tips - Mental Floss

Several of the proposals in Bakers bill are not new. Some items legislators have been considering since last years abortive attempt to pass a health care bill are in freestanding bills already filed this year. There seems to be agreement, for example, that its time to address surprise billing and limit the use of hospital facility fees. Those are the charges that show up when a health care provider turns out to be out of network, much to the surprise of a patient who ended up in the emergency room. Ending the practice is overdue.

In another welcome reform, the bill would also require provider directories actually to mean what they say to connect patients to services and clinicians that exist and will accept their insurance, not the ghost networks that too often make it impossible to access care, particularly mental health care. Again, similar bills were filed to make such changes this year.

The governors bill also aims to increase access to telemedicine for consumers by establishing a regulatory framework for those services and requiring insurers to cover them if the same service is covered for an in-office visit.

An especially ambitious part of Bakers bill is an effort to reshape the delivery of services by requiring an increase in spending by hospitals and insurers of 30 percent over the next three years for primary care and behavioral health without increasing overall spending. One astonishing fact stands out in our current system today less than 15 percent of total medical expenses are spent on primary care and behavioral health combined, Baker said.

So, if the measure passes, health care facilities are going to have to think twice about investing capital funds in the newest MRI equipment or orthopedic center and investing more in primary care physicians, geriatric specialists, or mental health clinicians.

Which brings us to one of Bakers other big ideas: fixing a mental health system where 50 percent of practitioners will not accept insurance not MassHealth, not Medicare, not even private insurance. Even though the Commonwealth currently ranks number one in mental health providers available by population (1 for every 180 residents), actually seeing one is out of reach for too many residents.

Provisions in the bill to require one universal credentialing form to be used by all insurers would cut down on paperwork for behavioral health providers something the Legislature should embrace. Anticipated rate increases (by establishing a bottom line for certain services) and a fairer rate system of billing for clinicians in training are also aimed at encouraging more clinicians to join the marketplace.

Some of the most controversial parts of the bill involve the governors attempt to control drug costs, which both the administration and legislative leaders seem to agree is a major driver of overall health care costs. One provision would extend more extensive state oversight to drugs that cost more than $50,000 per person per year even if bought through the private market. A similar provision was added to the state budget this year but only for drugs purchased under the states MassHealth system. This seems a natural extension although even that was subject to extensive lobbying by the drug industry, which remains unhappy with any attempt at price regulations.

That would, of course, make them totally apoplectic about the Baker effort to subject all drugs to a price cap of no more than inflation plus 2 percent. Call it the Epi-Pen provision, after the drug manufacturer everyone loves to hate. No other state has tried it and, indeed, price caps could be a bridge too far: Lawmakers ought to subject the idea to careful scrutiny to make sure its not too blunt an instrument.

The very length and breadth of the bill will make it difficult for lawmakers to get their arms around, as House Speaker Robert DeLeo has indicated. He wasnt unfriendly to many of its ideas, but noted that it will probably have to be dissected by several committees. Senate President Karen Spilka also seems supportive but favors a piece-by-piece approach.

The governor, a one-time CEO of one of the states largest insurers, seems an unlikely health care revolutionary. But who better to tackle an industry that even in this health care mecca or perhaps especially in this health care mecca cries out for a change in attitude and a reordering of how it cares for patients.

Continue reading here:
Charlie Bakers health care bill could make a real difference - The Boston Globe

Social media can have a negative impact on a teens mental health as they start to feel their lives are not as good as those portrayed online. Photo: Pixabay. For illustrative purposes.

Adolescents who spend more than three hours a day on social media are more likely to develop mental health problems, including depression, anxiety, feelings of self-consciousness and low self-esteem.

This is according to research published by American psychiatry journal, JAMA.

During Mental Health Awareness Month, which is October, Fourways-based non-profit Witkoppen Clinic has raised concerns about the impact of social media on teen mental health.

Witkoppen Clinic has raised concerns about the impact of social media on teen mental health. Photo: Pixabay. For illustrative purposes.

Seeing people constantly on holiday or buying expensive things can make young people feel like they are missing out while others are enjoying life. These feelings can promote a compare and despair attitude, which leads teens to search for ways to make their lives more insta-worthy, said Tamsyn Nash, specialist clinic medical officer at Witkoppen Clinic.

Youth from all over South Africa are accessing social media and consuming content that promotes material wealth, and sets unrealistic expectations of what life is supposed to be like.

This can have a negative impact on a teens mental health, as they start to feel their lives are not as good as those portrayed online, said Tamsyn.

Social media use itself doesnt cause problems; Its the side-effects, such as cyber-bullying, the tendency to idolise the lives of others, failure to see friends in real life and lack of sleep which causes problems, she said.

She continued to say social media can cause teens to feel overwhelmed by the pressure to construct a positive image of themselves and their lives.

An example of how young women have attempted to raise their online status is by seeking out blessers older men who buy gifts for them in exchange for sex. For teens struggling financially, this can seem like a viable way to access and imitate the lifestyles they see on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.

Engaging with blessers opens young women up to sexual predators and increases the risk of teenage pregnancy and contracting STIs such as HIV. Social media can put vulnerable youth at an even higher risk.

At Witkoppen Clinic, we encourage young people to think carefully about what they see on social media. If you feel like its taking a toll on your mental health, take a break for a day or two and remember that social media does not equal reality.

Witkoppen Clinic provides comprehensive healthcare to almost 10 000 patients every month. Their specialist clinic offers counselling and support for people of all ages struggling with mental health issues. Based at 105 William Nicol Drive, Fourways, Johannesburg, the clinic is open from 7.30am to 4pm every weekday. The first visit is free.

For more information on the other services Witkoppen Clinic provides, visit their website at http://www.witkoppen.org.za.

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The impact of social media on teen mental health - Randfontein Herald

Youll know you have a sticky mind when reading the news becomes an exercise in navigating a metaphorical minefield.

Youll be scrolling through your morning news feed, haphazardly glazing your eyes over the days events, only to be met by one of those stories that make you stop still. It might be about a new study revealing the most recent stats on the climate crisis, or a violent crime that stays with you long after youve finished reading. But no matter what it is, you know itll be taking up some real estate in your thoughts for a significant amount of time.

Described by psychologists Dr Marty Seif and Dr Sally Winston as a biologically based trait that is experienced as repetitive looping thinking, a sense of getting mired in worry, a talent for imaginative flights into catastrophic images and thoughts, and a tendency for junk channels of the mind to get loud and insistent instead of simply flowing by, someone with a sticky mind essentially gets stuck on specific thoughts, images and ideas and suffers anxiety as a result.

Read more:
What is a sticky mind? Heres how to deal with the symptom of anxiety that could be triggered by reading the news - Stylist Magazine

If winter in Britain is characterised by anything other than train delays and novelty gourd-flavoured coffee it is darkness. And cold. Oh yes, and rain. As autumn slides into winter, mist turns to drizzle and sunset is replaced by mid-afternoon gloom, it can be hard to prepare for the months ahead. What to wear, how to warm up, even how to summon up the energy to get through the season. We asked a range of people whose outdoor work from scaffolding to veterinary medicine makes them experts in winter survival for their tips.

The greatest hurdle to winter living is state of mind. To a greater or lesser extent, all of us will find our mood affected by changes in weather, reduced daylight and a drop in temperature. The secret, says Graham Singer, a scaffolder working across Essex and London, is to give yourself milestones. Ive been doing it since I was 15, so I know its coming, he laughs. Sometimes, you know as soon as you step out of the vehicle that everythings going to be soaked in a few minutes, so you resign yourself to that fact. Just keep in mind that in a few hours, youll be back in the warm. Take it hour by hour dont think about the whole day, but just the next job. Tomorrow cant be any worse.

Issa Robson, a vet who works in Northumberland with large animals, takes it one step further, saying that, with the right protection in place, cold weather can make you feel pretty powerful. I dont think: Oh, its raining, she says. Once Ive got all my kit on I actually feel pretty invincible. We lived on the west coast of Scotland so I learned that, if youre in the right coat, you can do anything. Cold, she says, can also be a question of attitude. As long as your core is warm your neck and chest you can be pretty self-sustainable. Your fingers and feet might be cold, but you dont feel cold yourself.

Professional dog walker Sheila Mathieson has perhaps my favourite motto when it comes to working outside: you can only get wet once. Once youre wet, youre wet thats as bad as its going to get. Nothing changes. Thats your lot, she says. Youve just got to look forward to getting back inside, jumping in the shower and getting dry. Theres no point thinking about what its going to be like out there. Just bite the bullet and get out there. I tell myself I have no choice; the dogs come first.

Once the temperature starts to drop, it is hard to underestimate the importance of movement. Tim Wright, a postman from Oxford, says that if you can keep moving for a quarter of an hour, you can overcome whatever the weather is doing around you. For the first 10 or 15 minutes when you start, everything is frozen. Minus 12C is pretty extreme but when theres a hard frost, as long as you keep going for that first 15 minutes, youre fine. We have to wear fingerless gloves because we need to feel the letters, so the tips of our fingers are freezing. But, like I said, just keep moving. After that: bingo. The key is to keep your body pumping.

When working as a lifeguard at the open-air pools on Hampstead Heath in London, I was advised to do as much exercise as I could during what little daylight we could find. That might mean a bike ride after your shift or, for office workers, a jog during your lunch break. Getting a hit of endorphins on a cold Tuesday in February can make all the difference to your immune system and your mental health.

As anyone who has ever had to play netball in January in borrowed school shorts and a T-shirt can tell you; clothing is important. Everybody I spoke to mentioned base layers. When I was a child, my father, a builder, would go off to work on a roof or digging foundations with a pair of my mums tights under his work trousers. These days, says Singer, everybody from scaffolders to footballers should invest in a pair of thermal joggers and a couple of tops. Start with as many layers as you can. Then, as the day goes on particularly if its a nice, crisp winter day youll be taking one off every half-hour. Mind you, by the end of the day, youll be putting them back on again.

For Robson, the right gear starts from the bottom. Im a fan of big pants, she says down the phone from her unheated kitchen. Pants that dont cover your waist are a waste of time. If you want to stay warm, you cant have that bit of your back exposed. She also recommends thermal leggings and snow gear. When I was working for long stretches in minus 16C, I wore my snowboarding trousers. Theyre insulated and quite waterproof. But her favourite bit of kit is Smartwool mountaineering socks. Its almost like having a carpet in your sock.

Hollie Newton, a writer and fisherwoman living in Dorset, tells me that what you keep in your coat pockets is just as important as the coat itself. I always have a couple of those glove warmers in my pockets, as well as a vacuum flask with a really good hot chocolate. On her feet? On the boat I tend to be barefoot I really do love the cold but in the real depths of winter, I wear bright yellow Dunlop wellies. I actually think if you try not to get wet, youve lost the game before you even start.

For agricultural workers, cold frosty mornings will often coincide with fiddly outdoor jobs such as raising electric fences, filling drinking troughs or attending to livestock. I put on a barrier cream every night because once your hands get chapped, cracked or split particularly if youre working with water it becomes pretty unbearable, says Charles Bennett, an organic farmer who works near Tiddington in Warwickshire. Cowmen have this lanolin-type stuff they put on the cows udders that also protects their hands.

For Kelvin Markham, a builder and maintenance worker based in Oxfordshire, an upbeat disposition and physically active job are all you need. My wife says Ive got rhino skin all the rain, the cold, it just seems to slide off me. Dig in, throw yourself into it and youll soon get hot. Even in mid-winter, when its below freezing, youll still see me in just a jumper after a couple of hours.

While cold winter days can be draining, they are hopefully balanced out by the promise of the long warm days that will eventually come round again. Sometimes, well joke to each other; what the hell are we doing here? Standing out here, in this weather, with our hands around freezing cold metal tubes, on scaffolding boards that are three inches thick with snow, says Singer. But I do enjoy what I do. Even during the winter I wouldnt change it.

Originally posted here:
How to survive the winter: the expert guide to staying warm, healthy and happy - The Guardian

Photographer Nicholas Nixon was visiting his wifes family in Ireland when nonchalantly he asked her and her three sisters if he could take their picture. It was summer of 1975, and a black-and-white photograph of four young women casually posing in summer shirts and pants against a velvety background of trees and lawn was the result.

A year later, at the graduation of one of the sisters, while readying a shot of them, he suggested they line up in the same order. After Nixon saw the image, he asked them if they might do it every year. They seemed OK with it, and thus began a project that has spanned almost his whole career. The series of pictures, which has been shot for the past four decades, is on view at the Museum of Modern Art, Midtown Manhattan, New York City, along with the museums publication of the book The Brown Sisters: Forty Years.

The article on the four sistersForty Portraits in Forty Years (1975 to 2014)appeared in The New York Times recently, catching the attention of readers worldwide. Why so many peoples attention was drawn? Why the four sisters do this?

Because Time is all Powerful! And everyone is attracted to Power. Power is one of the opulences of the all-attractive God along with beauty, fame, knowledge, wealth and renunciation. People get attracted to personalities like Bruce Lee, Mohammed Ali, Arnold Schwarzenegger, et al due to their raw power although that power has limitations. Time, which is an external manifestation of Gods form, is all powerful.

The Lord in Bhagavad Gita 11.32 states klo 'smi loka-kaya-kt pravddho (Time I am, the great destroyer of the worlds). So, why shouldnt everyone be attracted to the all-powerful time? Time defeated even Bruce Lee, Mohammed Ali, Arnold and many more puissant personalities. In the Vedic texts, Time is compared to a snake because, like the serpent, it devours the prey slowly but surely. Everyone has to bend down to the cogent Time.

The four sisters portrait series is a resilient-animated lesson for all of us that no one can escape the effects of Time. When they posed for photograph in 1975, they were so young and beautiful. Their skin was smooth and wrinkle-free, their faces bright with great ardour. Life seemed ever fresh like the fresh leaves of the trees in the background of the photograph. That time they surely wouldnt have thought of the scene 40 years later. In 2014, they are old and jaded; skin is full of wrinkles. Faces bear the onslaught of Time. Its a daunting picture of the naked reality of life. And please dont think, Poor sisters, they are undergoing blight! This plight will confront every one of us. Those who are reading this article, and those who arent!

Young and beautiful Siddhartha was a prince. His father, the ruling king, didnt want his son to know the real problems of lifebirth, old age, disease and death. Hence, he kept him within the compound walls of the palace where everyone was young, beautiful, contented and salubrious. But once Siddhartha ventured out, the scene outside mellowed him. There were old, ugly, diseased people and he saw dead bodies being taken in procession for final rites. Actually then began his search for real life. Later, he renounced the world and attained enlightenment under a Bodhi tree. Hence, he was known as Buddhaone who is completely enlightened.

But everyone cannot renounce the world. One may stay in this world without renouncing it but one has to renounce the comprehension that I am the master. Everyone is unremittingly the servant of God. If one understands this, he can be in this world but not of this world. One should be like the lotus, which grows in muddy waters but is unaffected by it. If one serves God and His parts and parcels with such an attitude, one can go beyond Time. Time cannot apprehend the servant who is serving God. In SB 2.3.17, it is stated that Sun decreases the life span of everyone each day except for a devotee who is serving the Supreme Personality of Godhead.

Another thing we observe from the four sisters story is that we are changing body continuously. Modern biologists say every seven years we change all the cells of the body. It is conspicuous from the 40 photographs that the sisters have changed their bodies over a period of time. But the most amazing thing is that they still feel that they are the same persons! We also feel we are the same although our childhood body appears different than the bodies in our youth or old age. This is because the soul has remained unfazed throughout.

We are spirit souls and not ephemeral material bodies. After giving up this body, we will get another as per our mental state. If we give up the present material body thinking of God, we go to His kingdom where there is no effect of timeno birth, no death, no disease and no old age. So climactically, to conquer Time we have to take shelter of a person who is controller of TimeSupreme Personality of Godhead, Sri Krishna.

( The author is a Spiritual Guru at International Society for Krishna Consciousness )

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Conquering the all powerful time - The New Indian Express