The following contains spoilers for The Good Place series finale and Black Mirror's "San Junipero."

After four years (plus over 800 reboots and close to 3,000 Jeremy Bearimys) of fine-tuning the cosmic system to save humanity's souls, The Good Places series finale Whenever Youre Ready confronted the unavoidable truth that even eternity needs an ending.

The devastating, occasionally hilarious, ultimately hopeful hour-plus finale closes the loop on a conversation begun almost four years earliernot by its own series premiere, but by San Junipero. Black Mirrors digital afterlife episode was a tone departure for the dystopian series, trading in bleak humor for an actually uplifting tale of two elderly queer women who find each other, and a second chance at their earthly lives, in the cloud. Striking on its own, the one-hour mini-film resonates even more when considered in the context of Eleanor Shellstrop and the Soul Squads ethical journeys.

Because in order to get to The Good Places incredible final question of whether to go, first we had to ponder whether to stay.

Fascinatingly, both series premiered in fall 2016, shortly before the election that would lead a large part of the population to conclude that we were living in the Bad Place. Thats not counting the people who, pre-election, already regarded our present as akin to the Sunken Place in Jordan Peeles Get Out. Clearly in the middle of the decade there was enough disquiet to inspire stories considering what, if anything, was waiting for us after our time on Earth is over.

While San Junipero technically dropped on Netflix (October 21) after The Good Places series premiere (September 19), for the purposes of this nature it serves as the beginning of the conversation due to its standalone nature. While Schurs series had four years to reinvent itself over and over (with an endpoint deliberately chosen after the twisty second season), Charlie Brookers episode must make its point in just one hour.

San Junipero is a story of selfishnessbut the kind thats deserved, thats earned. The beach party town that the artificial reality manifests as is endless revelry, whose citizens and tourists can return to their favorite decades and idealized ages for a double dose of nostalgia. There are no consequences in San Junipero, so strangers can hook up or go for deadly joyrides that wont leave a scratch on them, between keeping pain-sliders at zero and the inability to die. Most of them already have shuffled off the mortal coiland most of the visitors on the trial run are considering doing the same, outside of the cloud. This alternate realitynot parallel, but a continuationis the quintessential reward for making it through a mortal lifespan. Every inhabitant thinks, I deserve this.

None moreso than Kelly (Gugu Mbatha-Raw) and Yorkie (Mackenzie Davis), who meet on a random night in 1987, and then for several weeks after, dancing through movie-set versions of the 1980s, 1990s, and 2000s. While they go to beda first for the sheltered Yorkieand reveal pieces of themselves in those intimate moments in Kellys beach house, its not until they meet outside of San Junipero that each of their motivations for visiting becomes clearer.

read more: Ranking Every Black Mirror Episode

Yorkie is quadriplegic following a car accident that occurred the night she came out to her unsupportive parents. Not only her affair with Kelly, but her entire exposure to San Junipero, is moving through the world in a way that seemingly had been stolen from her. But tied as her accident was to the trauma of her parents turning on her for who she is, the fact that she has connected with this vibrant, assertive, giving woman is more than Yorkie could ever have dreamed of. She sees nothing but opportunity in their future together, finally getting a chance at the life she always deserved after decades of suffering.

But where Yorkie sees nothing but newness through glasses she no longer needs, Kelly is reminded of the long and beautiful, if so bittersweet, lifetime that she has already experienced. Falling in love again is exhausting, because she knows what kinds of misfortune strains a partnership. Yorkie wants to shrug off their past selves, but for Kelly to do so would be offensive to the memory of her husbanda man she married not as a means to an end, like Yorkie with her nurse Greg or like so many closeted queer women, but because she genuinely loved him. She was just one version of herself with him, and now, in San Junipero, she can be another version of herself.

Working through this newfound access requires both women to turn inward, which is where their early conflict arises when Kelly tries to, well, ghost Yorkie. You hid from me, the latter accuses when she tracks her down in 2002. Kelly shoots back: One: I did not. Two: I owe you zero, and three See point two!

Its not about who owes who, its about manners, Yorkie insists, going on to say, You dont know who I am. You dont know what this means.

This means fun, Kelly retorts. Or it should do. And this. This is not fun.

Selfishness means different things for each of them. Kelly thinks that San Junipero is a last hurrah before her body gives up the ghost, the chance to act on her unresolved attraction to women in a safe, consequence-free space. She doesnt account for finding someone so fucking inconvenient as Yorkie, someone who would tap into a store of feelings that she was certain she had exhausted through her marriage to Richard. Richard, who didnt even trial-run San Junipero because their daughter Allison didnt have the chance to pass over, so why would he want to live even longer without her presence?

read more - Black Mirror: Celebrating the Most Uplifting Episodes

The greatest dilemma of San Junipero is saying yes to this extension. After Kelly marries Yorkie so she can be euthanized, but still maintains that she doesnt plan to become a full-timer after her own eventual death, Yorkie pushes her about not even trying: Then youll be gone, just gone. You could have forever.

Forever, Kelly scoffs, who can even make sense of forever

However long you want, then, Yorkie says, you can remove yourself like that and snaps her fingers. Despite it being an emotional exchange, its a throwaway bit of worldbuilding: Even the full-timers in San Junipero have an out. The actual hurdle to get over is whether to accept that second chance.

Yorkie unequivocally is ready to reclaim her old body and all of the rites of passage she missed out on; its selfish only insofar as she is prioritizing her own hopes and dreams after a lifetime of not doing so. But Kelly is allowed to be selfish, too. Choosing San Junipero doesnt erase her mortal life, as it does for Yorkie. Its excavating the part of her that she pushed down in favor of one life, to try again, but differently this time. To ready herself for, as Kelly says with a mix of tremulous eagerness and bone-deep exhaustion, the rest of it. San Junipero is about what we owe to ourselves.

But, as The Good Place has taught us, thats not the whole story. From the moment that architect Michael (Ted Danson) informs Eleanor Shellstrop (Kristen Bell) that she is in your next phase of existence in the universe and that that next phase is in celebration of a moral life she emphatically did not lead, she could have kept her mouth shut. Eleanor, bi icon and patron saint of selfishness, could have sauntered through eternity enjoying someone elses just rewards.

But instead she confides in her supposed soulmate, Chidi Anagonye (William Jackson Harper), and begs his help in molding her into a better person. Initially, their guiding force is ethicist T.M. Scanlons book What We Owe to Each Other and its notion of contractualism: to act morally is to follow rules that no one could reasonably reject. Or, to put it into Arizona trashbag terms, for Eleanor to actually keep her promises. Whereas her time on Earth saw Eleanor regularly pledging to be reliable to people and then letting them down in favor of her own self-interestsestablishing rules that would easily be rejected because of how they benefit her aloneher goal in the afterlife is to become the type of person who honors what she owes to others.

To be fair, Eleanor and co. get a lot of chances to fine-tune their increasingly moral selves. This obsession with self-improvement is not surprising, considering that Eleanor, Chidi, Jason (Manny Jacinto), and Tahani (Jameela Jamil) all see their mortal lives cut short. Even if they werent objectively good people who were making the most of their time on Earth, they had a lot of time left before their respective freak accidents. They arent Yorkie and Kelly, who made it into their sixties and seventies and got to choose when they were ready to stop living.

Yes, there are larger external stakes, from the fate of Michaels neighborhood to the threat of the Bad Place taking over to the exasperated Judge (Maya Rudolph) eventually deciding to just scrap this whole humankind experiment and start over. But underlying all of that is the existential anxiety and panic of a foursome of young people who had absolutely no say in how this phase of their lives ended. Of course they would be eager to shape their fates in the afterlife. And theyre not alone: both the Good Place and San Junipero are manmade constructions, in whole or in part, reflecting a unanimous anxiety over what awaits us in the unknown and a need for as much control as possible regarding that next phase.

While this takes hundreds of reboots, an equal number of manic chalkboard scrawlings from the philosopher-turned-teacher, and nigh-infinite piles of books that it takes Eleanor literally eternity to finish reading, The Good Places moral thesis ultimately boils down to something pretty clear and straightforward, as Schur summed up for Vox in 2019: [do] something a little more, a little better, a little differently.

Thats Kelly marrying Yorkie so that she can sign off on Yorkies right to end her life. Thats Yorkie seeing eternity through someone elses eyes. Its also Michael realizing that he has come to care for the cockroaches and that he wants happiness for them. Its Chidi accepting eight hundred different versions of himself and, rather than being torn apart by so much contradiction, finding a sense of peace at having lived every possible scenario he used to agonize over. Its Eleanor actually working on a healthy, functional relationship, and then being willing to give it up when it benefits the greater good.

By the time that this new and different Eleanor demonstrates true moments of selfishness, these impulse are entirely relatable, affecting, and arguably owed to her after all she has done for the global redemption of billions of souls. Except that both cases involve her relationship with Chidi coming to some sort of end: first when he volunteers to have his memory reset for their big Good Place experiment; and then when he is ready to walk through the door.

read more: Russian Doll, The Good Place, And How Fun TV Got Dark and Insightful

Not whether or not he wants to go to the Good Place, because unlike Kelly and Yorkie, Eleanor and her beloved friends never have to question that destination. Its what their every experimentoutsmarting the Bad Places sabotage, getting reincarnated on Earth, repurposing Michaels old neighborhood to run their own simulations, overhauling the entire impossible, outdated systemhas been working toward. Their reward for saving humanity is sailing into the Good Place long overdue.

And then paradise lets them down.

The ultimate secret of the Good Place, the real one, is that at some point eternity becomes boring. Not just boring, but actually mind-numbing. Its the extrapolation of spending hundreds of Bearimys in San Junipero. Those full-timers who feel like its getting old do have the option to crank up the ol pain-slider and get whipped in the Quagmire, but even that loses its appeal after a while. Eternity in the Good Place makes all of its inhabitants worse peoplenot morally, but lesser than the thoughtful, intelligent, courageous, good people who earned their way in.

And so Eleanor and Michael come up with the doorthe final door.

What makes "Whenever You're Ready" so gutting is that each person has their own timeline for being ready to step through the door. After years of doing everything mostly in sync, Team Cockroach gets broken up again into their individual components, each with a different relationship to nirvana. Who can even make sense of forever? Which means that when one of them, starting with Jason, approaches the calm and peace of giving up stability for the unknown beyond, there is still a loss. There are still those left behind.

It makes sense that Chidi would reach closure before Eleanor: an exceptional thing for a man who for most of his mortal life and afterlife was plagued with endless anxiety over what could be. At first her knee-jerk reaction, to drag him through his every treasured memory to show him what hes willingly giving up, is cringing in how it resurrects the old Eleanor. In this case her intentions are good but still selfish. She is Yorkie, staring at the glittering expanse of San Junipero and demanding to understand how anyone could have had enough.

Like Kelly scolds Yorkie for not considering the perspective of someone who lived a full life, Chidi gently lets Eleanor down with the further revelation that he has been ready for a long time. He stayed longer for her sake, knowing how difficult it would be for her once he stepped out of her (after)life. They had never made promises to not go through the door, but he put off his own ultimate contentment in favor of prolonging her happiness.

And so Eleanor has no choice but to recognize what he owes to her, and what she owes him in return. I proposed a rule, she says, that Chidi shouldnt be allowed to leave, because it would make Eleanor sad. And I could do this foreverzip you around the universe, show you cool stuffand Id still never find the justification for getting you to stay. Because its a selfish rule. I owe it to you to let you go.

When they met, Yorkie and Kelly were still figuring out what they owed themselves after lives that were varyingly unfulfilled. Their selfishness in San Junipero is a celebration, a first step that The Good Place turns into an elaborate dance. And while Eleanors journey, as of that of her friends, concludes with accepting and even welcoming the not-knowing, the audience gets their own closure of finding out what happens when you step through the door: you return to the universe, as one small particle that in its own infinitesimal way influences good deeds. Its a characteristically understated narrative choice that reiterates Schurs point: do something a little more, a little better, a little differently.

Just like Eleanor and Chidi dissolving back into the universe, or Kelly and Yorkie eternally dancing at TCKR Industries, these types of stories are far from over and will continue to influence their successors. To wit, Schurs Parks and Recreation co-creator Greg Daniels has his own afterlife web series premiering in 2020: Upload, described by The Hollywood Reporter as a sci-fi romantic satire set in a virtual afterlife.

The series sounds as if it will hew closer to romantic comedy, pulling the we-would-never-have-met-except-here romance from San Junipero and tapping into the kind of comedy that characterized the first season of The Good Place. It seems less likely that Upload will neither go deep into morality, nor that it will build up to a series finale that will leave audiences audibly sobbing on the couch with their best friends. But we already got those stories, exquisite on their own and even more resonant with one another; theres plenty of room in eternity for another take.

Let Natalie Zutter tell you, the double whammy of Chidi leaving Eleanor and then those credits set to Heaven is a Place on Earth used up all of her tears for weeks. Ponder whats next for afterlife-centric series with her on Twitter @nataliezutter.

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The Good Place, San Junipero, and the Ethics of Love - Den of Geek US

Main image: Scott Morrison and Liberal MP Sarah Henderson play lawn bowls at Torquay bowls club during the election campaign. Photograph: Ryan Pierse/Getty Images

Good morning, this is Richard Parkin bringing you the main stories and must-reads on Friday 7 February.

The federal government spent an additional $150m on community sport infrastructure outside its controversial sport grant scheme, with the Department of Health confirming that the money was committed in the lead-up to the 2019 election campaign, and administrated under the female facilities and water safety stream program. Forty-one projects secured funding, including a grant of $25m for a new pool in the marginal Western Australian seat of the attorney general, Christian Porter, and other marginal electorates including Corangamite, Swan and Gilmore also scored. An inquiry into the original $100m community sport infrastructure program, which was overseen by Bridget McKenzie, has been announced by the Senate.

Donald Trump has been acquitted of abusing his power and obstructing Congress, bringing the impeachment process to a close. Mitt Romney crossed the aisle and became the first senator in history to vote to remove a president from his own party in an impeachment trial, but the vote was carried otherwise along party lines 52-48 and 53-47 on the respective charges. Trump immediately went on the offensive on Friday morning, calling the process evil saying it had been drummed up by dirty cops, leakers and liars. The international press has been scathing in its reaction, with Frances Libration calling the impeachment process a hollow pretence of justice. Meanwhile in the Democratic primaries, Bernie Sanders has claimed a strong victory in the Iowa caucuses, even though he is trailing Pete Buttigieg in the first voting state.

A Chinese doctor who was among the first to raise concerns about the spread of the coronavirus is critically ill, after becoming infected treating early cases of the then undiagnosed respiratory infection. Le Wenliang, 34, was accused by authorities of making false comments and spreading rumours after posting a warning on social media in late December about a cluster of cases of a flu-like disease at his hospital. The official death toll has risen to 563, with more than 28,000 reported cases. The World Health Organization has called for $675m to stop the outbreak, cautioning that the bill will be much larger if we do not invest in preparedness now.

Public health officials have fought back tears at an emotional parliamentary hearing in NSW, urging the state government to drop proposed laws that aim to curtail planning authorities ability to block projects based on their climate emissions.

A 44-year-old Australian national and two Chinese have been stabbed in the Maldives, in an attack claimed by Islamic State sympathisers. Three people have been arrested.

The incoming chancellor of the Australian National University, Julie Bishop, has counselled the federal government to lead the world on climate despite missteps, offering the evidence-based work of her universitys 300-plus climate scientists and disaster management experts to inform any bushfires response.

Labor has asked the Australian Electoral Commission to investigate why the Liberal party declared and then removed a $165,000 donation from the company of a Scott Morrison ally and key bidder for a $1bn government contract.

A tiny piece of fashioned glass discovered on Lindisfarne is being hailed as a rare archeological treasure, linking the Northumbrian island with the Vikings around the time of the AD793 raids that heralded three centuries of destruction and occupation.

Protected Indigenous lands could be subject to commercial mining under a controversial new bill from Brazils President Jair Bolsonaro. The far-right leader has long alleged that Indigenous land ownership has held back economic development.

The FBI has warned that Chinese theft of corporate intellectual property constitutes the biggest law enforcement threat to the US, with one agency director alleging trade secrets worth $300bn to $600bn a year are being stolen.

Christina Koch has returned to Earth after 328 days aboard the International Space Station, hoping her protracted mission can help promote gender equity within a traditionally male-dominated field.

With the election of a new leader, Adam Bandt, for the first time in the Australian Greens history, its leader will sit in the House of Representatives, not the Senate. Being more directly accountable to your constituents requires a lot more listening, the former industrial lawyer tells Katharine Murphy, with Bandt emphasising the need to marry the science and moral imperatives of climate change with a credible story of economic transformation that doesnt leave workers in industries like coal behind. Starting with his policy centrepiece, a Green New Deal, Bandt outlines his desire for a government-led plan of investment and action to build a clean economy and a caring society.

New years resolutions notoriously dont stick. And so 30-odd days into the fresh year, youre forced once again to contemplate your inadequacies. Maybe its because humans are essentially lazy creatures of habit, writes Brigid Delaney. But could a little bit more stick help the carrot of self-improvement? Our intrepid columnist roadtests six scenarios.

No pain, no gain an oft-quoted maxim in sport, but perhaps equally fitting for fashion, especially when it comes to womens lingerie. But is there a movement to reject the wire and extra padding in bras that prioritise the external gaze rather than the internal feel? There is a new way of thinking about what sexy is today, and its very much about being comfortable in your own skin, one Brisbane lingerie designer says.

Theyre the characters that make us fall in love with TV shows so why do writers keep killing them off? Continuing Guardian Australias focus on unforgettable moments in Australian TV, on this episode of Full Story, Laura Murphy-Oates discusses with our culture editor, Steph Harmon, why fictional deaths move us so much.

Sorry your browser does not support audio - but you can download here and listen https://audio.guim.co.uk/2020/02/06-41230-FS_TV.mp3

In football the names Messi and Barcelona have become almost synonymous. But could the Blaugranas greatest be set for a shock exit? Former coach Pep Guardiolas presence at Manchester City makes the English club a likely suitor, after a situation that, as Sid Lowe explains, grows more untenable by the week.

And, it wouldnt be Friday without David Squires on ... an easy start to life for the FFAs new chief executive.

Barnaby Joyce has warned Scott Morrison that a rebel group within the Nationals could block Coalition legislation as payback for leader Michael McCormacks failure to promote any of Joyces supporters, the Australian is reporting. The coronavirus has stopped a Hong Kong-based company from taking out an $880m share in James Packers Crown Resorts, claims the Financial Review, due to a predicted downturn in Asian tourism. And almost 50% of children under the age of two are in regular childcare, writes the West Australian, citing an increase on economic pressures that has parents returning to work at an earlier stage.

The Matildas Olympic qualifying tournament gets under way in Campbelltown tonight. Follow the clash against Taiwan with our live blog from 7pm AEDT.

If you would like to receive the Guardian Australia morning mail to your email inbox every weekday, sign up here.

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Morning mail: $150m more in sports grants, Trump hits back, Viking treasure - The Guardian

Saturday February 8 2020

Girl power. Left to right: Florence Nambooze Bbale, Faith E Nabagala, Grace Linda, Doreen Nyiramugisha, Belinda Namutebi, MC of the evening, and Flavia Tumusiime at the Spice and Sizzle event late last year. The all-women event held at the Kampala Serena Hotel last year. PHOTO BY JOAN SALMON

Women affairs: Everyone, especially woman, deserves a mentor or someone to hold their hand and help them reach their goals. That was what Faith G Nabagala of Gala Images had in mind when she came up with the Spice and Sizzle event late last year. The all-women event held at the Kampala Serena Hotel, late last year, was the first of many and it had panellists from various walks of life. Some of them talked to Joan Salmon about their careers and what has enabled them reach where they are.

Flavia Tumusiime, TV news anchor, actress, and radio presenter She says what has enabled success to smile at her is hard work and consistent planning. My career started in 2002 on TV and five years later, I started to plan how my future would be and worked towards it, she says. Unlike many, Tumusiime says the start was easy for her. I was young and had time to learn from my mistakes and correct them. Besides that, social media was barely there so you could concentrate on your work much better.

Even before the era of social media, failure was not uncommon, but Tumusiime has practiced useful habits over the years to help her succeed and remain relevant. One such habit is hard work. This has been key because I give all my roles my absolute best no matter how I feel or the work environment. The other is because it sets the standard of how I work with people and how they perceive me when they want to work with me.

Tumusiime believes that despite the hurdles in ones career or business paths, women ought to succeed but that can only happen when they stop looking at success as a woman or man thing. If you can assume the field is levelled, then it will be. Do not walk into an opportunity thinking you are less because you are a woman, she advises. Believe in yourself because you are your first cheerleader and it is important that when you fail, you pick up yourself and do and be your best, she adds.

Grace Linda, counsellor Linda is passionate about people and is happy that she did not get higher up as a lone ranger. I am grateful to God that I grew up in a Christian family with several parenting voices, including from aunts, uncles and mother. While she says she is not yet there, she makes it a point each day to impact and be impacted.

Even when someone comes for a counselling session, I tell them: Even though I do not know it all, I promise to walk with you and be part of the solution-finding mission. I also ensure to learn from my clients experience so that I can be better when another person with a similar situation seeks my help, she adds. This passionate cheerleader also needs people to cheer her on and never takes anyone for granted.

Even after a talk session, I just do not walk away but wait in case anyone wants to talk to me. I am certain that if they took time to listen to me, so should I. I also keep in touch with my clients. Linda believes any good relationship starts with people loving themselves and in retrospect giving time to themselves. The relationships you build will only attract people that are drawn to the you they see.

It is only out of the abundance of love that you have for yourself that you will love others, she says. Even when a woman gets into relationship with any man, Linda advises that the women should ensure these fundamentals are taken care of. If he cannot share with you about their family, neither proud of who they are, despite their sorry state, say being an orphan, then he is not good enough for you. That is because when you do not know about their inner fabric, you are certain of joining the same complicated cycle. Besides that, he is not willing to bring you into their space, she cautions.

Linda also says when a man has no spiritual leaning, say as Catholic, Anglican, or Muslim, then it is a red light because without a tie to any spiritual power, they will fall for anything. Besides that, there are morals we learn from our faiths that this person will supposedly not have, such as respect for humanity. On finances, Linda says openness about ones finances is important. If your partner cannot be free enough to tell you, say: I am in between jobs, then they are not ready to relate with you. The man should also be willing to share how much they earn and how they spend it. Even when they are not willing to spend money on you, you ought to know.

Faith E. Nabaggala, an image, etiquette and brand consultant at Gala Image Consulting. Nabaggala believes that the first impression matters and works with her clients to better their image. She is also the founder of The Womens Getaway and Spice & Sizzle; two events meant to inspire and celebrate womanhood. Nabaggala has worked with several people and organisations, but to get to where she is now, she says: It has all been by Gods grace and still is because each day is a revelation of my purpose and what the future holds. My amazing family and friends have also been my backbone. She also attests that she has been blessed to study in good schools, as well as invest in her career through attending various trainings. The more I study and do research, the wider the possibilities of my career become, she says.

Besides family, there have been several people who have held my hand along this journey. You cannot make it without the help of others. But Nabaggala is also passionate about what she does: Whether I am speaking to children, training at a big organisation or encouraging women to become the best of themselves, I give it my all. But she corroborates that inasmuch as the start was exciting, full of passion and self-discovery, it was not easy. It was tough, with lots of disappointments but the amazing highs made the struggle worth it, she reveals.

To ensure she makes it, Nabaggala has adopted habits such as prayer, having me time to help her focus, celebrate her efforts, as well as do self-assessment. But making it to the top is one thing and staying there is another and that has taken self-improvement through investing in her career and trying to learn something new all the time. She believes that women ought to succeed but is also well aware that nothing comes on a silver platter. Besides, Nabaggala urges women not to give up on their dreams, stay positive, work at learning from others, understand that setbacks will come but only make you stronger, and remember that success is not defined by money.

Florence Nambooze Bbale, surveyor Nambooze had not purposed to walk this path, but rather be an electrical engineer. I missed my first choice course by a mere 0.9 points, hence finding myself in the land surveying class at Makerere University. I did not know much about the land surveying course but settled for it. After graduation, Nambooze worked on an electric pipeline project, which unfortunately ended only six months later. She later worked in a gold mine, deep in Mubende District. I kept the application a secret until I had been offered the job and on learning about my new work station, my father said: Flo, by the time you come back, civilisation would have left you.

Determined, she packed her bags for the unknown where she worked for a year until her appointment at Buganda Land Board, where she has been for the past nine years. She says one of the habits that have helped her keep relevant is taking action. When I set myself to do something, I organise, plan, prioritise and go for it. She also keeps a positive attitude and is always optimistic. Everything happens for a reason, so I look at the sunny side of life because I know in the long run, most things take care of themselves. Nambooze also believes in building networks by exchanging ideas with others, as well as collaboration with people in and outside her field. She advises fellow women, whether in private practice or having a career that in order to succeed, they ought to get a business sense by recognising entrepreneurship opportunities in every situation.

She also urges them to take risks, because she believes taking a good look at the pros and cons, a calculated risk may be in order. Besides, she advises: Networking functions and opportunities are so important in developing contacts that can help you in your business or career. You also need to keep educating yourself because you are never too old. So, sign up for courses or seminars relevant to your career or business. Pick up new skills, even on Google. That said, Nambooze calls on women to believe in themselves and have a plan because no matter how crazy your idea may seem, believing in your own success is integral to achieving it.

Doreen Nyiramugisha, wellness coach Nyiramugisha believes she is only where she is because she discovered what she loves. The passion keeps me growing, she says. Nyiramugisha shares that fortunately for her, she has only had to work from a place of passion. I was a radio host, while also running a decor company. Briefly, I also worked as a TV host. Later, I had planned to venture into nutrition because I loved good healthy food. All this prepared me for the wellness coach that I am now, she says. That said, the start was very unpredictable, and the environment was different as I approached wellness from a sex, sexual health and hormonal imbalances angle in a country and culture that abhors and shies away from sexual awareness conversations. But past experience in business taught me never to give up, carefully respecting my very loud instincts, Nyiramugisha says.

She appreciates that success is a child of great habits. You cannot deliver to others when you are under the weather. It goes without saying that you must be at your best to give others your best, Nyiramugisha advises. She says she has mastered her peaks and lows. Getting to know my high and low times enables me to act accordingly. I also set boundaries and mental blocks for well-being because if I allow everything into my life, stress is bound to take over. Nyiramugisha also constantly yearns for more, well aware that you cannot get what you do not desire. She also sets challenges and goals and sticks to them. People cannot take you seriously if you have no targets. But more to that, they will never take you seriously if you promise and never fulfil, she warns.

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Women join hands to lift up each other - Daily Monitor

InIts Okay,we defend our most embarrassing, unpopular opinions.

I should call my grandmothers. Ill do it Wednesday, I swear. I should call my oldest friend, weve really only emailed here and there in the past year. We should have a good catch up. Oh god, has she already had the baby? Shit! Let me make a calendar reminder so I dont forget. I should call my dad; Ive only talked to my mom the last few times Ive called home. Ill do that this week. I have time Wednesday. Shit when will I call the grandmothers, then? Oh, damn it, I meant to call C. last night to check in when we texted a couple of weeks ago, they were having trouble

Some variation of this internal monologue runs through my head almost constantly, the only alteration found in the names of the individuals Im failing by not keeping regularly abreast of their lives. The guilt though that stays the same regardless.

Im bad at keeping in touch, clearly. But thats okay?

It doesnt feel okay. It feels shitty. Every time I forget to call someone it feels like a choice, like Ive prioritized something else that is more important to me than the people I care about work, TV, zombie scrolling on my phone, chores, exercise. Sometimes, when I do remember, its a matter of energy Ill call them when Ill be more upbeat, I think. But when enough weeks go by, and my good intentions never manifest into reaching out, it starts to feel like a series of excuses.

Excuses they may be but such excuses may also be inescapable. We simply cant be in touch as closely as we desire with everyone we might desire to be closely in touch with. According to an anthropologist and psychologist from the University of Oxford, Robin Dunbar, theres a limit to how much effort we can put into maintaining relationships.

Working from an anthropological theory that suggests a link between brain size and size of an individuals social network, Dunbar conducted brain scans of humans and came up with a predicted number of possible social connections. He then conducted experiments, historical reviews, and surveys, all of which seemed to validate it. The result Dunbars number concludes that the average individual can only maintain a social group of 150. Its an average, so more outgoing, social people might have as many 200, while others might have closer to 100, reported Maria Konnikova for The New Yorker in 2014.

Further analysis led Dunbar to develop the rule of three, which defines increasingly inner or outer circles. From this social group of 150, the average person will have roughly 50-some close friends with whom they socialize with any kind of regularity, and about 15 intimates in whom they confide. On average, only five people form our closest support network: our ride-or-dies, our emergency contacts, our trusted advisors who often double as our family members.

Meanwhile, casual acquaintances can extend up to around 500, and people whose names and faces we can match tops out around three times more than that, at 1,500 (or fewer, if youre anything like me).

The thing is, the amount of social capital you have is pretty fixed, Dunbar told Konnikova. It involves time investment. If you garner connections with more people, you end up distributing your fixed amount of social capital more thinly so the average capital per person is lower.

Which means the fact that I can only stay on top of the intimate details of only a handful of peoples lives is totally okay.

So why cant I shake the guilt?

First, women are more prone to feeling guilt than men; and for women, guilty feelings are a predictor of helping behavior and empathy. Researchers offer a lot of theories as to why that is, but most boil down to variations on the following theme: girls are conditioned far more than boys to be more caring, more aware of how their behavior affects others well-being, to prioritize maintaining relationships. If we think of keeping in touch with friends and family members as knowing with regularity the events and emotions of their lives, its easy to see how that translates into a tacit and peculiarly gendered pressure.

Related on The Swaddle:

That pressure can translate into a type of reward, for women, when theyre successful at keeping in touch like the woman who told Harpers Bazaar, in a 2019 exploration of emotional labor, that she enables her divorced brothers emotional dependency in part to feel important. I, too, in part, feel a sense of success and importance in anothers life when I know enough about their up-to-date experiences to provide emotional support. But the pressure can also translate into a type of character judgment when women fail. Being bad at keeping in touch with friends and family is something that feels like an intrinsic, personal flaw a prime area for self-improvement. Nearly every year, my New Years Resolution(s) include being better not doing better, note, but being better at keeping in touch with the people I love, many of whom live far away. And nearly every year, I feel like a failure in this realm as a result.

Compounding this is the fact that our definition of what it means to be good at keeping in touch has changed with the advent of social media and smartphones. The ability to constantly communicate in real-time with virtually anyone from any point in life adds a pressure that previous generations did not know. Thirty years ago, one expensive, long-distance call every couple of months to check in was the gold standard for friends and family who lived far away. There was no question of being in touch with them more regularly; it wasnt possible or affordable. We were okay not knowing the details and emotions of daily life because it was virtually impossible to do so.

This constant connection increases the pressure to keep in touch intimately and regularly for anyone, but particularly women, given social conditioning. Ironically, it also dilutes our efforts. Not only cant we be intimately in touch with everyone we want to be intimately in touch with, the more people we try to maintain close connections with, the more we fail them. As Konnikova reported, traditionally, weve devoted 60% of our social energy to our core group of people the circles of 50, 15 and five and 40% of our social energy to the friends and acquaintances beyond that. But as social media is enabling/demanding we stay up-to-date with more and more people, and our reserve of social capital stays static, were shortchanging our intimates as we spread our social energy ever more thinly; the division is now more like 40-60, reported Konnikova.

Whats reassuring, however, is that the people who make up these groups often change. At certain points well be closer to some people than others, and vice versa at others; friends become intimates, intimates become friends; acquaintances become friends and friends become acquaintances. We cant be all things at all times to all people who matter to us, but we can be some things sometimes to some people. For the rest, we can hold close good memories of support and well wishes, and hope for a future that brings us back in touch more closely, a freshening of friendship once again. Comfortingly, this leaves us with the knowledge that someone, very far away, is thinking of us and us of them. And thats okay.

But seriously, call your dad.

Continued here:
It's Okay: to Be Bad at Keeping in Touch - The Swaddle

It happens to everyone. You wake up feeling like a Disney princess, greeting your cat (Top of the morning, Mr. Whiskers!) as you put on the coffee. Then you float over to the bathroom in your pretty nightgown and OMG, WHAT THE HELL IS ON MY FACE?! A pimple? A flare-up? Whatever the case, the Disney montage comes to a screeching halt and the whole day takes on a sucky tinge.

In the January spirit of self-improvement, we thought wed do something about it. We turned to pros for tips on preventing the bad surprises and upping our overall glow through lifestyle habits and derm-approved prods. Now thats what we call a fairy-tale ending.

Look inward first: Naturopathic doctor Dr. Erica Arcuri believes in taking an inside-out approach to skin. When patients come into her wellBYND clinic with complexion qualms, she begins by looking at their overall health. First and foremost, we need to consider things like food sensitivities and gut health, she explains. If your body constantly feels like its under attack, whether its from a food sensitivity or microbial overgrowth, then youre in a perpetual state of inflammation and its bound to show up on your skin. Arcuri also recommends checking for hormone imbalances, like period irregularities or thyroid issues, as these can cause breakouts and aggravate inflammatory conditions like eczema and rosacea.

Eat smart: In population-wide studies looking into foods that trigger acne, the only thing thats really come out is skim milk, says Toronto dermatologist Dr. Kristy Bailey, citing its higher hormone content. That being said, I always tell my patients on an individual level, If you eat a chocolate bar and you get a pimple the next day or your rosacea flares up, avoid that. Other triggers for rosacea include alcohol, spicy foods and caffeine, she says. On the flip side, some foods can improve skin health, says Arcuri. She recommends leafy greens and foods high in fibre, like flax seeds, to regularize bowel movements. Eliminating properly is key, she says. Foods packed with omega 3, like salmon, walnuts and chia seeds, can also help keep skin clear and supple. And then of course, theres all-important water. Stay hydrated, people!

Get your beauty sleep: Sleep is when our body restores every process, says Arcuri. That means failing to catch enough Zs or reach a deep stage of sleep can actually lead to premature aging. To make it easier to drift off to dreamland, Arcuri recommends putting away phones and computers at least 30 minutes before bed. Blue light can really mess with our circadian rhythm, she explains. Taking magnesium, a muscle relaxant, can also help put you in a relaxed state, as can sprinkling Epsom salt (also magnesium) in your bath. Consider the way you sleep, too, says Bailey. Ideally, you dont sleep on your face, because over time the side you sleep on will deflate and youll look more aged on that side, she says. Silk pillowcases can help a little bit because youre not getting the creases from the pillowcase and theyre softer on the skin. She recommends washing your pillowcase at least once a week to get rid of any makeup, dirt or dust mites.

Chill out: The body is not a fan of stress, and it often comes out in the skin and hair, says Bailey. I see it all the time in patients who are experiencing stressful events, whether theyre going through a divorce or are stressed at work. Thats because cortisol, the stress hormone, puts us in a state of fight or flight, and when were in that state too often, inflammation creeps up. You might not notice it right away, but down the line, you can start having a bunch of issues, from headaches and chronic pain to eczema and premature aging, says Arcuri. To tune out the mental chatter, she suggests trying meditation or journaling. Some forms of exercise can also help, but cardio and strength-based training can actually make cortisol levels spike. So if youre using exercise as a way to unwind, choose something more restorative, like yoga, says Arcuri.

Rev up your regimen: Now that weve tackled the lifestyle portion, its time to talk topical. For Bailey, its all about banking on the right products. There are only three that have really good research behind them in terms of anti-aging, she says. The first is broad-spectrum sunscreen, which studies show can make you look 25 per cent younger. As youre meant to reapply it every two hours, Bailey likes touching up with a powder formula throughout the day. The second thing we should all be using is vitamin C, she says. Its been found to brighten skin and protect against free radicals. Last but not least is retinol, which can fade pigmentation, clear breakouts, boost collagen production and reduce the look of fine lines and wrinkles. As retinol can be irritating, both pros recommend incorporating it gradually into your routine to see if you can tolerate it. Then, its just about washing your face every night with a good cleanser (the more bland, the better, says Bailey) and keeping your skin happy and hydrated.

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How to have the best skin of your life - Toronto Star

The competing solutions are as unclear and undeveloped as they are conflicting. There is a good historical reason for this and it is not exclusive to the US and its hapless Democratic party. There is a crisis on the centre Left in almost all Western countries and it is to do with the decline of those industries whose workforces these parties once spoke for.

Unlike the forces of the democratic Right which have always based their appeal on individual rights and meritocratic aspiration, the parties of the Left have spoken for collective solidarity - for trade unions and class loyalties. They relied on a soft kind of Marxist logic: that only through unity could working class (what Americans call blue collar) people make their voices heard.

But the great industries have left. The steel and car manufacturers have abandoned the American Rust Belt and their once proud workers have been unemployed for two generations. For millions of people, the Calvinist work ethic and the American dream of self-improvement have crashed.

What does the Democratic party have to say to them? Last time round, it had a leader in Hillary Clinton who did not even bother to campaign in their states and talked of little else but the need for women to break glass ceilings.

Which women did she mean? The ones in the Rust Belt who were worried about putting food on the table? Or that tiny proportion of women (maybe 5 or 6 percent of the female population) who are among the most privileged, highly qualified people in the world and who are furious because they are not getting the top jobs?

In fact, the move to identity politics is inherently divisive - thats the whole point of it - and does not speak with a clear political message which voters can choose to support even if it does not represent their own personal interests.

It is much more visceral than that. It is about what you are - your race or ethnicity or gender - rather than what you believe. And as a consequence, it is not a matter for debate or rational argument.

So more is at risk here than the lost soul of the Democratic party, or Labour, or any of the soft Left parties of Europe.

What is at stake is the very notion of politics being about ideas and principles.

So maybe what they are saying is true. Who won the Iowa caucus actually doesnt matter at all.

Read Janet Daleys latest column ontelegraph.co.ukevery Saturday from 1pm

Read the original:
The chaos in Iowa is a fitting reflection of the sorry state of the Democratic party - Telegraph.co.uk

Spain's Rafael Nadal says that he believes the new Rafa Nadal Academy in Kuwait has the ability to help young players not only from Kuwait but also from the other countries in the Middle East and his group is open to having more academies in other countries if they find the right fit.

In an interview to Marca, Nadal says, "This is the first academy that we open outside of what is Manacor, in Mallorca. Yes it is true that we have other 'Rafa Nadal Tennis Center' in Mexico and Greece, but this time we had the opportunity to join a very strong group from here, from Kuwait, who are serious and hardworking people, and that they offer us the confidence to be able to develop the product in a way that excites and motivates us.

This is a region of the world that has the potential to help increase the culture of tennis; We believe that from the academy, we can help not only the young talents here in Kuwait, but throughout the Middle East. We already have several coaches from the Manacor academy who have been here for three months, helping local coaches to understand the model and the way we work.

And obviously, all the children of the Kuwait Federation are already centralized here, in the academy." Speaking about opening the academy in other countries, Nadal says he would be open to doing so only if they found the right people to work with.

"Well, the world is big. Why not? We are not closed to any possibility. And there are different options. But, like everything else in this world, every option that appears will be valued and we will try to do things convenient, associated with people who offer us confidence."

The Spaniard, who will play an exhibition event in Kuwait on Wednesday against David Ferrer to inaugurate the academy, says that he hopes the academy will spur local talent in the Kuwaiti region. "Everything is feasible.

In the end, the more people start playing tennis in this region, the more options there will be for an important talent to emerge from the professional field worldwide. We will try to do everything in the best possible way, working with passion and enthusiasm; and with the necessary resources so that children have the possibilities of growing at the tennis level, but also at the human level.

We always try to work from a basic principle, which is respect, the spirit of self-improvement and try to convey to boys and girls, to young people, that the ultimate goal, of course, is success; but that not everything is valid to achieve it.

It is important that they grow with strong values that can serve them in the sports field, but that, for those who do not get to live from sports, that they have adequate training that can be powerful enough to serve them for the future, in any professional or personal life situations they have."

The rest is here:
Rafael Nadal On His Hopes for New Academy in the Middle East - Tennis World USA

Jon Jones may not be ready to go to heavyweight after all.

In the days leading up to UFC 247 on Saturday, Jones has been teasing the move more than ever, especially after saying he felt he would beat heavyweight champion Stipe Miocic if they ever met in a fight.

Then again, Jones has been talking about going to heavyweight for several years including a fun faceoff with Cain Velasquez when he was still champion but the move up in weight has never materialized.

Judging by Jones comments on Wednesday during the UFC 247 athlete panel, he may not be seriously considering that move now either.

At the end of the day, I feel like if its not broke dont fix it, Jones stated. So much has been going right in the light heavyweight division. I feel like theres always going to be great competition as long as guys are dreaming and aspiring to achieve great things. Its going to be my job to stay where Im at and to be a dream killer in a way.

Ive got a lot more years at the light heavyweight division, but Im also excited to challenge myself.

According to Jones, the decision may lie in the hands of his fans, whom he says will ultimately drive the fights he pursues in the future.

I know at the end of the day, its about the fans. Its about giving the fans what they want, Jones said. Unlike boxing, sometimes they hold off on great fights. Like (Floyd) Mayweather (and) (Manny) Pacquaio, that fight waited too long.

I want to be a part of giving the fans what they want when they want it. If you guys are desiring me to go to the heavyweight division, then I think the UFCs going to feel that demand and were going to make it happen.

TRENDING > Donald Trump called Dana White from Air Force One to talk Conor McGregor vs. Cowboy!!!

One thing that Jones made crystal clear is that hes not going to define his legacy solely by wins and losses or how many championships he collects during his career.

Jones believes that his journey as a mixed martial artist matters more than any gold belt he could wrap around his waist.

I think its growing. Its growing at the end of the day, Jones responded when asked whats most important to him. Dominick [Reyes] said something on Instagram and you can take it two ways. He said being a champion isnt about winning the belt, its about the person you become in life and its about having love and things like that, and I totally agree with that. The other half of me feels like thats his way of preparing himself for a defeat.

But at the end of the day, being a martial artist, what it means to me is being aware theres so many things we can work on. Whether thats in your relationship, as a father, as an athlete. I say a black belt is a black belt because they know how much they dont know yet. I truly stand here as a guy who has so much more to learn about life. Theres people who have lost several times and theyll be champions until the day they die. So its really not about winning or losing. Its about the journey. Its about self-improvement.

Jones will attempt to vanquish Reyes this weekend and then the questions will surely begin again about what comes next for one of the UFCs most dominant champions.

See the original post here:
Jon Jones: Ive got a lot more years at the light heavyweight division - Yahoo Sports

How do you end your day? We pay so much attention to our morning habits, but finishing the day on a positive note is just as important when it comes to our well-being and success. And if youre going to implement one change to your nighttime routine, try journaling before bed to experience greater happiness and success.

Journaling at the end of the day gives you an opportunity to reflect on the day, says certified life coach Miruna Nica. It gives you the benefit of relaxing in a moment of introspection and seeing the highlights of your day with more clarity.

Studies have shown the practice can even help you sleep better. Journaling before bed also sets you up for success the next day, allowing you to clear your mind, celebrate wins, note areas of improvement and check in with your goals. Tools like the Five-Minute Journal make it easy to adopt a journaling habit, but you can also create your own routine and go more in-depth. Heres everything you need to know to get started.

According to Nica, journaling before bed will help you develop more self-awareness, learn from your experiences and find peace of mind. The more you review your decisions and actions on a daily basis, the more youll be able to connect dots and notice how certain thought patterns affect your reality. You can also evaluate what went well, what didnt go so well, and what kind of insights you can take away from your experiences so you can improve in the future. Finally, you can release stress and get a sense of closure by expressing your thoughts without censorship.

As with any new habit you want to implement, Nica recommends starting with your why. Why would this be important to you? What is your intention with this practice? Perhaps its monitoring growth, encouraging self-expression or keeping track of your daily routines. Or maybe you want to write down your brilliant ideas or expand your self-discovery, she says.

Now that you have a better idea of your intentions, figure out what kind of approach would work for you. Once your why is clear, jot down your what: Would your journal be more like an open book with blank pages to be filled with whatever is present for you at the moment or would it be more structured? Would you want to have categories in it? Then, implement and see happiness and success come in.

Be realistic about the amount of time you want to dedicate to your evening journaling routine, and choose a place and time where youll be most likely to take the time to write in your journal.

Nica embraces a semi-structured approach in her own evening journaling routine. I answer the same questions every night and add my own twists for that day, she says. She recommends the following prompts:

She also suggests following your journaling practice with a moment of deep breathing and relaxation. Set the intention to slow down, let go, and have a peaceful and restful night of sleep. You can, over time, see the success and happiness happen.

Continued here:
Do this 1 thing before bed for greater happiness and success - Ladders

If you like the idea of a weekend in the Hamptons but can't see yourself making it to Long Island any time soon, you could do much worse than a trip to Matakana.

Like the legendary New York holiday hangout, the region and its surrounds are a magnet for urbanites looking to get back to nature for a bit, safe in the knowledge they'll be able to get a good a good cup of coffee (or glass of wine) and something decent for lunch.

Both are home to small coastal communities with extra-large houses, long white-sand beaches, wineries with cheap (in Hamptonite terms) tastings, farmers' markets, art galleries and boutiques stocked with the kind of casual but costly clothing and homewares often on offer in affluent coastal towns. Visitors can sample a slice of rural life, essentially, safe in the knowledge they're unlikely to get dung on their designer city-slicker shoes.

SUPPLIED

Matakana: Sophisticated but not snobby.

In some respects Matakana has the Hamptons beat. While the traffic from Auckland can be maddening, particularly on sunny summer weekends, it's usually not as bad as the hours-long commutes New Yorkers en route to the Hamptons endure. And you don't have to bookaccommodation and tables at popular restaurants a year in advance.

READ MORE: * Sculptureum: New Zealand's sculpture park with a difference * Five of the best Auckland wineries for a weekend drive * 20 reasons to visit Matakana this weekend

Unless you're an old-money Manhattanite, cashed-up corporate or real housewife of New Jersey or NYC, you're also likely to feel more at home in Matakana. Sophisticated but not snobby, it's as attractive to beach bums and surfers as those looking to indulge in fine wine or craft beer over a fancy long lunch.

Like a lot of Aucklanders, I've spent many a Saturday or Sunday in Matakana but the increasingly horrendous traffic jams have put me off going - on my last trip back, it took an hour just to get down Matakana Road. A solution is to take a leaf out of Hamptonites' book and spend a night or few - something I had the pleasure of doing for the first time fairly recently and have been hoping to repeat ever since.

Heading out of Auckland on a drizzly spring morning, the traffic was as close as it can come in the city to a dream (ie it wasn't a complete nightmare) and I made it to Matakana within an hour.

SUPPLIED

Matakana has one of the most diverse grape varieties grown in NZ.

The town's high population of talented artisans make its market worth travelling for and, thinking back to the apple, feijoa and Manuka honey liqueur I'd picked up on my last visit and couldn't stop pouring over ice cream, I was keen to stock up and see what new treats lay in store.

Even after a big breakfast, I found myself salivating at every other stall. Mahurangi oysters, mince and mozzarella pies, mallowpuff-sized balls of Swiss chocolate and salted caramel and buckwheat galettes oozing melted cheese had me reassuring myself there's nothing wrong with treating yourself to breakfast, brunch and lunch in one day from time to time. Especially when you know that exercising restraint is going to result in a serious case of FOMO.

Even at 10am, the booze also looked tempting. Along with the fruity wines and liqueurs produced by family-run Lothlorien in the nearby Ahuroa Valley - which, to the best of its knowledge, is the only certified organic feijoa winery in the world - were locally distilled Market Gin and Batch10 honey bourbon. The makers of the latter had teamed up with local ice cream institution Charlies to create a boozy frozen dessert so blissful - and potent - that has since had my entire family - adults and kids alike - bouncing off the walls.

LORNA THORNBER

The beaches and bush walks of Twharanui are a short drive away.

Feeling as fat at the smoked beef brisket burrito I'd stashed in my bag for lunch, I picked up a loose-fitting t-shirt made from colourful mismatched fabrics (it looks nicer than it sounds) at the neighbouring craft market and headed to Sculptureum, which co-founder Anthony Grant has dubbed "Disneyland for art".

Developed over more than a decade by Anthony and his wife Sandra, both of whom work as barristers in Auckland, the 10-hectare property is a gallery/amusement park of sorts with its three sculpture gardens, six indoor galleries, a vineyard, and restaurant and bar Rothko, which has quickly established itself as one of the best (posh) places to eat in town.

The some 400 works on display include "serious" pieces by such artistic superstars as Picasso, Cezanne, Matisse and Chagall along with offbeat, often in-your-face, sculptures likely to both amuse and bemuse. Think a family of hot pink giant snails, a sheepdog made from a mop enjoying the feeling of wind in its fur from an open car window, and curious hybrid albino creatures: one with the head of a cat and (naked) body of a woman and another with the head of a dog and body of an (also naked) man.

SUPPLIED

Roktho is one of many the many posh places to eat in the area.

The aim, Grant has said, is to sway those "who've been turned off art by boring displays and arrogant curators. I want to show them that art can be fun and it can enrich your life."

In the outdoor galleries, pathways wind their way past classical and country-style gardens; flame-coloured flax bushes; aviaries filled with finches, parrots, parakeets, golden pheasants and other colourful birds of a feather (flocking, of course, together); free-range giant flemish rabbits; written musings on art and gardening by centuries of intelligent sorts; and advice on self-improvement from the late Steve Jobs.

I spent so much time studying the latter in an attempt to decode the secrets to his multi-billion dollar success that the restaurant was closed by the time I'd finished. A good thing really considering I hadn't managed to resist that burrito in my bag.

SUPPLIED

Sculptureum has been dubbed 'Disneyland for art'.

From Sculptureum, it's just a short drive to Twharanui where, in summer, I like to work up enough of a sweat on the tracks that traverse rolling farmland and regenerating forest to feel okay about spending the rest of the day snoozing on the white-sand surf beach. With regular refreshment breaks in the marine reserve - also a popular spot with the likes of starfish, lobsters and bottlenose dolphins.

On that overcast but brightening spring evening though, I was the only person in Anchor Bay not wearing a wetsuit. Walking the Westend Track without another soul - saving the seal-like surfers bobbing far out to sea - in sight, the city and the stresses it brings seemed a million miles - although technically I was still within the supercity's limits.

Discovering I was in town during Feast Matakana, when local restaurants showcase their best locally grown and caught produce, I decided it would be remiss of me not to add a fourth meal to the day and headed to Matakana Market Kitchen where I had quite the feast indeed. Of Mahurangi oysters, baked flounder, prawns and salad, and a belly-bloating (but irresistible) medley of aubergine, red capsicums, other roast veggies and beans.

LORNA THORNBER

Twharanui: Just as pretty when you have it to yourself off peak.

Stuffed to the point of sedated, I waddled the few hundred metres or so to long-running B&B the Black and White Barn, which lives up to its name in terms of its colour scheme but bears no trace of having ever been used to house hay or animals. Founded by ex-Auckland Amy and Simon Hope, who absconded for a simpler life, its two suites and larger White Cottage offer everything those who dream of following in their footsteps (even just for a weekend) could hope for with their stylish monochromatic furnishings, cool contemporary artworks, natural Matakana-made toiletries and (most importantly) big comfy beds.

After a breakfast of the Puhoi yoghurt and fresh fruit left overnight in the fridge, I head to Pakiri, another of my all-time favourite Auckland beaches, where, feeling guilty about my gluttony, I ran across the fluffy white clouds reflected in the fine white sand until my legs and lungs commanded me to stop. And the end of the beach was still a distant speck on the horizon.

It was late afternoon by the time I made it to the Sawmill Brewery and Smoko Room which tragically went up in flames last October. Its owners for the past near-decade, Kirsty McKay and Mike Sutherland, hope the place will be back up-and-running by mid-year, and after the beverages and tapas-style dishes I enjoyed there I sure hope they're right.

SUPPLIED

B&B The Black and White Barn is rustic but, this being Matakana, upmarket.

Taking a seat on the sun-drenched deck of the former timber mill, I sipped on a light grapefruit- and pine-scented pale ale - one of 15 beers brewed on site - as I tucked into tamarind pork hock with kohlrabi, pea tendrils and peanuts and an heirloom tomato, baby beetroot and witloof salad.

The deck was full when I arrived with punters working their way through tasting trays and sharing plates and - by the time the sun had begun to slope toward bed - families; the parents working their way through jugs of beer as they chatted while the kids made a mess of themselves in the mud. As far as snapshots of New Zealand life go, this one was pretty idyllic.

While I can't say I would turn down a trip to the Hamptons, Matakana is certainly no poor man's substitute.

MORE INFORMATION

matakanavillage.co.nz and matakanacoast.co.nz

GETTING THERE

Matakana is about an hour's drive north of Auckland CBD.

STAYING THERE

The Black and White Barn down quiet Courtney Lane isa couple of minuteswalk from the markets, shops, restaurants and cafes on the main street. whitecottage.co.nz

The writer was a guest of Black and White Barn andVolkswagon.

LORNA THORNBER

Fourteen kilometre Pakiri is arguably one of Auckland's best beaches.

SUPPLIED

The Sawmill Brewery is expected to reopen this year after being devastated by fire.

Stuff

More here:
Is Matakana New Zealand's answer to the Hamptons? - Stuff.co.nz